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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is so sad

334 replies

Charlie97 · 01/02/2019 12:33

Newborn baby found in a park last night, my heart breaks for both mother and baby.

I know I would not wanted to give birth alone (I presume mum was alone) and without pain relief and medical help.

Baby found abandoned in freezing East Ham park

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-47083204

OP posts:

Clinicalwaste · 01/02/2019 14:13

Er yes🙄 it was freezing and the baby is very lucky to be alive.

PineapplePower · 01/02/2019 14:14

Why not leave it on a doorstep where you know that person is in, knock on the door and walk away

This is a bad idea (although more ideal than a park, I’ll say). There was a very tragic case recently where a teenager gave birth to a child in secret and left the baby on the neighbor’s doorstep. Sadly they were out of town and the baby died from exposure.

JacquesHammer · 01/02/2019 14:15

Er yes🙄 it was freezing and the baby is very lucky to be alive

You really don’t understand how the law works.

Nesssie · 01/02/2019 14:18

Got to agree with thatsmyspace.
If the baby had died, it would have been the mothers fault. Sure, she must have been desperate but there were other options that would not have caused horrendous pain and suffering to that child.

FridgeFullOfChocolate · 01/02/2019 14:18

I found this really upsetting. I think the mum has to be in a really bad place to leave her newborn baby in a park in the freezing cold. I don’t feel anger towards the mum, she clearly needs help. I’m just glad the baby was found in time and is doing ok, that’s the main thing. Hopefully they can find the mum, get her help and if the mum isn’t able to care for her baby find the baby a suitable loving family.

Yabbers · 01/02/2019 14:19

Maybe i sound so cold because I don't understand it.or have never met anyone who has had to do that

I’ve never met anyone who lived in Russia. I’m fairly certain those people exist.

Is it really so hard to accept not everyone is like you and some people you know?

JacquesHammer · 01/02/2019 14:19

Sure, she must have been desperate but there were other options that would not have caused horrendous pain and suffering to that child

But you can see the other options because you’re not desperate.

thatsmyspace · 01/02/2019 14:20

@PineapplePower I said "where you know that person is in" like when you can see people through there windows. Obviously not just any old random house.

@JacquesHammer because a child is still a child. Regardless whether you've had them 1 hour or 2 years!!

Does no one care that this baby could of died?! I can't believe the posts I've read on this story today. Everyone talking about the mother. Yes the mother must be going through something horrific if this was her only choice! But this is a baby we're talking about not an old rug! A TINY HUMAN BEING!

Racecardriver · 01/02/2019 14:22

There really isn’t any difference between a mother who abondobs a child recklessly or one who kills the child herself. Clearly they aren’t thinking straight either because they have some mental incapacity (very young teen or learning difficulties for example), they are being coerced/didn’t actually do it (they believe they will be killed or someone took the baby from them for instance), or they are suffering from temporary insanity (this could be a result of pnd, ptsd or, preeclampsia to give a few examples). How many women would go to the trouble of carrying a baby to term and giving birth to it so that they could cut its life short out of pure malice?

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 01/02/2019 14:22

It's awful, absolutely, but I can't even begin to imagine how unwell a mother would be postpartum to do such a thing. As much as my heart aches for that tiny, helpless baby, my heart hurts so much for any mother who finds herself having to do that for whatever reason; she obviously has no support and no alternative (however many alternatives we could find on Mumsnet.

The lynch mob helps nothing.

JacquesHammer · 01/02/2019 14:22

because a child is still a child. Regardless whether you've had them 1 hour or 2 years!!

Yes. And it doesn’t work as a comparison for this situation.

Most of us are capable of sympathy for both. Rather than vilifying a desperate person. It isn’t hard.

Clinicalwaste · 01/02/2019 14:24

That’s my space
Could not agree with you more. No compassion for the baby at all. Such meaningless virtue signalling instead.

