To be thinking of putting my 4 week old upstairs to bed?

[m4rdybum]

Asking here because I'd like a wider range
of views, other than the group of Mumsnet posters who only go by exact guidelines and have no room for manoeuvre. Also because I'm open to being called unreasonable if it means I'm more successful in raising my DD.

DD is 3 weeks old. DH goes back to work just after she turns 4 weeks.

We've started toying with the idea of getting her used to being upstairs for "bedtime" (starting when DH goes back to work), which at the minute would be around her 8/9pm bottle. I also totally get that a routine probably won't stick with her for a while - but we're quite lucky that she already has her own predictable feeding routine on the go (for now) - it's more for us at the minute.

Me and DH usually go to bed around 10pm. She currently sleeps in her Moses basket in the living room and gets taken upstairs with us.

I know of the recommendation for babies up to 6 months to sleep in the same room as parents day and night, to help reduce the risk of SIDS and want to stress that of course I'm hyper aware of this and don't want it to happen. DD sleeps next to our bed and will do so until 6 months.

But I'm curious as to who follows this to the rule when it comes to start thinking about a bedtime? There's a lot of kids in my family and most have started going up to bed between 1 & 2 months old.

We, of course, have a baby monitor and also would check on her regularly until we went up to bed. It would just be nice to not have to worry so much about being quiet with her in the room.

Has anyone else done this? Any recommendations? Warnings?

If you have a baby monitor, I don't see the problem with doing this?

Read the thread. It’s explained several times.

Of course there are risks with young babies, but I can't see how these are mitigated by sleeping in the same room.

The research is out there. It’s pretty clear (and also explained on this thread).

she is an awful mother for wanting a reasonably normal life after having a baby. Bloody martyrs

Or maybe, just maybe, a baby’s biological needs should come above an adult’s TV viewing schedule? Babies are supposed to be inconvenient. If you want convenience get a goldfish.

Babies are supposed to wake a lot in the night, it's a biological safety feature.

I’d love to see the peer reviewed scientific studies on this, do you have a link?

If you feel ready, I would go for it but personally I would go mad on gadgets, above and beyond a baby monitor.
Have a look at all the usual stuff like thermometers etc but also things like the owlet sleep sock.

The SIDS guidelines make sense as exactly that, a guide. I work in a field where I have to analyse research a LOT and I'm not sure I'm entirely as convinced by a lot of the reasoning as everyone seems to be. Do your research and make your decision based on that and what feels right for you and your baby, after all there's no point doing it if you'll end up worrying yourself sick and waking them up anyway!

At 4 weeks old my second lg caught a cold from her big sister. At 6.30pm she was seen by out of hours doc and given the all clear we were just told to keep an eye for changes. By 10.30pm she was in an ambulance which had to pull off the road so she could be resuscitated. Her breathing problems were extremely quiet, I had to see her physically struggling. If she hadn't been beside me and I was just watching on a monitor I could have assumed she was sleeping deeply. Please don't take the risk.

Yes YABU

The research is out there. It’s pretty clear (and also explained on this thread).

Definitely not explained on this thread, Christ. And the research says if the baby isn't room-sharing, use a monitor. Pretty much tallies up with what I said, don't you think?

Oh bless her, she's only 4 weeks old, my monsters are 14 years and 12 years and I'm still struggling with a bedtime routine🙈

We got them more into a 'routine' at about 4/5 months, however puberty appears to have kicked all my hard work into oblivion I drink gin

As others have said there's probably not much point in "getting her used" to a bedtime routine at this age.

But I have heard of people doing this so that they can have the room, as you seem to want to, so I think as long as you're very cautious and keep an ear on the baby monitor then it might be worse trying.

However I wouldn't bother being especially quiet if my baby was sleeping in a Moses basket in the corner, unless she was a bad sleeper and I was really desperate for her to stay sleeping for as long as possible!

The other side of this as someone who did follow the guidelines is I now have a baby that doesn't sleep well without me. If I'm lucky I can put her down for 45 minutes in the evening before she wakes. I don't know if that's because I kept her in my arms every evening. In my case she was a cluster feeder for 4 months (the idea of putting her down to bed at 7 pm was laughable) but I do wonder if I should have started putting her upstairs when the cluster feeding finished.

