To ask if anyone on here suffers from mal adaptive daydreaming ? And would they like to talk about how it effects them and the things they do to deal with it?

[Ribbonsonabox]

Posting in AIBU rather than mental health because I know that some people do not see mal adaptive daydreaming as a problem and find it helps them.

I'd just like to hear of peoples positive stories about how they have dealt with it?

Its not something I can talk about much in real life because it's one of those things that people dont think exists unless they have it themselves. It's not widely researched.

I've always had it and I think it stems from having quite a difficult and lonely childhood during which I used it as a coping mechanism.... in my adult life though it has really held me back. It's like a compulsion that I cannot exert control over.

I wondered if anyone had had any success in controlling it?

My dreams are bonkers and I have sleep paralysis and night terrors.

MetuaVahine I get a good sense of places and characters although I don't visually imagine them, so I too get annoyed at details that don't match mine!

I also have crazy dreams and sleep paralysis

I have vivid daydreams
I prefer to think of them as "creative coping strategies" then maladaptive in anyway
But...
I also have PTSD with flashbacks that can seem incredibly real, panic attacks and intrusive/pure O thinking when I am not so well
I also have night terrors, lucid dreaming etc.

My dreams are separate from my day time "dreams" in that whilst my day time dreams tend to be positive and carefully crafted, my night time dreams are often negative and/or chaotic
However, I can sometimes "control" my night time dreams in which case I have much more positive sleep experiences.

I mostly write because art and music are not "quick" enough
Sometimes this writing is constructive and sometimes it is just a means to an end so I can get some of it "out"
I sometimes think I am on the "thin edge" of the scitzofrenic wedge, but when my creative process is good and I have time to daydream and develop that alternate reality I feel very well and function well. When I am burnt out/stressed/exhausted and not getting time for creativity and/or escapism this leads to anxiety/depression.
When my creative process is in full flight and functioning is when I am happiest.

I have tried to explain this way of proceeding IRL and either been told I am bipolar, have psychosis, have ADHD, etc. Etc.

The truth is my brain just often has lots of "browsers" open

I did this as a child and teenager. I had no idea it was a negative thing. For me I can date all of my mental health problems to when I stopped living in my daydreams. Now instead of day dreaming I binge and purge, have OCD thoughts and behaviours, insomnia and anxiety. I'd do anything to go back to the day dreaming!

I did this from a child. It was a coping mechanism in my teens when I was bullied and at times has made me withdraw from people. But mostly it’s not been “maladaptive” but enjoyable.
I can’t seem to do it for any length of time now I’m middle aged though. I miss it and I want it back, don’t know how though.

floribunda18 Thanks, thats what my child does, he spends breaks in a corner of the playground acting out his game.
He hates school and refuses to go and does not react well if he has to finish his game especially if it is unexpectedly, is a bit better with warning.

He does it at home by running around in the kitchen on his own playing his "game" is differs slightly everytime and is normally taken from things he has seen on tv.
He is quite badly dyslexic so finds school quite hard.

I do this too. It's nice to know at last that it's something others experience. My teenage years were a struggle so this was a definite coping mechanism back then.

I do this too! I am a writer so it’s quite useful for me. I mostly do it in bed but I can do it anywhere really. I have always thought of it as positive as I am never, ever bored. My mum has always commented on how happy I am in my own company and I always think that i’m not really on my own!

Interestingly, I’m not diagnosed with ADHD but my son is and since his diagnosis I have realised I probably have it too.

I do this. I didn’t know it had a name. I’m diagnosed with OCD and had a difficult childhood with violence and abuse. I think it’s a coping mechanism.

I don’t find it maladaptive as it doesn’t stop me working or enjoying life or having relationships. But I do need to do it for a few hours each day, or I get irritable...it calms my mind. The upside is I’m never bored because I’ve always got a good story going on.

