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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is low! And to feel hurt/confused

398 replies

Whatthe1 · 03/02/2019 12:10

So I have made a new (ish) friend (known for about 9months or so. We got on really well and it DC do too (met in school). Anyway we are currently planning on building a house and it’s all very exciting for us. We met up on Friday eve and she asked how plans were going. I told her and conversation led on. She got to the point of asking me which bank we were getting our mortgage from as lending here at the moment is difficult. I said we weren’t as we were hoping to self fund. She asked how?? I said that we had profit from our last house and some investments we were going to cash in. She then outwardly REFUSED to believe it!! Stating that at our age she couldn’t see how it was possible esp as we had two DC. I didn’t know how to respond so I just said, oh look it’s not important let’s talk about something else. The rest of the visit was ok but she was a little “off”

Anyway today I got the following message
Whatthe,
I have been In turmoil since Friday, I can’t understand why you would lie to my face about finances the way you did. I feel like either way I can’t continue being friends. If you are lying like I BELIEVE you are or whether you actually have THAT kind of money. I didn’t think you were one of those ‘money is no object people’ so unfortunately I can’t be around that. Sorry I really enjoy your company and you are a great new friend but this just doesn’t sit with me’

I haven’t responded as I am I shock I think! What the hell?? Do you think I should call or just leave her be? I AM DUMBFOUNDED 😮

OP posts:
DonDrapersOldFashioned · 03/02/2019 15:29

What an absolute fruit.

userschmoozer · 03/02/2019 15:30

There's no way I'd discuss my finances in that much depth with someone I only recently met! She sounds bonkers.

IHeartMarmiteToast · 03/02/2019 15:31

Just when you think you've heard all the batshittery that there is!!! Up pops another gem like this... wow doesn't even start to cover it...

Justwantednicethings · 03/02/2019 15:33

You can’t reason with a person like this. She’s already decided you would lie to her face about it so her judgement is not that of a normal person.

When you reply to someone like this you just give them fuel for the inevitable twisting of the story.

The less material you give someone like this the harder it is for them to create and spread a load of lies about you.

Block and delete. If you see her in person blank her. If she approaches you walk away. If she follows you stay near other people and simply avoid looking at her and stay silent no matter what she says.

She needs input from you to be able to create drama. Avoid giving it at all costs.

JacksonPillock · 03/02/2019 15:35

I think I would just reply saying "Ok" and then move on. Who needs a "friend" like that anyway?

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 03/02/2019 15:38

Well done op. As much as I’d like to just blank her I think if you hadn’t ignored it she would take that as you accepting what she said. (And she does sound bat shit enough to say to other people - well she didn’t deny it)

Do you have any mutual friends? Or other parents on the school run you’re close to? I’d be seeing if she’s started up the jungle grapevine. (Although the unanimous decision on here was she’s batshit so I’m oretty confident most people she tries to moan about you to will see it the same way)

Littleraindrop15 · 03/02/2019 15:39

😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 03/02/2019 15:40

Yeah, I think you’re well off out of it.

Bluntness100 · 03/02/2019 15:40

There's no way I'd discuss my finances in that much depth with someone I only recently met

To br fair, they have known each other a few months and she was asked directly, what was she supposed to say. I'm sorry I don't wish to discuss this? She was asked which lender, , she responded normally and wasn't discussing her finances in depth.the op has done nothing wrong.

Whocansay · 03/02/2019 15:42

Good text, but I think you have the mother of all crazy responses coming back to you. You are not dealing with a reasonable person.

Bluntness100 · 03/02/2019 15:48

She's clearly got significant issues with anyone she perceives to have money. She's stated she literally can't be around round people who do.

She's clearly got some major problems and I agree you needed to deal with the accusation as you have done then get her the fuck out of your life.

I would also assume you've got some more drama coming here. From spreading rumours at school to not letting thr kids play together. She's not going to go quietly.

ApolloandDaphne · 03/02/2019 15:50

What a strange woman. I am looking forward to seeing her response.

ShesABelter · 03/02/2019 15:51

That's one of the strangest things I have read on here. What a very weird woman.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 03/02/2019 15:51

Well done OP. What a nutter. The more I go through life, the more I wonder what the fuck is wrong with people.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/02/2019 15:52

Good text op.

Banana8080 · 03/02/2019 15:52

Laugh out loud weird.

Original poster
Whatthe1 · 03/02/2019 15:57

My DH has just come home from work and I have shown him the text and explained the situation...his words...”that woman has fucking issues!! Her mother was the crazy too, she used to fly off the handle at ppl!”( he’s local to the area, I’m not)

I am now tearing my hair out at hubby for not remembering this 9 or so months ago when she first became an aquaintance!!🤦‍♀️😩😂

So it runs in the fuckin family, he has reassured me that no one will listen to her at school!!

OP posts:
TwelveThirtyTwo · 03/02/2019 15:58

Can’t wait for the reply and the school run tomorrow.

Original poster
Whatthe1 · 03/02/2019 15:58

Dh not hubby sorry

OP posts:
BlueJava · 03/02/2019 15:58

It sounds like she has a huge chip on her shoulder! Why shouldn't you be able to self-fund - I assume you have been planning/saving for this for ages so seems perfectly reasonable to me. And I also can't understand why it makes any difference to her? If someone told me that I'd just say "Good on you!"

BigBoringWedding · 03/02/2019 15:59

@MynameisJune what does ‘acceptable’ mean in regard to being mortgage free? I’m early 40’s and we are mortgage free but only because I got an insurance payout after almost dying.... funny thing is we can’t tell anyone other than close family as people are funny about money... as OP has discovered! Each to their own.

caughtinanet · 03/02/2019 15:59

You must have very thick skin, most people would be hurt and offended to be called a liar

In this situation no, I honestly wouldn't be hurt or offended to be called a liar, her comments are so stupidly odd that I wouldn't care and in general if I'm telling the truth and someone doesn't believe me I would think they are entitled to their own opinion, what they think doesn't change the truth, I would we'd have to agree to differ but I accept that I am the polar opposite of a drama llama and very rarely get personally offended by other people's carry on which I find from reading posts on MN to be not the norm although in RL most of my friends have a similar outlook to me.

MynameisJune · 03/02/2019 16:03

@bigboringwedding it was a rhetorical question to the Op’s ‘Friend’ really. At what age does she think it’s acceptable to be mortgage free. I’m 34 and DH is 37 we are now mortgage free through sheer hardwork and paying every extra penny off our mortgage.

Bluntness100 · 03/02/2019 16:04

Caught, fair enough, but in real,life people would normally be hurt by an untrue accusation from a friend and feel the need to address it, it's not an abnormal reaction or a sign of being a drama llama.

MynameisJune · 03/02/2019 16:05

@whatthe1 I’m 34 too, we’ve paid our mortgage off this year. I tell no one, not even my mum that we’ve done this because it isn’t worth the hassle. But I also wouldn’t lie if someone asked so I don’t think you were wrong to tell her. She’s just jealous as hell.