To ask how bright you think your children are?

[Cheekysquirrel]

I ask because all my friends seem to think their children are exceptionally bright.
My children are average, average at best. I said as much to mil and she was aghast.
I think average (academically) is fine. I mean most people ARE average. Ds has ASD and has bigger issues than not setting the world alight academically. I’d be happy if he just had any friends.
Dd isn’t at preschool yet but she isn’t as bright as ds - takes her ages to learn anything and I think she’s going to really struggle with maths.

Meanwhile all my friends are telling me how clever their kids are.
Is it them or me?!

At risk of outing myself I’ve completely burst with pride tonight at something my youngest did which given his difficulties is amazing but to most people (including me, before I knew his struggles) nothing special. I’m every bit as proud of him as his super clever big brother. Coming from someone who was a straight A student and academic high flyer myself, there’s just so much more to life than academic intelligence x as I am sure we all know!

*I’m convinced my 7 month old is a genius as she’s crawling and is so much more active/ inquisitive than other babies her age.

All I want is for her to be happy though. So I hope she isn’t a genius. Smart people struggle more I think. Ignorance really is bliss.*

Aw I love this! Both you and she sound fab x

I’ve never found being clever a struggle, but I wish I’d known it wasn’t the pathway to success I’d been led to believe it would be when I was at school!

Eldest is bang smack in the middle and the cheeriest, happiest, most kind-hearted soul I’ve ever met. With a bit of a push and guidance she’ll do fine but won’t shoot the lights out.

Youngest is academically brighter. Only in YR but has taken to learning like a duck to water. BUT. Craves praise and doesn’t do well without it. Has formed a couple of really tight friendships and struggles if they’re not available to her, and to widen her network. Is very directive (didn’t lick it off a stamp in fairness ) and struggles when she’s not in charge of the game. Sigh. Being bright ain’t necessarily easy.

One is very bright, two are not. I worry for the two because they do struggle in school and have special support.

My eldest and youngest are bright; middle child is average. Youngest could count to 20 at 18 months, was spookily articulate from a very young age and has just started to read. He's not quite 3 and a half. For example he reads words like Stop, Go, Mum, Dad and Baby. We just read to him every day with him like most parents do.

Reading that back didn’t paint a great picture of the youngest - she’s far more like me and therefore I find it easier to connect with her, and also find her far harder to manage but she is bloody brilliant. She is wildly affectionate, and makes us laugh constantly. When she loves, she loves with all of her being. Wouldn’t change a hair on her head. Just need to guide her to be able to manage herself. Bless her. At 40-mumble I’m still figuring that out for myself!

I thought your description of your youngest was great Oh4forksake. She sounds a lot like my eldest!

If I speak to my DB his kids are the next Stephen Hawking as they are so good at Math. If I speak to SIL she'll tell me about the extra reading she is doing with the kids because they are so behind on that.

I guess it averages out.

This is an interesting thread op, thanks :)

I was a very bright child. Could read, write and spell at 3 and did very well at primary, always ranked number 1 in the class ( our primary ranked the whole class which would be appalling these days, it was seen as normal in the 80's ) and I was offered a scholarship to a private school.
Not bad for a council estate kid from Liverpool.

My ds is in year 11 and is almost 16. He has Aspergers and is an exceptional artist.
He was copying DVD covers onto paper before he could talk, mainly Scooby Doo ones. He was pretty average right through primary school apart from his art and only came into his own at secondary in year 9 when he started his 3 year GCSE course.
He has also shown massive talent in drama and this surprises me as he's quite shy and reserved but comes alive on the stage.
He is expected to do extremely well in his exams this summer and I'm very proud of him.

Dd is almost 8 and in year 3. She was noticably much brighter from a young age and was talking in sentences at 14/15 months but really struggled with reading
until year one where she took off and never looked back. She also has exceptional talent in art which makes me laugh as I can't even draw a stick man

As long as mine are both happy then I'm happy and I will support them whatever they want to do. Ds will undoubtedly have a career in art but dd at this point wants to work in an ice cream van!
They both attended my old primary, dd is still there of course and it is far from the best school but has a lovely atmosphere and encourages any and every talent.
League table wise it is not good but that doesn't matter to me as much as i thought it would.

Bright can be interpreted lots of different ways. Can mean academically above average, good memory, enthusiastic about something.

My 12 year old is very talented at music, fairly academic, works hard, no social skills
10 year old is good at music, fairly academic, works hard and has better social skills
8 year old is very lively, talks a lot, loves facts but struggles with writing
5 year old has learning difficulties, loves to help people
4 year old is academically ahead of 5 year old but still delayed developmentally, very lively, also autistic

DS is 15, is ASD & has dyspraxia. He is above average in essay subjects as he loves to write, his projected grades are 8 in all his written subjects. He is average in maths & sciences, his projected grades are 5.
Even though he loves writing essays, all his written work has to be done on a laptop because due to his dyspraxia his handwriting is terrible, a 6 year old would be ashamed of it.
His spelling & vocabulary are excellent, the speech therapist said he had an adults vocabulary aged 8, this is most probably part of his ASD

Older dd 19 has been average through school but certainly not average when it comes to her sense of individuality.
Younger dd 13 above average- doesn’t appear to listen then just gets all the answers right. Her friends pick her up on it all the time. I worry that when she may have to work a bit harder she wont!

Both of mine are highly creative. Not academic...but brilliant in the arts. That's fine by me.

