To not want a baby shower

[BlueFox101]

I'm just not really bothered by it. I remember when my best friend was having one for her baby thinking what's the point in all this? But my husband is adamant that I will regret not having one...
Will I? Has anyone else felt the same not had one and then regretted it?

Oh really @aethelgifu ? That’s interesting, every single one I’ve been to has been for a 2nd child! Coincidence I guess. This would be my 2nd too. I’d still buy a gift for a friend having their 2nd/3rd/27th child so I don’t see the problem with a little get-together and contributing to a gift voucher for someone with more than one child. Suppose the MN rule of “it’s an invite not a summons” applies and you could decline for a 2nd child. But each to their own; perhaps I am a tacky person after all

aethelgifu In fairness I think most people who dislike baby showers understand that they’re very different to the parties organised in the US tradition.

cringey games
Well games sound dreadful !

It never occurred to me to have one and I don't regret it. I did arrange a lunch with my close friends as a last hurrah before baby came (no gifts or antthing like that... just a Sunday roast which we do from time to time anyway) but baby made an early arrival so we never made it to that!

Most U.K. women don't have them so I'm not sure why you would regret not having one

Not for me and I know there are lots of eye rolls at work if one is mentioned- rather grabby and after a tragic still birth, better to wait until baby has safely arrived.

Bobfossil2 Is the nappy cake where you eat pretend poo?

I didn't have one when I was pregnant with my little boy, I just invited people to my house for cuddles to spend time with him when he was born and made a few pizzas, and to be honest I was far too uncomfortable to be bothered when I was pregnant for all the fuss!
I still got nice photos of all my family & friends holding him which I will treasure forever

That’s interesting, every single one I’ve been to has been for a 2nd child!

US ones? Yep, first child. Sometimes possibly if there's a seriously big gap between children, but by and large they're for first babies. You never throw one for yourself, either, charge people money to attend or ask for cash gifts.

UK showers are very different.

*longeyelashes

Bobfossil2 Is the nappy cake where you eat pretend poo?*

Ha no! That sounds dreadful. No I mean when nappies are rolled up into tiers and turned into a ‘cake’. Meant I had a huge pile of nappies in handy rolls ready to go

Anyway OP- don’t have a baby shower. You don’t want one! You won’t regret it.

I’ve ended up with two for this pregnancy. Though I wouldn’t have been remotely bothered if I didn’t have one.

The first was this weekend just gone, a complete surprise, first I knew about it was walking in through the door at my mums and seeing balloons. It was a little awkward to begin with as I’m not good at being the centre of attention, and I was so shocked, but after that it was lovely, but it was just direct family and my closest two friends, so was nice to just spend the time with them. We didn’t do any silly games though, my sister in law just got everyone to fill out their ‘predictions’ for when the baby comes.

I’ve also got one this week with my work colleagues, we’re going out for afternoon tea, with a couple of added balloons. It’s a joint baby shower with another pregnant colleague and was arranged by her so we could all go out together before we both left for a year.

Both were/will be lovely, but I wouldn’t have felt like I missed out, or had any regret had they not happened.

I’ve never had one or wanted one. The only person I know who has is my SIL and I had to attend. I prey she doesn’t have another one when she’s pregnant again.

The grabbiest person I know is my SIL. She’s had three weddings, all big white dress affairs with huge present lists each time, and thus three hen parties. Three children and three baby showers. If this marriage lasts she will no doubt have a vow renewal.

She doesn’t however throw birthday parties for her children as she lives in council accommodation and says she can’t afford it.

It’s the me me me generation and best ignored.

I Did not have one, didn't regret it, BUT iv been invited to a couple of peoples that were 'old school friends' that I saw on occasion but not close with and I just thought why the hell am I buying a nice expensive gift for a baby I probably wont see till its 1st birthday or christening 😂😂

Hen nights, baby showers... just no. It’s a class thing I think.

Ahh mumsnet - by parents for parents. But only if you're the right "class" apparently. Are you really suggesting that every single person who has a hen night (worldwide) are classless? Or that those partaking in baby showers in South Korea, Tibet, India or Dominican Republic are tacky? How poorly educated you must be...

www.huggies.com/en-us/tips-advice/celebration-planning/baby-shower/baby-shower-traditions-around-the-world

Longeyelashes - wait, manicures and pedicures are tacky?? Or is it only tacky when you're pregnant with your friends? What about false eyelashes? Fake tans? Personal grooming generally? is everything tacky AF? Yes, I thought so...

Thankfully I'm from a culture that seems to be far more celebratory and nurturing than yours.

Fucks sake, whatever happened to celebrating happy occasions with the people we are supposed to love??

I refused one and definitely don't regret it. I think they're a bit grabby too.

I was forced to have one! A family member was adamant she wanted to throw me one but I thought it was too grabby and tacky. In the end I actually enjoyed it and got some nice presents.

Strokethefurrywall
Defensive much?!

You like that sort of stuff, others don’t. Deal with it. Calling someone less nurturing than you because they don’t want to have their toenails cut to celebrate your baby is a bit much! What did your DH do to “celebrate”, have a back wax?! 😂

I didn’t have one, didn’t regret it. I find them very tacky and grabby. I’d have found it very awkward inviting a load of people along to bring me gifts.

They are ridiculous. Boasty grabby and tempting fate

I had a baby shower for both my pregnancies. Nothing tacky about it. Both times was in a restaurant, was just an excuse for a girls night out, dinner drinks and catching up. Both times were arranged by my best friend. Some came with gifts some waited until baby was here. I've never been to a tacky baby shower and I've been to a few.

Meh. I'm defensive that the terms tacky and vulgar are used as a blanket dismissal of a celebration that is common in many many other cultures and traditions (mine included).

But you wouldn't say that to a Indian celebrating a godh bharai would you. Because you know, it would be rude...

It seems to me that the UKs bastardization of the trusty "baby shower" is what has made it so tacky and vulgar. All those that I've attended have been really sweet. (obviously I don't live in the UK). Food, drink, spoiling of the mother to be, no shite games, you know, lovely stuff.

Funnily enough, where I live having a manicure or pedicure isn't tacky at all, it's not really an activity which invites such derision or scorn. What did you all do in the UK to make it tacky? Genuinely would like to know.

Scrolls for who said “vulgar” 😁

None of my friends organised a baby shower for me for DC1. I was upset by that. I asked a friend a organise a baby shower for DC2 but she put no effort into it and just ended up meeting a few friends in a cafe (they bought me gifts though which was kind). I was more bothered by the fact that none of friends organised one for me as shows I don't have many friends than not having a baby shower. I thought I wouldn't be bothered but having gone to few showers organised as surprises for others I felt quite envious. If you've got people wanting to organise one for you - go for it. It's nice to be spoiled and feel cared for.

Who said “vulgar” can’t find it.

Found this from a decade ago though, some things never change!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/629824-to-think-baby-showers-are-vulgar