To not want a baby shower

[BlueFox101]

I'm just not really bothered by it. I remember when my best friend was having one for her baby thinking what's the point in all this? But my husband is adamant that I will regret not having one...
Will I? Has anyone else felt the same not had one and then regretted it?

I really didn't want a baby shower. I don't actually have anything against them in principle. Most of my friends with kids had lovely, low-key baby showers at home and it was made explicit in the invitations that there was genuinely no obligation to bring anything but yourself. However, I didn't want one of my own because I had massive prenatal anxiety and had all kinds of irrational fears that I would be tempting fate by celebrating the baby before it was here safely.

My mother guilt-tripped me into letting her arrange one though (it started with "I'm really hurt that you obviously don't want me to meet your friends. I don't know why you're ashamed of me" and progressed to threats that I would be responsible for breaking up the family if I didn't have a baby shower because my SIL - who had made a very casual offer to help out if I decided to have a baby shower - would never let us see my brother again if I didn't take her up on it. But my mother is another story).

I didn't have:

An engagement party
A hen party
A lavish extravagant wedding
A baby shower

My life has still been lovely 😊

Don't do it OP!

Longnightahead1234 Bloody hell! Your family sounds horrendous.

I didn’t have a baby shower and I really regret it. I had anxiety whilst pregnant and extreme paranoia that I would have a stillbirth or late miscarriage. So I refused to acknowledge I was even pregnant most of the time. I thought if I had a baby shower I’d regret it if I lost the baby.

I feel like if I’d had a baby shower it might have helped me have some nice memories of enjoying / acknowledging / celebrating being pregnant.

I didn't have one. I was offered one but really didn't fancy it. No regrets.

No hen party and no baby showers for me. Just not my style. I don't mind going to baby showers but I resent having to buy a gift prior to the baby being born.

I just think if you want one have one, if you don't then don't!

My group of mum friends have all had them for first and second babies. They offered me one but I just said no thank you and I didn't go to theirs. I've had many losses and don't like feeling like I'm tempting fate.

I do always go and visit when I'm invited once the baby's born. I get something for the baby, an age appropriate book about being a sibling for the older one and favourite treats and snacks for the parents. I think that makes up for it

I've had three children, never once had a baby shower, no-one ever thought to throw me one and I wouldn't have wanted one anyway!

A lot of my friends have had showers, and I've enjoyed them for the most part. I was totally against having on, and I'm very grateful my BF and mum listened to my wishes - they did arrange a lovely afternoon tea for my very closest friends and family which was lovely. Big celebrations aren't my thing but I can see the appeal for others - each to their own as they say!

Never had a shower and didn't regret it. In early pregnancy a friend offered to throw one and I had to explain that I thought they were very tacky and not my thing. In the event we had a really difficult pregnancy towards the end, and I wasn't really in an emotional place to want to have a baby shower (it felt too much like tempting fate at the time). When my son was 8 months I had him christened and we had a large christening party which I loved, that was my opportunity to celebrate his life and we were showered with gifts!!

OP I barely had one and I can guarantee that once you have all the upheaval of the actual baby, you won't care or even remember that you didn't have one.

If you are not fussed, please don't bother.

I agree that they are tacky - especially if your friends don't have much money to spare and you are basically just asking them to buy you stuff (different obvs if you are broke and all your friends are not, then it's fair enough.......:-)

I didn't want one but my friend threw one for me as a surprise. I think people just like an excuse for a party. I did enjoy it in the end but didn't want to tempt fate or have my friends feel they had to buy me gifts! I think if you keep it just to people you are close to it's fine and not tacky or graspy.

People are not miserable. They just have different priorities. If OP doesn't want a baby shower she doesn't have to have one. Or, if her husband is so concerned she might regret it he could organise one, could he not?

My husband and I had a pre baby gathering instead, so we could catch up with all our friends before the baby came. It was lovely actually, all our close friends came and we shared nice food and prosecco (not me!). My sisters and friends baked cakes and brought savoury treats. We said no presents but still most people brought one! I also found baby showers tacky, I had been to a few where the most awful games were played. Truely embarrassing. I have to say though, it was exhausting and about 30 people came. I didn’t have a party for my second, it’s a lot of effort and I honestly do not think you are missing out by not having one. The third trimester should be about resting if you can really x x

I didn’t we just went out for afternoon tea with no presents required

I'm expecting baby 2 and never had one, didn't want one.

I think they're a bit tacky and just an excuse to get stuff out of people that you can't be arsed to buy yourself

If you take out the party aspect and the gift aspect, meeting up with a few friends for a meal or coffee to celebrate the good news, I think is nice. No fuss or pressure on anyone it's just a good reason to be together with your friends.

