AIBU to my sister over inheritance?

[LadyDracula]

6 years ago my father died leaving a generous amount to my sister and I (around 35k each) and left a substantial amount (135k) to my two children who are now 14 and 15. It was my fathers wishes for the money to be used towards educating my children as education was something he truly valued, yet at the time my sister and I growing up, he was unable to fulfil.

Fast forward to now, my sister has had 2 children (aged 1 and 3.5). I met up with her for lunch over the weekend for a general catch up and mentioned I have just been buying additional uniform for my Dd14. She said to me that she was looking around local private schools for her son who is due to start school next year and that she wanted to know how much the ‘budget’ was per term or per year. When I asked her what she meant she explained she wanted to know how much money was left for her two children’s education from the inheritance Dad left. When I explained none and that it had been spent (or will be spent over the next few years) on my two dc she went mental and ranted on about how selfish I had been and she had never thought for one second I would spend all of ‘our’ money on my own kids. I was totally blown away and hadn’t for one minute assumed he expected any of the money. My children both attended state primary schools and I only enrolled them at the local private schools for their secondary education. At the time I enrolled my youngest she was only just pregnant with her first child and when Dad left the money in his will he said for X and Y (my kids). My sister was an older first time mother (39) and I suspect my father thought she had chosen a career over a family. I suppose I had that thought too.

My sister left and after ignoring my calls for 2 days has said today that she needs to know my next steps. She went on to explain my best option is to move my children from their current school - including my eldest who is now studying for GCSEs - to a cheaper one and she can have the difference. I told her that won’t be happening and that my children are settled and happy. She then went on that yet again it’s all about my children etc etc.

I have no idea how to make this situation any better and don’t want to lose my relationship with my only sister over this. I am a single mum so there’s no way I could ever afford to subsidise the costs either to appease my sister and give her some money. Equally I do feel awful because I know there’s no way her and her DH could afford to pay for a private education for their children either, and now she feels like her kids have been treated unfairly.

When your DF died, did she actually know it had been left to your two DCs, or did she just assume it would be shared ... and if the latter, was there any conversation about this at the time?

If you are the beneficiary of a will you get the opportunity to know what was in it, I think so it is the sisters fault if she didn't.

People on here are morons. Remortgage your house to give your sister the money? Oh yes because 60k is nothing to those people apparently, it's just a small amount. Hey can you give me 60k too for no reason since it's a small amount? I want it to buy a house.

Your sister was stupid frankly and is being stupid. She would have known at the time your kids got it, and said nothing. She could have asked at the time can she have some out aside for her future children, and didn't. She could have asked while pregnant, before yours went to private school etc. She could have asked. She didn't

Your children are named legally on the will. Your father couldn't predict the future, and I'm guessing at the time your sister may not have even had a partner. She might have even told him privately she has no intention of having children. How do we know? He did it for a reason and your children have benefitted from it. No one else has. I could see her point if you had used it instead to go on holidays and buy cars etc. But you didn't.

Apologise and there's nothing more you can do. For a clearly educated and intelligent woman your sister has very little ability to long term plan. She should have sorted this years ago if she had planned on having children. She didn't bother. Her loss. Where did she think you were getting the money from anyway, your ass? A money tree? It was obvious it was being spent on private education. She's just going to have to suck it up and grow up.

To all those saying OP should take out a mortgage and pay her sister £65k - have you stopped to wonder whether OP would have spent money privately educating her children were it not for this bequest?

Just assume that you're left an inheritance of £100k that says you must use it to buy a unicorn. They're very expensive, so you have to use all that £100k. Its nice to have one, but never in a million years would you have bought one unless you had to because of the trust that said you had to buy a unicorn with it.

Then along comes your sibling 10 years later. hey are upset that they haven't got a unicorn. Your unicorn has sadly died so you can't giver her yours. Do you dip your hand in your pocket and give her £50k, or do you realise that you would never have spent even £10k of your own money buying your own unicorn, so why on earth should you be £50k down?

Not sure why you're pissed off really.

@Santaclarita Fully agree with your post, especially the first sentence. It's why this country is in such a state.

I would be very upset if one of my parents left more money to one of my siblings just because they happened to have children. Because that is basically what the OP's parent has done. Who would do that? It would very much tarnish my feelings towards the parent that would do that to one of their own children.

I really don’t see as someone born after the death can expect a share of the inheritance.

The money was clearly given to the two DGC by their DGF, it wasn’t a «family education fund».

It’s not usual. Most people leave everything equally to their dc and let the dc then distribute to their own dc as they wish. This situation demonstrates why in the majority of cases this is by far the best option

OP please ignore all the posts that insult you father. Some people forget that when you read this they are insulting someone you love.

OP it is NOT your job to see a solicitor.

It's hers. If she wants to fight this then let her do it on her dime. Let her throw her tantrum. You focus on you and your kids.

People on here are morons. Remortgage your house to give your sister the money? Oh yes because 60k is nothing to those people apparently, it's just a small amount. Hey can you give me 60k too for no reason since it's a small amount? I want it to buy a house.

She could remortgage and give her sister the £35,000 she paid off when receiving money from her father's will though. At least that would make things a little fair. Obviously she doesn't have to do that but she wants to keep a relationship with her sister so it may be the best way forward.

