To wonder why introverts understand extroverts but extroverts don't understand introverts.

[Seline]

Something I've wondered for a while.

Plenty of introverts understand that extroverts genuinely enjoy lots of social interaction and things that we find heinous, like surprise visits or smalltalk bring them joy. We may not understand why however we're aware that it does.

Extroverts on the other hand can't seem to fathom that some people don't want to socialise and enjoy being alone. You see this with people getting offended that their relatives don't want them to pop in unannounced, upset that their friend declined an invitation, or insisting on building people's confidence when the person isn't shy they're just quiet.

What's the reasoning for this? It always irritates me somewhat.

"Sometimes, when I really need a pick-me-up, I’ll dump all of my roommate’s food into a mixing bowl, mash it into a paste, and smear messages on the floor for him to find when he gets home, like, “You can’t be mad, this is just my personality,” or, “Hate the introversion, not the introvert.”

Love the New Yorker.

At the end of the day people are just people.
Everyone has their differences and little quirks.
It's about accepting others and finding the balance.
"Introverts" are not boring. They just enjoy different things.
I have had people who took the time to get to know me and had a chat with me say to me "I always assumed you were shy or standoffish, but I've loved chatting to you and I'm glad I took the time to get to know you. You are not how I pre judged you to be at all".

I've been researching a lot lately into female Aspergers and its been incredibly fascinating. It's nothing like the obvious male Aspergers - since females are generally better at communication, lots of female Aspies tend to spend a lot of time thinking about relationships and how people interact. Because of this they often have come up with a great list of what makes a good friend and endeavour to be that sort of friend. However, all this thinking then makes them more critical of other people who don't live up to their ideals of what makes a good friend. So they tend of to have either one great friend or a very small group.
Also - female aspies are always on high alert in their surroundings - they notice so many things that they get sensory overload and just need to be away from people to take a break. The whole process leads to higher levels of anxiety and depression. My dad has the very obvious male limited eye contact Aspie traits - it was a bit of a shock at almost 50 discovering that it looks like I have Aspie traits too - but now I understand it - it just helps me to understand myself and others better too.

I think it's rude for an extrovert to try and insist on making an introvert do something that they're obviously uncomfortable with

100% agree. I used to try to fit in and force myself to go to social events, parties, etc which quite frankly caused me so much anxiety, I'd lose sleep and it would make me ill. I was convinced it was my fault and fell for the extraverts' bullying to try to be like them. Then after a couple of decades of that, I finally realised it was them who were the problem not me and I've been a lot happier ever since. I stopped going to the works Xmas parties and social events, cut right back on friend/family parties, and have sought out my own course providers who do proper lecture style courses instead of the ridiculous "sit around and tell eachother our life stories crap". Life is a million times more enjoyable when you cut out all that crap. I'd just had enough of people telling me I should be more like them - no I bloody well don't want to be, now sod off and leave me alone! In this modern world of tolerance, why is there so little tolerance to intraverts?

As an INTROVERT, I am very deep. Very, very deep indeed. I am not like all of you extroverts. When you are tired, you go to the pub with your friends to fart in each other’s faces in order to recharge your batteries. When I went to the shop the other day the man who served me at the till said “have a nice day”. This was VERY entitled and inconsiderate of him to engage me in conversation just because he loves small talk and it’s his favourite thing. He just can’t stop himself. But I am an introvert, so I was EXHAUSTED by this rudeness. I had to go home and have a bubble bath and think about how important I am.

I really don't like this 'us and them' attitude towards introversion and extroversion. The only people who are a problem are those who have little sensitivity and insight and stomp all over your boundaries. Both introverts and extroverts are capable of that, in their own ways.

My dm is hugely introverted but will think nothing of turning up at people's houses unannounced if she feels like it, even if we have told her several times that we like to be warned in advance. Two of the loveliest women I know are happiest with people and throwing dinner parties, yet are incredibly sensitive and caring to other people's needs and will observe when someone is uncomfortable and try to accommodate that.

I really cannot see a correlation between introversion and greater sensitivity and consideration towards others, or extraversion and not giving a shit.

The labels extravert and introvert are far too simplistic.

I think that it's the personality types that lack empathy that struggle to understand and accept others.

I'm a highly sensitive extravert, so I love being sociable but need a shed load of down time. I have lots of friends of all personality types. I know the introverts disappear and reappear when they want to and I'm used to it.
I'm married to an introvert. We have things we do together, and then I go out and party when I need to, on my own.

There is only one introverted person that I've struggled in maintaining a friendship with and that was because she was so self-centred. I think any human can be selfish. I may be an extravert but despite what an introvert who doesn't know me may say, I don't want to the centre of attention, I just don't get particularly phased when I am.

Bloo

ittakes2 I have ADHD and was told it's also very likely I'm an aspie.

