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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend and ‘my’ birthday AIBU

148 replies

Lovemusic33 · 30/01/2019 20:36

A week ago my friend messaged me asking if I would like to go out for my birthday and asked when I was free, I said “I would love too, I’m free the day after my birthday”, she suggested a place to go which is quite far, she doesn’t drive so I will be driving and unable to drink.

Tonight she messages me and asks me if I can book a table and to book it for 10 people, I assumed it was just me and her as we don’t really share any other friends (maybe one friend), so she has invited 8 of her friends to what I thought was my birthday dinner. Chances are she expects me drive most of them (I have a 7 seater) there and back. I stupidly agreed to book a table so I can’t really back out and I have booked a baby sitter. My friends birthday is ten days before mine so I’m guessing this is her party and not mine and I’m just the taxi.

She has a habit of doing things like this Sad

So is she being a CF?, stupid question really, and I’m letting her get away with it?

Should I just book the table and invite who I would like to be there? Drive my friends there and tell her to make her own way there?

Feeling really let down, I don’t have many friends so I was excited about being asked out for my birthday. I even bought my friend a concert ticket for her birthday to see one of our favourite bands.

OP posts:
Honeypickle · 30/01/2019 20:58

Don’t go. I have a nasty feeling they’ll all be drinking and suggest splitting the bill - and you’ll be landed with a hefty bill for all their drinks too!

SandAndSea · 30/01/2019 20:58

If you make up an excuse, she won't know why you're not going and won't receive the message that you've got boundaries. I would try to find a straighter way to deal with this. Eg. "Hang on a sec - who are the other people? I thought we were going out for my birthday?"

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 30/01/2019 20:59

Lord I wrote a thread about her a few months ago when she asked me to make a cake for her friend for free, I stood up to her then and said ‘no, I don’t make free cakes’ and this is the first time she’s messaged me since. I know she’s a shit friend, I have known her since school and she just gets worse each time I talk to her.

OP posts:
TheKitchenWitch · 30/01/2019 20:59

Have you asked who the other people are?

BarbaraRoyale · 30/01/2019 20:59

Do what YourFly suggested. Then distance yourself. You don't need her as a friend

EggysMom · 30/01/2019 20:59

My reaction would have been "Ten? Who else have you invited?????"

Holidayshopping · 30/01/2019 21:00

Don’t go. I have a nasty feeling they’ll all be drinking and suggest splitting the bill - and you’ll be landed with a hefty bill for all their drinks too!

I expect that’s exactly what will happen!

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 30/01/2019 21:01

They 100% won’t be my friends that she’s invited as I don’t really have any, she has lots of friends, I know some of them but they are not my friends (just people I have met briefly).

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 30/01/2019 21:01

Just message her now and say, "Friend, I'm really sorry but I don't think I'm up for a big celebration - I thought it was just you and me for a quiet one, but as it's a table of 8 I'm not really feeling up for it. I'll book it under your name if you want me to, but let's catch up another time just the two of us."

Then ask some of your other friends to a different restaurant (as you already have the babysitter booked).

It's OK to not do it, honestly.

Holidayshopping · 30/01/2019 21:02

Lord I wrote a thread about her a few months ago when she asked me to make a cake for her friend for free, I stood up to her then and said ‘no, I don’t make free cakes’ and this is the first time she’s messaged me since.

Seriously-get some self respect and tell her to fuck off. She is not your friend.

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 30/01/2019 21:02

She does usually pay for me when I have gone out with her in the past (just me and her).

OP posts:
Somethingsmellsnice · 30/01/2019 21:02

I remember the cake thread.

Definitely cancel!

KarmaStar · 30/01/2019 21:03

Flowersfor you op,Happy Birthday ahead of the day.
She is definitely being a c.f and I would drop out and go with another friend(s) who is/are genuine and care about you having a fabulous birthday celebration.
You owe her nothing,don't go,it will be all about her!

mummmy2017 · 30/01/2019 21:04

Nasty thought.
If you sort of want to go .
Tell her something has come up, you will be a bit late, and will have to leave early, so you will only be able to stay for a bit, since you may have to shoot off your only going to pay for the bit of the meal you eat .

NoSquirrels · 30/01/2019 21:04

Doesn't matter who pays.

You wanted to go when it was you and her.

Now you don't want to as she has moved the goalposts.

Offer to see her another time, just the two of you, but decline on this occasion.

It's OK to do that.

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 30/01/2019 21:05

Thank you, you’ve given me the kick I needed. I would rather spend my birthday on my own then with a bunch of people I don’t know.

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 30/01/2019 21:06

No way in FUCK would I be going to this

This

I wrote a thread about her a few months ago when she asked me to make a cake for her friend for free, I stood up to her then and said ‘no, I don’t make free cakes’

I recall your Thread OP, she is not a friend my lovely Flowers

7yo7yo · 30/01/2019 21:07

Cancel and I wouldn’t take her to the concert either. CHeeky fucking fucker!

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 30/01/2019 21:07

Or I could just tell her the restaurant is booked up and suggest she finds somewhere else, then leave it to her? I won’t be going anyway.

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 30/01/2019 21:07

I remember the cake thread too. She no friend OP, she is a CF.

ApolloandDaphne · 30/01/2019 21:09

You could just send her a message and tell her that having thought about it you don't really want to go out for a meal in a big group and that you will bow out of this dinner and leave her to go out with her mates.

trooth · 30/01/2019 21:12

I would send a message and say you don't fancy a big meal with her friends after all but would be happy to meet up for a quiet dinner another day for the two of you.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/01/2019 21:14

You know why she asked you, so that you can never personal taxi service for the night,she has form for this. Babysitter has a stomach bug and there is nobody else to look after the kids. Then sack her off.

Veterinari · 30/01/2019 21:14

She told me her phone was broken and asked if I could book it. I will book it and give her number and name. I will then make an excuse at the last minute.

Don’t do this - it’s passive aggressive and makes you look in the wrong.

Just text her: Hi DF you mentioned a table for ten for my birthday dinner booking - just wanted to check who was coming as I actually prefer quiet birthday celebrations. Also X restaurant is quite far for me - why don’t I book Y restaurant instead?

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 30/01/2019 21:17

I kind of agreed to go to the town she suggested a while ago so can’t really say it’s too far, thinking about it now some of her friends probably live in this town.

OP posts:
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