AIBU to my sister over inheritance?

[LadyDracula]

6 years ago my father died leaving a generous amount to my sister and I (around 35k each) and left a substantial amount (135k) to my two children who are now 14 and 15. It was my fathers wishes for the money to be used towards educating my children as education was something he truly valued, yet at the time my sister and I growing up, he was unable to fulfil.

Fast forward to now, my sister has had 2 children (aged 1 and 3.5). I met up with her for lunch over the weekend for a general catch up and mentioned I have just been buying additional uniform for my Dd14. She said to me that she was looking around local private schools for her son who is due to start school next year and that she wanted to know how much the ‘budget’ was per term or per year. When I asked her what she meant she explained she wanted to know how much money was left for her two children’s education from the inheritance Dad left. When I explained none and that it had been spent (or will be spent over the next few years) on my two dc she went mental and ranted on about how selfish I had been and she had never thought for one second I would spend all of ‘our’ money on my own kids. I was totally blown away and hadn’t for one minute assumed he expected any of the money. My children both attended state primary schools and I only enrolled them at the local private schools for their secondary education. At the time I enrolled my youngest she was only just pregnant with her first child and when Dad left the money in his will he said for X and Y (my kids). My sister was an older first time mother (39) and I suspect my father thought she had chosen a career over a family. I suppose I had that thought too.

My sister left and after ignoring my calls for 2 days has said today that she needs to know my next steps. She went on to explain my best option is to move my children from their current school - including my eldest who is now studying for GCSEs - to a cheaper one and she can have the difference. I told her that won’t be happening and that my children are settled and happy. She then went on that yet again it’s all about my children etc etc.

I have no idea how to make this situation any better and don’t want to lose my relationship with my only sister over this. I am a single mum so there’s no way I could ever afford to subsidise the costs either to appease my sister and give her some money. Equally I do feel awful because I know there’s no way her and her DH could afford to pay for a private education for their children either, and now she feels like her kids have been treated unfairly.

Do no remortgage you house!

PP are being really unfair to OP.

She can’t just unilaterally decide to split someone else’s inheritance, it doesn’t work like that, no matter how unfair the Will itself was.

As it stands, unless it was actually stipulated in the Will that the money was to be used explicitly for John and Jane’s education, I’d question whether it was right for her to touch any of the money until the DC came of age.

If she was always saying she didn't want children then it's kind of her fault, why would their father leave money for future grandchildren he was told he would never have!

Obviously she has the right to change her mind, but if their father believed two grandchildren were all he'd have then I completely see why he named them for the money and not the grandchildren he was told weren't happening

*not

What a mess, however if I was in your sisters shoes I would be devastated & furious with you. I’m struggling to belive you didn’t think this out before this stage.

Don't remortgage. You don't know if your sister will use the money for education. You don't owe her money. She had plenty of time to bring this subject up. I suspect she knew you had spent the money.

The person in the 'wrong' here is not the OP. but her father. He made his will and left a lump some to each daughter and also a larger lump some for his grandchildren who were named in the will.

As the money was NOT left to the OP. but to her children specifically to be spent on their education which the OP. has done. The OP's sister has no claim on the money. The OP. has followed the wishes of the will.
Personally, I think the sister has a cheek expecting the grandchildren to share the money they were left. It's not their fault, the grandfather wrote his will as he did.

Even if the OP. wanted to share the money with her sister, she couldn't as it was left to the OP's children.

The person who really needs to make amend, can not as they are dead. Unfortunately, the sister's children lost out because of their grandfather not because of the OP.

I wouldn’t remortgage and undermine your family’s security as a single mother, for what? Two or three years of private schooling?

The will named your children? Then it’s not your money to divide up and you couldn’t even if you wanted to.

What a cock-up.
I think the only morally thing you can do is try and make amends with your sister by re-mortgaging an paying her back.....I hope your kids benefit a lot from that private school as the mission to put them there knowing your sister had two children by then is going to cost you dear if you want to save the relationship with your sister/neices/nephews.
Thank god most posters agree that you behaved very selfishly, there is still much as thing as family/society and they way we treat each other matters.

In any case, if the money was left to the OP's DCs than she cannot share it as it isn't hers to share. At best she could share some part of her 35k. But after 6 years this seems like an unreasonable ask.

The money was left for x and y education - if this is what the will said then this is what you must do.

Op,did it not seen unfair at the outset that you had 170k and your sister 35k?

Were you the golden child growing up? Your sister deserved to be treated equally and it must be awful for her to know you didn't have any empathy for her.

You owe her 67.5k and if she accepts less than you are fortunate.

Well I'm going to go against the grain and defend you OP, I don't think you did anything wrong!!!

and your DSIS is a cheeky fucker of the highest order.

Your DFs wishes were that his grandchildren at the time of his death received education with his money. He couldn't possibly have foreseen more grand children, wills are not made on ifs and buts.

Posters saying YOU should have sorted it when your DSIS fell pregnant, why? Has your DSIS not got a tongue in her head that she could've spoken up?

So DSIS expects your DC to be taken out of their existing schools and moved so that her precious DC can have a private education right from primary, while your DC will have had only half a private secondary education? Pffft I think not.

The inheritance was named for your offspring. No it's not fair but life isnt. My Grandmother named me and one cousin but not my other cousin. It was harsh

Your poor sister. She must be livid. I'm not sure how you come back from this.

Your dad was very thoughtless. And you have been ever since. While you were enrolling your children in an expensive private school did it not ever cross your mind that your children would have so much more family funds simply because they were lucky enough to have been born before your dad died. Did it not enter your head to think that your niece or nephew would be dealt a much shittier hand?? Yes it is legally your children's money but you're pretty hard faced not to have shared it.

Don’t remortgage !!!!!

I'm struggling to understand exactly how the will worked. Were your two children specifically named? Whose name is the money in now? I can see why your sister would be livid that you've spent such a huge amount of your father's money on your kids and left hers with none to be honest.

Op don't move them now

It astonishes me that you never considered this the moment your sister decided to start a family.

What would your father have done if he knew that he was going to have 4 grandchildren? Because you knew there were more grandchildren before you dipped into the money. Do you not feel a bit ashamed that your children have had all this money and their cousins access to none.

You sister is also a prize idiot for not hashing this out with you before now though.

I suppose it boils down to what you can afford but this is an absolute mess and I wouldn’t be surprised if things are forever changed between the two of you. Legally you are in the right but morally...

I think you might need to go back to the Will and check what it says again - if it says your children she is being very unreasonable- although I can understand how she would feel. If it just said grandchildren then she might have a point, however she has left it a bit late to discuss it. Has she actually calculated the costs for 2 children from reception to year 13, or even the costs to you for year 7 to year 13? She must know there isn't going to be a lot left, if any.
She is BU to expect you to move your eldest before GCSE.

How you get that across to her I really don't know.

Alak make it a priority to talk to the school and exlain your circumstance have changed and you may get financial help. You should be trying every avenue to make it right.

People are right. You legally can't give away your children's money. As minors they can't give it away either.

the children were specifically named to get the 135k

I think the executor needs to talk to her, or whoever administers the trust.

Surely when the will was read, the sister should have raised it then.

But ultimately there's nothing the op can do, she wasn't left the money.