To ask how bright you think your children are?

[Cheekysquirrel]

I ask because all my friends seem to think their children are exceptionally bright.
My children are average, average at best. I said as much to mil and she was aghast.
I think average (academically) is fine. I mean most people ARE average. Ds has ASD and has bigger issues than not setting the world alight academically. I’d be happy if he just had any friends.
Dd isn’t at preschool yet but she isn’t as bright as ds - takes her ages to learn anything and I think she’s going to really struggle with maths.

Meanwhile all my friends are telling me how clever their kids are.
Is it them or me?!

This is an interesting thread. As a parent and as a teacher I have frequently observed that everybody thinks their child is either average, above average or very clever. In real life I don't think I've ever, as a parent, talking to other parents, ever heard a parent saying that their child's natural ability is academically below average. Now I am not a mathematical genius but even I can work out that if there is such a thing as academically average ability them by the ordinary rules of maths some children must have an academically below average ability.
Why should we be reluctant to admit that our child is not academically average or above? I blame the British education system which sets such a high value on academia and much less value on other skills. Also child rearing seems these days to have become a competitive sport with some parents intent on 'proving' that their child is so much 'better' than others. Maybe we'd all like to produce the next Einstein but there are so many important skills that both parents and teachers should be promoting so that all of our very different kids can develop self esteem and motivation in developing their very different skills.

Ds1 is probably slightly above average, but incredibly hard working so is in the top of his class and in the advanced maths program. He's 10. His younger brother is exceptionally gifted, but incredibly lazy, however he reads a lot. It's torture getting him to do what I want, but he decided he wanted to learn about bones recently-he can now name them all and label a diagram of a skeleton correctly. Same with the periodic table, he got a book from the library at school, and could now draw the thing and fill it in. The problem is, if he isn't interested in a subject I can't get him to concentrate. School aren't bothered at all but it drives me crazy.

Eldest is below average but considering she was born before 24 weeks gestation, I’m just happy she can walk and talk tbh.
She struggles hugely with maths in particular, however, excels in science and history . I have no idea what the future holds for her and I do worry a lot .
Youngest achieves above average results atm but has to work for it .

I don't think 'bright' is a useful description. It's too broad.

DD reads far beyond her age level. DS is excellent at a sport but isn't a great reader. Etc etc.

But just generally bright? I think people are always going to be more capable in some areas than others, and knowing what they are and how to use them to build a happy life is the key.

My 4 year old has ASD so her communication and social skills are poor BUT she has the most incredible memory and she is incredibly intelligent, I almost worry she may become an asd cliche.

My 2 year old is very sociable very active, has the common sense of a peanut and excels at doing first thinking second. He seems to do well with maths/science based activities so shapes and building etc. I think he may be more people and physically able than intelligence

I find it fascinating seeing their different strengths and weaknesses

DS1 definitely not average. Looks highly likely to be dyslexic, possibly other areas of neurodiversity. Still struggling to write his name accurately at 8 (tinted glasses helped to crack reading in y2), but we have really in-depth discussions and he understands ideas to GCSE syllabus level. At 5, I had to bring him into my school and I ended up getting him to explain an idea to my GCSE students that they were struggling to grasp! He either excels or struggles with things. Very little middle ground. On G&T and SEN registers

DS2 is "bright" at least age expected or above, mainly above. Not the greatest writer at present, good at maths. Very sociable. More resiliant than DS1. As long as he puts in a decent effort at school, he should do well as a foundation to adult life. DS1 is harder to predict. His niches are towards careers that are lucrative. Exam pressures could be interesting...

Having taught around my county and in lots of small towns where education isn't valued or celebrated, yes, my DCs are above average nationally. Statistically, they should be against factors like maternal education, access to books etc. Being "average" in their class (state school) is a good place to be, as there is very little disadvantage, and their parents have sufficient education, skills or work ethic to put them within the catchment area.

MN is a self selecting demographic. Virtually all posters are articulate and display a decent ability to express their ideas. To be on AIBU, you do have to have some curiosity and world awareness, so I would expect a bias of above average children from people responding. The writing in The Sun or The Mirror is pitched at an average level of literacy and understanding.

Got as far as page 2 but agree with fancynancy and point made my OP. I think there are skills which are more helpful to success than academic brilliance. I would rather my kids had good social and emotional skills,good communication skills, the ability to persevere, a good sense of self-worth and self respect, self criticism balanced with self compassion. I was very good academically but have, to be frank, utterly fucked up my life, professionally, personally and financially through a crippling lack of self confidence and self worth.

There are many things more important to success than a grade A.

