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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Newborn and custard

409 replies

MrsXx4 · 29/01/2019 20:52

Mainly posting here for traffic because I really don’t think I am being at all unreasonable!! I am fuming! I left my 5 week old baby in my husbands ‘capable’ hands for 2 minutes while I went to hang some washing up and when I came downstairs husband was feeding him custard (an M&S microwave custard - not baby food) from his finger! Letting baby suck it from his finger!

I am so angry but do I also need to worry about baby? Husband has got angry saying I have over reacted in being so mad! Baby was sleeping on me a second ago as I took him off of husband but now he has taken him off me and baby is screaming!!

OP posts:
cathf · 31/01/2019 20:05

Did you miss the bit where the Op took the baby away from its dad, catsinthecupboard?
Was that a ridiculous, immature act of aggression too?

AssassinatedBeauty · 31/01/2019 20:09

I think I'd probably take my baby away from my partner if he was doing something ridiculous with them like feeding custard to them at 5 weeks, and being proud of it.

AccioUsername · 31/01/2019 20:20

I would be absolutely furious, mostly because you don't know if he's done it before and honestly, what's to stop him doing it again when you aren't there?
While it's highly unlikely that a small bit of custard has had much of a negative effect, feeding a baby anything but breast milk or formula before the middle of the first year can and does cause life long digestive problems so, no, the OP isn't being over the top at all!

Feefsie · 31/01/2019 20:25

I went ballistic with my Dad for re-boiling the kettle and saying it was ok for the bottles! I would be furious, but I don’t think it will have done him any harm, just make sure he doesn’t do it again.

Original poster
MrsXx4 · 31/01/2019 20:26

Wow! Just popped back on to see this has got to 15 pages!!

Just to clarify a few points. I had calmed down and was sat laughing with my husband about 20 minutes after custardgate! I came back on the thread and said I was laughing to myself about my over reaction! .....and that i had said ‘pure milky baby’ (cringe).

I took the baby from my husband when he first told me about the custard as I was so panicked! At that point I didn’t know how much he’d fed him! I took him in a panic to check him over after I’d looked at the container to see what the ingredients were in the custard! I then sat down with baby and was cuddling him but husband obviously wanted him back and thought I was being dramatic by sitting cuddling baby. We don’t play games with our baby or try to control each other with the baby. We haven’t been fantastic just lately, but like others have said, it’s tough with a newborn! Plus we have other things going on that add stress to a time where we could really do without the added extras!

I wasn’t looking for advice regarding when to ween my 5 week old baby. I was scared and concerned about any allergic reactions and advice about whether or not I needed to worry as much as I initially had. My baby was born early and I don’t know everything but I certainly know we shouldn’t be introducing M&S custard at 35 days old!

I don’t think I am the better parent over my husband however, he did something stupid, and although I didn’t call him any of the names I have read him be called on this thread, I did lose my shit for all of 5 minutes at him.

Thank you to everyone who gets me and gets why I reacted how I did! And thank you to the person who absolutely nailed the stage I am at right now! Broken nipples, sleep deprivation and my stitches haven’t even healed as yet! So before I’ve even healed and before I’ve even had a chance to sit comfortably and feed my baby boy, my husband has decided to feed him custard! And yes, it was a tiny bit but I was still fuming about it.

I basically just wanted everyone who has taken the time to post know that custardgate is over in our household. Everyone is happy again and baby is fine.

OP posts:
Max14165 · 31/01/2019 20:42

Although not ideal .. I really don’t think a spot of custard is going to harm darling child.. he knows youre mad at him hence his defensive behaviour .. but it’s not the worst thing your child is going to eat !

onemorego2019 · 31/01/2019 20:45

Custardgate 😂😂😂 you'll laugh forever about this! And even more so when you reminisce about the 'advice' to call 111 😂😂

Inliverpool1 · 31/01/2019 20:46

MrsXx4 - you’ll look back in this and do many more incidents and laugh in years to come. Glad all is well

Yidette86 · 31/01/2019 20:51

Well done OP, some of the replies have been batshit and some have been quite hostile, even to you Confused but you've taken it all in your stride and seen the humour.

