To ask how bright you think your children are?

[Cheekysquirrel]

I ask because all my friends seem to think their children are exceptionally bright.
My children are average, average at best. I said as much to mil and she was aghast.
I think average (academically) is fine. I mean most people ARE average. Ds has ASD and has bigger issues than not setting the world alight academically. I’d be happy if he just had any friends.
Dd isn’t at preschool yet but she isn’t as bright as ds - takes her ages to learn anything and I think she’s going to really struggle with maths.

Meanwhile all my friends are telling me how clever their kids are.
Is it them or me?!

“I don't think learning to walk/talk/count early is any indication whatsoever of how "bright" a child is going to be. I don't think it's possible to measure it until they start school and I always roll my eyes at parents who go on about how "bright" their toddlers are.”

My seconds daughter, once she worked out the patterns of numbers, could count to 100 at 2 years and 1000 at 4. We thought she’d probably be good at maths and she is, very much so.

I agree that average is just fine. I am intelligent and so is my DH, if we're talking exams and degrees and PhDs and so on. It hasn't made us happier or more successful materially. It's good to be a balanced person.

DS1 is very bright. Just sat his prelims/mocks for exams and got A in everything without studying.

DD is average, Talented in creative arts, history, geography and drama. Much better work ethic than her brother so will do well because she will put the effort in to get through the exams with the grades she needs.

DS2 is strong in science and has an encyclopaedic knowledge about animals. Not so hot on his times tables. But he is only 8.

Bright and very, very bright. And both perfectly social and happy at school, even the very, very bright one.

Cringey isn’t it! There is a mum at the school who argued with every teacher cos none of them recognised that her son was a genius. Just puts a lot of pressure on kids.

I’m not sure if my kids are bright or not really. My son goes to grammar if that is a sign of intelligence 🤷🏻‍♀️. I’m more impressed with their people skills. Both kids can speak to adults in a way that amazes me. I’m a really shy / awkward person but my two, 12 and 9 are great at it and makes me so proud ☺️

Mine are objectively smart, they're at extraordinarily competitive public schools so it feels a safe judgement.

He's 5 this year. At this age, it's not possible to tell. I'm an academic in the field of literature, but I'm numerically-illiterate, so as a yardstick for my kid's achievement I'm actually pretty hopeless. DH is a better all-rounder. I hope DS does better at STEM subjects than I did.

I think the key here is to nurture a love of learning. I want him to be happy and enjoy school: this is half the battle. But currently it's a major battle, because recent education policy is killing the joy in learning. Drilling them in phonics every day; teaching to test and pushing them through SATs; none of this is conducive to a good learning experience. I hope I can supplement his learning by doing stuff that is fun, outside the classroom.

Currently he loves school and is happy. All I really want for him is for this to continue.

DD1 - phenomenally verbally articulate (started talking clearly very early and hasn't bloody shut up since), strong reader both in terms of decoding the text and her understanding of it and working at greater depth for reading and writing, and absolutely teetering on the border between expected and greater depth for Maths - where she can blooming well DO it when she concentrates and stops just randomly guessing numbers. Social skills of a particularly socially awkward housebrick. Specialist subjects include: Unicorns, glittery unicorns, and whatever piece of plastic blind bag shite they're all spending their pocket money on this month (and the contents of Smiggle).

DD2 - absolutely phenomenal levels of resilience and determination I've never known in a child so young and a wonderfully innate sense of comic timing and quick wit. Solid reader, good at the phonic aspect of writing but struggles because of her dyspraxia meaning the motor movements and spatial awareness isn't there. Has a really solid understanding of Maths - but is a deceptive little creature where it takes time to figure out that she's an incredibly savvy little creature - rather than her sister who's a bit more overtly academically bright - but if anything DD2 is actually more mathematically adept.

Both assessments based on parental bias (they're fantastic - of course they are - they're my babies), but also I'm a teacher myself so have a fairly strong basis for where they sit academically and actually knowing their assessment data for school as well - I know where they sit in relation to their peers fairly well.

DD1's the academic higher flier but I think it's DD2's sheer tenacity and quiet determination that will make her the bigger success in life to be honest.

My DD is average. She has to really try to be there though.
She's a hard little worker, and she really does try to get where she knows she needs to be. It's taking extra homework and private tutors, but she's just starting to get 10/10 on her spellings. She really struggles with literacy, which makes me so sad, she does better with numbers, she sits somewhere at the top of the class in mathematics, which makes her feel brill.

The important thing and we do focus on it, is that she's a lovely girl with a nice nature and she's generally pretty happy and is liked. Other than that we can't ask for more

DS1 at four and a half is clearly bright, ahead of his peers on most measures. DS2 is only 8 months, but has thus far achieved all his milestones before his brother did.

But there's much, much more to a happy and successful life than being bright.

Of all my acquaintances, the most 'successful' by any objective criteria didn't walk until 3 or learn to read until he was 8. He was totally written off in primary school, but he found one thing that he was awesome at and he went for it.

I was a very bright child. I've done well as an adult, but my brightness certainly hasn't made me happy. My self esteem is shaky and my resilience poor, because I struggle to cope when not being told that I'm brilliant.

