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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Private school: To go without a tie?

156 replies

TigerTooth · 01/02/2019 22:42

Sorry - posting for traffic as I need a quick selection of opinions!
DS has an interview for an excellent private school on Monday - he's 11.
I'm planning nice chino's, clean polished shoes, open neck shirt and sweater.
Friend and my mother think a tie is necessary.
What do you think? Particularly if you experience of such things.
Thanks so much

OP posts:
JudgeRindersMinder · 02/02/2019 15:29

Given that your son’s current school don’t have a uniform, I presume those interviewing him will know this, as I presume they’ll do some research, then what you’re planning sounds perfect. Tie in your pocket isn’t a bad idea , but I don’t think you’ll need it. Hope he gets in!

VWpurse · 02/02/2019 15:49

The issue here is hundreds applying for dozens of places. You need every edge you can get. No point in going down the trainers route in case there is a guy like a pp mentioned who, even if he didn’t take it into consideration because the boy was brilliant, may have put him off with his disapproving stare or discouraged anyone else in the room wearing similar who saw the look.

Better safe than sorry.

The schools known for their high academic achievements and are not so bothered about uniform are well known. The schools that rate uniform, hair and manners highly, are well known. Each school has a different personality, you need to fit in.

brizzledrizzle · 02/02/2019 15:51

I would say go in smart casual unless his current school uniform is from a prep school not a state school - there is no point in exposing him to scorn from the more unpleasant pupils who might tease him for having been to state school.

bluetheskyis · 02/02/2019 15:56

Your paying for him to go to this school yes? If you think they’re going to turn down cash because an eleven year old isn’t wearing a tie I think you’re mistaken. And if they did then I suggest your child is probably better off not going.

WombatChocolate · 02/02/2019 16:06

School uniform is fine, regardless of if a fancy Prep school get-up or the bog standard polyester state primary sweat shirt and polo shirt. Make sure it’s clean and his shoes polished. That’s all.

The interview isn’t to judge his dress. In all likelihood his entrance exam results determine if he gets an offer more than anything else. Interviews are often to spot anyone who clearly doesn’t want to come to the school or might present a challenge to manage. Sometimes it’s to choose between marginal candidates. Often interviews are more of a marketing exercise to make kids who’ve made multiple applications want to come more.

Schools want these experiences to be positive and unstuffy. The interviewer will jot down info but not about dress. Think about arriving with a smile and being able to shake hands. Think about being able chat and be positive about the school and the opportunities.

What is worn is not an issue. School uniform is easy and safe. If own clothes specified, smart casual is fine. Boys might well come in trousers, shirt and jumper and no tie, or sweatshirt. Girls might wear dress or skirt/trousers and top. Wacky and bizarre or heavily emblazoned not a great idea, but normal dress is fine and not going to determine if offer given.

Kikipost · 02/02/2019 16:09

Why would you send your 11 year old son to a place of education that valued tie wearing? I work in senior corporate circles and no one wears ties..

Local private school here - the children stood up when an adult walks in to the classroom.
That does not happen in a corporate environment.
I still think it’s a positive approach though

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 02/02/2019 16:13

Whatever he wears make sure he is comfortable! Nothing worse than wearing something that it itchy, hot, too stiff...

Hollowvictory · 02/02/2019 16:13

@Kikipost the children stand up when an adult walks in at all the local state schools here. It's not unusual or the predelict of an expensive school.

Kikipost · 02/02/2019 16:14

Point is that things happen at school and seen as important that don’t happen in corporate environment

Hollowvictory · 02/02/2019 16:18

Yes school shouldn't be like a corporate environment. Many children will not work ever in a corporate offce. Our ceo works off his boat in florida. Many children will work in a science lab, tv studio, theatre, factory, hospital, hotel, stock exchange, airport, up a mountain or in antartica, under sea or in space without ever setting foot in a corporate office. Feed their imaginations as to the possibilities that await them!

WombatChocolate · 02/02/2019 16:19

It’s insecurity of parents and lack of familiarity which leads some parents to put their child in a suit, mistakenly imagining that such a school expects 10 year olds to dress in suits.

