How would you handle this?!

[Doggydoggydoggy]

I’ve just a call from DH.

DD (4) needed the loo at school pick up just now but refused to nip back into class to use it so my DH asked if she wanted him to come in with her and she said yes.

DD then told my DH that two boys keep opening the toilet door on her whenever she goes and won’t stop so she has to shout at them and try and shut the door.

Says she told the teacher and the boys were told not to do it again.

Nothing has been mentioned to me or my DH by the teacher.

My DH is absolutely livid and although the boys intentions were innocent i.e it’s just a funny game to them I’m really concerned that
A) we weren’t told and
B) that at no point have the boys been taught about the importance of privacy, private parts etc. Simply told not to do it again and
c) it’s happened more than once to the point she doesn’t want to use the loo anymore

She wet herself at school last week which I thought odd, now I suspect I know why!

I don’t give a shiny shit if the teacher if offended tbh.
Her job is to teach and protect my child.

You've lost my respect right there.

You and your DH haven't even had the decency to discuss the situation with her!

You have no idea if she has dealt with the situation BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO HER!!!!

I work in year 2 and trust me, you will be seen as 'that parent' to go straight to the head instead of the teacher!

I totally agree that your DD is clearly having a hard time when she goes to the toilet and I totally agree that the situation needs to be sorted immediately but I am just gobsmacked that you're going to the headteacher before trying to get to the bottom of it all first.

The teacher might say, 'Oh yes, X said that Y and Z were trying to open the toilet door but I've spoken to them about it'.

or

'Oh really? X mentioned a problem once but she hasn't said anything since'.

or

'We're aware there's a problem here and we're doing abc'

You have no idea because you didn't ask her!!!!!!

Jeez

My DH is seeing the head tomorrow morning to try and get to the bottom of everything.

And what do you think is the first thing the head teacher will do?

If you had put all the info in your first post (the incidents at school, the accidents, the GP saying it could be stress) then you may have got different replies?

Instead you have dripped info to support your decision to go straight to the head, (which has been almost universally disagreed with on this thread)

You haven't told the teacher it's still a problem.
Daughter told t, she spoke to boys, it wasn't enough so they really need telling, which she'd do if you stick your head in tomorrow morning and updated her.

You really will be those parents.

Probably crunchy but when I first wrote the post I wasn’t thinking of those issues as relevant.

It was only after I suddenly remembered the wetting incident and wondered if that was linked then I thought about the stomach pain which the doctor thought was stress related and starting thinking are those things linked.

I think they are behaving in a way that constitutes harassment but they have no concept of this due to their age but it should be firmly explained to them exactly WHY their behaviour is unacceptable

Harassment is an interesting choice of words, you could use naughty, badly behaved, bullying even little shits but you choose harassment which is quite a loaded word.

I think YABVVU to go straight to the head without even asking the teacher for an explanation first.

You're being crucified here OP. And, frankly, even with the reasons given, such as the unforgivable act of drip feeding, I still don't think your posts warrant it.

My advice to you, would be just to quit this thread and stop trying to justify your actions. To hell what others think. You do what's best for you and your daughter and your family.

If you continue with this thread you are just going to stress yourself out. Believe in yourself and your ability to parent well. Trust your gut and your conscience. Damn everyone else. This is your life and your daughters life. End of.

Yep, I think your probably right!

I have just read your thread about your other child OP.

Your home life is quite stressful isn’t it? Due to your other child’s behavioural issues.

Is it possible that this is actually where the stress of your dd is coming from?

A simple chat to teacher.
Still happening? Another simple chat to teacher.
Still happening? Then maybe to HT.

Your DH is 'disgusted'? You think this is sexual harrasment??!

You need to give your head a wobble, your reaction is OTT,extremely dramatic and that's the example you are also setting for your DD.

Here here @MissLanesAmericanCousin well said.

Can't tag op so I'm guessing she has taken your excellent advice!

Here here

onemorego2019 It’s ’hear hear’.

You will find this post useful:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3494370-Is-it-hear-hear-or-here-here?pg=1&order=

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue, wow. What a downright venomous response. You don't even have a dog in this fight, and this is what you post? You must be an absolute misery to live with.

Thank you, onemorego2019

Oh the poor wee poppet! The school definitely should have told you.

Oh do duck off @WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue ... see what I did there!

Thanks @MissLanesAmericanCousin

I didn’t make this much fuss when my daughter came home with two black eyes from being deliberately punched by another child.

I told my child that it was unacceptable that she was hurt and I would be dealing with it however I needed to ( I asked her if it had been started by her too in case she was responsible). Reminded her by name of adults she could always approach if she felt it necessary in future.

I went calmly to the teacher, discussed what had happened, felt the teacher’s response was inadequate and went directly to the head for a better response and reassurance that my child was going to be protected in future. My child felt better equipped to handle issues in school and the other child had consequences, both at home and school. This could have happened with the teacher but she wasn’t open to understanding the severity.

Why wouldn’t you go to the teacher first to hear how she had dealt with it rather than the word of a 4 year old? You’re not giving her a chance.

Also sexual harassment?

No, they are 4. They are children. There is no sexual motive. Not harassment.

no wonder your DD is "stressed" by the whole thing, you're making a right meal out of it. - Fancy a parent getting upset that their daughter is so afraid to use the toilet she is wetting herself and getting stomach aches.

I pity the children of posters who don't seem concerned about this.

I pity the children of posters who don't seem concerned about this.

They're training them up young to accept the kind of shit you see threads about every day in MN.

Also, sexual harassment can be female on female or female on male or male on male too!

Yeah. Except had it been girls doing this theohrase"sexual harassment" would not have come up. It would simply, and rightly, just been called "bad behaviour".

I pity the children of posters who don't seem concerned about this.

I think the majority are concerned but would not deal with it by marching straight to the head teacher without talking to the class teacher first. There is only half a story here and only the teacher can supply the other half. Not even the head teacher knows.

I'm with you on this OP.

The boys behaviour is not on. Your poor daughter. She is quite clearly scared. No one should be scared at school and the teacher must ensure that all her charges are safe and feeling safe.

Clearly there hasn't been enough support so now that you know what's been happening it should be resolved quickly.

I do agree that the class teacher should be the first port of call though. They will probably be mortified it has had such a huge affect on your daughter (there is every chance she hasn't let the teacher know exactly how frightened she is) and be apologetic and supportive once you voice your concern.

I am really with you on this, the behaviour is not on, your poor DD. I'd be raging if it were mine.

So you're going to the head.. Why bother with aibu? Hope you get sorted but how will you enforce people not talking to her while she's in the toilets?? We haven't managed it at my workplace yet...

Sounds like it's been dealt with, not sure why you feel the need to intervene on a trivial matter.