No interest in them. It's an American thing which we never used to do here.

Also I feel horribly uncomfortable with the thought of everyone else being told to put their hands in their pocket and buy expensive things for MY baby... I would prefer gifts to be someone's choice, not a burden that's forced upon them.

I have only ever been to one baby shower and the invitation was essentially a list of things that I could purchase for the baby, and I was supposed to RSVP letting her know what I had decided to buy. The whole thing was embarrassing and I vowed I would never do that to other people. Even the memory of that day makes me feel embarrassed for her.

I know that not everyone does their baby showers that way but hers really felt very greedy and cheeky and it left a bad taste in a lot of people's mouths, including mine. Put me off the whole idea tbh...

It's a bit of fun...
Celebrate the good times, take lots of pictures and eat the cake.
Family and friends wanting to make a fuss of you is lovely.

My best friend had one a long time ago before they were really a thing here (her daughter is at high school now) and although it was fun, it was a bit awkward as we were all very young and didn’t have much money and felt obliged to buy a baby shower gift and a gift when baby arrived, especially as many people wanted to give a “gendered” gift and the sex of the baby was a surprise. One “friend” found it very grabby and turned up with a pack of maternity pads for the mum to be.

In all honesty, I think they are a bit cheeky.

I’ve just been invited to one by someone I’ve met once and said hello to two years ago. It’s clear she’s expecting me to be there and it’s all about the gifts according to her family. If she’d shown any interest in meeting up with me at any other point, I may have taken it as a sign that she wanted to be friends but, two years after originally meeting me and having never spoken to me since, and knowing that other people have been invited that barely know her...it screams grabby/all about the gifts. I don’t think this is a child I’d ever even get to meet so why on earth would I attend a baby shower for it?!

I’ve got a few friends who are currently pregnant and I suspect I’ll be invited to theirs in the spring/summer. I’m cracking up a little at the moment due to being 35, single and childless, very much against my hopes so I will find the showers very difficult as it’s all about baby related games and cooing over the cute clothes and presents and that’s killing me at the moment. I don’t want to say anything that could potentially put a dampener on their joy or make them feel they need to act differently around me so it’s not like I can really confide in anyone, it wouldn’t be fair
on them. So I’ll have to suck it up.

If some miracle happens and I somehow have a child, no way would I have a baby shower and I definitely don’t think I’d regret it! If it doesn’t align with your values don’t do it. I’d regret having one more than not having one because it would mean I’d been a grabby hypocrite. A nice meal with the girls, no gifts at all, would be my choice.

I meant I can’t say “sorry, I can’t come to your baby shower because I’m really broody and trying to come to terms with the possibility of never having a child so I’d find the event too painful, please forgive me for not attending.” That would be a brilliant way to lose friends and alienate people!

Also people on here are saying the Mum to Be never throws the shower for themselves but I’ve only ever come across one Baby Shower in England that wasn’t arranged by the Mum?!

Didn’t have one for either pregnancies. I don’t regret it! I was just too embarrassed as I think there is a presumption you have to bring presents and i didn’t want to put that expectation on people. Also I’d always rather celebrate after the baby has arrived!
They’re not everyone’s thing so I would just go ahead and not have one! You do deserve a treat though so maybe you could ask if your close friends want to do afternoon tea as a last little get together before baby arrives.

Oh, FFS.

Hold one for yourself if you feel inclined to...or don't!
Accept the invite if you want to go, decline if you don't.

All of this holier-than-though judgement passing on them being 'tacky' and 'grabby' is shameful and makes you sound incredibly bitter.

Like a PP quite rightly pointed out, the celebration of an imminent birth is not a new thing, and it's certainly not limited to US culture.

Evidently the posters here gleefully denouncing the tradition as a tacky US gimmick have a pretty shallow depth of field from their oh-so-dignified vantage point

Personally I won't be having one, purely as I don't like being the focus of attention. I always accept invitations to them though, and enjoy supporting my friends.

I didn't want one either, but it was forced upon me - I agreed to have it at home with DH paying for all food and activities. I did enjoy having friends and family around (12 people total) but I won't have another if I had another baby.

I do feel that the prevalence of baby showers, hen parties, stag do's, vow renewals is all part of a huge "Me, me, me" society.
I wonder to what extent it goes hand-in-hand with the rise of mental health issues?

This is a thread derail but the rise of mental health issues in the West is one-for-one to the rise in the consumption of processed, crap food instead of fresh food (vegetables and fruits, wholegrains, eggs, fish and nuts). You can particularly see it when you consider diet vs mental health by demographic segment, with lower socio economic groups faring worst.

As you were.