The purpose of the interview is prob marketing, confirmation of what exam has already suggested and adding a personal touch to the process. It’s about meeting the boys and getting a bit of a sense of them - that is achieved through what they say and how they are, not their clothes. Yes, schools want a ‘type’ and it’s ideally clever, enthusiastic and willing to join in. That can be a boy from a state or prep school and a boy in most types of clothes 10 year olds wear.

Honestly, top schools don’t judge on dress - as has been said, being over-dressed is often looked down on and is ridiculous in a small child. Top schools want clever, enthusiastic boys. Perhaps there are some 5th rate tiny private schools which achieve little and are there for snooty value who would judge by dress, but these aren’t the good schools.

Clean clothes, polished shoes. Uniform of any time a simple and easy approach - and sod the idea that a state school uniform leads to ridicule. Again, only in 5th rate snooty places. And look out for lots saying ‘come in what he feels comfortable in’ - they mean it! So no Mohican haircut or offensive slogans, but simple usual clothes are fine on that context and you’d be hard pressed to pick something ‘wrong’.

And now what to wear as a parent....and do you need a designer handbag and will your car be clocked. Ha ha!

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 02/02/2019 19:14

God help us then. I don’t drive and usually look like I’ve fallen out of a tree.

Secondaryschooldilemma · 02/02/2019 19:21

DD went in school uniform, it was stipulated on the letter though and she went straight to school afterwards, it was a morning interview. She got an offer, and it's an underwhelming (as others have said) state school uniform of polo and jumper. We saw some children at the exam for another private school in full suits, not the interview, just the entrance exam!!

Unbearablecollies · 02/02/2019 19:32

HE DOESN'T HAVE A CURRENT SCHOOL UNIFORM!!

Clean and smart will be just fine op, def no trainers even if clean! Good luck Smile

MagicEye · 02/02/2019 19:33

He does not need a tie. Smart clean and I agree not trainers!

overnightangel · 02/02/2019 19:38

@edwinbear

He should be dressed like it’s a job interview

Howling at this!!
He’s 11!!

MagicEye · 02/02/2019 19:40

My comments are as someone whose child has just been through the interview process of a well known public school

overnightangel · 02/02/2019 19:40

@edwinbear
Believe it or not some working class people wear ties to work. Don’t be a smug pompous prick

MagicEye · 02/02/2019 19:42

@WombatChocolate I completely agree

CruCru · 02/02/2019 19:50

As the boy doesn’t wear uniform at his school, the outfit suggested should be fine.

Putting him in a tie isn’t a good idea - if he isn’t used to wearing one, it may be a distraction. The interviewers want to get to know the boy; this will be easiest if he’s comfortable.

I strongly suggest that putting him in a suit is a bad idea. If he doesn’t own one, then it will get worn once and outgrown - wasteful. Plus he won’t be used to wearing one if he doesn’t have one at present.

WickedGoodDoge · 02/02/2019 20:21

My DC are at a traditional academic private school. Your choice of clothes (definitely no tie!) would be absolutely fine at their school. Pretty sure DS wore something similar.

twoshedsjackson · 02/02/2019 20:37

The clothes he wears are just "part of the package"; he looks clean and well cared for, and is comfortable, that's great. He knows it's worth bothering to be smart and tidy if he's meeting people,
If it's anything like my former school, the acid test could well be how he behaves when things relax slightly. We interviewed and tested in batches, and watched with interest through a (non-messy) art activity, a musical session (the instrument trolley can be a deal breaker!), some time on the field, a run-around together when the testing was over, and what happened when refreshments were served (an organised gang raid on the biscuit plate did not impress!)
Our own JS boys sat the entrance exam to the senior school, and we simply advised them to wear something that put them in a "work frame of mind" for the tests; whether that was their uniform or "smart casual" was up to them.

anniehm · 02/02/2019 20:53

Smart casual is fine - defined at DD's private school as chinos, polo shirts, leather shiny shoes and a wool jumper in winter!

User10fuckingmillion · 02/02/2019 21:07

The accusations of jealousy always crack me up on this sort of thread.

SirGawain · 02/02/2019 21:14

Parents seem to lose all sense of reason and balance.
What is unreasonable or unbalanced about dressing with appropriate smartness for a formal occasion?