To ask if anyone on here suffers from mal adaptive daydreaming ? And would they like to talk about how it effects them and the things they do to deal with it?

[Ribbonsonabox]

Posting in AIBU rather than mental health because I know that some people do not see mal adaptive daydreaming as a problem and find it helps them.

I'd just like to hear of peoples positive stories about how they have dealt with it?

Its not something I can talk about much in real life because it's one of those things that people dont think exists unless they have it themselves. It's not widely researched.

I've always had it and I think it stems from having quite a difficult and lonely childhood during which I used it as a coping mechanism.... in my adult life though it has really held me back. It's like a compulsion that I cannot exert control over.

I wondered if anyone had had any success in controlling it?

@Ribbonsonabox, I think mal adaptive daydreaming has helped me in my formative years, and still does now.

Thank you for posting this, I feel that a missing piece of jigsaw has now been found.

Oh wow, I have always done this and never realised it was a 'thing'!! I am an only child and used it to while away the hours as an awkward teenager. I mainly do it now to relax at night-time as I'm not a great sleeper so I find a lot of comfort in re-telling the same stories (writing this down has made me laugh), I also use it to kill time on long journeys. I never realised there were so many people who did this, I've certainly never told anyone about it before.

There are only two times that I haven’t done this. When I got married the day dreaming stopped for about two days. Then it started again (seemingly involuntarily) and I felt guilty. And the other time was when I was on ADs for two years and the dreams tailed off and then stopped as soon as the medication kicked in. Although I’m unhappy off the pills I’m pleased the dreams are back. Definitely a coping mechanism for me and really comforting.
Thank you for posting OP.

I do feel guilty about it a lot because I'm constantly being set off by events and imagining wild scenarios based on them... but then I'm not engaging with the real events properly.

I mean I love my family and yesterday we went out for a coffee in the snow... and im sitting there with my husband and son chatting on to me and my beautiful bouncy baby and im looking at the snow and suddenly im in Russia, and im a fantastically beautiful young ballerina trying to escape the communist regime.... and my husband in not my husband but my secret American lover, and we are meeting over coffee to discuss our plans... but we cant say anything aloud because the people on the next table are in fact my frenemies from the Bolshoi Ballet who will report me out of jealousy if they hear anything... etc etc and then I'm spending the entire time planning my escape across Europe in my head that somehow involves a shoot out on the orient Express where I am in a lovely silver evening gown...... and I have not actually taken in anything that my husband has been saying about his job etc etc

This thread fills me with joy and worry in equal amounts as it describes my Dd 10 so well. She is bright, funny but fairly introverted and whilst has a few friends her friendships are quite temporary and she has zero interest in after school clubs and activities or seeing other kids out of school. When she's with friends or cousins she is a kind and sociable girl and has fun but I honesty think she would be happy only to be with kids her own age in school hours!

She loves, loves to daydream and still plays with her dolls. She will actually tell us if she's perhaps in the same room as us or if we're all in the car, that "I'm daydreaming now" and will zone out then return to us 10 minutes later. She asks for ideas of daydreams before bed. I've spied on her in room lately and seen her whispering her daydreams out loud whilst dancing or tapping a beat on her knee. She also loves spending ages on Goggle earth and making stories about the streets and places she looks at but has never been to!

She's doing ok at school (struggling with maths a bit) and is well behaved most of the time. She an only child so I'm aware help may be needed with companionship so I've always been fairly proactive arranging friends over for tea that kind of thing. She enjoys this but rarely requests it herself. And ClaireElizabeth those lists were the lightbulb moment for me as I would say 95% of those apply.

I was and am still a day dreamer myself and recognise some of her traits from when I was young however I was pretty social and very motivated . Which she often isn't! So I thinking that whilst I'll definitely keep a close eye on things as she goes onto secondary school in September I feel better hearing how so many of you have channeled this quirk and have a handle on it as adults. Funnily enough she adores writing, telling and listening to stories but has a habit of reading the same book at least 20 times. That's not an exaggeration! I'm hyper sensitive to signs of bullying and don't see any but I've always been fiercely proud of how utterly happy she seems to not follow the crowd. At times though she does have moments of being very sensitive or easily embarrassed by the slightest thing and hates being the centre of attention for anything.

Apologies for my rambling, this has been very helpful for me! Thank you for starting this thread OP and to all of you for sharing your experiences. I'm so sorry for that some of you have needed it as a coping mechanism .

I'm wondering whether I should have a chat with her? Majestic those tips could be helpful. And Bumblebee I live the idea of your brain having lots of browsers open !

Oh man that's so long. I am sorry.

Encourage her love of writing and telling stories because from the comments on here that seems to be the most positive and productive outlet of this 'disorder'! I wish I had the confidence and ability to write well. She may end up being very successful in a creative field if shes given the right support! X

When you say long running do you mean over years/months or days?

Thank you Ribbons I am definitely going to do that.

I do this but didn't think it was in any way abnormal and certainly not something I "suffer" with. It's just my way of dealing with life and escaping for a while into a place where life's stresses and stains don't impede. I agree with a pp ... doesn't everyone do it to some extent?

Hi Slinky sorry to assume if wrong but are you asking me? ( as I've hogged this thread for last 10 mins!). Apologies if not x

@SlinkyDinkyDoo I meant years. Mine are from since my first memories... the characters change slightly over the years and new things happen but it's basically branches of the same storyline.

Yes, mine are over years as well.

Though I have had different ones over the years
Its almost like after a while they run their course and I come up with something completely new.

It does make sense that a lot of authors have this. I've always thought I could turn some of mine into good books if I had the time.

Anyone really, generally interested. So it's like a ling running soap or is it the same story with minor tweaks over and over again? Do you 'see' the story playing out or is it just thoughts?

