To ask how bright you think your children are?

[Cheekysquirrel]

I ask because all my friends seem to think their children are exceptionally bright.
My children are average, average at best. I said as much to mil and she was aghast.
I think average (academically) is fine. I mean most people ARE average. Ds has ASD and has bigger issues than not setting the world alight academically. I’d be happy if he just had any friends.
Dd isn’t at preschool yet but she isn’t as bright as ds - takes her ages to learn anything and I think she’s going to really struggle with maths.

Meanwhile all my friends are telling me how clever their kids are.
Is it them or me?!

I think you can start to tell quite early on, It was when my eldest got to around 4/5 that we realized she was a fairly exceptional child (maths ability and language).

This is definitely not a humble brag but we are of course very proud and amazed by her. But i'm am dyslexic and did very badly at my a levels ect. My partner doesn't have even 1 gcse as he attended a 'creative alternative' school.

We have no idea where her abilities have come from, we have joked that she hatched out of magical egg in a corn field and we are just her keepers until she learns to fly off to her people

My other is only 1 and keeps eating fluff off the carpet so expectations are lower for her .

It really is just random sometimes I think, though talking a lot to babies and toddlers is definitely important in development and we did this a lot.

They have done studies on this and its proven to make children more articulate. That confidence in ones voice definitely encourages development and faster understanding of what they are seeing/learning.

Teachers not thrashers 🤣

I do think pigeon holing children into academic or creative is really not a good thing though. Especially as the creative industries are in my opinion harder to penetrate and be successful in often then an academic area.

I know this from personal experience as my brother has Asperger syndrome but was basically John Nash at primary school and won a science scholarship to a public school (went on to oxford ect)

Because he was so brilliant and I was more interested in drawing/ painting (i mean what child isn't) my mother pretty much saw us as these polar opposites and this was reinforced so often throughout our childhoods that it became a self fulfilling prophesy.

Because of the dyslexia also this helped with the 'she's more creative' thing.

But now I am older I realize that I probably would have done far better studying non creative subjects. This has shaped my whole life really, job issues (I have a degree in ceramics!) and actually looking back I really was just average at art/photography/making.

I was definitely not the next Frida Kahlo! and my drawing from observation was pretty basic and frankly not good! I only really found this out at college where I was with people who were actually exceptional artists/makers.

I really think that positive reinforcement on the subjects your children are average or not good at is really important, my god the arts is fiercely competitive and I would warn any parent unless your child is very ambitious and talented to bare this in mind

DS struggles academically at the moment, late reader etc. However, so was I. I was still using flash cards at 7.

But at some stage it suddenly clicked. I left school with the top A level grades I. The school and gone on to get a good degree and pass 2 lots of professional exams.

Meanwhile those really advanced early in primary seemed to generally plateau In secondary.

I think a lot of kids that appear really bright in early primary have v pushy parents. It generally backfired when the kid gets to an age where they can think for themselves. They’ve missed out in the fun and love of learning.

My DS(5) is off the scale. He's had extensive testing as part of his autism diagnosis. The psychologist put him in the top 1% and that's with him doing the assessment in a foreign language. He's been moved up a year at school already but has maths, english and science lessons with year 6.

He constantly astounds me with his knowledge. Last night he was over tired, feeling under the weather, and crying. When I asked him what the matter was he said he was sad because yttrium is rare and he's scared of the dark. I'm like, huh? Google tells me it's a rare element used to make LEDs.

I'd trade it all in though for average intelligence and ability to make friends easily. Because he tries but can't connect to other children and sometimes he looks so lonely and sad.

DS (6) - very bright but lazy as feck
DD (2) - exceptionally bright and super driven. Will definitely surpass him

DS1 is exceptionally bright. Esp at maths. DS2 and DD1 are just average, I’ve yet to see anything like what we had with DS1 come to light. They excel in other ways though, and are more easy going.

I think a lot of people on here describing their child(ren) as above average, actually have average kids who are just a bit better than others in some areas, but overall average.

I've kept a level head about our PFB 9 month old. I don't want to be one of those nauseating competitive parents who blindly thinks their child is a genius just because they hit some milestones early. Cuz studies have shown that long-term that's not an indication of overall intelligence which is why parents of kids with late bloomers shouldn't freak out.

Someone made a really good point that the bar we use to judge our kid's intelligence is naturally skewed by how intelligent we are.

DD1, KS3, bright academically, aces tests and exams, tends to procrastinate (gets that from me!), good at sport, kind of person life comes easy to...so far

DS, KS2, best in class at maths by some distance, average-ish in other subjects, works hard, good problem solver, good at sport, competitive

DD2, KS2, amazing memory, very creative with words, avid reader, well above average across the board academically, procrastinates like mad, extremely focused on her own interests, seems to have difficulty with planning and execution.

I'd say they're all bright in different ways, but they all have things they'll need to work on/overcome. DH and I were both very strong academically (him more so than me), so I know it's not the be all and end all.

I think DS (2) is bright but what I am a lot happier about is that he has lots of nursery friends/good social skills.

I was a fairly precocious child and it took me a while for my emotional maturity to catch up and I didn't really enjoy primary.

I agree what we see as normal/bright depends on our children's peer group. DS is distinctly average by MN standards!

I find this interesting and have also come across the parents who can't stop boasting about their children's brightness and find it amusing that they need to know what bloody reading book they are at in reception!