I have lots of plot lines running at once so I can choose which one to watch. Sometimes I get a good one going and then forget it and it makes me feel quite bereft. But if I have a nap I can usually get it back.

I enjoy planning them and if one occurs to me when I’m at work I can park it at the side of my mind and come back to it later.

My DS does it too I’m sure, he’s often pottering about with the expression on his face and little snatches of speech.

I do this too, although not to the extent that it impacts others.
Been doing it for 40+ years as a kind of soap opera going down generations.
I can’t always remember how old all the characters are supposed to be and for some reason most of them don’t have names they just are.
I used to put them through some dreadful scenarios in the past which has mostly toned down now.
In fact mostly they’re too content these days and therefore less interesting so it doesn’t happen as much in the past few years and then I’ll suddenly think of something for them to live through and get caught up in it again.

I had a happy childhood, albeit isolated at times as youngest of large family with big age gap and living rurally.

I do this too! I have a fantasy relationship, friendship group, extended family, house, interesting jobs, different dramas occurring (where I am the saviour, obvs), etc. I thought I was completely weird but it turns out you were all here all along!

I get frustrated if the layout of my fantasy house or the place I'm at isn't exactly as I think it should be or doesn't fit right, or if the storyline hasn't gone exactly as I want so have to replay it in my head over and over until it's right. God, who knew it had a name?!

In real life I'm happily married with kids. I had various traumas in childhood, I guess, and have always suffered from quite low self esteem even though I'm very outgoing on the outside.

I mainly do it at night in bed and often go to bed early to drift off inside my head, I do inwardly talk to them all during the day from time to time too though. My husband often catches me staring and jokingly asks me if I'm talking to 'my people', he has no idea how close he is to the truth

I do it too - always have. It doesn’t interfere with my life though so I guess is adaptive in my case. I was an only child so maybe that’s why?

As a PP said I use it as a reward. So look forward to having the time to do it (ususlly in bed, or car journeys).

As well as doing this I also overanalyse conversations I have with people and play them back in my head over and over. I very often repeat what I just said to myself, almost checking that it didn't sound stupid. When I was little my lips would move when I did this and my siblings took the piss all the time. I've got better at keeping my lips still but I still do it.

I do this too, and have done since I was young. I was a very lonely child, and would go off for bike rides for hours on end so I could daydream about my imaginary friends and family, and all of the adventures that we would go on together. I can still remember all of their names now, almost 30 years later

I always assumed that I would grow out of it when I reached certain milestones in life, e.g. first boyfriend, university, getting married, having children ... I never have. I remember one particular incident when I was 17 and my boyfriend had come round for the evening. I can vividly recall thinking "I really wish you'd go home now so I can get some daydreaming in before bed!"

I have less time to do it now, as a wife and mother, but I still manage to fit in the odd daydream here and there. I always need to have my headphones in, and need to be pacing around the house or doing some kind of repetitive task.

I've never seen it as a bad thing. I know my daydreams aren't real, and I'm (now) very happy with my real life. It's just a bit of escapism I suppose. I like to tell myself that the constant pacing around the house will help me lose weight too

I'm quite pleased that so many others seem to do this too. I always thought I was a little odd.

@RayRayBidet people who don't have just don't just think about mundane life things like MOTs and dinner. I daydream a lot and can end up getting wrapped up in it... usually based off of fantasy novels I've read, but I don't have recurring characters or a long plot lines so I don't have maladaptive daydreams.

I used to spend hours at this pre baby when I could listen to music really loudly and get into lots of scenarios. Now I'd be too scared of not hearing my DS crying for me but I do look forward to going to bed and spending half an hour in my dream world (disappointingly I often fall asleep in seconds instead because I'm so knackered!)

I used to be a daydreamer as a child. I would go to bed and fantasise about what my life was going to be like. Now I'm an adult, and it's shit, and I just worry.

It's much more healthy to live in the present moment and not to "think" too much. That is why mindfulness is good for you.

