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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you handle this?!

149 replies

Doggydoggydoggy · 30/01/2019 15:23

I’ve just a call from DH.

DD (4) needed the loo at school pick up just now but refused to nip back into class to use it so my DH asked if she wanted him to come in with her and she said yes.

DD then told my DH that two boys keep opening the toilet door on her whenever she goes and won’t stop so she has to shout at them and try and shut the door.

Says she told the teacher and the boys were told not to do it again.

Nothing has been mentioned to me or my DH by the teacher.

My DH is absolutely livid and although the boys intentions were innocent i.e it’s just a funny game to them I’m really concerned that
A) we weren’t told and
B) that at no point have the boys been taught about the importance of privacy, private parts etc. Simply told not to do it again and
c) it’s happened more than once to the point she doesn’t want to use the loo anymore

She wet herself at school last week which I thought odd, now I suspect I know why!

OP posts:
Original poster
Doggydoggydoggy · 30/01/2019 15:25

My DH to going to phone and wants to talk to the headteacher about it

OP posts:
PristineCondition · 30/01/2019 15:27

So she told the teacher, the teacher dealt with it fine but you need to go to head?
Why not the teacher?

Original poster
Doggydoggydoggy · 30/01/2019 15:31

Because my DH thinks that the teacher didn’t deal with it ‘fine’ and neither do I personally.

We both think that as this has happened on numerous occasions the teacher isn’t supervising properly.

We are concerned that the boys aren’t being taught about the importance of privacy, just told not to do it again.

And we both think it’s disgusting that the teacher never thought to inform us.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 30/01/2019 15:33

I wouldn't do anything. It's been sorted.

Cranky17 · 30/01/2019 15:34

Why don’t you talk to the teacher first? I think it’s reallt off to complain about someone without talking to them first

arethereanyleftatall · 30/01/2019 15:35

Actually did I misunderstand? Has it happened again after the boys had been told?

Original poster
Doggydoggydoggy · 30/01/2019 15:36

I’m not sure how many times they have been told.
My DH and DD arent home yet so going off a quick phone call from DH

OP posts:
Bringbackthestripes · 30/01/2019 15:36

The teacher has dealt with it, I don’t think it is her job to speak to them about private parts.
If you are concerned it should be that your daughter is no longer confident using the facilities so by all means have a chat to the teacher and see if she can reassure her it won’t happen again but teacher can’t leave a class full of kids to supervise toilet breaks.

Neptunesgiraffe · 30/01/2019 15:36

There was a problem, it's been sorted out. That's great! You could talk further to the teacher about it if you want to have a sensible dialogue. Seems like you're gunning for the teacher, though.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 30/01/2019 15:37

I agree with pp. Neither you nor DH has spoken to the teacher about this so they should be your first point of call rather than going straight over their head.

PristineCondition · 30/01/2019 15:37

What would you like the teacher to do to the boys?

user1493413286 · 30/01/2019 15:37

I don’t really see why they’d mention it. I would agree that if it’s still happening a teacher does need to be checking what is going on a bit more so I don’t think it’s a bad thing to bring it up with the school especially as it’s stopping your DD wanting to use the toilet

Gatehouse77 · 30/01/2019 15:38

I wouldn’t do anything. There’s a massive assumption being made about how it was dealt with based on the retelling of a 4 year old.

Shadow1986 · 30/01/2019 15:38

Same happened to my DD although it was her friends peering under and over the door which was making her not want to go. A little note to the teacher asking her to remind all children that going to toilet is private and they are not to do this etc should sort the problem.

LemonBreeland · 30/01/2019 15:39

I don't think the teacher did need to inform you if she thought she had dealt with the situation. It is completely a classroom issue and not the kind of thing that a teacher would mention to parents.

However, it is clear she hasn't dealt with it and obviously it is an issue for your dd now, so you should speak to school about it.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 30/01/2019 15:39

The teacher has dealt with it. You have no idea what she has told the boys. You do not need to be informed of every minor incident. Given your daughter has happily told your H about I cant imagine it has been going on for long.

Myheartbelongsto · 30/01/2019 15:40

I don't think it's disgusting you weren't told.

I would probably mention it to the teacher as she wet herself but I wouldn't make a big deal of it to be honest.

I feel sorry for teachers. They have so much crop to deal with I don't know how they have time to teach.

Waveysnail · 30/01/2019 15:41

You really need to talk to the teacher and get clarification. Going straight to head is completely ott.

Does door not have locks?

Waveysnail · 30/01/2019 15:42

And imo why 4 yr old is too young to start school

Shesellsseashellsontheseashore · 30/01/2019 15:43

You need to speak to the teacher first. The Head will probably wonder why you haven't.

It's disgusting that the teacher never thought to inform you??? Slight over reaction! Your child is one of 30 children probably. If the teacher had to report every thing that ever happens in school then they would need an after school appointment system. Please speak to the teacher first. Don't be that parent.

Bluntness100 · 30/01/2019 15:43

I think you need some info here op and not go off what a four year old says.

They keep doing it,,,how much is that? To a four year old it could be twice.
What exactly did the teacher say to them, she's clearly not going to explain it to a four year old.
Have they done it since they were told off?

You need to remember this is just kids playing" and when you remember that, you will stop thinking the teacher should have told you at this stage, or raving on about private parts. Right now it's kids pushing the door open and likely running away.

So I think I'd calm down here.and look to the teacher to explain more, not go on what a four year old has told you.

RainbowSparkles · 30/01/2019 15:45

How do you know exactly what was said to the boys?
We have mixed toilets at my school, we have children looking over the top, underneath the door and opening the door when others are using the toilet.
We continually remind children about privacy and why we don’t do those things, repeat offenders are punished accordingly.
We don’t tell parents about these incidents otherwise we would be having to speak to at least 5 parents on a daily basis. We would tell parents if something more serious happened or a child was becoming anxious about going to the toilet.
The children I work with are 4/5 years.
Speak to the teacher first to find out exactly how it is handled and then if you still feel strongly speak to the head.

Original poster
Doggydoggydoggy · 30/01/2019 15:53

I’ve had another quick call with DH.
They are following her and banging on the door, trying to open it she says.

I don’t know (yet) how long it’s been going on for but the last couple of weeks she has been complaining of tummy pain aswell, we took her to doctor who couldn’t find anything wrong and said it might be stress.
Me and DH couldn’t imagine what she could possibly be stressed about, then she started saying in the mornings that she hated school and we just assumed she was copying her big brother who says that sometimes and then the wetting incident...

Now I have been aware of this with the boys and I’m thinking it’s likely all linked.

DH is seeing head tomorrow morning.

And that comment about teachers putting up with shit.
We are not one of ‘those’ parents, a lot of my family are teachers as are friends of ours, we aren’t ones to give teachers a hard time at all.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 30/01/2019 15:56

Why not just go speak to the teacher and see if there are any issues you need to know about? Why run to the head.

And it will take you longer to find out what’s going on as the head will need to speak to the teacher anyway. Would be quicker cutting out the middle man

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 30/01/2019 15:58

DD then told my DH that two boys keep opening the toilet door on her whenever she goes and won’t stop so she has to shout at them and try and shut the door.

They are following her and banging on the door, trying to open it she says.

So which is it, OP? It can’t be both. If she can shut the door they aren’t opening it on her when she’s going.

This is why you can’t just go off what a four year old says and why you should have spoken to the teacher and not gone straight to the head.