Enjoy your baby Smile

Courts1988 · 31/01/2019 21:17

Newborns and prems are often given sucrose in special care nursery’s. Your poor husband for copping your bullshit! You need to relax

WhenLifeGivesYouLemonsx · 31/01/2019 21:18

Oh goodness, relax! He will be fine

Queenofthestress · 31/01/2019 22:09

Ahhh don't worry about it, we all have our moments when we're postpartum! Hell, we all have our moments in general when it comes to our kids Grin

Absofrigginlootly · 31/01/2019 22:22

A typical cunty mumsnet thread, ripping a poor woman apart and ignoring the elephant in the room, which is that the man got angry with her when she called him out on his (stupid, irresponsible, unnecessary) actions and insisted he took the baby off her because her cuddling him was making him feel bad, even though the baby is now crying.

Yes to this ^ everyone is falling over themselves to show how laid back and chilled they are about the baby doing/eating whatever..... how many of you were really^ that relaxed at 5 weeks postpartum with you pfbs??! Hmm

OP your DH has behaved like a knob and I would have been equally livid. Thankfully baby was ok but they genuinely could have had an allergic reaction - yes even to a lick from a finger!

It would seriously make me question my dhs judgement and I was feel like I wouldn’t trust him with the baby tbh.

Also, fathers do not have equal “rights” to the baby during the fourth trimester, baby wants/needs mum, especially if crying.

I don’t like the sound of him “taking” the baby back because it was making him feel bad, he should feel bad for what he did. It was stupid and irresponsible!

Absofrigginlootly · 31/01/2019 22:23

Oh stupid italics where they shouldn’t be but I’m sure you get the gist

flowergrrl77 · 31/01/2019 22:30

Glad baby is fine!

Did you know that babies in Nicu are sometimes given sugar water as a pain med?

When you do actually wean, good luck!

JingleJake · 31/01/2019 22:39

Glad you are all ok. Trust me I’ve been there, things seem so much worse at the time. Some responses on this thread are nuts.

Things are extra tense with a newborn, alongside all the wonderful things. Hopefully things between you and your DP settle down soon, I’m sure they will.

Jellyrunner · 31/01/2019 22:40

absobrigginlootly - not sure if you are a mum yourself. If you are then I’m afraid you are a golden uterus in the making. Yes, dads are as important in the 4th trimester. Suck it up. No, they can’t produce milk, but this ability as a mother does not mean you are some kind of queen.

Absofrigginlootly · 31/01/2019 22:46

Jellyrunner I’m not getting into this argument it’s a tedious one on MN where some posters are obsessed with “equality”

Babies don’t give a stuff about equality. It’s human evolution that as mammals mother-infant bonds are the most important and most essential to the baby’s emotional, physical, cognitive and neurological development. There is reams of scientific evidence out there to back it up.

Nothing to do with me personally, and my ego and my golden uterus whatever TF that is?! Confused

nannykatherine · 31/01/2019 22:49

you are now parents
pull yourselves together
keep the peace for the sake of the baby
he doesn’t want to hear you ranting at each other
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄😧

aariah08 · 31/01/2019 23:08

@EwltsAHooman
OMG I can visualise that😂
Probably funny now, but not at the time!!

mathanxiety · 31/01/2019 23:28

Very sad that you felt you had to explain yourself in response to some goady, misogynistic posts here, OP.

mathanxiety · 31/01/2019 23:34

this argument it’s a tedious one on MN where some posters are obsessed with “equality”

Babies don’t give a stuff about equality. It’s human evolution that as mammals mother-infant bonds are the most important and most essential to the baby’s emotional, physical, cognitive and neurological development. There is reams of scientific evidence out there to back it up.
Absofrigginlootly

THIS^^

Nobody is stating that a new mother is some kind of queen, fgs. Just the fact that mothers produce milk and babies need it round the clock for the first few weeks.

Some gobsmacking misogyny on here today.

JingleJake · 31/01/2019 23:47

@nannykatherine read the latest update. Everyone has their moments and the stress of a newborn can be overwhelming

user1486394281 · 31/01/2019 23:51

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VWpurse · 31/01/2019 23:59

user1486394281 Read the thread before you comment and you won’t make such a fool of yourself!

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