@CallMeVito
Totally agree,
DD has been given extra language homework as she’s apparently gifted but I think she just enjoys languages.
DS is better than average at maths and both incredibly good at sports neither of them are genius level despite my DH being incredibly academic, Cambridge uni plus was able to skip a couple of school years.
But they are both incredibly good looking like their mother🥰🥰

Dd(4yrs) seems average at the moment on the whole. Her speech is probably a little below average but it's deceptive as her understanding is good, reading above average but not exceptional.

DS3yrs we and nursery reckon is bright/above average in all areas really BUT not amazingly bright/genius, just a bit ahead and v articulate.

Dd2(baby) seems average - can't tell yet.

As a rule of thumb, if the parent feels the need to tell you their dc is "very bright" they're probably not.

Particular gems to look out for include:
"They're so bright we have to teach them XX after school to stop them getting bored."
"We have to look at X school/homeschooling because usual schools won't cope with them."
"They're head and shoulders above their peers"
"They're top in everything"
"They don't understand their classmates as they're so much cleverer than them."
"We can't imagine any child could be better than them at X" (dm had someone who said that about their child just after she'd told them their predicted grade was a B/C. She wondered if they thought A grade wasn't awarded)
"All he wants to do is sit and talk about " (said with no trace of irony as said child raced about shouting and bit my ds 3 times in the course of the afternoon-said child was 8yo)

The cleverest person I've ever known (seriously brilliant) you would never have known talking to them, if you'd met them in the pub or somewhere. Even knowing them fairly well, you wouldn't pick them out. Quiet, never talked about achievements, busy with lots of "normal" activities etc.

So far she seems average but she’s not even quite 1 yet, so we’ll see.

My partner and I will be very cautious about putting too much emphasis on “being clever”, as we were both bright and the pressure put on us affected us both badly. I did very well all through school and university but tied all my self worth to my ability to succeed academically and was very anxious as a result. My poor younger sister also had to put up with all her teachers going on about how clever I had been and that knocked her self esteem too, even though she’s far more creative and emotionally intelligent (and just generally nicer) than I will ever be. Partner cracked under the pressure and stopped trying at anything, left school with basically no qualifications.

BitchQueen not walking but supposedly speech, maths etc early can be an indicator.
Though i think it's hard to tell with other people's toddlers as they dont tend to talk much when out.
I think maths is an odd one as the expectations for yr r say are quite low so kids can achieve that but actually not be good at maths.
Yr 1 and add/subtract double digits is hard for 5yo though

Haha funny thread! I think kids can be bright in different ways. My DD isn’t smart in terms of her reading and writing levels but she understands extremely complicated patterns, is great with numbers and is very physically capable. My DS is the opposite! All kids have their strengths.

I don't care if DD is clever or not. I'm just going to teach her to work hard academically and in other area of her life. It's about effort.

I sometimes think my 3 YO is quite bright, so I passed her the computer and asked what she thought.

When she read the OP she said: 'I think I'm a lot better at chess than the other children at nursery. Does that count?' then carried on with her piano practice.

Ds is average academically, but his social skills are exceptional so I'd consider him bright in that sense. He's got a vast general knowledge, is maybe slightly better than average at maths and absolutely average in English. He's a bit on the lazy side, so probably could do better if he pushed himself.

Dd is only just 2 but seems quite advanced in her speech - you can hold a proper conversation with her. She can count objects (not by rote, but actually count things up to 10). Socially she's also very bright, very switched on to every one and everything around her. She shows more interest in books than her brother ever did and I'd say is emotionally quite mature (in as far as toddlers can be) for her age.

Average is fine with me - I just want them both to give everything their best and have a passion/ talent/ interest for something in life that they can choose to pursue and be happy doing.

@Letsmoveondude thanks for sharing that. Very wise words. I read a book called the Conscious Parent which really made me think about the importance of not tying DCs self esteem to academic success. It gives a number of examples of how children are encouraged to achieve and get the high-powered jobs but ended up being miserable as adults because they weren't doing what they wanted to do or what they enjoyed.

Sorry that I was meant for @LaurieMarlow ! X

My seven year old is exceptionally good at maths and average at reading/ writing.
However, it has caused many problems, he has HFA, no friends, is very intense, easily bored when doing maths in class as the his teacher ( who is lovely) says he finishes maths work so quickly it’s hard to keep him engaged.
Be careful what you wish for, I’d swap his gift for maths so that he had friends and was able to socialise.
My four year old is completely in the middle for everything but is much happier and more rounded as doesn’t take things as seriously and is able to make friends.
I worry about my seven year old most days, my four year old doesn’t leave me feeling worried at all.

4 adult children & my job is in academia teaching post graduate students.
My experience (& it is only that) is that the importance of life skills & resilience far outweigh the 'genius/ gifted & talented tag attributed to so many children. Many of them simply crumble at the slightest setback.
My view would be to let them develop at their own rate & nurture their own interests. It is true that some children are simply later developers than others.

But they are both incredibly good looking like their mother🥰🥰

Ds slightly above. Dd. Oh dear but she tries. I don’t care both good kids.