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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend and ‘my’ birthday AIBU

148 replies

Lovemusic33 · 30/01/2019 20:36

A week ago my friend messaged me asking if I would like to go out for my birthday and asked when I was free, I said “I would love too, I’m free the day after my birthday”, she suggested a place to go which is quite far, she doesn’t drive so I will be driving and unable to drink.

Tonight she messages me and asks me if I can book a table and to book it for 10 people, I assumed it was just me and her as we don’t really share any other friends (maybe one friend), so she has invited 8 of her friends to what I thought was my birthday dinner. Chances are she expects me drive most of them (I have a 7 seater) there and back. I stupidly agreed to book a table so I can’t really back out and I have booked a baby sitter. My friends birthday is ten days before mine so I’m guessing this is her party and not mine and I’m just the taxi.

She has a habit of doing things like this Sad

So is she being a CF?, stupid question really, and I’m letting her get away with it?

Should I just book the table and invite who I would like to be there? Drive my friends there and tell her to make her own way there?

Feeling really let down, I don’t have many friends so I was excited about being asked out for my birthday. I even bought my friend a concert ticket for her birthday to see one of our favourite bands.

OP posts:
AHobbyaweek · 30/01/2019 20:38

Ask her who she invited and if this is still your birthday party or hers. Maybe you could drop in that you are planning on getting a taxi and would she like to share to reduce the cost a bit as you are planning on having fun and drinking at YOUR birthday party.

mindutopia · 30/01/2019 20:40

Nope.

You are suddenly very busy that night.

EarthboundMisfit · 30/01/2019 20:40

Could she have invited your friends?

WineAndTiramisu · 30/01/2019 20:41

I'd be tempted to book it all, then call off sick on the day, or say your car is being fixed of she asks you to drive

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 30/01/2019 20:44

She knows that I don’t really drink.

If I go I will be coming straight home after the meal as I have kids at home (single parent) so I can’t really go to a club and get drunk but she won’t realise this as she doesn’t think (doesn’t have kids) so will assume I’m driving them all home.

I will try and find out who she’s invited and will tell her that I will be going home straight after the meal and won’t be bringing others back with me, I’m happy to drive her back if she wants to leave when I leave but I’m not driving her friends home.

I wouldn’t have minded if she had said “it’s a joint birthday collaboration and I can invite who I like” but she asked me if I wanted to go out for my birthday.

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 30/01/2019 20:45

Ask her who else is going. If you don't know them then just tell her you're not interested. She has a cheek. If it's her friends thinking you are all going out for her birthday you will all probably end up paying for her bloody meal as well as driving her.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 30/01/2019 20:47

I wouldn't even begin to think about going to this. Cancel on her and see a real friend that night instead. Be prepared for the guilt trip though! She's got you down as a free taxi.

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 30/01/2019 20:47

Earth I don’t have many friends and the ones I do have she does not know so they are deffently her friends. I’m not really a people person so was kind of looking forward to going for a quiet meal.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 30/01/2019 20:49

wine I’m very tempted to do that, I might have to come down with some illness the day before.

OP posts:
Hittapotamus · 30/01/2019 20:49

Why are you even thinking about doing this? Harness the power of MN and say no to this CF! It's just you and her or you're not going out for your birthday!

StoneofDestiny · 30/01/2019 20:50

Ask who she has invited. If they are not your friends say 'why would they want to celebrate my birthday'? Truth will come out.

If you are going, hire a taxi - why do you have to drive?

Ask her how she is getting there. If she says 'you can give me a lift', say you have no intention of driving on your birthday.

Kittykat93 · 30/01/2019 20:50

No way in FUCK would I be going to this. You don't sound like you'll enjoy it op, don't put yourself through it, stay in and get yourself a takeaway and a bottle of wine.

starsandrainbow · 30/01/2019 20:50

Seriously a cf she is using you. Please don't go, her behaviour is awful.

Holidayshopping · 30/01/2019 20:51

I can see why you thought a meal out would be nice though as you say, she is a CF so I don’t actually see why you’d want to go with her!

Why on earth didn’t you say no at any of these points
-her suggesting somewhere you’d have to drive to
-her suggesting you book a table for 8
-her suggesting you drive any other people

?

Pull out now. You’ll end up spending half the night doing door to door pick ups and then she’ll probably expect you to pay for everyone’s meal!

Man up.

rainflowerstar · 30/01/2019 20:51

I also vote for not going!

Holidayshopping · 30/01/2019 20:52

wine I’m very tempted to do that, I might have to come down with some illness the day before.

Really don’t do this.

YourFly · 30/01/2019 20:52

Book it in her name, with her phone number. Tell her you wont be going & hopes she has a lovely time.

WonderWoman2019 · 30/01/2019 20:52

I'd just say that unfortunately something's come up and you can't make that night now but would be great if the two if you could go out for dinner at the week after.

That way you can avoid all confrontation, possibly maintain the friendship depending on her next move, but don't have to go through with her selfish shenanigans. Have a great birthday Flowers

LordNibbler · 30/01/2019 20:53

She has a habit of doing things like this
And do you have a habit of allowing her to?
She's no friend is she? She's invited you to be a taxi driver for her and her friends.

Holidayshopping · 30/01/2019 20:53

She hasn’t asked you on a lovely night out for your birthday. She is using you as a chauffeur for her own friends.

punishmepunisher · 30/01/2019 20:54

Nope. Tell her she's a cheeky cunt and she can drive herself and her mates.

Butteredghost · 30/01/2019 20:55

Not sure why you wouldn't immediately say "for 10? Who's coming?" Text her right now and ask.

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 30/01/2019 20:57

She told me her phone was broken and asked if I could book it. I will book it and give her number and name. I will then make an excuse at the last minute.

Thank you MN for giving me the courage, I hate confrontation.

I stupidly asked her to make sure she was free on the date of the concert I got tickets for but didn’t tell her where we were going. Should I just not mention it again and take someone else?

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 30/01/2019 20:57

Yes book it for n her name, tell her your babysitter cancelled, would she like too meet near you another day.

TokyoSushi · 30/01/2019 20:57

OP!! Come on, don't fall for this, as pp have said, I'd say that date isn't convenient for you now, you could go out just the two of you at a location nearer to home a couple of weeks later, do not do this!

Unless it's a surprise party for you, it's complete cheeky fuckery!