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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

CF friend and ‘my’ birthday AIBU

148 replies

Lovemusic33 · 30/01/2019 20:36

A week ago my friend messaged me asking if I would like to go out for my birthday and asked when I was free, I said “I would love too, I’m free the day after my birthday”, she suggested a place to go which is quite far, she doesn’t drive so I will be driving and unable to drink.

Tonight she messages me and asks me if I can book a table and to book it for 10 people, I assumed it was just me and her as we don’t really share any other friends (maybe one friend), so she has invited 8 of her friends to what I thought was my birthday dinner. Chances are she expects me drive most of them (I have a 7 seater) there and back. I stupidly agreed to book a table so I can’t really back out and I have booked a baby sitter. My friends birthday is ten days before mine so I’m guessing this is her party and not mine and I’m just the taxi.

She has a habit of doing things like this

So is she being a CF?, stupid question really, and I’m letting her get away with it?

Should I just book the table and invite who I would like to be there? Drive my friends there and tell her to make her own way there?

Feeling really let down, I don’t have many friends so I was excited about being asked out for my birthday. I even bought my friend a concert ticket for her birthday to see one of our favourite bands.

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 31/01/2019 05:30

You need to stand up for yourself and stop making excuses. Its your birthday ffs

Text her something like

Who are the other 8 people? I thought it would just be me and you. Restaurant is actually quite far for me, can we meet at x instead?

Groovee · 31/01/2019 05:47

Book it for 9 in her name and phone number and block her and don't turn up.

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 31/01/2019 06:07

OP, she is an awful friend.
I would be dropping her and having a nice night in on your actual birthday.
I had a friend from school, and I realised that she organised lots of things I wasn’t invited to unless I was necessary to make up numbers.
I dropped her a few years ago and haven’t looked back.

KC225 · 31/01/2019 06:20

Monty27 - crossed post, half asleep. My comments referred back to the OP's update saying she would now arrange it cancel it the night before. Like you I would have nipped it in the bud saying I'd rather stay local and keep it just the two of us.

MintyT · 31/01/2019 06:22

OP, tell your friend you was looking forward to just you and her. And that you have had a think and don't want to go now it's with others too. This is no a confrontation, it's just telling her how you feel. She cannot bad moth you for this as you have done nothing wrong. Do you value this friendship?
You say you don't have many friends, this evening out could be a way of making new friends. But if you don't want to go just tell her.
Upthread. Someone said harness the power of MN - come on you can do it

Bringbackthestripes · 31/01/2019 06:53

Hi df! I've had a re-think about my birthday and I have to be honest, I really don't want to celebrate with a load of people I don't know, in a restaurant where I can hardly eat anything. This is not my idea of fun at all! I'm going to bow out now but please do go and enjoy. Take care, OP x"

^send this message

LoubyLou1234 · 31/01/2019 07:13

Completely agree with previous posters. If you feel bad book the meal in her name and contact details. Then big girl pants and tell her you aren't going, you thought it was just the two of you, the menu isn't your thing and it's too far! But it's booked have a nice time. We will catch up another time.

If she hasn't contacted you for months, why now? Does seem coincidental that it's also near her birthday... come on OP don't let people treat you like that and waste childcare on this.

dustarr73 · 31/01/2019 07:46

Maybe she hasn't asked you to pick anyone up because they are adults
No she hasnt asked the op yet because she wants to wait till the restaurant is booked.And then spring it on. her

badirene · 31/01/2019 09:02

OP truthfully this woman sounds awful from your previous thread, do you honestly even want to spend any time with her? If it was just the two of you would you honestly want to go then? She is a CF, you know this.

Don't book in her name and then block her, don't make any excuses, vegan or otherwise, no mystery illness, just text her saying that this night out is not really your type of thing but you hope she and her friends enjoy themselves.

Look at what she has done here, asked you out for your birthday and is now instructing you to organise it for her and 8 random unknowns. You don't have to "confront" her just message her "Thanks, but no thanks" no reasons, excuses, just step back. Use the concert ticket yourself, go with a real friend.

