To ask how bright you think your children are?

[Cheekysquirrel]

I ask because all my friends seem to think their children are exceptionally bright.
My children are average, average at best. I said as much to mil and she was aghast.
I think average (academically) is fine. I mean most people ARE average. Ds has ASD and has bigger issues than not setting the world alight academically. I’d be happy if he just had any friends.
Dd isn’t at preschool yet but she isn’t as bright as ds - takes her ages to learn anything and I think she’s going to really struggle with maths.

Meanwhile all my friends are telling me how clever their kids are.
Is it them or me?!

It depends who you are comparing to.

I felt quite average at my leafy suburb mc primary.

Moved to a school with a more mixed/wc intake and the other kids thought I was some kind of super swot!

It turned out that my old class had been working a year ahead of the other school.

So comparing to peers isn’t a very good indicator imo

I went to a top uni and got a top degree so am bright academically (but in other ways feel quite slow - definitely a case of strengths and weaknesses in my case). I remember having a conversation with some of my friends at uni and none of us were considered the "clever" kids in primary (although not many of us struggled either). Most were quite middle of the road and became more academic during secondary school.

My children appear to be like me, they get good results but they need to work for them. This gave me a pang as I'd honestly love for academic work to come easy to them. My youngest is too young to say this of but eldest in y6 is hardworking, self motivated and determined. He was below average at reading all through primary but we've kept reading and always challenged any self-labels of 'im a bad reader'. His predicted SAT score now puts him at attaining the highest level in reading. I dislike scores etc for that reason and we will always praise effort not outcome.

DS(16) is very bright. He’s also very focused and motivated and knows exactly what he wants out of life. His grandfather is frighteningly clever- top of his class at Harvard Medical School , ended up quite famous in his field. We joke that DS is “grandpaX” smart. It skipped a generation though as while I’m bright, I’m nowhere near HMS level.

DD(13) works hard and academically has as much potential as DS, but she has low self esteem and possibly ASD so much of our time is spent reassuring her that it’s not a competition and to focus on what she enjoys.

My kids are somewhere between "Fairly smart" and "Thick as mince".

DS(4) seems to be quite good with words, but spent this evening jumping around the living room in the laundry basket, and can't find Hungary even if they're right in front of his face.

DD(2) picks things up quite quickly, but sometimes just falls down because she seems to forget she's supposed to be standing up.

Daughter is super bright. Several years ahead of age in academic stuff. Got a full scholarship to private school at very young age.

Son: has ASD. He's in Y2 now and has never hit an academic expectation in his life. Report are 100% top marks for effort and 100% missing-it-by-a-mile for attainment. He's an absolute delight to have around though, and I'm hoping he'll get through life on his good looks and encyclopaedic knowledge of Power Rangers.

My DD (9) is bright, and is overall good at everything. Literally everything. Not genius levels bright, but learns quickly and has a diligent, thorough, perfectionist type personality and super well behaved so does very well in school. She does struggle majorly with anxiety though, but masks very well. So yes, I'd say bright enough.

Middle one DS (8) is a thinker, and is very interested science and maths, reads and seeks information on the things he's interested in. Except his social skills are a bit lacking although he gets by well enough and has friends. I suspect HFA to be honest (as many of the men in my family are) so he will talk and talk and talk on a subject he knows about, so does get labelled 'clever'. He cannot, however, function very well in reality. Can barely dress himself as he gets so distracted, forgets EVERYTHING unless its some strange academic facts about whatever topic he's into. His reading and writing were slower to develop than DDs but to be fair, with some work he's caught up really well. So yes and no, I'd say, but I can imagine him doing very well in a job that he's interested in.

DS (4) has been outside eating snow tonight he's bright enough to be fair. He 'functions' better in real life than my older DS and has learned a new language to being pretty fluent in a year, but I think most DC would if they were immersed in it like he's been. He's on target and a bit above for stuff in school. Probably a bit above averagely bright. He does some things a lot better than his peers (holding a pencil, drawing etc) but is not shockingly advanced. Its hard to say as he's young. But I have no concerns.

My main thing is that they are all doing OK enough educationally and are happy and have fun.

Where did the paragraphs go?! Ffs!

I find the harder they work, the brighter they become.

Hth

DD10 is a book worm, advanced reader and great at English. But really struggles with maths. She's average at most other stuff.
My 3 Adult DC were similar. Good at some subjects, average at others.

My 13 year old is exceptionally bright,she's very mature for her age so that possibly may aid her academic achievements due to her positive&mature attitude to school.

