To not want to have stepchild for weekend after baby is born

[adviceneeded89]

I'm probably going to sound like a wicked step mother here but need to know if I am being unreasonable to not want to have SS for the weekend straight after my baby is born. I am due to be induced on a Thursday and all going well I should be home with baby by the weekend. We normally have SS that weekend but I have asked DH if it's possible to have SS during the day so he can meet his brother but not over night. DH seemed confused at my request but said his priority will be me and baby. I just want some time for just us without DH having to look after 3 people. Am I being selfish ?

Btw OP are you not allowing visitors for a certain time after you give birth?

Yes, ILoveMaxiBondi, it's exactly the same. Having visitors and caring for a 4 year old overnight as opposed to only have him during the day.

When it comes to step children then the routine should be kept the same for their sake. Unless it's totally impossible. Then whatever you would do for your own children in the same situation applies.

I was staying in ante natal ward and my waters had broken 3 days earlier when my son arrived. I was stable so step sons came down for the regular eow contact.
I had to had an emergency section that night. Under GA. On my own late at night. No one to look after children available. In fact my step children saw my son before I did as I was in HDU the next day.
The long term effects of that are nothing but a story to tell. No one loves each other any less for it! My son was born 12 weeks early but it's a small portion of our lives compared to the long term.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't make different arrangements. But you should have a different attitude towards it. It's possible that you will still be in hospital. Induction may take a while. Do whatever you would do if it was your own child. Keep the arrangement. Play it by ear. Be prepared to be by yourself in hospital if need be.

If it was the child’s bio mum having a baby and she asked her ExP to have their child for a couple of nights so she could recover from having a new baby... would you all be kicking off so much? I highly doubt it

Well, first, OP will probably stay in hospital the night after giving birth, as she is a first time Mum.

Well no they don't actually.

I love and care for SS deeply and do not want him pushed out at all

Best not to use language like time for just us then.

I honestly think you’re just taking a bashing here for nothing OP. MN really takes the view that SMs are evil and should never marry men with children.

Well many have said they are SM.

@BrilliantDarling

He was 8 when his half sister was born. He's 15 now. It's years and years of him being pushed out that has left him not being bothered to see his df. Not very quick are you?

At 4 he won’t even know what day of the week it is. Not staying over forone nightwill not cause him any harm

So why can't they swop the night? To alter in the week or even the Sunday?

You are totally underestimating the upset new babies can cause for children whose parents aren't together.

Well many have said they are SM

Also, for the record I am a SM

So many bitter exes on here

OP I would be doing EXACTLY the same. Do not feel guilty. This specific situation is about YOU and YOUR baby. You are 100% entied to want time just you, your new baby and your DH.

if you had a biological, older dc you couldn’t ship him/her off.

RTFT. Plenty of people do this!

It's not the 'three'of you anymore it's the 'four' of you for goodness sake

So why can't they swop the night? To alter in the week or even the Sunday? I’m assuming that’s what they’re doing? OP hasn’t said they won’t make up the time, just that the first night at home she’d like to be able to rest

If it was the child’s bio mum having a baby and she asked her ExP to have their child for a couple of nights so she could recover from having a new baby... would you all be kicking off so much? I highly doubt it

No, because again at least the bio child will be there every other night it's clear the dss isn't there every weekend. It could be a while before he does stay over again.

@Boysandbuses
I have asked DH if it's possible to have SS during the day so he can meet his brother but not over night

That's exactly what she asked for...

I’m assuming that’s what they’re doing? OP hasn’t said they won’t make up the time, just that the first night at home she’d like to be able to rest

Why are you assuming that. Ok hasn't said that or hinted that. She said they would have him during the day then pack him off at night.

No suggestion, you are assuming based on on zero information.

Yes, ILoveMaxiBondi, it's exactly the same. Having visitors and caring for a 4 year old overnight as opposed to only have him during the day. hmm

You’re being very aggressive in all your posts here this evening but I will respond anyway as I think it’s important you understand why I asked this question. I asked because OP said she wanted some time “just us”. The child is 4 so come around 8pm will be heading to bed. That will be the time for “just us” (her “real” family). Unless of course she has visitors. Which most people do after a baby is born. In which case the “just us” reasoning flies out the window. Doesn’t it.

That'sexactlywhat she asked for.

No she asked for time for just the 3 of them. Not recovery. Facts are there is another child.

YABU. Bit of an odd comment from your DH that you and baby will be the priority over his son.

These are all things you signed up for when marrying a man with children they come first and can't be fobbed off when it doesn't suit you.

So many bitter exes on here

Again no. Exh can't have anymore. It's me that will be having another. I am not bitter at all.

This thread has gone totally batshit. What if the OP is seriously ill in hospital over the weekend? Should her DH leave her and the new baby to ensure no disruption to the DSS? Of course a contingency plan has to be in place to ensure everyone is safe and cared for in all eventualities. Sometimes plans need to be changed, it's how you handle it that matters. Changing plans for one night does not a wicked stepmother make.

Go for it OP. Start as you mean to go on. It's best that you make clear to your husbands son from day one that he will forevermore play second fiddle to this baby.

Yabvu and selfish

So what happens if op is actually in labor over the weekend? Is the dad expected not to be there in case his son feels left out?

Op do what's best for you, as long as you don't keep trying to make future excuses for SS not to visit, then I hardly think 1 weekend is the end of the world, as long as he can come and see the baby when he/she is born and dad keeps in touch with him over the weekend, let's him know what's going on etc.. then really no issue.

Have you had the conversation with DSS so he understands he might not stay that weekend depending on the situation?

For what it's worth I was induced with both DC DD1 was born 1.5 hours later at 9pm and I was home by 11 the next day. DD2 was born 45 minutes after inducing at 3pm and I was home by 6. There is no way of knowing what type of labour you will have.

Good luck to you all xx

Is this the same poster who wanted her DH to make arrangements for her SS if she went into labour?

ILoveMaxiBondi the OP is being called all names under the sun and i am the one being aggressive?

I feel so sorry for a new mother who had the bad idea to ask a reasonable question but on MN and is being made to feel like a horrible person, despite the fact that most people in real life do exactly that - make arrangements for the existing children!

If the OP didn't care about the little boy, she wouldn't have asked, would she.