To wonder why introverts understand extroverts but extroverts don't understand introverts.

[Seline]

Something I've wondered for a while.

Plenty of introverts understand that extroverts genuinely enjoy lots of social interaction and things that we find heinous, like surprise visits or smalltalk bring them joy. We may not understand why however we're aware that it does.

Extroverts on the other hand can't seem to fathom that some people don't want to socialise and enjoy being alone. You see this with people getting offended that their relatives don't want them to pop in unannounced, upset that their friend declined an invitation, or insisting on building people's confidence when the person isn't shy they're just quiet.

What's the reasoning for this? It always irritates me somewhat.

I completely disagree. I think most extroverts are caring and have empathy and totally understand.

I do. I totally get it. But maybe because I'm both.

... & people who claim to be introverts but whom are obviously extroverts.

I am a sociable introvert. I like spending time with a very small number of people, mainly my family As I have got older I won't/can't force myself into situations (parties, large groups) that make me uncomfortable- I just don't enjoy them. I feel off balance for days before and after. It is just too hard.

People that don't know me well think I am an extrovert, particularly at work but it takes a lot of effort to put that 'face' on but it is necessary to progress in my profession so when it comes to the weekends I just want to be a home with my family and chill out. It's so much nicer now the girls are a bit older and don't need me to be with them every waking moment as I can be in one room and they are in another - bliss!

I don't think extroverts are as uninsightful (is that a word?) as they have been portrayed on here - I think some people are just arseholes.

I started out introvert AF but think I've become more extroverted as I've grown older, possibly due to growing in confidence about social interaction. I do still need plenty of sitting quietly time though - thankfully I'm in a professional with many many introverts who all understand this! The few extroverts amongst us are fairly patient with us and go along with our preferred style, but it's obvious they prefer each other by the way they have naturally formed a talkative little clique at the other end of the room. This is more than fine

I think another part of the issue is that extroverts don't realise quite how much effort the introvert is making already, in some cases. In family visit cases, the introvert would be happy with one text once a week/month and personal visits every 2 months, but understands their extrovert family would die of the deprivation and so agree to it being far more frequent. They then sit there hating the whole event while their extrovert relative insists that they 'don't seem very happy'. It's torture. Apparently exploding with 'I DIDNT WANT TO MEET AND YOU KNEW THAT BUT I BLOODY SHOWED UP AND I'M HERE AND MAKING ALL THE CORRECT SOCIAL NOISES AND I'M SORRY I'M NOT A GOOD ENOUGH ACTOR FOR YOU AND ARRGHH' is upsetting for the other person look, we're here and trying to be what you want us to be. Please just overlook deficiencies in the acting!

This is an excerpt from one of the personality profiles I had done at work:

Interacting with Others
Remarkably insightful and perceptive, Z cares about the development of others. She is gifted with insight amounting to a quick wisdom and is able to persuade others to follow. Z is outgoing and makes things more fun for others by her pure and unreserved enjoyment of the
moment. Energetic, gregarious and sociable, her intuition heightens her insight, vision, curiosity and desire for new ideas. She may sometimes present herself as an “expert”, fully knowledgeable on a subject and eager to educate others about it. This can sometimes prove embarrassing when challenged by a more qualified expert THIS HAS HAPPENED MORE THAN ONCE.
Z is both charming and popular, constantly enthusing through her gift of ready articulation. Z loves challenge, and is far-sighted and enthusiastic. While constantly striving to increase her competence and personal power, she is outgoing, talkative and can cope with a
large number of different projects. Z's feelings play a prominent role in her life and she manages to inject a friendly element into any work she is assigned to or involved in. The easy-going nature and good humour that Z displays makes her an attractive companion.
Consequently she is known by a large number of people and enjoys a wide circle of acquaintances. She prefers to be active and working with like minded people.
She can take issue with both colleagues and superiors but is unlikely to bear a grudge for long.
Because she is so interested in possibilities, Z sees significance in everything while
preferring to keep lots of options open. She is noted for her innate ability to inspire and
encourage others around her and exhibits excellent interpersonal skills. Very much a positive team player, she enjoys the support of most people, although she may become too optimistic about what others will produce and is let down occasionally as a consequence. People see Z as enthusiastic, ingenious, imaginative and dynamic, with highly developed interpersonal skills.

I think I understand that extroverts need people, noise, action etc but I just don't want to be part of it.

By wanting to be quiet and alone I'm not sure that I am expecting anything of others.

It's taken me a long time to understand that I enjoy my own company and it's ok to want to be alone. I also enjoy the company of others, just not constantly and repeatedly.

