To ask how bright you think your children are?

[Cheekysquirrel]

I ask because all my friends seem to think their children are exceptionally bright.
My children are average, average at best. I said as much to mil and she was aghast.
I think average (academically) is fine. I mean most people ARE average. Ds has ASD and has bigger issues than not setting the world alight academically. I’d be happy if he just had any friends.
Dd isn’t at preschool yet but she isn’t as bright as ds - takes her ages to learn anything and I think she’s going to really struggle with maths.

Meanwhile all my friends are telling me how clever their kids are.
Is it them or me?!

Exam wise they are all average or above average, nobody is gifted. However, they all have skills I value more and are very useful in the workplace. Not to mention that they are all lovely.

Are we talking academically or common sense ?

I think a lot of this comes from the circles you move in as well if your friends went to university did pretty well at school keep up to date on current events chances are there children will be bright too! Genetics are powerful when it comes to intelligence so you may find your friends have intelligent children! But you may also find that parents who struggled at school left school with a handful of GCSEs may not expect as much from there children! I think everyone learns at there own rate and it’s not a competition (as much as school can make you feel it is!)

My three are all very bright, DS1 in particular but the downside is that he's a bit lazy with it because he's used to everything coming naturally to him (which is really frustrating to watch). However, as someone who was bullied quite badly at school I'm just incredibly relieved that all three have gone through (so far) primary and two through secondary, without experiencing bullying. They've enjoyed school and had good friends which means more to me than academic achievement (although we're proud of that too), and the fact they're well behaved (DS1 has had his moments though) and polite is just as important as how clever they may or not be. It's a cliche, but for all the academic potential they have, I just hope they find a career or job they enjoy, a partner who loves them and treats them well and at some point can afford to leave home

Dd is below average with senco involvement .

Ds is above average and good at Maths

OP, if most kids were really above average, then the definition of average would need to change. By definition.

To give a serous answer, I think of my adult children that my dd is brighter than ds but doesn’t work so hard so they’re doing equally well with university etc. maybe that means it isn’t what you’re born with but what you do with it that’s most important?

Less seriously, my late mil’s twin sister had 8 GC. According to her, they were all of above average intelligence which always made me question what I was taught about calculating an average at school 😊

DS was very bright to start with but as he’s getting old he’s less bright, he’s too lazy to study. At 13 he’s now in set 2 of 8.

DD is below-average, probably mild dyslexia. But is going through school at a much more steady pace.

DS (6) is above average in terms of 3Rs but has always struggled with social and emotional development so I’ve always been more focused on that. If I am honest I do secretly think he’s a genius, while simultaneously knowing that’s just because I’m his mum.

I was constantly told how bright I was as a child and as a result didn’t think I had to work hard, which hasn’t set me up well for real life. So I am careful to praise hard work and effort more than saying how clever he is!

DC1 is scary clever, remembers everything.
DC2 is probably fairly average.
DC3 is meeting all the milestones but too young to be obviously particularly "clever".

DH was average as a child, struggled to read, etc. but went on to do well in exams/uni & is making steady progress in his career. I was a precocious reader & always one of the top 3 in the class until about 14 when being liked became more important than getting good results... These days I'm a SAHM with a brain like a sieve & few qualifications who struggles to remember what I did yesterday...!

My husband and I are slightly above average in intelligence I'd say, but I have two boys who I believe are gifted and talented. My elder DS has won a place studying law at Oxford and my younger DS (13) is working three years ahead of his peers in maths and gained top marks in his Midyis assessment for maths - he scored 150 where 130 is classed as gifted. He was also top scoring across the overall test out of a school cohort of 160. I really don't know where they get it from. They are comprehensive state-educated, so nothing special there.

I breast fed for longer than average and took omega fish oils during pregnancy and BFing. No idea.....

I’m surprised that you find people think their own kids very bright OP. I find it really difficult to judge where my dd sits in terms of brightness, to me she is just herself - she is what she is, and I have no idea where she is in comparison to other children. School don’t flag up any issues and she always seems to be where she should be attainment wise so I guess she’s fairly average. But sometimes I find myself surprised by her peers and think she is streets ahead of them in some respects but I believe that only children can seem more advanced in speech for example, just because they spend more time with adults, it’s an adaptation not exceptional cleverness!

My son was ‘ average ‘ throughout primary school, scored low in yr 6 SAT’s. Went to a fantastic state senior school who picked up that he was/is dyslexic. Nurtured him and he did ok in his gcse’s .... Now he works in digital marketing after being accepted for an apprenticeship and earns shed loads. Who’d have thought it?!