PineapplePower · 01/02/2019 14:25

Everyone talking about the mother

I think it’s because the circumstances are unknown and PPs are reserving judgement until the full details are released .... at least, I hope so.

Thisnamechanger · 01/02/2019 14:25

I might be missing something here but do they even know it was the mother that dumped the baby? Mum could be locked in a basement somewhere or even been killed herself!

Clinicalwaste · 01/02/2019 14:26

How does everyone know that it was definitely the mother who left the baby and that she is definitely a really good person who just needs a bit of help. Sadly this may not be the case.

Yabbers · 01/02/2019 14:26

If the baby had died, it would have been the mothers fault. Sure, she must have been desperate but there were other options that would not have caused horrendous pain and suffering to that child.

“Fault” isn’t really that simple though.

If a woman stabs her husband because he has been abusing her, it is her “fault” he is dead. But can you blame her? There are other options which she could have taken so she should be held fully accountable for her actions. Except the law says differently.

If a person commits suicide through their depression, it is their fault. It’s widely accepted we shouldn’t be critical though as depression is sometimes overbearing.

In some countries, if you are involved in an accident and you are a foreigner, you will be held accountable even if you were not the cause of the accident because if you weren’t there is wouldn’t have happened. That happened to my dad.

Fault isn’t as simple as “they did it and they didn’t have to”

ChristmaspArti · 01/02/2019 14:27

I thought that it was infanticide rather than murder or manslaughter if a mother kills a newborn. Horrifying yes, but a specific category with lesser penalties to reflect the fact that post partum mothers may be really struggling emotionally.

Raspberry88 · 01/02/2019 14:28

I can’t imagine going through life with a finite limit of sympathy.

This exactly, why can't we feel for both? It's a truly awful situation...just really sad all round.

thatsmyspace · 01/02/2019 14:34

@Thisnamechanger if that was the case and the mother was killed then The baby would be murdered with her surely?

@Raspberry88 I do have sympathy for both, but the majority of it goes to the baby.

Oddsocksandmeatballs · 01/02/2019 14:35

I find the lack of understanding of mental illness by some posters on this thread incredibly sad. I worked on a neonatal ward for a while, next door to us was the postnatal ward, one Friday night both wards were wracked by the distress of a woman who had given birth to a baby yet failed to recognise that she had a) given birth and b) that the baby in the bassinet next to her bed was hers. It was an awful, awful weekend for both wards. Luckily, on the Monday morning, a space was found for them both on a mother and baby unit in the next county and I truly hope things had a happy outcome for them.

I am the child of a mother who had her first psychotic breakdown when I was born because labour brought back all the horrors of the gang rapes she had suffered from a very young age right up until she was 18. I am lucky I was the result of a planned pregnancy and not a result of the rapes she endured.

Some of you have no idea.

raspberrycordial · 01/02/2019 14:36

Unfortunately @FridgeFullOfChocolate that's not why they want to find the mother, they are seeking to prosecute

SaturdayNext · 01/02/2019 14:39

Only one person in my eyes deserves sympathy and that is that baby who will grow up most probably in care

Can you really not stretch your sympathy beyond one person?

In any event, it's highly unlikely this baby will grow up in care. If the mother or another relative can't be found, there's a good chance that the baby will be adopted.

SaturdayNext · 01/02/2019 14:43

If a parent did this to a their 1/2/3 ect a lynching would be called for. This is no different in my eyes. It's a human being, that could of died.

No idea what a 1/2/3 is, but lynching is never called for. And it's could HAVE, FGS.

Thisnamechanger · 01/02/2019 14:44

if that was the case and the mother was killed then The baby would be murdered with her surely?

My point is there is no 'surely' because the facts aren't known.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 01/02/2019 14:45

If the baby had died, it would have been the mothers fault.

You have no idea the mother was even conscious when the baby was left there! She could have been lying on a bed bleeding out while someone else took her baby and left it there. For all we know mother is lying dead never having woken to see her child.

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