Haven't read that in years, but the thing that stands out to me reading it now is 'interpersonal skills'. So I can cope with introverts/extroverts, I just naturally gravitate to extroverts in terms of partners/friends however.

I agree that you're talking about the extremes of the spectrum. I am just about an extrovert but i understand and get on really well with introverts. I know when to tone down, slow down etc.

The way introvert/extrovert was explained to me was that introverts get energy from being alone, extroverts get energy from being with people.

Typical scenario. Hard day at work. Had to work overtime.

Introvert? Home, bath, glass of wine
Extrovert? The pub, as many hooligans as they can find and a raucous evening.

The purpose served is the same, to recharge your battery, but it is how you achieve that which makes you intro or extro.

Yep some people on here don't get that small talk isn't just booooring - do you think anyone really cares what people at work think about the weather? It has a vital social function in building community cohesion. It's called phatic communication and is part of the glue that holds society together.

Ribbonsonabox I sometimes do these things too but I think what you’re describing is anxiety rather than introversion, as it’s quite an extreme reaction (not answering the door to the postman/answering the phone etc).

I’m just mentioning it as something to consider, as there are things that help relieve anxiety so these interactions aren’t so difficult for you.

And seeing a school mum every day for four years and thinking she's a twat for saying hello? There's only one twat in that scenario and it ain't her.

'Im an introvert' statements make me roll my eyes. It's stealth attention seeking, loftily declaring self as part of a group so as to look down on another disapprovingly.

Some of my friends are quiet. Some aren't. I'm like most people I know - sometimes out there doing social, at other times at home away from the crowds as it were

No labels needed. People are people all with own ways. Unless it's part of a job or survet to do so there seems no point in analysing

Aha, so extroverts like to hang out with hooligans

That makes sense

Bastarding violent extroverts

Personally, I like to loot, pillage, rape and riot a bit too on A Friday night with my extrovert friends

It's what us extroverts like to do

Irish people invented small talk I think. We just can't seem to sit in silence lol. Plus, the weather, while always dull, never gets dull as a topic. And anyway, we probably know your cousin/uncle/childminder/teacher/priest already, so we might as well just chat. Nothing better to be doing!

This came up on a management training course I was on. There was lots of talk about how extroverts need interaction to recharge their energy and introverts need downtime from interaction to recharge.

Everyone nodded and understood.

However when the trainer would carry on the conversation during breaks it was the introverts who were supposed to compromise and join in the conversation. Total lack of realisation from the trainer that a two hour training session might have drained the introverts who just needed a few minutes of quiet to recharge.

I think this is fairly common in workplaces. Lipservice gets paid but practice is something else.

Babygrey? Are you ok?

"It means there are lots of unappreciated introverts and lots of incompetent extroverts."

Amen to this. I've seen it in every workplace I've been.

I disagree OP. Some people don’t understand and some people lack emotional intelligence.

That doesn’t give you enough evidence to leap towards a massive generalisation.

It would be like me saying introverts are just rude.

And actually introverts, in the quack-pseudo psycho babble science sense, are sociable and like socialising. They just need their own space to re-charge.

Ladygent, I am crying into my coffee

No I am not ok

Thanks for asking

Some of the introverts on here(and in real life) sound like the generic horoscopes that apply to everyone -they do like socialising, but it takes it out of them and they need a period of quiet to recover-they need time on their own and like their own company but they also like seeing other people sometimes. Just like anyone else really.

What's up Babygrey?

I'm both introvert and extrovert.
I can be very chatty and sociable with people I know- friends/colleagues who are also friends. But I say very little in group situations and avoid group 'get-togethers ' like the plague.

I like and respect both types of people but people have misconceptions about what makes an introvert/extrovert.

Interesting thing is, you aren't necessarily a LOUD, dominating, self important, egocentric person if you are an extrovert and you aren't necessarily a boring, mouselike pushover if you are an introvert.

Being an extrovert doesn't mean that you like people rocking up at your home at all hours, unannounced, or that you constantly want to socialise, or that you don't ever want to be alone. It also doesn't mean that you are free to rock up at others homes anytime you like.

And it doesn't mean getting upset that others have boundaries (or are introverts) that you are supposed to respect!

People who want to push your boundaries are cheeky fuckers, not extroverts. Same with people who don't listen when you impose your boundaries

@GloomyMonday, your friends aren't extroverts, they are pushing yoru boundaries and making you uncomfortable. They also aren't worthy of the title friend.