She's a high achiever,the school sent us a letter home saying she's placed in the top 3% of her year for attainment,her school reports are always glowing and she was invited by the school to take part in a new GCSE their trialling which She has to do in her own time via an after school club and will take in year 10.

What makes me especially proud is that she has high functioning ASD and she's doing amazingly well at school.

'borderline gifted in maths' oh yikes. In the end your intelligence has much less bearing than you'd think on success, your work ethic, personality and chutzpah dictate your success more.

If intelligence really doesn't matter then why are there so many people bending over backwards to emphasise how much it doesn't matter?

My oldest was considered g&t at primary but not thrived at secondary and got ungraded in 3 mocks. My middle has plodded steadily and always been average but never had a detention or behaviour points but is very well thought of. My youngest was apparently the cleverest child her primary HT had ever come across and she continues to get pretty much 100% in all she does but also has lots of sensory issues and is not a particularly happy child. I don't think all parents think that their kids are bright. I have had many conversations with friends whose kids struggled academically.

Mine’s genuinely dim. Will no doubt grow into the kind of person that would buy a Zebra and call it ‘Spot’.

Eldest seems average. Very arty, more practical than academic.
2nd quite bright. Very good reader for her age, but no Einstein or Brian Cox. Very highly strung.
3rd is a budding paleontologist. Can name dinos I can't pronounce.
4th too young to tell. Full of cheek though!

DS1 is average. I think he is quite bright but probably upper 30% academically

DS2 very bright. Top 5% at least already 1+ years above where he should be. (y2)

There is a long way to go though

Aah, the school one upmanship....
My dear mum friend got me the most excellent birthday card last year, along the lines of "one of the other school mums just rang.... it wasn't important, she just wanted to say how much better than yours her child was!" Rather brilliant as I had an ex close friend tell me she hadnt told me her son had gotten into grammer as she didnt want to rub my nose into the fact her kids were so much more intelligent than mine .... also one of her kids was so much more intelligent than my son that, that in itself was a disability
My child has FASD (birth mum drank heavily so his brain spent nine months pickled) so everything is a bonus, he appears very bright verbally as they have the gift of the gab and it masks a lot of shortcomings. He surprisingly isn't the thickest in his class which makes me wonder how many of the kids mums drank in his school
He is on the bottom table for ability and has some support in school. I often think he is bright and same level as others until i see other peoples kids and realise how delayed he is(and still grieve for the person he could have been, as does he... he internalizes a lot but came out with "he hates his BM for hurting him and if she hadn't drank he would be good at maths and not get told off all the time" broke my heart just a little bit more hearing that) . BUT, whilst he isn't the smartest, he sure is the most handsome, kind, huggable, funloving and loving person I could ever wish to meet and I am so lucky to have him as my son

DS is only 2 so I really have no idea yet, his ability to do jigsaw puzzles seems to be about 2 years ahead of the age on the box but his language is nothing special. He loves to sing though and hates it when I join in, I am an appalling singer so maybe this indicates he has musical talent 😂
DD at 3 months is smiling but hasn’t yet worked out that her hands belong to her...!

My kids are very bright. Must be down to their genetics. On their mum’s side, of course.

My DS is in Y10 and with the new numbered grading system got 5s and 6s in his latest report. We were really happy with this until I spoke to some other mums whose DCs were already getting 7s!

But where I live (a city in the South East) there is a large area of what are now million pound homes and I know from growing up nearby that a huge majority of the people who live there didn't have a degree between them. There are a lot of self made builders who became property developers; plumbers who grew into large companies; hairdressers and shop owners who grew to have many outlets etc. Basically smart and savvy but not necessarily academic or middle class for that matter.

It's always made me think that being 'bright' has much more to do with motivation, hard work and confidence than academic qualifications.

I don't know how to answer this question my two are doing well at school. One loves to read (which I think is the base for doing well in everything) the other tolerates reading but seems to be in the "top set" for reading.

On the other hand, nothing they get given seems very difficult to start with and so it doesn't seem to challenge them.

I'd rather they worked hard than were "bright". I was bright but didn't learn how to learn until University. I relied too much on good reading speeds and a good memory.

Thankfully my eldest got a big fright at secondary. He's a perfectionist so on sitting a maths test everything had to be perfect. He completed fewer than half the questions and failed (only got 42%). This has taught him a very valuable lesson. Sometimes failure does that.

DD is “gifted” according to her school. We didn’t really know to what degree until the teachers told us as she was our first and we didn’t have much to compare her to. My DS also has ASD among other things and right now I only dream of him being able to hold a conversation/answer a question.