To ask how bright you think your children are?

[Cheekysquirrel]

I ask because all my friends seem to think their children are exceptionally bright.
My children are average, average at best. I said as much to mil and she was aghast.
I think average (academically) is fine. I mean most people ARE average. Ds has ASD and has bigger issues than not setting the world alight academically. I’d be happy if he just had any friends.
Dd isn’t at preschool yet but she isn’t as bright as ds - takes her ages to learn anything and I think she’s going to really struggle with maths.

Meanwhile all my friends are telling me how clever their kids are.
Is it them or me?!

I actually do know how "bright" my DD17 is, insofar as one can ever know or measure these things, because she did a full-scale IQ test as part of an ADHD assessment.

I don't really know how bright DS16 is, because how do you tell? (He placed in the top ten in popular national programming competition. So he's probably quite good at writing algorithms ).

I reckon a lot of 2 year olds are ‘super driven’ like when they have to put a sock on all by themselves or make their own toast even though it’d be 100x quicker if you just did it.

Haha true. Although “stubborn” and “being 2” would also describe the situation well!

I think my DC are very bright but given that my DH is literally the cleverest person I've ever met, it isn't surprising. I'm not the only one who thinks DH is very bright he is very highly rated in his profession which is one of the most intellectually challenging.

Intelligence is great but the more I grow up in life the more importance I place on curiously, resilience, perseverance and the softer social skills. I think my kids are bright, what I consider the upper end of normal. Not gifted or anything and there always seems to be someone who is better at reading, writing, maths and sport but they are pretty good all rounder. I quite like that, they won't get big headed and cocky thinking they are the best. But most important of all to me is that they have friends and like going to school.

I tell my kids I'm proud of them but try to avoid saying clever as that is just a quirk of nature. Trying hard and persevering with something they find hard I think is more praiseworthy.

Above average academically, passed 11 plus with a highish score so I can say that with some certainty, but not exceptional in any way.

Much stronger at English than at maths, terrible at PE and anything which involves fast coordination, decent actor, very good singer but can't seem to grasp learning an instrument, creative but not particularly technically good at art. Has a very retentive memory, can learn a song after a couple of sing throughs, and a hard worker so I don't worry too much about exams.

I doubt she'll set the world alight, but she has the right tools to have a successful career and be financially stable in the future.

My DD is 3 and is the PFB! I think she is bright and loves learning and is quick to learn. I expect her to start reading between now and reception like her Dad. She has been slower in other areas compared to her peers like potty training.

I think my son (nearly 1) is very curious and very strong (physically). No idea if he's bright as he's too young to tell. It's something which I have tried not to dwell on, I experienced a lot of academic pressure when I was a child and don't want to replicate that for him, although I do want to keep providing him with opportunities to challenge himself.

My DD (8 today!) is funny and cute and kind. She isn't an idiot by any stretch and can hold an interesting and stimulating conversation (for an 8 year old) and enjoys silly word play and other things that show some cogs are turning.
However her school work is average at best and she was amongst the slower kids to pick up reading. Her maths is at about the right level for her age but her handwriting is shockingly bad!
I suspect as she gets older we'll find out where she fits but I'd expect her to be a solid performer - middle of the road - based on her current performance.

I am above averagly intelligent as are much of my family (astrophysicists, mathematics professors, a pharmacist, a nuclear licensed development chemist etc..) However we struggle with mental health conditions (1 undiagnosed autistic, 2 diagnosed ADHD, 1 anxiety and a depression and a functioning alcoholic).

My husbands side are less academically qualified but equally nutty.

I hope DD grows up to be happy - even if she is never an Oxford professor!

DD 13 is academically very able at a good range of subjects but also quite unmotivated and does the bare minimum and it bugs the shit out of me tbh! She could do a lot better but doesn't want to stand out or draw attention to herself in her new secondary school. This was verified by 99% of her teachers at parent teacher meeting. It is so frustrating.

We are hoping that it will click for her and she will realise that trying her best (instead of coasting) and getting even better grades will only benefit her in the long run.

But she is young and adjusting to a new school in a new area and trying to make friends etc so we don't want to put pressure on her.

I was very bright in school, top sets etc and I realized very early that getting good grades and getting into the top university was my ticket out of the small town with low ambitions and high unemployment where I grew up. And I achieved that.

I have done very well in my career as has Dh and sometime I really worry that dd has it 'too good' and doesn't have that drive - desire to change her circumstances which both dh and I had....

Remains to be seen I guess

my son is very bright but has asd and is not meeting his full potential. he only really engages in stuff that interests him and doesn't see the point of some stuff. He cannot organise himself or concentrate either and stores it all in his head. School assessment is exam based and he is rubbish at those. He has an EHCP

I thought DS was below average as he had a lot of troubles with reading so much so they put him a special reading programme. Within a year he not only caught up to his peer group but went ahead, skipped levels and went straight onto free reading. He's now settled in the middle somewhere.

Conversely I was told by the end of primary I was very bright. I got a rude awakening when I went to secondary school and was only a touch above average if I tried. In both instances it was about input, who you are surrounded by, what you care about, privilege etc etc.

Scores and testing are only a part of the whole. I've worked with well-educated people who are thick as mince when it comes to common sense and young people with no GCSEs who I'd choose to work with over the former.

Most of us, and our DC, will be average. That is the nature of the bell curve.

I was a very academic child but I didn't put in any effort so got a massive shock in 5th year as I had been winging it for years.

Dd(10) is much less academic than me but she works hard and is determined to succeed. She is also really confident and articulate lives to be on stage. I think her confidence and determination to do well is much more important.