@BlackPrism
There are plenty of people with no imagination whatsoever. Eg my best friend, my DH and my elder child.
I wasn't trying to upset anyone. Don't take it personally.

I've done this for most of my life. I think when I was younger it was to conjure up a sense of being cared for. It mostly disappeared when I had children and later when I was working. It's come back with a vengeance now I'm old. It's all about being respected for my knowledge and intelligence, with a sense of being loved and nurtured. On paper, I should have that - a husband, adult children and a grandchild living nearby - but husband and I live separate lives in our home, and I'm mostly useful only for babysitting.

So my daydreaming is maladaptive because it's a compensation for what I don't have in my life, and I'd much prefer to spend the mental energy I use on daydreaming on something more fulfilling.

I had no idea this was a “thing”, I thought I was just weird. My ‘characters’ have gone through some traumatic stuff, I think it’s like my coping mechanism for anxiety or something. I can work my way through a situation as someone else which saves me worrying about it happening to me. I don’t know if that makes sense. It’s not all bad though, and I’ve started writing some bits of it down too.

I go through phases of not needing to daydream and then times when I’d rather do that than real life.

I do this quite a bit and don't see it as an issue. Sometimes if I have a couple of free hours I will set my alarm clock and go back to bed, not to sleep, but to day dream. I get really happy knowing I can have a couple of uninterrupted hours to do it.

Oh wow! I'm glad to have found this thread, I thought it was just me who did this, I didn't realise others did it too...the first time I can remember deliberately immersing myself in a day dream was when I was about 10 years old on a car ride that took about four or five hours, I was bored and realised I could make these characters, and star in it like a movie, except I could make the storyline go how I wanted it to go....then as a teen I would go to my room to "listen to music" simply to daydream, I'd even go to bed early to daydream...I was bullied as a child and teen so maybe that caused me to retreat in to my own created dream world?...also I was a lonely child who would spend hours every day in books so maybe I saw all these exciting adventures and things in the characters lives and started to make up my own dream world where I could do those things too....

Anyway as an adult I still do it....it comes and goes...meaning if I latch on to a interesting storyline I will suddenly want to spend more time each day in my dream world , but if there is not an interesting storyline then I will revisit an old story ...

It hasn't interfered with my life though thank goodness...

I have noticed it can leave you feeling good if you have a happy storyline, but if you have a sad or angry storyline it will leave you feeling emotionally flat and drained

What storylines does everyone do?..imagine if we all had similar storylines?

Mine is imagine g falling in love with a guy from a different religion/race/culture/country and it being a Romeo and Juliet type storyline where at first we are madly in love, then his family keep us apart, then I'm in an accident and they bring him to see me in a coma and find out I'm carrying his baby, and they watch him weeping over my bedside as I like unconscious and have a change of heart and tell him that he has their blessing to be with me....but when I wake up like any good storyline I add a few bumps.in the road 😂

Spiderpants It must be worrying as a parent and I hope my post was in some way comforting. Generally I got through school ok, did quite well and really enjoyed sixth form college and university. I think I'd have enjoyed school before that more if I'd have been stretched more and had been with more children who were like me and wanted to learn. I'm generally very content with life and happy!

Thank you for posting this thread op.

I have been doing this since childhood, and like many others I though it was only me. I also didn’t have a happy childhood.

Only recently I’ve been wondering about adhd as I have some of the symptoms, and wondering if the daydreaming was linked.

I used to spend hours in my bedroom listening to music, daydreaming of all sorts, and talking to myself (I have been caught doing that as well a few times).

Only a few months ago, dh and I went out for a meal with his parents.
I went into day dream mode (not hard with the in laws about, but that’s another story). I went into full on day dream mode and said something out loud (no idea what I said) to which dh and pils turned to me and said “what ?!”.

That’s the first time that has happened and I think I’m getting worse.
Has anybody else found they are getting worse, or is it because I’m beginning to realise how often I’m doing it ?