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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you how you self-identify?

173 replies

Flyingfish2019 · 31/01/2019 20:54

Inspired by the thread about people identifying as men/women. I wonder if any of you self-identifies as different than people would identify him.
To give an example: I am from a mixed cultural background. I self-identify as a member of several of those cultures... mostly of one but also a bit of the others... even though people typically say you can be a member of just one culture and that you cannot be a member of a culture unless you speak the language. In one case I do not speak the language but identify as a member of that culture anyway because me great-grandmother spoke the language and I knew her. I might not make sense to anybody but me but this is how I self- identify. How about you?

OP posts:
Genderwitched · 31/01/2019 22:05

There is no such thing as self-identifying, there are only facts.

Everything that makes me, me is a fact. That includes the things that I like, my sexuality and my culture.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 31/01/2019 22:05

They have four children, three of them identify as mixed but one sees himself as as culturally white.

It doesn't matter objectively how they see themselves though - it doesn't change who they are biologically.

I can identify as a wealthy princess all I like. No-one gives a shit and in actual fact, I still have to go to work every day to pay the bills.

AssassinatedBeauty · 31/01/2019 22:05

You are confusing objective reality with identity and personality as a PP said. Someone with a mixed background clearly has a choice as to how they describe themselves, based on how they personally perceive their culture/ethnicity. That is not the same as other statements that depend on simple facts.

Beliefs are another example. I could say I'm a Christian or a Buddhist and that's my personal choice. It's not a question of fact. It is a nonsense to then decide that every statement starting with "I am..." is the same kind of statement!

DragonKiller · 31/01/2019 22:05

I AM:
Human
A woman
49
Half Italian, Half Irish
5'6"
10 stone (plus a bit)
Among other things

I do, however, identity as a sentient chickpea. But only when I'm not a spaniel.Grin

RedDogsBeg · 31/01/2019 22:07

Just when you think this self-identity nonsense has reached the height of pretentious claptrap along comes even more nonsensical mumbo-jumbo.Hmm

Self identifying as not liking a cartoon - give me strength.

Tisgrand · 31/01/2019 22:07

Then you self-identify as someone who likes to talk about the weather... no honestly what do you do if somebody ask you if you are a man or a woman, how old you are, if you are married, if you are a soccer fan? Do you refuse to answer the question because you would be talking about yourself?

If I was asked these questions, aside from the soccer fan one, my reply would be "how rude, mind your own business!" Its fairly obvious that I'm a woman, I'd love to think that I look like 23-year old me but I'm obviously nearer to 60, I wear a wedding ring so.... if you haven't got the observational skills to spot all that then I don't really want to talk to you.

novasglowx · 31/01/2019 22:11

I am a woman.

However I identify as part teaspoon, 3/4 goldfish, half mermaid and 84.455% unicorn. A modern day, self proclaimed enigma. But certainly not millennial Grin

Morgan12 · 31/01/2019 22:11

I'm morgan12, first of her name. Queen of the andals and the first men. Breaker of chains. And mother of dragons.

novasglowx · 31/01/2019 22:14

@Morgan12 Khaleesi 😆

Flyingfish2019 · 31/01/2019 22:15

@Ellisandra: Maybe self-identifying is to big of a word here... for example I just ment that I can answer the question “Do you like paw patrol (o any other series)“ with a yes or a no. I say something about my taste in this moment. Nothing important but I identify as somebody who likes it. Enlish it is not my native language and maybe I got the word wrong.

And talking about Culture. People often ask me where I am from because I do not look like people where I live typically do and what should I do? I give the most honest answer that I am a bit this an a bit that and a bit x and a bit Y, because I am a bit of everything. If I had just one great-grandmother that came for place X and everybody else came from place y that would make sense but they all came from different places. Might not make sense to other to see it like this but it does not make sense to me to see it any other way.

OP posts:
Flyingfish2019 · 31/01/2019 22:20

I personally was born a woman, XX, and see myself as a woman... but I think it must be pretty difficult if you are born with traits of both genders (which happens, not very often but it does) or XXY or if you feel you have been born in the wrong body.

