To not let her daughter sleep over?

[Angelwings111]

One of dd’s friends from school is supposed to be sleeping over at my house for 2 days next week while her mum has an operation. This is not a problem as she is a lovely little girl and I get on well with her mum.
The problem is we have a dog who usually sleeps in with dd(9). Now as we have always had dogs I think nothing of this BUT totally understand that other parents won’t be keen so when my friend mentioned she didn’t want her dd sharing a room with the dog I was fine with that.
However as our house is a barn conversion there is no way we can shut the dog downstairs as it is totally open planned so no shut off rooms at all. DH and I can’t have the dog in with us as we have a 5 week old baby and dd2 can’t have him because she fidgets really badly and can’t sleep with the dog in there because he keeps her awake, so I gave my friend a few choices but nothing is god enough for her.
I told her that her dd could have the top bunk in dd’s room (no way the dog can get up there) and my dd would sleep on the sofa that pulls out at the bottom - she said no because she doesn’t want the dog in the same room at all.
I said her dd could have my dd2’s room and be shut in - she doesn’t think her dd would be comfortable sleeping alone in a house she doesn’t know by herself.
So now I’m trying to persuade dd2 to either come in with me and dh or in with dd1 and friends dd just so the dog can be shut in her room away from everyone. I know it’s only for 2 nights but dd2’s really not keen on moving rooms and I feel bad telling her she has to (she has autism and change really doesn’t go down well with her).
I’m thinking of just telling my friend that I can’t have her dd staying here but feel bad as she has no one else to help her but I don’t know what else to do?
Someone help me out please.

TheCounter yes - but plenty of irresponsible dog owners think their darling dog is a big playful softy and downplay minor nips and even bites if the bitten can be persuaded/ shamed into going along as playful/ not the dog's fault/ nothing. At least as many owners are willfully or thoughtlessly blind to the dangers their dog poses as parents are to their children's faults.

Angelwings111 glad you've found a solution.

I wouldn’t want my kid sleeping in a room with someone else’s dog. My childhood dog (lovely King Charles spaniel) still bit my brother in the face when he tried to cuddle my DM on the sofa (dog was on her lap and took offence to him intruding in his space). We’d had the dog for 4 years and never had any trouble....so you can never really trust 100%

OP - I think you are doing a nice thing for a friend. I would totally put myself out for a friend and move sleeping arrangements around. Surely that’s what good friends do...I know mine would for me.

Can’t believe how nasty people are being - the other mum is having an operation

I agree. I’d do what I could to accommodate. SIL was in a similar situation so her dog got a wee holiday to the kennels. It’s what friends do.

Just tell her to find somewhere else for her child if she doesnt like your dog!

Frances it's pretty widely accepted that leaving children under 10 unsupervised with dogs is a bad idea.

FrancisCrawford it was you at 16:05 who started comparing 9 year olds and 4 year olds in an attempt to claim that because 9 is older than 4, 9 year olds don't need supervision.

@Yabbers we clearly have very different ideas as to how we view our pets. Mine is a member of the family. No way I would pack it off to a kennel for a friend, or even a different family member. Our beautiful boy is just as important as any other family member.

OP I salute you. You sound absolutely lovely and a wonderful friend. To have another child for 2 nights when you have a newborn which feeds all the time and 2 children of your own is a mark of true friendship. I guess that the two girls would sleep contentedly on bunk beds with dog at your DD’s feet with no probs, but I can see why your friend is worried about it.
Can’t believe all the comments about your house layout and sex life
You have magnanimously purchased a crate, your hubby has kindly agreed to keep dog company, and you have the 2 girls in with you. I have no suggestions but I think you are decency personified and your friend is blessed to have you. ...I hope you all get some sleep for these two nights! xxx

OP you are an amazing friend

Why can’t the dog be outside the bedroom, the girls inside the bedroom, and the door shut? I have a dog, and would not think it odd for a child not to want to sleep with it in the same room...or maybe wet the bed because too nervous to get out to go to the loo and go past the dog...

I’m afraid she’s being picky. Why on earth isn’t she happy with her DD sleeping on th top bunk? If you shut the dog out the bedroom you’ll be up all night with the scratching /and damaged door.

You’ve offered perfectly safe sleeping arrangements whilst doing a massive favour. She’ll have to find somewhere else

You are a good friend OP. I dare say your friend is likely anxious about going into hospital and having an operation. She probably feels guilty (unwarranted) that her DD has to be shipped off to yours. The sleeping arrangements and the dog might be a way of having a tiny bit of control which might go some way to reducing her anxiety.

Your solution sounds good. We similar recently, an emergency situation abroad so DD9’s DF with ADHD stayed with us for 3 nights. Our issue was with DD9 though as cannot sleep without a parent, her DF was distressed at sleeping without DD. DS11 with ASD was upset at the sudden changes so wanted to sleep with me. We ended up with me and DD9 sharing bottom bunk, DD6 and DF sharing top bunk and DH sharing KS bed with DS. I wouldn’t want to do it on a regular basis but as a one off to help someone out it was fine.

Just to say I think you’re a really good friend to DD’s friend’s mum. She’s lucky to have you

I never said that the dog wasn’t well enough behaved to be locked in the bathroom however I do feel that would be totally unfair on him and imagine whoever suggested it doesn’t have or like dogs.

Unfair on him FFS. Humanizing animals is the problem, they work off a whole different perspective than we do. You have corrected the issue you presented, so well done , I do appreciate you have made an effort around both concerns. A little girl, whose Mom is ill, needs a place to stay and suddenly the inconvenience of it is all about what the dog might want. I adore dogs, I have 3, I have always had a dog. But they must know their place and are happier for it. It is how a pack operates. And for what it is worth, a springer I have; can and has ended up on the top bunk .

No opinion on the op, but good grief, of course 9 is still a little girl!

@FrancisCrawford; she got a crate, she could have locked the dog in a smaller area for the 2 nights, her own choice to purchase a crate. Considerable rearrangement, LOL, she had plenty of options and chose an expensive one because she does not know where to place her dog in the hierarchy of the family. I would give up my bed and sleep on a floor in any room for a child who needs a bit of support, wouldn't you?

@julensaor - Maybe you should read my original post as it clearly states I don’t have any separated rooms in which to lock the dog except the bathroom and what happens then if one of the children need to go to the toilet? I know exactly where to place my dog within the family, obviously he doesn’t come before my children but he is dearly loved by all of us and I don’t want him stressed out for no reason. And what exactly does me sleeping on the floor have to do with anything? FYI I had a emergency c-section 5 weeks ago and a scar that hasn’t properly healed so sleeping on the floor wouldn’t be easy for me. I have done the best I can to help out my friend.

It’s your house and you have a dog. A dog, to me, is part of the family.
If she wants her daughter to stay with your family, she has to accept that includes your beloved dog. Simple. Her other choice is to find alternative accommodation.

OP you have been really kind and are doing your best for your friend and everyone. Hope it all goes well.