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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether you felt the rush of love?

157 replies

NameChangeyMcNameChange11 · 01/02/2019 16:33

When your DC was born?

It's something I've struggled with as part of my pnd, but I've not been able to discuss it with anyone,in case they think i don't love my son...

I do, he's the most important part of my life. But when he was born and put on my chest, i just felt detached from him. I didn't get that rush of love that people talk about. 32 hours later, i just thought "thank F* that's over".

Am i just cold? Aibu to ask for your experiences??

OP posts:
Madmarchpear · 01/02/2019 19:22

With my first I had a thunderbolt moment of love. It was probably because she was so alert and seemed to be frantically looking for my face when she heard my voice... And she was heartstoppingly beautiful.
No such drama with my second though. I was more functional let's do skin to skin and get latched on. It developed slowly until I was smitten at about 4 months.
4 years later I can hand on heart say I love them equally.

Busybusybust · 01/02/2019 19:32

With first yes. Immediate and total love, after a horrendous labour and delivery.
Second no. It came later, but I also had horrible PND.
Third no. But it came later again.
Fourth (who was a surprise - and I really did not want another child) yes. Immediately!
Weird isn’t it

Sidalee7 · 01/02/2019 19:32

I did - straight forward births where they were delivered on to my stomach. Rush of unbelievable love and feeling of overwhelming protectiveness. Amazing.

5SleepingLions · 01/02/2019 19:42

Yes with Ds1 and Ds2
No with Ds3 it took a while I had a traumatic delivery and was rushed to theatre after he was born so I didn't get to see him for a good few hours.
When Ds4 was born I took a look at him and knew something was wrong,he was taken to nicu and there for 5 days, I didn't get that rush of love but a fierce protective feeling and told my Dp to go with him and stay with him .
Dd yes I got that rush of love

Thumbcat · 01/02/2019 19:48

No I didn't. I had a horrible birth and all I felt at first was numb, followed by resentful and depressed that life with a needy baby was so shit. The love grew gradually. By about six months I loved him fiercely.

m4rdybum · 01/02/2019 20:06

Currently sat cuddling my 3 week old and I still can't say I love her - but I also can't say I don't love her. It's a weird place to be in.

My DH is clearly besotted with her and for now I take enjoyment from that.

Eviecat · 01/02/2019 20:12

With my first no. I was massively overwhelmed with a quick, painful labour and just could not take it all in. Took a few weeks if I’m honest, to gather my feelings together. The first smile though- wind or not- that’s when I knew my heart was complete.
With my second, yes. It was love at first sight.

mindutopia · 01/02/2019 20:15

No, not with either of mine, and I had lovely peaceful home births with both and we have a wonderful bond. It’s normal to feel exhausted and overwhelmed. Like any relationship, the love takes time to blossom.

sometimessometimes · 01/02/2019 20:15

Nope. Took about 6-8 weeks to fall in love with DD. Everything before then was just instinctual protectiveness.

I needed two blood transfusions after delivery though so was on the verge of passing out after giving birth and I was so tired and exhausted from a 3 day induction. I just wanted to sleep and not feed or tend to my newborn baby.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 01/02/2019 20:16

No I didn't ds was born after an intensive labour.I didn't hold him for hours after birth.Looking back I had pnd

sometimessometimes · 01/02/2019 20:19

Nope. Just utter shock. My first thought was "oh my god, it's a fucking baby".

ME TOO!!!!

soundsystem · 01/02/2019 20:29

I did with mine, but still got PND with DC2.

IdentifyasTired · 01/02/2019 20:35

DC1 - no
DC2 - yes
DC3 - no
DC4 - yes

DC1 and DC3 were both very difficult pregnancies and births. I was too exhausted and in pain to really feel anything but relief. It all passes though and I love them every bit as much as the other two. In some ways I may feel more protective of them as there is a part of me that is aware that they had a tougher start than their siblings. Both were high needs babies too.

anitagreen · 01/02/2019 20:37

No when my daughter was first born they put her on my chest and I wanted her of me I felt I'll scared and confused, my Labour was shit I had no pain relief it went to fast and I was in shock, for 6 weeks I couldn't bond I just functioned it was only when she slept through the night at 11 weeks and I thought she had passed away in the night as I never knew they slept through that young, that I felt "something", within minutes I picked her up and felt that rush of love she was fine and I finally felt like a mother.
With my son it was instant weird.

MondeoFan · 01/02/2019 20:51

I def did with my 1st born, with my 2nd I didn't as emergency c sect so it took around 10 days to feel that feeling

peachgreen · 01/02/2019 21:13

@m4rdybum you're doing an amazing job. Keep going, mama. This is the hardest part. Thanks

EmeraldShamrock · 01/02/2019 21:21

On my first I left injured badly and violently sick after the baby came so no but I did feel love a few hours after.
On my 2nd it was over a year. I still feel guilty, I loved him as he was mine, I cared and protected him but he was a difficult velcro baby, He is nearly 4 now and I absolutely adore him but it did take time.

Parthenope · 01/02/2019 21:25

Nope. It wasn’t till about a year in, maybe more.

Haisuli · 01/02/2019 21:33

With my first no. It was a long traumatic birth and I was scared of the whole thing. I can picture him clearly on his changing mat kicking away when he must have been a few months old and that memory is pure love. Before that I don't know.
Second yes, I couldn't stop showing people him and saying "isn't he gorgeous?? "

3in4years · 01/02/2019 21:35

I did for dc1 and dc3, both traumatic births. Didn't for dc2. Quick birth. Maybe I was in shock?

KittyVonCatsworth · 01/02/2019 21:35

God no. I just thought "wtf have I done". Don't beat yourself up, there's a vast majority of parents that don't feel that magical rush if love I'm sure xx

LadyBunker · 01/02/2019 21:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

Tunnocks34 · 01/02/2019 21:40

No I didn’t.

The only thing I felt after the birth of both of mine was shock, and relief.

I think it actually took days, maybe a couple of weeks before I couldn’t say I truley felt like I loved them.

I obviously cared for them, I wanted them to be safe, I was delighted with them, but the absolute burning love I feel for them now developed over the first week or two. It didn’t just arrive the second they vacated me.

I also, maybe controversially, don’t particularly feel love when pregnant. I am pregnant now and I would be upset if anything went wrong, but For the most part I feel fairly indifferent when pregnant. I sometimes get waves of excitement but I have never felt I bond with my babies in the womb.

I never had PND. I didn’t actually have any emotional change during pregnancy or birth at all. No mood swings, no baby blues after labour.

I sometimes worry that maybe the fact I am so logical means I am not as emotional as ‘normal’ people.

I do adore my children, absolutely love them with every fibre of my being and despite it being a cliche, I can say with certainty they are my world; these emotions just developed a bit more slowly in me.

JasperKarat · 01/02/2019 21:41

I was so spaced out from drugs, of had a long difficult labour, baby got stuck and I had an emergency ventouse. I just felt exhausted and like it wasn't real. I was enamoured by the next day but it was only when it transpired he was poorly, not feeding properly and had to have phototherapy, seeing him upset in an incubator with a mask strapped to his face, not knowing why I wasn't holding him and comforting him was devastating and I felt so strongly that I would do anything to protect/help him, it was a feeling I'd never felt before

Morgan12 · 01/02/2019 21:41

No. I'm always honest now with pregnant woman I know. I feel like people are scared to admit this but when you actually get talking to other mother's you realise how common it is.

I will say though that when that rush of love did come it was the most amazing thing I've ever felt.