OP posts:
Stardustinmyeyes · 31/01/2019 22:22

I self identify as a the 17 year old I was before my life drastically changed. In my head I'm still that girl. When I look in a mirror it shocks the shit out of me and I then accept that over 40 years have passed and I'll never be that young carefree girl again. I love the phrase dance like nobody's watching, when I dance she's still there living her life.
Op you mentioned Paw Patrol, I hate it but I know who they all are because my 3 year old DGS loves it.
To use a great expression I saw by another poster. Self identification is just floaty bollocks.
I'm me and I will always be just me, no need to self identify as me. I just am

Stardustinmyeyes · 31/01/2019 22:25

Ah I should have realised sooner, it's the born in the wrong body ideology.

IWantMyHatBack · 31/01/2019 22:25

Aspie bisexual and in giant denial that I'm in my forties.

MrsFogi · 31/01/2019 22:25

In my head I am still about 20 both in looks and mentally. Unfortunately my body seems to have different ideas and presents as a 46 year old woman.

Flyingfish2019 · 31/01/2019 22:28

@Stardustinmyeyes I think I mentioned the thread about people born in the wrong body identifying as the other gender in my first post on this thread. In fact the thread inspired me to ask this and i said so, didn’t I?

BTW don’t like paw patrol that much too but my kids love it.

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 31/01/2019 22:29

Stardustinmyeyes
I was waiting for that to happen. It was inevitable that was the intended direction of the thread.

ItsMEhooray · 31/01/2019 22:32

I identify as someone who thinks self identification is bollocks.

AssassinatedBeauty · 31/01/2019 22:34

"It must be pretty difficult if you are born with traits of both genders (which happens, not very often but it does) or XXY or if you feel you have been born in the wrong body."

If you are intersex, your sex can be determined, but if your body is ambiguous or appears to be that of the opposite sex then you might have a choice about how you describe yourself. That's a unique situation for those who are intersex, and that's for them and their medical advisors to discuss. It doesn't have any relevance to people who aren't intersex.

Similarly, you may feel you have been born in the wrong body. But that is a belief, and not something that can be factually correct. So someone might feel they were born in the wrong era of history, or in the wrong country. That doesn't mean they actually have been and can state that as a fact.

Snugglepumpkin · 31/01/2019 22:34

If you have to self identify as something, as far as I am concerned what that means is you are NOT that something but you'd like to believe you are.

For instance, I am a woman.
It's not hard to figure out.
My dna confirms it, my birth cert states it, anyone who can see me says it.
I don't identify as one, I don't take drugs or have surgery to pretend to be one, I just am one so I don't need to sit there trying to persuade myself or anyone else it is true by self identifying as one, I just get on with being me.

I would quite like to self identify as someone very very rich who lives somewhere very very nice, but reality will not let me even though I have relatives who are in that position.
That is their lives, not mine.

notacooldad · 31/01/2019 22:35

A middle aged fat Scouser.

Shockers · 31/01/2019 22:36

I haven’t got the energy to identify as anything. I just exist.

RebelWitchFace · 31/01/2019 22:37

I identify as a cat.

ItsMEhooray · 31/01/2019 22:37

'And talking about Culture. People often ask me where I am from because I do not look like people where I live typically do and what should I do? I give the most honest answer that I am a bit this an a bit that and a bit x and a bit Y, because I am a bit of everything. If I had just one great-grandmother that came for place X and everybody else came from place y that would make sense but they all came from different places. Might not make sense to other to see it like this but it does not make sense to me to see it any other way.'

I don't think people are as interested as you think they are.

AuntieOxident · 31/01/2019 22:38

Jesus OP - many, if not most of us, have “different cultures in our background”.
I have Scottish, Italian and Cockney elements in my background, they’re part my heritage but I don’t “identify” as anything other than me, an individual.
As PPs have said it just sounds wanky and pretentious.
And possibly marks out out someone who is desperately trying to make up for a lack of personality, charm, conversation or indeed any remotely interesting character traits?