@Schmoobarb

"Lol at the PP describing a 2 year old as “super driven”. I hope you’re taking the piss, I can’t really tell!"

I wondered the same about the person who said their 7 month old was a genius because she's crawling and seems more curious then other babies. Surely...she must be joking. 🤔🙈

Reeeeeally hard to tell because my 4yo is autistic. He scores very low on the EYFS curriculum but can remember the most incredible things.

I don’t know yet but the one is school finds it all comfortable enough. The one in nursery is thriving and I think we’ll ahead of her older brother at the same stage but she is older and has the benefit of an older sibling. #3 is one to watch, she was counting items to 10 and grouping them at 18months. We didn’t teach her but she’s very very sharp in many areas and the biggest handful of the lot. #4 is progressing just fine. I have big if not huge expectations of them all academically, I married a very very smart man (top of his year at Oxford) and was a first class honest student myself in a good university. But if academics are not the best strength for any of them we’ll help them in any other direction that suits them as individuals. DH is also an extreme athlete and successful across a wide variety of sports. I’m not hugely sporty (though very competitive) but was won a lot of awards for art and creative subjects.

Mostly I’m just utterly relieved that so far they all seem happy and well and capable. Eldest is more socially anxious than DH or I ever were so we are focusing on helping him with that now. I think if we can support and teach resilience and confidence, their strengths will emerge but both DH and I are very strong people in different ways so hopefully they will all get a touch of our best parts along with some magic of their own.

I have to agree that intelligence doesn't mean success.

I am very bright, was able to read well at the age of 4 and can retain knowledge but I woefully under achieved in high school.

DD1 is academically bright, teacher said so unprompted so it’s not just me. On the other hand I’d say she is pretty behind on emotional maturity/self control, common sense and physical skills (she has mild cerebral palsy).

DD2 is 3, too early to tell! Definitely has better EQ/social skills than DD1 but that may be a second child thing rather than inherent.

As po have said I know from my own experience that academic intelligence, although focused on in children, is really not the be all and end all when it comes to career and life success. Social skills, organisation, energy levels, self discipline, drive all just as important IME.

My children are all academically bright, but DH has a double first from Oxford, and that's where we met.

My best friend is as bright, if not brighter than me, and she didn't go to uni, and works in a part time job, whilst happily doing acoustic guitar gigs in the evenings.

Academically bright children might have more choices in terms of higher education but it doesn't guarantee anything in terms of earnings etc.

I teach lots of bright, average, and less bright kids. The ones that stand out are the kind, funny, polite, hardworking ones. They are represented in all three categories.

I am reading a book at the minute called Making Kids Cleverer. It's all about how some aspects of intelligence are fixed, but most can be boosted by reading and practice.

Dc1,2,3 average
Dc4 is very bright. She has a long name (8 letters long) and could spell it 2 weeks after she turned 3. She was the only one who started nursery at 3 that could spell her name. She's 4 now and in reception and her reading is exceptional (above her class) she's great with sums and can count to 500. Her memory is unbelievable and she memorises everything. I've no idea who she takes after 🤭

Dc5 is only 2 so a bit harder to tell. Her speech is great though and she's says word extremely clear.

DS 1 is a literal genius. Could sing full alphabet and count to 50 by 14 months. We’ve never taught him. He never fails to amaze us. He is way ahead of his peers in nursery and seems super advanced academically and in terms of emotional intelligence, lateral thinking, problem solving. But he was always like that. Eye contact on the day he was born, social smiling at 1.5 weeks old. Crawling at 6 months. Walking confidently at 9 months. Climbing ladders and running at 10 months. Empathising with adults at 10 months. Age 2 He noticed his nursery worker was 12 weeks pregnant because she said something very cryptic to another adult. None of the parents realised until she was in the third trimester.
DS 2 is too young to truely say but I don’t think he will be quite as advanced, but probably above average as he’s hitting all his milestones early and seems very observant and switched on.

I'd say my kids are on the smarter side of average (my MIL would say genius but she's thought that ever since they were babies lol). I think my son is more naturally smart than my daughter BUT he is lazy and given the choice will always take the easy route. Dd much more keen to do well in that she really pushes herself. So being smart doesn't equate to being successful.
However, I would never say that in real life, I find it cringy when people boast about their kids so if you friends are doing that I'd say ignore and be proud of the strengths your kids have, I'm honestly much more proud when they get a mention for being kind or trying hard than I am if they get one for doing well at something

And the most important thing of all to me is that they are happy, genuinely

I wonder how many of these are made up seems to be a bit like the salary threads

I have one DS (5)- my parents think he's the brightest child in the universe and a gifted artist..!
When he was wee he was pretty good at jigsaws etc and he was good at drawing for his age. Now, he's doing really well with reading & writing, but showing no real aptitude for numbers, he's lost his patience for drawing so things he produces are mostly a bit crap tbh...! 🙈 so all in all I'd say he was pretty average! The thing I do feel super proud of him for is that his teachers told me he has a very good 'work ethic' for someone so wee - he always tries hard. So I don't care whether he's a bit crap, average or brilliant, as I think if he keeps up with having a good attitude then that will serve him well

My 6 year old child (y1) is currently just below target with reading, writing and maths...

However the sheer amount of effort they put in is incredible! They are also very artistic, can draw better than I can now, and they love to make "books", writing their own stories and drawing the pictures to go with it.

Sometimes academics isn't the be all and end all. My child may not be intellectual, but they try very hard, are kind, caring and funny. That will do 😍