This is exactly why I don't think parents should leave money to Grandchildren. My mother has done so and 2 of her children have no children.

She will never really understand how she's made myself (fertility issues) and my other childless sister feel less.

I think your Father was unfair, but there's little you can do about it now.

I would not give any money now OP. You should not feel bad it would be ridiculous to pull DC out or re mortgage your house. I would split your own will equally between your DC and DS children. That would be the most logical solution to this dilema.

How the hell would that make it fair @Dungeondragon15? Then OPs sister would've gotten around £70K and OP would have had absolutely nothing.

Don’t get this thread at all. Maybe some haven’t read it properly.

The money was left to two NAMED grandchildren to be spent ‘ON THEIR EDUCATION’. This is what the will stipulated. Unless the OP’s sister successfully challenged the will when she became pregnant, the stipulation of the will cannot be changed. The OP could no more give away any part of the money than she could spend it on luxury holidays. Legally the OP’s hands were tied. Who knows what the OP’s fathers thoughts were, maybe he wanted to leave the money to grandchildren he had had a relationship with, maybe he had bad advice, who knows.

I think if you see your nieces and nephews and humans and individuals and loved members of a grandparents family in their own right you’ll feel less angry about they receiving inheritance. It that you think of them only as extensions if your siblings when actually they are simply individuals.

She could remortgage and give her sister the £35,000 she paid off when receiving money from her father's will though. At least that would make things a little fair. Obviously she doesn't have to do that but she wants to keep a relationship with her sister so it may be the best way forward.

No she doesn't. The sister was a moron and told everyone she doesn't want kids and I was right, was single at the time of her father's death. How was her dad meant to know she'd change her mind? I tell everyone now I don't want kids, but hey can you set aside 50k for me if I change my mind? What if she had never changed her mind? That money goes to waste unless she spends it on herself, which wasn't the point of it.

Shes an adult. She made a choice as an adult, even in her 30s that's what she told people. Her problem now that she changed her mind. The op owes her nothing. She can send her kids to public school, it won't kill them.

Money is a strange thing. I am glad my parents are scrupulously equal.

Two years ago, I was buying a house. My husbandand I are both savers and high earners. We'd saved £70k between us, so gently refused parental assistance (Ok, I accepted 3k to our savings buffer because they were so insistent, but they wanted to give a lot more).

At the time I told them to give it to my sister, who was desperate to start a family, but her husband wouldn't until they had bought a house together - which they couldn't afford, but THEY wouldn't accept money off our parents either.

Suddenly that changed, and they accepted the money. Now my sister has her baby, and has excitedly fully furnished their new home with brand new expensive stuff. My husband and I are still working on steadily furnishing ours second hand, got married etc.

My parents gave us the 'top up' amount they'd wanted to give in the first place. I'm wiser now (and they're more mellow!), and gratefully accepted.

My sister and I are VERY different people when it comes to spending. We prioritise different things and go about our lives differently. The ONLY way to make it equal is to give the same amount of cash and let us work it out from there.

For what it's worth, I would have skipped the private school, used it for extra-curricular activities, tutors, and FE - but that's me!

How the hell would that make it fair @Dungeondragon15? Then OPs sister would've gotten around £70K and OP would have had absolutely nothing.

Her children have received £135,000 though. It won't make things equal but will make things a little fairer and that is all she can do. It's up to her obviously but she wants to have a relationship with her sister so it would probably help if she at least tries to even things a bit.

@Tissunny I swear this thread is giving me so much rage!

The amount of people saying "we don't know what the will said" yes we fucking do! The OP has stated this fact several times. Her children were named benefactors, for their education.

"It's not fair, the OP got more money" no, her kids did. Take it up with the man who wrote the will.

"You should share the money" no, that would be illegal. It's her kids' money!

MN got a heavy dose of stupid in the last 12hrs.

Exactly. Her children! Op will never benefit from that money but you expect her to remortgage her house and possibly put herself in permanent financial hardship for the rest of her life?

Wow what a bitch her sister would be for asking that!!

Her children received that money, with stipulations, as loved members of the DFs family. Not as sub-people of the OP.

No she doesn't. The sister was a moron and told everyone she doesn't want kids and I was right, was single at the time of her father's death. How was her dad meant to know she'd change her mind? I tell everyone now I don't want kids, but hey can you set aside 50k for me if I change my mind? What if she had never changed her mind? That money goes to waste unless she spends it on herself, which wasn't the point of it.

Arguably OP was a "moron" too though to not discuss this with her sister when she had her first child. It's not fair that her children have received money but not her siblings children and as she said it isn't what her father would have intended. I don't think that anybody (OP, her father or sister) were very sensible about this but they are where they are now. OP doesn't have to do anything about it but she will probably never have a good relationship with her sister if she doesn't so it is up to her to decide on what is more important.

I was 10 when my grandad passed away his will was split with my mum and her sister getting 75% and my two cousins, in their 20s at the time, splitting the remaining 25%.

Do all the posters critisising the OP think my cousins have a moral obligation to give me a 3rd of their inheritance? Of course they don't. The grandad in this case was explicit in stating what he wanted done with his money. It's a shame you'll likely lose or at least badly damage your relationship with your sister over this OP but unfortunately when it comes to money many people become irrational.

I would advise anyone to set up a trust in this type of situation