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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Private school: To go without a tie?

156 replies

TigerTooth · 01/02/2019 22:42

Sorry - posting for traffic as I need a quick selection of opinions!
DS has an interview for an excellent private school on Monday - he's 11.
I'm planning nice chino's, clean polished shoes, open neck shirt and sweater.
Friend and my mother think a tie is necessary.
What do you think? Particularly if you experience of such things.
Thanks so much

OP posts:
LiquoricePickle · 01/02/2019 23:01

That was rude, Edwin. I agree that parents often list all sense of reason on these things. I prepare lots of these children for interview and after speaking to the schools I can guarantee that an offer will not be based on a tie or lack thereof.

Personally I'd go with what you have planned. I'd usually suggest a pupil over about year 9 or 10 wear a suit and tie.

Good luck!

edwinbear · 01/02/2019 23:01

If his current uniform is smart ie blazer, shirt and tie, he should wear that. Otherwise, he needs to be in shirt, tie and school trousers at a minimum. Ideally, he should be wearing a blazer as well.

^^ This

LovingLola · 01/02/2019 23:04

@edwinbear
When I read the multiple posts on MN about education, I thank my lucky stars that I don’t live in the UK!

LovingLola · 01/02/2019 23:05

And I am not your sweetheart.

TrixieFranklin · 01/02/2019 23:05

Chinos are too fat on the casual side of smart casual. They always end up looking creased. Much better off with school style trousers, a shirt and a blazer. Tie optional, I suppose.

Isitme13 · 01/02/2019 23:05

My dd went in home clothes.

Comfortable ones - leggings, hoodie etc.

As did all the others.

(Tbf, prospective school had stipulated comfy clothes - was a breath of fresh air, tbh, and school rose in my estimation for their focus on the children being comfortable)

But for other schools she went in current school uniform.

OP, send your ds in something comfortable and smart. If the school are going to turn him down over a dress code they haven’t even published, then is it really the place you want our ds to go?

TrixieFranklin · 01/02/2019 23:05

Far, not fat!

Togertiger · 01/02/2019 23:06

LovingLola It’s a different world but one that people accept and enjoy and feel is good for their family/child.

I don’t go to football matches, or watch football in any form, but I know people that go to watch week in week out, in the rain, wear the club colours and learn songs and shout insults at other teams. I’m “aghast at that circus”. Family members don’t speak to other family members if they support the “wrong” team. People have been stabbed and beaten up because they are wearing a particuycour scarf. Fans seem to lose all sense of reason and balance.

For a ball game.

I don’t post on the football threads though!

edwinbear · 01/02/2019 23:07

What was rude Liquorice? To suggest a PP who came on the thread to offer no advice but simply be ‘aghast’ at those of us who do send our DC to ‘seemingly prestigious schools’ might move on? How is that rude?

edwinbear · 01/02/2019 23:09

When I read the multiple posts on MN about education, I thank my lucky stars that I don’t live in the UK

So do I

LovingLola · 01/02/2019 23:10

Read the threads where people are devastated that their 4 year old has not got into an ‘indie’.
It’s nuts.

Togertiger · 01/02/2019 23:13

No uniform, then suit. Or trousers and blazer. What colour are the chinos? Doesn’t matter, chinos are too casual.

I know people are saying it doesn’t matter in the scheme of things, and it shouldn’t. But 1. at our place there is at least one teacher who sets great store in such things, and 2. The other boys will be wearing uniform, suits and ties.

You want your son to fit in in a good way, not get there and realise that he’s only one without a tie as if on some wanky protest. That’s not fitting in which is an important part of the interview process.

VWpurse · 01/02/2019 23:16

Lovonglola you are wrecking the thread for the op. This isn’t about whether you can afford, like, or would be accepted into a private school. You should start your own thread to discuss that.

Original poster
TigerTooth · 01/02/2019 23:17

Maybe I should go with him as planned - swapping Chino's for cords?
With a tie in my pocket in case all others have a tie.
Oh god - What colour tie???lol

OP posts:
LovingLola · 01/02/2019 23:19

Right !
Grand
That’s me told

LovingLola · 01/02/2019 23:21

And TigerTooth - I apologise.
I do see from the threads here that the whole process is incredibly stressful for parents and children.
I wish your son all the best and I hope he gets his place. Flowers

edwinbear · 01/02/2019 23:26

Lola the OP started a thread asking people with experience of sending DC to private school interviews, in the UK, for sartorial advice. Given you have no experience of either I’m not sure what you hope to add here?

Somethingsmellsnice · 01/02/2019 23:26

So our school which regularly achieves 95% A*/A at Gcses generally has the majority of kids turn up in chinos and polo shirts.

Indeed anyone in a shirt, tie and blazer would stand out like Will in The Inbetweeners ! The only exception would be if they were attending on a school day rather than the Saturday admissions tests or interviews because they had a clash on those days where they would be told to wear what they would usually be wearing afterwards (so school uniform if going back into school).

Seriously all the school will be caring about is whether they will fit in with the ethos of the school.

edwinbear · 01/02/2019 23:29

OP I wouldn’t go with cords either. Can you get to an M&S and get some dark grey school trousers? White shirt, dark coloured tie. Stripes OK, or plain, no spots. A blazer would be ideal

bijoubijou · 01/02/2019 23:29

I work at a private school and I am on the board, your outfit sounds perfect!!! Wearing suits and ties show no personality and just trying to dress a child like an adult.
It’s a school, smart and comfortable it’s not a job interview.

Togertiger · 01/02/2019 23:30

Well obviously it depends on the school.

Ring and ask, they won’t mind.

Original poster
TigerTooth · 01/02/2019 23:35

Thank you so much for all the replies - I never expected so many and really appreciate all.

OP posts:
edwinbear · 01/02/2019 23:36

I work at a private school and I am on the board, your outfit sounds perfect!!! Wearing suits and ties show no personality and just trying to dress a child like an adult.
It’s a school, smart and comfortable it’s not a job interview.

That sounds perfect for your private school. Which sounds a bit creative. If OP is going for a very traditional academic school her DS will be surrounded by other children in suits and ties.

OP you cannot go wrong in smart trousers, shirt tie and blazer.

VWpurse · 01/02/2019 23:37

OP you cannot go wrong in smart trousers, shirt tie and blazer.

Yep

Grobagsforever · 01/02/2019 23:38

Why would you send your 11 year old son to a place of education that valued tie wearing? I work in senior corporate circles and no one wears ties..

Seriously, school is for learning and growing, not Tory party dress codes. A bright child is just that, sounds like he'd be MUCH better off in a state school rather than in this strange David Cameron breeding institution.