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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is low! And to feel hurt/confused

398 replies

Whatthe1 · 03/02/2019 12:10

So I have made a new (ish) friend (known for about 9months or so. We got on really well and it DC do too (met in school). Anyway we are currently planning on building a house and it’s all very exciting for us. We met up on Friday eve and she asked how plans were going. I told her and conversation led on. She got to the point of asking me which bank we were getting our mortgage from as lending here at the moment is difficult. I said we weren’t as we were hoping to self fund. She asked how?? I said that we had profit from our last house and some investments we were going to cash in. She then outwardly REFUSED to believe it!! Stating that at our age she couldn’t see how it was possible esp as we had two DC. I didn’t know how to respond so I just said, oh look it’s not important let’s talk about something else. The rest of the visit was ok but she was a little “off”

Anyway today I got the following message
Whatthe,
I have been In turmoil since Friday, I can’t understand why you would lie to my face about finances the way you did. I feel like either way I can’t continue being friends. If you are lying like I BELIEVE you are or whether you actually have THAT kind of money. I didn’t think you were one of those ‘money is no object people’ so unfortunately I can’t be around that. Sorry I really enjoy your company and you are a great new friend but this just doesn’t sit with me’

I haven’t responded as I am I shock I think! What the hell?? Do you think I should call or just leave her be? I AM DUMBFOUNDED 😮

OP posts:
caughtinanet · 03/02/2019 16:13

It's just a different POV I guess Bluntness, I'm not sure what you mean by accusation but if I say to someone (and I never would btw) that I have enough money to build myself a house and they say they don't believe me etc I wouldn't think they are accusing me of anything but I would know that they aren't privvy to my finances and therefore their views are simply wrong and if they don't want to be friends anymore there wouldn't be much I could do about it even if I still liked so them. So I'd be sorry to lose the friendship but not offended or hurt.

Bluntness100 · 03/02/2019 16:22

Her text specifically accused her of lying to her face Confused

BigBoringWedding · 03/02/2019 16:24

@MynameisJune righto!

caughtinanet · 03/02/2019 16:36

Her text specifically accused her of lying to her face

Again, maybe semantics but to me saying you don't believe someone, is wrong statement because the friend doesn't know the facts, I wouldn't feel accused of anything if someone said they didn't believe me about something that I know is true, I genuinely wouldn't be offended because I don't see where the offence is.

If I say "I've got £1million in my bank account" and you say "you're a liar I don't believe you" why is that offensive? You haven't seen my bank statements, you can't comprehend that I might be telling the truth, we simply have difference experiences I wouldn't be hurt by you saying that at all.

Worzilgummidge · 03/02/2019 16:39

Bloody crazy woman.

Bluntness100 · 03/02/2019 16:39
Confused
Butchyrestingface · 03/02/2019 16:41

If I say "I've got £1million in my bank account" and you say "you're a liar I don't believe you" why is that offensive? You haven't seen my bank statements, you can't comprehend that I might be telling the truth, we simply have difference experiences I wouldn't be hurt by you saying that at all.

Great. Good for you. But most people would be hurt by a friend calling them a liar/saying they didn’t believe them. Diff’rnt strokes.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 03/02/2019 16:43

The thing is done now, and a reply has been sent. Now would be a good time to block her via all social media and personal phone numbers through which she has access. In which case, if she chooses to continue her strange course of behaviour she’ll find she has no avenue.

The most sensible piece of advice I’ve seen given in this thread, OP, is that trying to use reason with a person so lacking in that faculty is an exercise in futility. Never, ever, try to ‘defend’ yourself; as soon as you start with that game, they’ve reeled you in. I’m a great believer in non-defensive communication (the author/therapist Susan Forward is brilliant for self- training in this area): ‘I’m sorry you’re upset. Why are you asking me this? We’ll talk about it when you’re calmer. I don’t accept your definition of me’. And - my personal favourite - ‘I’m sure you see it that way’. Leaves them as frustrated as hell and at a complete dead end from whatever direction they try to take their arguments! Good to have a few of these up your sleeve in case she confronts you directly once you’ve blocked contact.

Wishing you many years of happiness in your new home. (And BTW, to hell with this CF and what she does or doesn’t believe)!