I think my toddler is a genius. Then I spot him licking a lamp... 😬

I have been told DC1 is upper ability and DC2 is just about above middle ability. To me they are both bright in different ways.

DC1 is very practical and organised, is logical.
DC2 has an enquiring mind, thinks outside the box.

I have 4 shockingly intelligent DC. They don't get it from me.

DD is pretty "bright" I think. But only in particular ways. She's surrounded by adults being an only child so she is sparky, quick and articulate and has always come across as older than her years.

Academically, she loves numbers but just counts well - nothing newsworthy. And she picked up writing very quickly once she tried it. Some of her friends were signing cards long before she was and she was a late walker, reading has been puzzling for her at times and only now she's at school has she engaged with it all.

Once she understands something she is almost obsessed with it. She used to write day and night when she first got the hang of it. And insisted on reading to us at bedtime I nearly buried her in frustration but until that lightbulb moment she's tearful and frustrated.

All totally normal.

My four year old decided to watch Bing in Welsh tonight so she could learn the language 😆 She's clearly super clever.

Bright children tend to be good all rounders - academic prowess tends to be accompanied by an ability to read social,cues and to be very well co-ordinated. Of course, there are children who have savant tendency but they are relatively rare.
There are definite indicators of general brightness in pre-school children. The way they draw a person and the details they use, their vocabulary (although there are environmental factors there but then environmental factors tend to be ongoing), their curiosity, their gross and particularly fine, motor skills and their ability to read social settings.
A child who has taught themself to read quite fluently and with comprehension from books without pictures are undoubtedly bright.
A child who can play a piano or violin and produce recognisable tunes by ear is undoubtedly bright.
A child who can weigh cake ingredients accurately using a balance scales understands several mathematical concepts and is undoubtedly bright.
The trouble is we all want bright children and see quite ordinary abilities as brilliance. Bright can be normal too, with areas of lower ability.

My Ds is above avarage but I know this dues to this been assessed .

I would add the intelligence and achievement are not that simplistic

DS1 isn't as bright as I think he is. He did a test recently - I knew an A was a long shot. He got a C. I was/am gutted. Everyone I know - their kids got an A.

He's (10) and is just not interested. He loves his friends. Hates reading.

Good point @thesmallissue
Wish my parents had that insight when I was growing up rather than insisting to anyone who'd listen I was extraordinary. Crippled my self-esteem, took me away from stuff I genuinely loved doing and generally made adult life harder.

I'm all for DD learning a trade tbh. Great skills and won't be short of work!

Not very

My DS is 5 and is very bright. Goes into year one class for his reading and writing, has extra phonics lessons in the local high schools 'excellence centre' (used by all children in the area that are considered to be bright). Now I could leave it at that and let you believe he is the next Shakespeare, which is what most parents will do, BUT he is the oldest child in his year (missed year 1 by a couple of weeks), I'm an English teacher so I've always done lots of language based play by force of habit, he can't fasten or unfasten buttons, he trips over fresh air, he can barely build a tower with Lego, shoe laces are a no go 🙈 My point is, all kids have their strengths and weaknesses, they all develop at different rates and parents will only tell you what they want to tell you! Even the cleverest still pick their nose and eat it 😉

(miljah, what do you mean - got the fees back? Who pays school fees in order for the children to pay them back? They are a gift not a loan.)

I find this really interesting I think they come into their own at different ages.
I always thought my son was bright,
but his results didn’t really reflect this but he was v keen to learn. His results have suddenly gone off the charts, top of class and v keen to stay there!
Just got himself an academic scholarship.

DS is bright but not a genius or anything. He's three, and he's "he's remembering his letters very well," bright, not "he's taught himself to read" bright. I'd expect him to be top quarter of a bell curve at the moment, but who knows where he'll be in five years time?

At three you really can't tell anything - Einstein wasn't talking at three, and children's brains are still really really plastic until they're seven - and still pretty plastic thereonin. I suspect DS is good at letters because we do loads of reading at home and he likes pointing out letters etc so we do that when we're walking through town. The 99% perspiration is more important anyway.

I think it’s just that it seems extraordinary what a 4 year old can do compared to the floppy prawn they were so recently. I’m completely blown away by DS making a little clay pot or singing a song or asking questions about history. I have to honestly give myself a good talking to to resist thinking of him as an actual genius.

DD1 average but very self confident. Didn't get the grades for her chosen university but phoned the admissions tutor and blagged her way in. Great at networking and doing very well in her career.
DD2 above average but would trade a bit of that for DD1's assertiveness.

DS1 is very clever in some ways

I think my dc are exceptionally bright. I sort of know that lots of people think this about their dc, but I still secretly think they are. I would never admit to this in real life though!