My eldest is above average in English. My 9 year old is well above average in maths. Between them they don't have a jot of common sense and they both suck at the subjects the other is good at. My eldest in particular was very confused at the washing machine. I asked him to put the laundry in the tumble dryer and he told me he couldn't. It wasn't done. Because it was still wet. My 5 year old is at junior level for reading and maths however is a will eat all the paste just cause he can kinda kid and my 3 year old is 3, right now he just wants to play.

@cheekysquirell my husband told my 10yr olds teacher that he “knew he was gonna have to buy her a flat”, written off at 10 😂😂 the 7yr is exceptionally bright, but a bit crazy. She’s either gonna be CEO of a FTSE 100 company or a criminal mastermind.

My DS is Happy and thats all i care about since he is only 18 months 😁

Ds1 is doing really well with a levels after fantastic gcse results. But I don’t think it came naturally to him. He is very motivated in everything he does so he constantly has his head in his books studying. He’s also confident so he has no problem asking a teacher to explain something again if he doesn’t understand it.

Ds2 is very bright and things come very naturally to him and pu can tell him something once and he just gets it. His predicted gcse grades are very good but he lacks motivation.

Ds3 really struggles.

It's not always intelligence. Someone can be smart but lazy.

I was bored and while smart, seldom got great grades. Dh was smart. HORRIBLE in school and then turned into a top in his field professional after deciding to go to university.

I've know dummies who worked hard and got great grades.

I knew a dummy who was superior in people skills. She was promoted every chance she tried.

Ignore the boasters. My dc are in college. Some of the "gifted" dc are sitting home doing nothing. Some are dropouts who are doing drugs.

Some "average" dc are doing outstandingly. Like jaw dropping amazing.

My own dd was injured in a car accident and she is struggling in university bc of brain injury.

My ds went from uni bad grades to great but decided to start a business instead of finishing degree. He's working 14 hour days doing that.

Now that i am out of the school system, i see how ridiculous and time wasting the competition is for our dc; children grow up into adults. Nobody lives well or succeeds in life bc they were best speller at age 8.

Think about all the threads about sex? That will be your dc some day. Terrible thought!!! But they do grow up.
INTO ADULTS. THEY WILL BE YOU SOME DAY.

Try to keep them on track but MOST importantly, teach them common sense and self respect so when they fly away. They wont be too hurt.
(And. No, i don't stick my nose into my dc personal life. God no! I absolutely dont want to know. However, no matter how hard a mother tries to give privacy, personal things accidentally float to the top. All i can say is that we probably didn't really get away with stuff so much as we were kindly ignored by our parents.)

I’ve worked with children for a long time...and most parents think their children are bright 😁 They are sometimes mistaken!!
Personally, I think my ds (11) is average but a hard worker and I think my dd (5) is really bright. Her teachers think so too and have declared her top of her year. Not quite sure where she got the brains from though 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

I completely agree with pp who said that being too intelligent in school can be awful..I was a clever kid from a poor background helicoptered into a Public school on a scholarship at 11...I was bullied for living where I did ?? and when I excelled I was shunned...to this day I wish I had just gone to the local Grammar school but my parents were good at boasting about me...
My kids are bright and have both attended top uni's, after working hard both are now doing fine...but what I love most about them is their compassion and sense of fun...

I dream of my DCs being average.

Children develop at different ages and also find motivation (or lose motivation) to learn at different ages. My DD was failing at school in year 5 but with a fabulous yr 6 teacher turned this around and now has a 1st class masters. More importantly she has a job she adores and is very happy. What more could you wish for as a parent?

Also, a child does not need to be academically bright to succeed in life. Encourage them to do their best and be happy.

As a teacher in a prep school, yes. Most parents think their child is bright. Some insist that their child is exceptionally bright... I just haven’t realised it
Very, very few are exceptionally bright AND well rounded. Some are decidedly poor on the emotional intelligence and common sense scale

@frugalkitty You just summed up my priorities 🤩🤩🤩

I know my DD is bright as she's the only one in her class reaching top outcomes in all KS2 areas (I don't know the identities of the others; I just know there's only one). I will say that's in a small class. DS is as bright as she was but is only in Y1.

It's only of interest to me because as a secondary teacher I know they'll have the advantage of better behaved classes in future. Not fair but with behaviour getting worse every year that's the way it is. This sounds a bit like class privilege but as a former free school meals kid myself I see it as redressing the balance.

I know that they'll end up in ordinary jobs beyond that so it's irrelevant really.