To not let her daughter sleep over?

[Angelwings111]

One of dd’s friends from school is supposed to be sleeping over at my house for 2 days next week while her mum has an operation. This is not a problem as she is a lovely little girl and I get on well with her mum.
The problem is we have a dog who usually sleeps in with dd(9). Now as we have always had dogs I think nothing of this BUT totally understand that other parents won’t be keen so when my friend mentioned she didn’t want her dd sharing a room with the dog I was fine with that.
However as our house is a barn conversion there is no way we can shut the dog downstairs as it is totally open planned so no shut off rooms at all. DH and I can’t have the dog in with us as we have a 5 week old baby and dd2 can’t have him because she fidgets really badly and can’t sleep with the dog in there because he keeps her awake, so I gave my friend a few choices but nothing is god enough for her.
I told her that her dd could have the top bunk in dd’s room (no way the dog can get up there) and my dd would sleep on the sofa that pulls out at the bottom - she said no because she doesn’t want the dog in the same room at all.
I said her dd could have my dd2’s room and be shut in - she doesn’t think her dd would be comfortable sleeping alone in a house she doesn’t know by herself.
So now I’m trying to persuade dd2 to either come in with me and dh or in with dd1 and friends dd just so the dog can be shut in her room away from everyone. I know it’s only for 2 nights but dd2’s really not keen on moving rooms and I feel bad telling her she has to (she has autism and change really doesn’t go down well with her).
I’m thinking of just telling my friend that I can’t have her dd staying here but feel bad as she has no one else to help her but I don’t know what else to do?
Someone help me out please.

@PixiKitKat totally 😂😂😂

"Why do people on Mumsnet hate dogs so much?"

I think you get both extremes on here, not just the dog haters. I like dogs, but I don't love them. I grew up with dogs as we always had one as a family pet, but I dislike the idea of a dog sleeping on my bed or licking my face.

I think it is sad that most posters have sad blithely to just ask the mother to find alternative arrangements. If it was that easy don't you think she would have done so already?

I love dogs but I don’t ignore evidence. I’ve seen dogs attack my dog and owners say they’ve never seen their dog behave that way before. Ok they could be lying but there is research and evidence and specific cases where issues have happened. Dog experts on here have even mentioned concerns. Why do so many people not want to hear opinions of experts? Even if you feel your dog is different to other animals it doesn’t mean another parent does or should.

May I suggest some MNetters move to Iran...

edition.cnn.com/2019/01/30/middleeast/iran-bans-dog-walking-intl/index.html

Of course the mother is reasonable to request that.

Dogs will bite under threat, it’s their only means of defence when they have no other option.

The girl isn’t as dog savvy as her friend. If you love dogs then best all round not to put them in a position they might have to defend themselves against a child.

If the child does end up in the room with the dog she will need explaining about what is and isn’t ok, how the dog will show if he’s had enough or doesn’t like something. Both Mums should talk to her maybe

Where are all these vicious dogs?!

I know masses of dogs. They are all well-adjusted family pets and certainly not primed to attack at the least provocation!

I get that some breeds owned by some people are best avoided, but your average spaniel/labrador/golden retriever loping around the house is really not to be feared.

Statistically (a few years old stats) labradors have bitten the most.

It’s not about vicious dogs. It’s that they don’t have arms like a human or another means to push someone off. It’s their means of self defence or reaction to stress.

Every dog will bite if they have to. My dog is a wonderful pet, everyone thinks he has the best nature, amazing with kids etc, so gentle. I have seen him go for DC2 when he was being teased.

IrmaFayLear Most people don't report dog bites but most people have been bitten by a dog at some point.

Irma you should never be complacent about a dog's temperament. It is these placid, family friendly dogs that often hit the headlines because for some unfathomable reason they have turned and attacked someone. You should always treat any kind of dog with respect. Even the OP keeps her dog away from the baby.

I wish I was still unaware of what dogs can do :-( I used to be blasé

Genuinely this woman is such a cheeky fucker. Honestly cannot believe you are going to stick your dog poor dog in a crate to accomodate her patheticness. Her daughter needs to go elsewhere.

Dogs are bad. People are good.

Dogs and people should not interact.

This is particularly relevant to small people and large dogs.

Say NO to dogs.

I think kid on top bunk is reasonable. I would tell her if she's not comfortable with her dd and your dog & no other option than dog shut out unfortunately her dd will need to stay elsewhere. You can't change your whole household for her dd. You've given reasonable options. She takes it or kid will need to go elsewhere, that's not unreasonable as it's you doing her a favour. Plus think ongoing if they want sleepovers - same problems

If a solution can’t be agreed that is suitable for all then the little girl currently doesn’t have anywhere for definite to stay in a few days time. I’ve read the posts. I must have missed the one that says they have confirmed arrangements that they are all happy with. Apologies and glad all resolved

Give her the options. If she isn't happy, she needs to find someone else to look after her DD

Nobody will sleep a wink with a whining dog!

I wasn’t saying that OP house wasn’t safe (tho I wouldn’t want my kids in room with dog if they weren’t used to them). It’s up to the mum to decide what’s safe for her daughter and if not this house then she needed to sort ASAP which was what was worrying me!

The mother is making a reasonable request if that is how she feels. HOWEVER you would then be reasonable to say sorry I can’t have your daughter then.

He is not that well behaved if you can't lock him into a bathroom or utility for the night without trouble

Sorry but what? A dog crying or acting up because they've been locked away in a manner that is unusual for them is not a display of them misbehaving, more likely distress.

OP, both my dogs sleep in my room with me and I wouldn't shift them for anyone. If your dog will be crated and you're prepared to do it, I think it's really sweet of you and shows a lot of love for your DD"s friend. Hope everything works out x

She’s being rude and entitled. You’re offering free childcare and she has an issue with every resolution you have come up with. Let her find alternative childcare.

FrancisCrawford preparing simple meals has nothing to do with being shut into a room with a dog overnight. Nothing.

Leaving children and dogs unsupervised is irresponsible, I did think most people recognised that.

The top bunk is fine while asleep but the risk of stepping on/ tripping over the dog in the dark in a trip to the toilet remains - as far as the dog is concerned it's being violently awoken from sleep by a non family member and it's very likely indeed to bite if that happens.

The room on ger own sounds fine but it's true many 9 year olds will be scared and irrational waking in a house they've never slept in in the middle of the night without their friend's reassuring presence. Its the safest option but a tricky one.

The OP's usual living arrangements aren't compatible with having non family children to sleep over whatsoever. That's all there is too it.

Though yes, crating the dog is a very kind solution. It's either that or not have visiting children overnight.

The OP doesn't have to have visiting children overnight of course, but if she does crating the dog also protects the dog - if it bites in self defense when a visiting child trips over/ steps on it in the night that could be the end of the dog. Which is probably all that matters to some posters in here who rate catering to their own dogs' preferences way higher than other people's children's safety, and slightly higher than their own children.