Happy Birthday

RupaulsGagRace · 31/01/2019 09:39

Jeez so many MNers seem to carry an excuses folder lol. Dishing them out left, right and centre!

Look, the longer you take to be honest, the longer her behaviour will carry on. We're all adults. Just be honest! You're not being a bitch for not wanting to go out with a big party.

'Hi, i didnt really want a big get together, id rather go out another time just the two of us for a catch up. You all have fun and let me know when you're free next time'.

And the moment u saw 10 people you should have questioned why. Dont let her walk over you.

ShatnersWig · 31/01/2019 09:47

Yes she's a CF but you're bloody idiot for agreeing to it

CoraPirbright · 31/01/2019 09:55

I would text her “so looking forward to my birthday dinner and thank you for thinking of it. Who have you invited - do you need the phone numbers for anyone?” Then she will reply “oh I have invited my mates X, Y and Z”. Then you say “but I dont know them from Adam - why on earth would they want to celebrate my birthday?” She will then offer some lame excuse at which point you bow out and say you will catch up with her another time and to have fun at her party.

Alondonleerie · 31/01/2019 10:51

No she hasnt asked the op yet because she wants to wait till the restaurant is booked.And then spring it on. her
Know that for a fact, do you? Yeah, she might be the biggest cf on the planet, but there are a lot of assumptions flying around here. Which is why it would be in OP's nest interests to be upfront and mature, and just ask what's going on. Cf will remain a cf as long as ppl let her get away with it.

dustarr73 · 31/01/2019 13:58

Know that for a fact, do you?
Of course i dont but read the ops other thread about a birthday cake.

She has form. So the best thing is tbe op bow out and leave the cf to her own devices

Deerstalker · 31/01/2019 15:47

Can anyone post a link to the cake thread re this cf?

Deerstalker · 31/01/2019 16:07

It’s ok. Found it. This is a cf. for anyone who doesn’t want to read the other one, cf wanted op to make a cake worth £100 for a friend of hers for free.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 31/01/2019 16:24

Lemme tell you something @LoveMusic33

There is nothing like the feeling of realising you’ve sacked off a cheeky fucker. NOTHING.

You can be sad for what you hoped the friendship would be but the relief of not having to agonise and fret over the awkward positions the CF put you in and then gaslight the fuck out of you when you do push back....it’s amazing.

Your self confidence will bounce. You will have more respect for yourself and when you know you are worth better you attract better.

Now send the response written by @SandandSea and get this off Amazon as a birthday present to yourself. X

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_teYuCb3QPY61K?tag=mumsnetforum-21

garethsouthgatesmrs · 31/01/2019 16:58

*'Hi I was under the impression it was just us and don't really want a big get together for MY birthday. I am not a burger/steak person so will leave it this time but have fun x

garethsouthgatesmrs · 31/01/2019 17:01

also please dont book the restaurant for them OR pretend its fully booked just bow out now and leave the arrangements to them.

...and yes dont mention the tickets at all. If she has the cheek to ask (and she is a cf after all) just say you went with someone else in the end as you hadn't seen her for so long.

Drum2018 · 31/01/2019 18:20

For heavens sake don't book the restaurant. Simply text her to say you cannot make her birthday meal after all, that you didn't get round to booking it, and then don't give it a moments more headspace. If you leave it any longer you are opening yourself up to more anxiety about it and there really is no need. Don't give any excuse for not going. It's none of her concern. However if you wish to tell her the actual truth - that she's a CF - then by all means do that!

Mamasaurus82 · 03/10/2019 20:15

Could she be organising you a surprise with all your close friends there? Maybe she has said it's her friends as a decoy...

Wonkybanana · 03/10/2019 20:26

ZOMBIE THREAD

TimeIhadaNameChange · 03/10/2019 20:45

@Lovemusic33 - since this has been resurrected what happened in the ed?

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