I interact with lots of 5-6 year olds as a reading volunteer. Can honestly say they all come across as bright kids. Bright for me is in the way they latch onto new ideas, make connections, learn from week to week. Obviously they can't all have above average iq and some of them will never be strong academically.

Raw intelligence I think gives you options. Some doors are closed if you're not intelligent enough. Success though I think is about being obsessive about something to the point you'd rather do that thing than watch TV, and ideally that you stay up late doing it and forget your dinner too ;)

I do have bright/intelligent kids, one more obviously than the other. I worry when school don't challenge them, not because I think they have unlimited potential because of being bright, but because I worry that if they get used to not being challenged that will severely limit their potential. DH is without question brighter than me, but I'm the one with the first class degree and PhD. I put that down to being challenged and expected to work from a young age.

Your definition of bright will depend on the people that surround you. DH and I have 5 Russell group degrees between us including 3 oxbridge degrees. Most of our friends also have PhDs and the DC go to a good school in a solidly MC area where the other parents are scientists, engineers, solicitors, doctors. School has about half the kids 'exceeding' expectations in their SATs, secondary school has several pupils a year going to Oxbridge. So 'average' in my world is much brighter with higher expectations for future success than it would be in an area where the kids have less opportunities and more chaotic home lives. I'd say of mine only one is 'very bright' but I'm sure they'll all go to good universities and do well. That's average in my world but isn't in someone elses.

@hendricksy not on the spectrum I don’t think - he’s a total enigma. Behaviour at school is not great (lots of silly noises, movement) but very good at home. Much better in museums than his peers. Maybe gifted is the wrong word for it. He just doesn’t understand why his peers aren’t as interested as him. He wants to go to oxford (because he saw a blackboard written on by Einstein) to study quantum physics and chemistry. He builds molecules with those sets they use in labs and asked for ‘stable elements’ for Christmas when he met Santa 🙄 we are hoping for a Nobel prize! His little brother is 15 months and already more emotional and socially mature than him. I hope he’ll be a positive influence on his big brother.

DS is just above average but he is lazy and chatty and would rather discuss why he can't do his work than get on with it.

My sister (7yo) is exceptionally bright. Quick whittled and intelligent, knows lots of stuff about lots of stuff. Top of all her classes. Personality wise she struggles with change, and gets latched onto ideas and they have to be done, very much like my older brother (25) who has bipolar disorder but is very very bright but clearly somewhere on the spectrum too.

There's 4 more siblings including me and we are decidedly average, my sister 15 is below average. We were all bought up the same so no idea why we are all so different.

My 1yo son is developmentally quite ahead in some areas but eats chalk and bangs his head against walls because he thinks it's funny.

Mine are still very young. Ds1 seems to be very bright but has struggles with friendships, is very confident in himself, but not with others. Ds2 is the opposite. Very forward in social aspects, not picking things up at anything like the speed of ds1 .

I'm sure at this age much of it evens out in a few years.

It’s really important to remember that things change a great deal as they grow up. There are plenty of children who might talk/learn colours/numbers etc early, leading their parents to think they are a child genius, others who plod alone or even lag behind. As they go through school it changes and things even out/change around. Hard work also comes into play when they get to exam age. Plenty of bright kids who’ve been told so all their lives don’t put the work in and end up surprised when they don’t get the results they expect, other average kids knuckle down and get surprisingly fabulous results. Add in to that their characters/personalities...plenty of academically bright kids don’t do so well career wise because they are shy/quiet/lack confidence, academically challenged ones may be big personalities/full of confidence that will get them a long way in life. All you can do is instil in them to do their best, do things they enjoy, and have confidence that everyone is different and that’s ok. Being happy is the most important thing.

PFB was above the curve from toddlerhood. It kind of set the bar high for the other 2 which has been hard to accept for me as a parent.

Being that smart had its disadvantages though- he was complacent about exams and didn’t get as high marks as he should have.

For the future he’s undecided on a career path so I hope he doesn’t drift after uni. He has drive but a lack of direction/focus.

DC2 is very average. It frustrates me that she doesn’t pick up concepts as quickly as dc1. She has never wanted to do the extra maths and English work and reading with me the way dc1 did.

She works hard but everything takes longer and it’s upsetting to see her struggle when school was so easy for dc1.

However she has different intelligences from dc1- she is creative, artistic and has much better interpersonal skills.
When dc1 is being an arrogant arse I tell him that she is more employable in the modern economy than he is.

She could well end up more successful than him as long as having kids doesn’t mess up her career.

My twins are babies so can't say but DS1 is very advanced in some ways but has delayed speech so behind in others. He's absolutely brilliant at maths and I get told regularly he's above his age.

Sarah I'm like your DC1 and career wise I'm crap. I'm naturally very intelligent to the point of being considered very gifted but I'm rubbish socially and can't follow being told what to do or rules that don't make logical sense. As a result I really struggle in the workplace. People like your DC2 have done much better than me.

Everyone thinks their kid is bright when they're young because the rate at which they learn and go from from being helpless babies to curious little creatures who can read and write and tell you all about their interests is astonishing.

This on the first page nailed it for me.

When i go to parents evening and the thrashers tell me that my kids are reaching higher than expected levels in maths/ English etc then I would say they are clever and that school seems to work for them.

If this makes people think I'm biased or a bit odd then 🤷🏻‍♀️