@satsumaeater

This. For example, I am reading my book on the train or plane and my neighbour wants to talk to me. Why is it rude for me to want to continue to read my book but not rude for them to insist that I talk to them?

Exactly. That's the thing with some extroverts. It's all about them and what they want, and to hell with anyone else.

At the end of the day, unlike (some) extroverts; introverts are not rude and presumptuous, they just want to be left alone to do what they want, without some pushy irritant bullying them into 'joining in.'

Upshot is, introverts do not goad and bully and nag people Extroverts do

Extroversion and introversion are more wider reaching than MBTI.

MBTI is fun as a tool to understand yourself a little more providing you don't take it really seriously. I'm INTJ and some people do act like it's some sort of special power.

I commented the same thing on another thread. It used to confuse me that I an a people person but know I'm very much an introvert so I researched it. Apparently it's all to do with how you recharge, extroverts do so by seeking out people, introvert do do by time to themselves. This is why I love seeing people in short bursts but need time to myself and can't deal with 'poppers in', people turning up unannounced.
We did a whole session on it at work, the Myers Briggs test, to show that people do things differently and to teach people to respect that. The very next day the person organising it started up a time each month for us to get together for fun, organised by each of us in turn (think team games tec) my idea of he'll and proof they learned nothing as people not wanting to join in were bringing morale down apparently!
There was a thread before Xmas too where the poster got slated for not wanting to have a bloke from dh work with them for Xmas day. She was apparently miserable and not in the spirit etc and wouldn't even notice. Some people just couldn't fathom how much that would ruin it for her. It really is s pet hate of mine!!

Last line should say SOME extroverts do! (Not all.)

I’m an extrovert, but two of my family are very much introverts.
It’s more about respect on all sides rather than understanding, I think. They don’t understand why I am energised by experiences and interactions, I struggle with their rejection of that. But we all understand that others need something we don’t, and because we love each other, we work on it.
Extroverts need to remember to observe and listen, introverts need to use their words and not expect others to be telepathic. If we remember that, our family keeps on working quite well.

@BlooShampoo your pathetic, unfunny, predictable, goady post rather proves my point - AND the point of many others. And you are the epitome of an obnoxious, goady, irritating extrovert who assumes everyone should be like you.

Thanks for proving the point many of us were making.

And thank GOD I don't have you in my life!

Interesting thread OP. I used to think I was an extrovert but now I'm not so sure...
My DSIS used to piss me off massively by turning up on my doorstep everytime the DCs went to their father's for the day (it wasn't often). I would say how much I was looking forward to a day to myself, how I could just relax etc etc, but she knew better of course and thought I couldn't possibly prefer my own company. I'm not sure that was her being an extrovert though, I think it's just innate arrogance at always thinking she knows best!

Maybe it's down to how we recharge our batteries? Solitude works for me - partying works for others.

OP this idea you are peddling that introverts understand extroverts but extroverts don’t return the favour, presumably because they’re too stupid and noisy or whatever, is utter self-aggrandising tosh.

Some people are tuned in and others aren’t. There are stupid, blinkered introverts as well...and yes, some of them are ill-mannered and boring to talk to. Deal with it.

@newnameforthis7

Wow, you sound lovely. So kind and thoughtful.
Am I an extrovert? I’m autistic and I have terrible social anxiety, so... nope. I’m probably an introvert. I just don’t take myself absurdly seriously. The point I was making is that introversion is not a virtue.

Ah Frazzled you said it!

Pictish

No it isn't. How many times do introverts get people insisting that we need to come out, join in, get talked at despite trying to get some peace and get accused of being rude for declining social occasions?

I understand some people enjoy lots of socialising but not many people understand that I don't.

Your post was unnecessarily goady and unhelpful BlooShampoo

People are being a little extreme now. Even an extrovert would find spending a whole plane journey talking to their neighbour annoying. You don't need to use introversion as an excuse for that, an excuse isn't needed.

Using it as an excuse for what I see as basically being a bit of a flaky friend would drive me round the bend.

I have a large social circle and not one of them would behave like the people described here... If I had a mate that would just randomly refuse to make plans or cancel plans because they just decided they couldn't face seeing anyone that day it would drive me mad!!

One thing I think is important in a good friend us reliability. Its good to know that you have people who are there for you always, not just on the odd days they feel like it.

I understand introversion, but to be honest I just haven't got any time for it in my life.

I’m an introvert night owl. Who through circumstances out of my control is forced to live with two of the most inconsiderate extrovert morning people you can imagine.

As in I fell asleep at 1:30am and they woke me by banging around at 6:30am today.

“Upshot is, introverts do not goad and bully and nag people Extroverts do”
Hmm. Not sure if you’ve heard the expression “passive aggressive”?

“Introversion is not a virtue”

Succinct Bloo.