To not want to have stepchild for weekend after baby is born

[adviceneeded89]

I'm probably going to sound like a wicked step mother here but need to know if I am being unreasonable to not want to have SS for the weekend straight after my baby is born. I am due to be induced on a Thursday and all going well I should be home with baby by the weekend. We normally have SS that weekend but I have asked DH if it's possible to have SS during the day so he can meet his brother but not over night. DH seemed confused at my request but said his priority will be me and baby. I just want some time for just us without DH having to look after 3 people. Am I being selfish ?

Some posters are obviously very bitter, I am guessing they have ex partners who started a family, are happy, and the jealousy make people bitter. This thread is an example of the worst side of MN - on a different planet.
Not even in the slightest.
My DD was 6 when her DB came home, I would never send her off even if she wasn't my biological child.
I think pps are seeing it from the boys POV.
You may still be in hospital, you might fly through the birth and feel great. Play it out as it happens, allow his visit for now.

You are being selfish. You wouldn't send your bio child away for a weekend because you'd had another baby so why do it to your stepchild?

Reframe this to the older child being her biological child. 'I said to DH that we should have oldest DC looked after by grandparents overnight the day I get home from hospital after they have met the new baby'. This is totally reasonable!

That doesn't use the words just want some time for just us which are words the OP has used.

It isn't just them. There is another child.

YABVVVVVVVVU, your poor SS. There is already a child in your family OP you can't just ignore that. If you wanted a DH who would look after purely you and new baby you shouldn't have had a baby with someone who already has a child.

Plus how crap is your DH if you think he could look after you and two children?!?

Reframe this to the older child being her biological child. 'I said to DH that we should have oldest DC looked after by grandparents overnight the day I get home from hospital after they have met the new baby'. This is totally reasonable!

Except if this was the ops biological child they would be there every night after. Dss won't be.

Probably should have gone in to more detail, SS is 4 and doesn’t sleep well at night - that’s what I meant by having to look after 3 of us.
I love and care for SS deeply and do not want him pushed out at all and am shocked that so many of you think that. I did say we would spend day time with him I was just suggesting not overnight. Anyway thank you to MN’s who are trying to understand my situation.

@zeeboo RTFT... plenty of people send their bio kids to stay with relatives so they can rest after giving birth

YABU, unfair to your ss and to your partner (who by the way needs to grow some balls and stick up for his ds) surely he would like the three people who make up his whole world under one roof? Enjoy watching his son with his newborn sibling?

As for your ss, it's hard enough negotiating the emotions of a child when a new baby comes into the mix without the first child having to leave at the end of the weekend while his Daddy stays with his new sibling 24/7.

Reframe this to the older child being her biological child. 'I said to DH that we should have oldest DC looked after by grandparents overnight the day I get home from hospital after they have met the new baby'. This is totally reasonable!

But it's not the same thing! This child doesn't live with them, and is having to deal with their dad living with a new woman, marrying her and having another baby with her. Then, he'll be living with the new sibling full-time while he only sees his older child during contact.

Lots of children find that upsetting. It's not the same as sending older children (who live in the home full-time) to stay with grandparents overnight.

"She wants one night after giving birth, that's it".

Well, first, OP will probably stay in hospital the night after giving birth, as she is a first time Mum.

Second time Mums don't often have the luxury of having a night alone with their partner when they get home from hospital, unless they've shipped the first child off somewhere.

I don't see why this Dad can't give his dp and his ds plenty of loving attention for a night or two after the birth of his second child. Is he incapable or something?

How often does was stay?

Why aren't you suggesting you swop the night?

Some posters are obviously very bitter, I am guessing they have ex partners who started a family, are happy, and the jealousy make people bitter

Ah yes, the stepmum mantra. You don’t agree and you’re an ex? You’re so bitter?

"I'm guessing you were all the first wives "

What a stupid nonsensical comment. You embarrass yourself.

@BrilliantDarling

It's disgusting that I let my son think he can't be bothered to see his df?

Hmm. Fuck off. His df has let him down from the moment he was conceived.

I think it's fucking disgusting that your DH said that you and your baby have priority over his other son

I do understand OP, but at 4 your stepson won't. Let him feel loved and included please. Feeling pushed out won't help with his sleeping and he's had a lot of change to get used to in his young life.

Yabu Dss is part of the family and he should be included as much as possible - obviously you need a plan b if labour is prolonged/complications occur

PP's: would you do that to your own child?!?
Other PP's: well actually yes, we had our own children stay away.
Original PP's: IT'S NOT THE SAME!!!!

Why the fuck do you ask then? This site is bonkers sometimes.

So four and already has seen parents split up and then father get with someone else and now about to have a baby.

I get that you are scared and nervous understandably.

But this very young child is at such a crucial stage of development you really need to be prioritising what is best for them.

As a SM I really would advise against this.

I understand you wanting to focus on your newborn but you are part of a wider blended family now and you need to embrace that.

My DSD was so excited with the prospect of having a half sibling and seeing her little face filled with happiness, love and joy when she saw her newborn baby brother for the first time was honestly one of my overriding happy memories of that time.

We have an amazing picture of her holding him for the first time with this amazing smile on her face.

I can't bear to think of how she would have felt if we'd have made her wait to see him and I think it could of damaged what has turned into a very loving sibling relationship even as teens.

As DH was on paternity leave there was plenty of time between us both to look after our newborn and DSD and having her there really enriched the experience for us all and reinforced our bond as a family.

I was born the last of four. I had to split my parental attention four bloody ways! So my dad sorted out my two half siblings and my toddler sister into the bargain.

I lived.

The difficulty is that SS is still very young; at 4 there's a good chance he'll equate new baby with absent father and that's a hard thing for a little child. Include him. Your first few days/weeks/months with a newborn are always exhausting, but let him be part of it, if he wakes through the night ride it out and try to remember that this child is an extension of SS's family, too.

I’m assuming they are the priority for that short period.
In normal families, depending on the needs of the individuals at that particular time then the one who needs you most usually is the priority Sometimes one or other of my children takes priority over the other.

I honestly think you’re just taking a bashing here for nothing OP. MN really takes the view that SMs are evil and should never marry men with children.
It’s ridiculous

It's cruel.

Firstly if he was your child, he'd be there anyway.

Some step dc feel pushed out when a sibling arrives and. By doing that, you're doing exactly that.