My two DS are a perfect mix of me and DH I think, we are both reasonably bright but nothing special. My strength in school was being able to memorise easily, almost photographic memory, DS1 who is in Y7 seems to have inherit that, he has also inherit my DHs more logical thinking and math brain. He is top sets in science but middle possibly moving up in math. So with lots of very clever and tutored kids around he is doing well and I would describe him as bright.

DS2 is possibly not as academic as DS1 but it sharp as a button in other areas like comedy timing and wittiness. He also loves watching weird things on Youtube and remembers facts about things that his classmates would probably not be into, like communism. He's doing fine at school, Y5 but seems to take a bit longer to grasp things and is in his own world quite a bit. No SN but just a bit quirky

Year 8 DD was very average at primary school (v premature, struggled at most things especially maths) but in secondary school is top of every class and top set for maths - just goes to show not to judge when they are too young.
Yr 6 DD - top of every subject (maddeningly so) especially as she's the one who always gets the certificates etc and is chosen for the sports team when her older sister wasn't.
Yr 1 DS - struggles with reading and writing, definitely on a lower reading level than classmates, but isn't remotely bothered by it and is a very happy boy. He's good at maths though.
Nursery DD - hard to tell, but the teacher said she'd happily fit into the year above in terms of ability.

There's some very annoying parents in DS class who describe their child as a 'genius' and ask very loudly about extra homework and how their five year old is reading Narnia etc etc they take up all the teacher's time explaining how bright their child is and how the teacher needs to push him more. I think they need to bore off.

My dc are 10 and 13. Both are very bright. I know this because of a) how well they do in tests etc and what their teachers say about them and b) because of the fact that I've been a teacher for over 20 years and so have a wide basis for comparison with other kids. We are not pushy with them at all. They aren't super-gifted, they are just normal kids with above average intelligence.

The interesting thing is how you define bright, though. Some of people's perceived intelligence is innate, but a lot of it is down to nurture rather than nature. Exposure to books, intelligent conversation and aspirational attitudes at home can make a child 'brighter' than an equally (or even a more) innately intelligent child who's had none of those advantages. Some people might regard that kind of advantage as somehow 'masking' a child's level of intelligence, but arguably those acquired characteristics are what actually makes people intelligent.

I don't really ever discuss it with anyone outside the family so don't get a gauge of what other people think of their children. It is my opinion that we're all good at different things.
DS (7) comes out slightly above average in reading and writing, then well above in maths and science. He does however have very little common sense and shows no interest/skill in art.
DD (3) has only just started nursery so has had little formal assessment. Her teachers are particularly impressed with her physical development. I'd say she's brighter than her brother at this age academically but is more interested whereas he could have told you everything you wanted to know about Thomas the tank engine and more.

Bright enough, kind and caring and all rounders. Trust me, people who do well in life are not usually the exceptionally academic children. See it every day in my line of business. Can your children relate to others, pick themselves up after disappointment and show empathy? That’s the best preparation for a happy and productive life.

2 very clever, one average intelligence, - really struggles academically but will go far anyway as he’s bloody lovely.

My child is quite dim but I think its an act so she can ignore me 😂

Lol at the PP describing a 2 year old as “super driven”. I hope you’re taking the piss, I can’t really tell!

My DS (17) is very ‘average’ .... and very lazy. He will probably scrape into uni but I doubt he will get the grades required for his first choice.

I remember when he was young being very arrogant as I thought he was so bright and gifted at maths, that soon wore off .

Everyone tells me ‘boys are always lazy’ which really irritates me as it just not true, I know plenty of boys who get A grades and work hard at their academic studies.

Wow reading some of these posts about kids makes me think my child is far far below average. Yikes. And I thought she was amazing to begin with!

Far, that’s a really good point and I agree with you. In my working life the ‘successful’ ones are those with good people skills, empathy and a willingness to ‘muck in’ and not be precious about their role. I take heart in that my DS does have good social skills and bags of confidence.

I think he is average / on par with his peers. He is very good at talking, imaginative play etc and his understanding and memory is brilliant We are often surprised at how logically he thinks. But, his drawings are still generally scribbles, he has a go at writing letters / numbers but they are very primitive. But he is only (almost) 4. Someone i know has a child 6 months younger who is writing letters and numbers quite well, but his speech and understanding isn't the same as my DS.

They are all learning things at their own pace I suppose!

Sometimes you think that your child does something amazing and you think wow , isn’t he clever !

Overall though , I don’t worry myself about how clever they are , neither do I discuss with anyone , aside from DH when something is worth mentioning , because the main thing is that they are happy and healthy .

I think there are lots of types of clever , and not all of these types of clever are measured by school grades .

They all will have a strength or gift, we just have to help them flourish in whatever they want to do , give them the confidence and let the rest of it take care of itself x

Mine are all very different!

DS1 is very sporty and popular - ahead with science and maths according to his reports and where he needs to be everywhere else, I would say he is average tbh.

DS2 is very bright academically- ahead in most areas and very ahead with reading and spellings etc (he does his brothers year 4 work with ease - he's year 2) however he struggles in other ways - socially a little awkward and lacks a bit of common
Sense but academically I would say a little ahead but not a genius!

DD seems to struggle a bit more than the boys, it's always taken her a little longer to get numbers and letters and she's still learning to read (reception) however she is very arty, loves to draw and her writing is very good and neat so I think she will be quite creative!

They all have their strengths and for me it's all about making the most of these and getting them to do things they enjoy!

Schmoobarb I reckon a lot of 2 year olds are ‘super driven’ like when they have to put a sock on all by themselves or make their own toast even though it’d be 100x quicker if you just did it.