Definetely see the story playing out. Guess it is like watching a soap.

I think for me when it started when I was a kid and I couldn't sleep at night and my mum to,d me to lie in bed and try and think about nice things.

This thread made me think today about the lyrics of a song which I love. Think the singer must have maladaptive daydreaming. I totally get about what he says about them being pretty good company and how they cheer him up.

I wish I was a little more loved
Tryna find a way to fix that
So many people inside my head
Momma taught me not to talk back
But they're pretty good company
They cheer me up when I feel bad
Is it my insecurities
That keep me going?
These are my friends, these are my friends
I love them, I love them
These are my friends, these are my friends
I love them
And they don't care who you are
They don't care what you do, no
These are my friends, these are my friends
I love them, I love them

I've daydreamed as long as I can remember. I have many separate stories with many different characters but replay my favourites time and time again. I'm usually me but but not the 'me' you would see in real life. Music can set a mood that inspires a theme. Some tv programmes or stories can set me off.

I love to be alone to 'act' them out - to really immerse myself in the alternate world!

Like so many others, I had a difficult childhood, neglect, abuse, violence and older (much) siblings bullying me.

Thought everyone had these sort of daydreams but seems not. So, in retrospect, maybe they are a means of escape and keeping mind, body and soul together in a world we can control out of the grasp of others.

Also suspect I have ADD but self-diagnosed so dunno! Never felt I really fitted in and often found myself watching and analysing the 'performances' of others to try to emulate their behaviours but not always understand the context and appropriateness.

Great thread. Kind of cathartic to read all these accounts and not feel such an outlier.

I didn't know there was a name for this, I thought it was just me and I hadn't really grown up from childhood day dreams. My characters have been with me for a very long time and I try and spend s bit of time with those imagination whenever I can.

@SlinkyDinkyDoo see it playing out... it's extremely vivid... that's the problem because it allows you to experience emotional reactions/rewards/experiences without actually doing the real thing... so sometimes you end up with no real motivation or ambition to do anything or speak to anyone... because everything youd get from that you are already getting. But of course it's not healthy in the long run to live entirely in your head at the expense of real life.

Of course it's great if you are an only child and you are incredibly isolated for some reason or suffering abuse or neglect... or bullying etc etc... but when you reach adulthood and you want to actually engage with people around you and exert control over your life it often gets in the way because you are never quite there in the moment and part of you always wants everyone to leave you alone.... which is odd because I guess that's a recreation of the isolation or trauma that created the issue to begin with... but it's like that situation is comforting even though you want to escape it you are compelled to recreate it over and over.....

I think it's great that some people are able to use it positively in adulthood either by keeping control over it so they are just doing it to sleep or by expressing it in writing etc
I suppose it's not always mal adaptive.

This thread has been lovely though because I feel far less like a weirdo now!! I've never met anyone in real life that did this!

I heard about this a few years ago and recognised myself as doing it immediately. I've done this since I was around 7, some shitty stuff happened and the world in my head was better than reality. It was an escape. Sometimes it's my own made up story, sometimes it's based on whatever has caught my interest in a book, movie or videgame.

Still retreat in there semi regularly, was about to last night but someone insisted on having a conversation with me...

It's something of a safety net during difficult or boring times. Sometimes it's definitely got obsessive to the point of not participating in real life. I am a bit OCD - without wanting to offend anyone by using that phrase, but I've suffered from intrusive thoughts and had rituals to try and allay them, along with anxiety and depression. I have close family members with similar traits.

In my case, it's not because I had an unhappy childhood. I was an early reader. I got through my library books quickly. I wanted more stories and discovered I could tell my own. Had to give up reading the library book in bed by the light of the street lamp outside the window, as I was caught too often, so bedtime dreaming was instead.

There were times at school when I was in a dream when I should have been listening, but overall the habit hasn't interfered with real life. But if my real life wasn't satisfying, I suppose it might have.

Sorry to harp on. Those who say it's a story that unfolds that you see does this mean you have to have your eyes closed and you really do see it visually but in your mind? Is it in 'real time' or do you leap in time. So 30 minutes daydreaming would be 30 minutes in huge detail of coukd it span days etc.

Fascinated as I have no minds eye. I cannot visualise so everything in my head is words when I am awake. No matter how hard I try I cannot 'see' much to my disappointment. However, if I am asleep my dreams are very vivid and visual.

Do you dream when you are asleep or is there no room for that because of your day dreaming?

Dont need to have my eyes shut but it helps to be alone and it helps if theres music. Yes really see it but in your mind and feel the emotions that would go with seeing it.. and it's more vivid if you are alone because you dont have to pay attention to keeping your face blank and not moving or speaking in reaction to what you are imagining. If you are in public you have to still be aware of what's going on around you so you cant see what you are imagining as vividly.
I still dream when I sleep but it's usually less controlled.. occasionally I have lucid dreams but not often. Most of the time I dont remember the dreams I have when I'm asleep. And if I do remember them they are usually not about my ongoing daydream at all but involve elements of my real life... but... they also sometimes seem to have a narrative that spans years and sometimes I will dream when I'm asleep about other dreams I've had when asleep like I'm continuing a story.... I think a lot of people experience that too though... my husband says he does!
Isnt it strange that you can have vivid dreams asleep but cant visualise things when awake?
Does it mean you are always focused on what you are doing in the moment when you are awake?

Oh and yes the time in the daydream has no connection to time in real life. It can span years in an hour or you can keep going over the same few moments for an hour, or whatever you want really. It seems from this thread that a lot of people like to go over and over the same event and perfect it by changing little details. I do that but also will have periods of faster narrative. Sometimes it's fun to just focus on one moment for ages if its particularly beautiful.