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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend and ‘my’ birthday AIBU

148 replies

Lovemusic33 · 30/01/2019 20:36

A week ago my friend messaged me asking if I would like to go out for my birthday and asked when I was free, I said “I would love too, I’m free the day after my birthday”, she suggested a place to go which is quite far, she doesn’t drive so I will be driving and unable to drink.

Tonight she messages me and asks me if I can book a table and to book it for 10 people, I assumed it was just me and her as we don’t really share any other friends (maybe one friend), so she has invited 8 of her friends to what I thought was my birthday dinner. Chances are she expects me drive most of them (I have a 7 seater) there and back. I stupidly agreed to book a table so I can’t really back out and I have booked a baby sitter. My friends birthday is ten days before mine so I’m guessing this is her party and not mine and I’m just the taxi.

She has a habit of doing things like this Sad

So is she being a CF?, stupid question really, and I’m letting her get away with it?

Should I just book the table and invite who I would like to be there? Drive my friends there and tell her to make her own way there?

Feeling really let down, I don’t have many friends so I was excited about being asked out for my birthday. I even bought my friend a concert ticket for her birthday to see one of our favourite bands.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 30/01/2019 21:17

Aren't you intrigued to find out who the others are? (I get that you won't know them). Just tell her you don't fancy going all that way with a load of strangers, and that you'll see her another time (then don't!).

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 30/01/2019 21:17

Happy birthday soon op Flowers

I just wanted to say you sound awesome. She should be kicking herself for treating such a lovely friend like this.

You’ve said a few times that you don’t have many friends. That’s cool. It’s not important how many friends you have. It’s the quality.

She is a shit friend. In fact I don’t think she’s a friend at all. She’s a user. You don’t need this. You’re waaaaaaaaay better than that.

I’m glad you’re not going. Look after yourself and have an awesome birthday.

dustarr73 · 30/01/2019 21:17

I remember that thread,so this is the first time in months she has bothered with you.She is after a taxi and is too mean to pay.

Send her a text and just be done with her.

SirGawain · 30/01/2019 21:18

Don’t go. Kick the CF out of your life. Why do people think that trying to placate these CFs does any good. IME it only encourages they to even greater CFerry.
Are you sure she hasn’t told her eight friends that you are paying?

EvaHarknessRose · 30/01/2019 21:20

Yes, good idea, tell her you couldn’t book and you now have different plans.

Ethel36 · 30/01/2019 21:20

Yes good idea OP. Tell her the restaurant fully booked up. Leave it with her and don't go with them all. Suggest a different day for coffee and cake somewhere just the two of you.

myhamsteratefreddiestarr · 30/01/2019 21:21

It doesn’t matter what you may have said, you have had a change of heart.

CF, the night you planned is a bit much for me, I’d rather have a quiet meal somewhere local.

That’s all you need to do, speak up for yourself.

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 30/01/2019 21:23

Just looked at the menu for the place she asked me to book and it’s pretty shit, not the sort of food I eat, it’s an American steak kind of place. I might tell her I’m now Vegan and there’s nothing on the menu I can eat Grin

OP posts:
neveradullmoment99 · 30/01/2019 21:23

[shocked] at this CF.
Could it be your family that she is inviting as a surprise party though?
Otherwise tell her to fuck off.

Iloveacurry · 30/01/2019 21:27

Just book, plan to go, then on the day be ‘sick’

stiffstink · 30/01/2019 21:29

You really need to stop making excuses for yourself. Illness/veganism/whatever - it all delays you actually saying to her "No, I don't want you to treat me like that."

What is the worst that could happen? She drops you as a "friend" but she is a shit friend and you are worth more than that.

You need to call her out on it directly - 1 Who are the ten other people coming to my birthday meal? 2 How are they getting there? 3 How are they getting home? 4 I am booking a table for 2 in Closetown, not a table for 10 in Distanttown, are you coming or not?

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 30/01/2019 21:32

stiff I just don’t want to cause an argument or for her to bad mouth me to people, most people know what she’s like, she does work with one of my family members but that family member is off sick at the moment so she wouldn’t have invited her. I just want to make an excuse and then not re arrange to see her again, I only see her a few times a year anyway and it’s usually me that puts the effort in, I just won’t bother anymore.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 30/01/2019 21:34

Then just tell her that since loads of people you don't know are going , your going to bow out.
No more no less.

oldowlgirl · 30/01/2019 21:39

I agree with @mummmy2017 - simple & to the point as well as being honest.

stiffstink · 30/01/2019 21:42

I can understand you want to limit the drama, absolutely.

But if you say "I'm booking a table in Closetown for my birthday" how can she badmouth you for that?

If she says "Can you believe that Lovemusic33 wanted to book a table in Closetown for her birthday meal even though I wanted her to drive me and 8 strangers to Distanttown?"" - how can she not look worse in that scenario?

Lemoneeza · 30/01/2019 21:44

omg I remember cake thread! what a fucking liberty! drop this cf like a hot potato, please! Flowers
happy birthday :)

starsandrainbow · 30/01/2019 21:44

Don't say or do anything. Next time she contacts you just say "oh i totally forgot about that"... be calm, be laid back, be unbothered, unmoved... don't offer to do anything. Don't ask who's going or how they are getting there... who cares it's not even a night out for you, you're just the driver! Just don't go. You don't deserve this shit treatment, she's a cunt. You sound lovely.

BornInAThunderstorm · 30/01/2019 21:50

For your birthday why don’t you give yourself the gift of a happiness and less anxiety... by phasing this total user of a “friend” out of your life

HollowTalk · 30/01/2019 21:50

Send her a text, "I thought it was just a dinner for us two? My car's out of action so I can't get there and anyway I'm vegan now so don't want anything off the menu. Let's rearrange something just for us sometime" and leave it at that.

Yabbers · 30/01/2019 21:51

Why not call off at last minute but organise a night out with your other friends at a restaurant nearby

mummmy2017 · 30/01/2019 21:55

I know you don't want to cause upset...
As said just say one sentence. Keep it simple.
Hey X,. Sorry have decided to bow out of meal. Have fun. L

Sweetpea55 · 30/01/2019 21:57

Is she expecting you to drive round to the houses of her friends to collect them for the Night out?And then drop them all back home ahead afterwards i expect.
Hope you enjoy your birthday

WhoAmIToTellYou · 30/01/2019 22:01

Nah, i wouldn’t be going. Your child has picked up a bug/chickenpox/whatever.
It’s obvious you’re a taxi. Why can’t she book the table herself?

jackstini · 30/01/2019 22:03

You have to ask her who is going - we all want to know now!!

Obviously you won't go but dying to see what she says when you say "why do people who don't know me want to come out for my birthday?"

AlexaAmbidextra · 30/01/2019 22:04

I think this is really mean of your friend. A similar thing happened to me on my 50th. I won’t go into the ins and outs of the logistics but suffice to say that of the eight people that went out to an expensive lunch to celebrate my birthday, I was the only one driving so not drinking while the others all chucked down champagne and cocktails. I still feel resentful when I think of it years later.