AngelicWings · 03/02/2019 16:45

That's bizarre of her, it really is. Who knows what anyone has, money-wise. Some people can have inheritances or a premium bonds win from years ago or gifted shares that made good or sold a family heirloom or anything, really, but you'd never guess it from the outside looking in. It's also extremely rude to pry into your financial affairs in the way that she did. Good job you've found out her true colours before too long but how could she appear so normal in other ways? Confused as it's just not a common way of going about things. (More common would be to not ask about finances, or if she did, to conceal her surprise at the answer but marvel/bitch about it behind your back).

Anyway, time to move on from her!

Bluntness100 · 03/02/2019 16:47

But most people would be hurt by a friend calling them a liar/saying they didn’t believe them

I think if someone can't understand why a friend calling them a liar could be hurtful then there is no way to explain it. Hence why I stopped interacting.

BIgBagofJelly · 03/02/2019 16:50

If I say "I've got £1million in my bank account" and you say "you're a liar I don't believe you" why is that offensive?

Of course that's offensive. It's directly stating that you've lied about having a million pounds in your bank account. So obviously they think your a fantasist. If my friend told me (for some reason) she'd paid off her mortgage I wouldn't need to see legal documentation to prove it because I would trust her not to invent financial details.

toddlepod · 03/02/2019 16:53

Ignore.
Never wrestle with a pig; you'll both get dirty but the pig will enjoy it.

weleasewoderick22 · 03/02/2019 17:09

I had this with a so called friend too. I inherited some money from a much loved uncle and bought a new car. She knew where the money came from and constantly made bitchy comments about not having a new car, how much is her old banger going to cost to get through the MOT etc. At first I just used to answer with "I'd rather my uncle was alive" but that got ignored. Eventually I told her to fuck off as that's the only language she understands. I've never understood jealousy.

What a vile, unhappy woman she is, you've dodged a bullet there!

Well done OP for being financially savvy to be able to self fund your house. It always warms my cockles to hear of someone reaping the rewards of hard work ( or luck!). Thanks

Exhsuatedmuch · 03/02/2019 17:24

What a vile being she is....
I would have used my classic reply I think

" well that escalated quickly"

Yabbers · 03/02/2019 17:39

Self funding a new build? Well done, you must be very well off.

Is that what you were looking for?

Bluntness100 · 03/02/2019 17:42

Self funding a new build? Well done, you must be very well off

I think the weird friend just found your thread op,

HolyMountain · 03/02/2019 17:45

Yabbers why the twattish post?

Yabbers · 03/02/2019 17:52

I think the weird friend just found your thread op

Not at all. I’m just wondering what response she was expecting.

It was easy enough to avoid the conversation “we haven’t sorted the details yet” so why go into detail about how it’s funded? Then to be annoyed when someone says they can’t believe it seems very OTT.

Guardsman18 · 03/02/2019 17:56

But that would have been a lie ... @Yabbers

MommytoA · 03/02/2019 17:59

What a complete weirdo! Don't entertain her by replying it will drive her mad 😂

TeddybearBaby · 03/02/2019 17:59

Jealousy is such a destructive emotion. Very strange message, I sort of feel sorry for the woman that she feels so bitter.

Well done. It’s a great achievement to have paid off your mortgage early and be building a new house. Exciting!

bastardkitty · 03/02/2019 18:00

Yes, that's what the OP hs been doing wrong - she needs to learn to lie more Hmm

Guineapiglet345 · 03/02/2019 18:06

Wow, sounds like you’re well rid of her!

FWIW I’ve just been visiting my friends new build this morning and it’s amazing, must have easily cost them half a million and it’s about 6 times the size of my 3 bed semi. I’m totally jealous Grin

We’re both mid-thirties and I know she’s self funded because she inherited a farm a couple of years ago which she sold, so it can’t be that unusual.

dragonsfire · 03/02/2019 18:17

She is absolutely cray cray!

I have friends from all walks of life, money is a very weird way to decide wether to be someone’s friend or not 🙄

PettyContractor · 03/02/2019 18:21

It was easy enough to avoid the conversation “we haven’t sorted the details yet” so why go into detail about how it’s funded?

Why not go into detail, if you need to to answer a question that's been asked? Are you saying the OP should have known the person was a loon?

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