For those of you wanting a research / evidence base for keeping your baby with you for all sleeps until 6 months, as well as information on why babies sleep the way they do and normal infant sleep, here you go:

www.basisonline.org.uk

Basis is part of the Durham Infancy and Sleep Centre: www.dur.ac.uk/disc/

Poor baby

YABVU

4 weeks old? Wow.

😳😮😳😮😳😮😳😮😳

*Poor baby

YABVU

4 weeks old? Wow.*

I'm sure that's exactly the kind of helpful, compassionate advice a postnatal FTM came to MN for. Congratulations on your articulate contribution

I posted this exact question a few months ago and got some similarly 'useful' advice. I was a hormonal, sleep deprived FTM, who wasn't suffering PND or attachment issues, or anything else that posters like this decided to throw at me. And thank God I wasn't with some of the nastiness directed my way. I was genuinely looking for advice from experienced mums. Isn't that what this site is for??

Some of you need to give your head a wobble before you post and have a bit of compassion. Do you remember how hard those first few weeks are? Disagree all you want, but you can put your opinion across without sarcasm, judgement, or at times just plain abuse. Manners cost nothing.

I find some of the comments on this thread disgusting, 3 posters specifically. Trying to insinuate, or outright say that a new mother doesn't love her baby, isn't attached or is mentally ill. All because heaven forbid she doesn't want to end up with a baby that doesn't need held constantly and cuddled to sleep every night. Why would any adult even behave like that? So nasty. You can disagree with someone without being a passive aggressive dick.

Of course there are risks with young babies, but I can't see how these are mitigated by sleeping in the same room.

No one does, it's a statistical observation that babies who share a room with their parents have a reduced risk of SIDS, to the point that the risk is halved. It's not removed entirely, babies in the same room can still die, sadly.

I've just briefly googled 'mattress wrapping' mentioned upthread. Very interesting finding from New Zealand, recommend anyone interested in SIDS prevention check it out, I will be doing further reading myself as I'm expecting #2

Forget the guidelines though: what makes the most sense? Little baby sleeping next to its mother, as nature intended vs little baby sleeping alone??

I can never, ever understand the latter. Seems barbaric to me.

I don’t understand the latter either. Especially when it’s to ensure the parents get ‘alone time’ or whatever. The baby has been in the world for a month and its needs are being pushed aside for grown adults? I will never understand that, no matter how many furious ‘my baby my rules’ replies there are.

Both of mine were in their beds for naps and night sleeps from day one. I do not really understand this advice to keep your baby with you downstairs while TV is on, people are talking and lots of other noise/smells happening. Baby needs rest in a calm and quiet environment, not in the middle of buzzing sitting room.
Both of mine slept through the night from the beginning and I honestly can say I did not suffer any sleep deprivation with either of them. They are 5 and 8 now.

@TeddyIsaHe its needs are being pushed aside for grown adults? When I asked the same question on a previous thread, it was because my baby was waking up when being moved from the living room to our bedroom when we went to bed. I was, in my mind, actually trying to meet my baby's needs by not disturbing them. Nothing to do with 'my baby, my rules'.

Even if it is for alone time, is that really so 'barbaric'? My baby is 4 months now and I have no problem saying I have needed, even gasp enjoyed, alone time away from him. I don't have PND or attachment issues, I love my son to pieces and his needs are 100% met (including currently, his 8-10 times a night waking due to a horrendous 4 month sleep regression).

Baby needs rest in a calm and quiet environment, not in the middle of buzzing sitting room.

The only thing a baby needs is its mother.

OP I noticed you’ve mentioned other babies in the family a few times.

I would point out that since the fall in cot death rates a difference has emerged between working class and middle class homes. Cot death didn’t use to discriminate and now it does. One theory (and it’s only a theory) the Lullably Trust has put forward is this is because working class mothers are more likely to rely on advice from relatives (which might be dangerous) rather than following informed guidance. Basically relying on what worked for other babies in the family can be dangerous.

@crispysausagerolls The only thing a baby needs is its mother.

Oh behave.

@Softleftpowerstance
Interesting if this is true. I've had a quick Google and can't find anything about this, do you have a link?