To not want to have stepchild for weekend after baby is born

[adviceneeded89]

I'm probably going to sound like a wicked step mother here but need to know if I am being unreasonable to not want to have SS for the weekend straight after my baby is born. I am due to be induced on a Thursday and all going well I should be home with baby by the weekend. We normally have SS that weekend but I have asked DH if it's possible to have SS during the day so he can meet his brother but not over night. DH seemed confused at my request but said his priority will be me and baby. I just want some time for just us without DH having to look after 3 people. Am I being selfish ?

Don’t like your DH saying he will prioritise you and baby. Why should he?
Because the new baby and new mum IS the priority.
If in a few years time the new little one gets ill then they will be the priority over the older one. And if the older one gets ill then they will be the priority over the little one. At different times different people need to be prioritised.

It’s sad that OP wants to sideline her DP’s young child. She chose a partner with baggage, yet wants all of the special PFB treatment at the expense of her DH’s other child.

My Step-MIL pulled this kind of shitty behaviour with DH when he was young. She actually excluded DH (age 5) from their wedding!!! FIL would be too busy getting married, but really it’s because she was the OW and her parents’ (Catholic) friends didn’t know FIL had been married before and had a child already!!

Be kind OP. Plenty of people manage early days of a newborn whilst caring for older siblings.

I think you are not being unreasonable for first weekend alone with your new first time baby. SS won't know anyway as times/days/weekends are often changed through necessity by both Dad and ex. Of course he is part of the family but as he is not with you other than every second weekend then I'm sure he will not notice. You need that time together to bond with your baby as it will all be new to you. That fact that you are asking others opinions shows that you care very much about getting it right but if it can be arranged easily then take that time for yourself as you will never get this special time again.

Op please send ignore the negative comments, it's fine to ask if the little boy can stay with his mum, if she can't it's ok see if he can stay with a friend or family member. You will have just given birth, and while I'm sure you will be fine, but you may need your husband to help. If dh insists on having you ss that weekend find a back up support person to be with you. You and the baby are just as important as the other child, and will be the priority over the first week or so.

My God, so much overreacting in this thread. Let me summarise for you OP:

Yanbu if - you have DSS over during the day, make him feel welcome, encourage him to be a big brother and bond with the baby etc etc but then have him go home at night because you need a rest. This only happens once for the weekend when your baby is born and every subsequent weekend he stays over as originally planned

Yabu if - you treat him like a nuisance when he comes over and make it clear he's not welcome and then continually look for excuses from then onwards not to include him in your new family

How do you think people cope who already have kids? Ship them off to grandparents?

Some people do just that, Villan, as you would know if you had bothered to read at least some of the thread.

There is also a difference between having your first and subsequent children. It's all so new with the first. The little boy is going to be feeling a bit put out and possibly test the boundaries. He is going to need help adjusting to the situation and need a lot of attention and reassurance from dad, which he may not get as dad is going to be helping mum with the baby. Mum is going to be tired and hormonal, and possibly not able to cope if step son is being demanding. It's not fair on the little boy. Or if dad runs around after his son, and leaves mum to fend for herself, that's not fair on mum. What happens if mum is still in labour, or still in hospital? Waiting a week until it's settled it kinder on them all.

MidniteScribbler - it’s entirely normal for you as the ex wife to be expected to drop everything and arrange your life around your ex husband.... for less than new babies too.

How do you think people cope who already have kids? Ship them off to grandparents?

That's the plan for my second. My first will have a great time, I get to recover in peace, and yes, my husband and I get to spend some bonding time together as a three, before we throw a toddler in the mix.

It's all very common...