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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is so sad

334 replies

Charlie97 · 01/02/2019 12:33

Newborn baby found in a park last night, my heart breaks for both mother and baby.

I know I would not wanted to give birth alone (I presume mum was alone) and without pain relief and medical help.

Baby found abandoned in freezing East Ham park

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-47083204

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 01/02/2019 15:27

It's a constant problem, those wealthy 35yr old women abandoning their newborns so they can go to the Caribbean.

crispysausagerolls · 01/02/2019 15:28

It’s very hard for me to even try to imagine the mindset of someone who would do something like this to a helpless infant. Some of you are saying the park was good because the mother intended for the baby to be found - but that sort of thought process doesn’t line up with the idea of a desperate or irrational, mentally unwell person who would dump a baby.

Craft1905 · 01/02/2019 15:28

Might be, not must be. As others have said, we just don't know. She may be 35 and wealthy, and has dumped her newborn baby because she is booked to go on a Caribbean cruise and the person due to look after her newborn has let her down.

Some people are not worth even trying to have a reasonable discussion with .... FFS!

You can't have it both ways. You can't say "don't judge, we don't know the circumstances" and then say "she must be this or that". We don't know. She might be a traumatised 12 y/o. But she might be a heartless 35 y/o.

thatsmyspace · 01/02/2019 15:29

Would people care so much if the mother was a 44 year old crack addict prostitute?! You can't Sympathise with someone when you don't know what their intentions were.

At the end of the day a babies life was put at risk and that is a very wrong thing to do.

JacquesHammer · 01/02/2019 15:30

And of course the baby must have a father, who also might be a kid himself. Or might be abusive or neglectful.

JacquesHammer · 01/02/2019 15:31

Would people care so much if the mother was a 44 year old crack addict prostitute?!

Yes - imagine how appalling her life must be.

You can't Sympathise with someone when you don't know what their intentions were

So by that logic how can you attribute blame?

Charlie97 · 01/02/2019 15:32

@Craft1905 it's not about having it both ways, it's about reasonable discussion and your analogy blows any reasonable discussion out of the water! Ridiculous statement.

OP posts:
Charlie97 · 01/02/2019 15:33

Would people care so much if the mother was a 44 year old crack addict prostitute?! You can't Sympathise with someone when you don't know what their intentions were.

Yes I would care as much and you don't know the intentions but you're putting the onus of blame of the woman.

OP posts:
thatsmyspace · 01/02/2019 15:34

@JacquesHammer very much doubt it!

My concerns are with that baby. And until we know the mothers motive, my sympathy stays with that baby.

HotMessMama · 01/02/2019 15:35

Gosh what an upsetting story Sad
I hope the poor desperate person who did this gets some help and am glad that the baby is safe x

Craft1905 · 01/02/2019 15:36

You can't Sympathise with someone when you don't know what their intentions were

So by that logic how can you attribute blame?

You can't. That's the point I was making. People are saying we don't know the circumstances and the same people are then saying "the poor mother, she must be a child/raped/abused etc ".

ILoveMaxiBondi · 01/02/2019 15:36

Would people care so much if the mother was a 44 year old crack addict prostitute?

Getting a fabulous insight into your mind today.

JacquesHammer · 01/02/2019 15:37

very much doubt it!

Don't judge others by your own shortcomings.

My concerns are with that baby. And until we know the mothers motive, my sympathy stays with that baby

As I said, how sad for you that you have such a finite resource of sympathy and human empathy.

The very law of the land works on the basis of innocent until proven guilty. I can't imagine ever being so black and white in my thinking that I assume (and let's face it you are assuming) that this was a calculated, pre-meditated act rather than a very new mother in a vulnerable state.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 01/02/2019 15:37

that sort of thought process doesn’t line up with the idea of a desperate or irrational, mentally unwell person who would dump a baby.

How would you know? Confused it’s not a very well studied scenario.

SummerGems · 01/02/2019 15:39

The thing is it suits people’s agenda to believe that she must have been desperate, because nobody can put themselves in the mindset of someone who could put a newborn in a bag, dump it in a park and walk away not knowing whether it would live or die.

It goes against most people’s human instincts to abandon a helpless newborn like that,so the only way we can rationalise it is to hope that they were in a bad place mentally in order to do that.

But they might not have been. We don’t know and we will likely never know.

If the mother was in a bad place mentally then hopefully she will get the help she needs, and separately the baby will hopefully be adopted by a loving family.

But we can only guess. And if you’re telling people they can’t judge until they know the facts then that goes both ways.

Just as people can’t know for certain that this was a deliberate act to harm an innocent child, so you can’t know that it was the cry of someone with serious mh issues.

Sympathy here should not automatically be a given without all the details.

M

Craft1905 · 01/02/2019 15:41

@Craft1905 it's not about having it both ways, it's about reasonable discussion and your analogy blows any reasonable discussion out of the water! Ridiculous statement.

It is about having it both ways. Everyone wants to be sympathetic to the mum, and when the facts emerge, if they ever do, they may well turn out to be right. But at this stage, it's possible that when the facts emerge, that she deserves no sympathy.

We just don't know at the moment.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 01/02/2019 15:41

Sympathy here should not automatically be a given without all the details.

Sympathy isn’t a public commodity! It isn’t funded by the tax payer FGS. People can give or withhold sympathy all without your approval!

Charlie97 · 01/02/2019 15:42

@Craft1905 I'm not arguing with you, it's not worth my time. Your analogy was plain stupid. Ridiculous!

OP posts:
thatsmyspace · 01/02/2019 15:43

@JacquesHammer I'm not assuming anything. But I'm also not saying this woman could be a list of things. I can't go "aww what a shame the mother must be in a right state, oh poor her blah blah" because I don't know the reasons why she did this. I don't know her age/race/background. I can't stick up for someone if I don't know their reason for doing so. So there for I don't make assumptions of any of these things I'm just going by the victim in all this. The baby!

Abcdefghii · 01/02/2019 15:43

There were better options than leaving her in a park in freezing temperatures, however desperate. Find a family home with lights on and people active inside, place the baby on the doorstep, watch and wait.

Leaving the baby in an open space wrapped in a towel shows at least a small degree of awareness (presuming they wanted her to be found) but is incredibly dangerous.

There's no ideal way of abandoning a baby unless you take it into a hospital or social services, but leaving her outside in the snow in a London park is heartbreaking.

If the mother is young/vulnerable/mentally unwell then I do hope she gets the help she needs.

I hope the baby finds an amazing adoptive family who give her the life she deserves.

Craft1905 · 01/02/2019 15:43

SummerGems gets it.

Craft1905 · 01/02/2019 15:44

@Craft1905 I'm not arguing with you,

Yes you are!

IamFrauBlucher · 01/02/2019 15:45

Would people care so much if the mother was a 44 year old crack addict prostitute?

Yes.

JacquesHammer · 01/02/2019 15:46

I don't know her age/race/background

What's her race got to do with how much sympathy you'll give Hmm

thatsmyspace · 01/02/2019 15:47

@Jammiebammie some races get rid of girls do they not?

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