To not want a baby shower

[BlueFox101]

I'm just not really bothered by it. I remember when my best friend was having one for her baby thinking what's the point in all this? But my husband is adamant that I will regret not having one...
Will I? Has anyone else felt the same not had one and then regretted it?

My friends insisted on throwing one when I was pregnant with DD1. I hate being the centre of attention and felt sick to the stomach for months beforehand just thinking about it. I don't hold it against them in the slightest - they were coming from a good place and it was really touching to see all of the thought and effort they put in with personalised cupcakes, decoration and games. If given the choice again, I still wouldn't have one though. However, I certainly wouldn't judge someone who did. And I'm a very judgemental person!

I don't understand the comments about it being grabby in the slightest. The mother to be doesn't organise it herself. Are birthday parties also seen as grabby in the bizarre world of Mumsnet?

I’m 30 and didn’t have one for my first baby at 26 nor my little one who’s 2 months old. I haven’t once regretted it!

gentlyscented People are entitled to their opinions

Someone asked for opinions, it’s not as if posters have piled on for no reason! I think those that have had them are being defensive and feel they need to self justify. It’s clear the majority of MNers think they are tacky (couldn’t see who called them vulgar) but if you like them, so what? If you’re embarrassed because you were sucked in and had one there’s nothing you can do about it now. Just move on.

Congratulations. You are a better person. Now we all know how selfless you are.

Never said or implied I was a better person. Just stated that I personally don’t want these things, which is a perfectly valid position to take, hence it would be unnecessary fuss and expense BECAUSE I DON’T WANT it. Like I said, happy to celebrate with others as and when they want to celebrate stuff, I just don’t want the same forced on me. The OP has the right to decide for herself too.

I think they can be tacky or grabby but there are plenty of people on here who also sound like they've just had a nice low key last afternoon with friends before their baby arrives, with no games and few gifts.

Personally I've had too many metaphorically whipped out from under my feet to want one, and the forced fun/games and pressured giving that some showers entail are not for me. I happily give baby gifts, but believe they should be freely given and don't like giving too early and the games can be cringy.

People i know that have had them though, they looked very happy and like they had a good day, which is the important thing. I think it's the way they don't fit well with the tradition and gift giving culture for a lot of the UK population that makes them problematic.

I hate them with a passion, certainly didn't miss having one. Tacky and grasping things.

3 babies, 0 showers, 0 regrets.

Also, for all those concerned by the vulgarity of it, there is such a thing as baby shower etiquette... You never host/organise your own and they are only for 1st babies.

They are also for gifts. It's not a shower with no gifts, just a party. You don't ask guests to pay to attend them or put in cash gift requests (I've had both, too).

I think they get the rep for being tacky, vulgar and grabby here because the custom as it is in its country of origin has been completely twisted here.

Yanks have come on here many times (my sister is also married to an American man and lives there) and been shocked by what passes for a baby shower in the UK.

I think it's the way they don't fit well with the tradition and gift giving culture for a lot of the UK population that makes them problematic.

^^This.

I've never had one, never wanted one, still don't like them or really get them.

I didn't have one. I didn't want one as I didn't see the point. It might have been nice to have an afternoon with my mum and sisters (and I guess my MIL and SIL too) before the baby arrived, but no regrets.

Less than a year later my BIL's wife was expecting and my MIL threw her a surprise one. Whilst I still don't regret not having one, I was a little hurt she didn't appear to consider throwing me one.

I don't necessarily see them as tacky, vulgar or grabby but I didn't have one and didn't want one. A friend was going to organise one but I asked her kindly if she wouldn't as I had hideous antenatal anxiety about my son being born safe and well. To me it's counting chickens - if someone terrible had happened then it would have made me feel desperately guilty on top of everything else, as if I'd tempted fate. But that's me in an nutshell

The thread from 10 years ago, there is a poster who isn't uk or us and the deal where she is appears to be is that the event is a low key get together with adult conversation, giving practical gifts like nappies and using the opportunity to get everyone together to arrange things like a meal rota to help the mum. If this was the concept of a baby shower that reached the UK, I think more people would support it but less of the people who currently have them would be having them!!

YANBU. I think they're grabby.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops Yes!

@PIFilm there's nothing to be embarrassed about 😂 it's no different to a wedding or a birthday party in my eyes. Don't understand the snobbery about something so petty as a baby shower. I've not been to one that was organised by the mum to be,only ones that were organised by friends either as a surprise or that the mother was asked and agreed to.
Both mine were a surprise and I was happy and relieved to have a night of fun, giggles and a catch up.

I've been invited to one, it's really not my thing but my friend and her family are so excited it would be mean not to go. I'm just hoping there's no daft games.

using the opportunity to get everyone together to arrange things like a meal rota to help the mum.

Dear god! I cannot imagine being so entitled as to invite my friends to an event to give me gifts for being pregnant and then spring it on them that now I've got a captive audience I expect them to also sign up to bring me meals (and don't say 'Well, they can just say no because the reality is that a lot of people would feel very put on the spot by that and capitulate out of embarrassment).

They never happened in the UK when I was pregnant. I'd never heard of them outside US sitcoms! It's a fairly recent import from the USA. I have to say I never felt I'd missed out, so I don't imagine you will, OP.

@aethelgifu - that's the way they work where the poster I am describing on the thread from years ago is. And it's NOT organised by the mum to be in that instance. However, it's help willingly given -
not demanded- and the norm where that poster lives. Not saying that that particular aspect would translate well to UK but a baby shower being more of a practical gesture might be a better fit than the twee games and consumerist aspects of a US baby shower that don't work as well in the UK as they do in the States.

Also the amount of people who say "what should i do before baby arrives, what sensible things should I do with my pre birth mat leave" and get told to batch prep and freeze meals, and people I know in real life who say they were grateful for food given... it seemed quite a kind idea?

Baby showers in the US have traditionally been a way for family and close friends to help a young mother with the essentials she would need for her baby. It was seen as a joyous occasion and a celebration of the new mum and baby. It wasn’t intended nor was it viewed as ‘grabby’ and those who see it that way might want to take a look at themselves.

Not a fan of baby showers, a few friends asked if I wanted one and I declined. Step Mil was insistent we needed to have one 🙄 kept declining. She tried to organise something for when I was 35 weeks (I and DH were unaware), PFB decided to appear at 34 weeks, plan foiled! I have had very negative baby shower experiences, and see them as very grabby. I’m a much bigger fan of waiting until the baby is safely here and visiting with a gift.

Step mil family have them for every baby, so one of her nieces recently had her 4th(!) baby shower. And they’re not small, they invite every man and their dog, step SIL had upwards of 60 people at hers!

Urgh. Not for me.

So many early births with unwanted surprise baby showers! The babies know!

@PIFilm- presumably because it stresses the mum out!

I didn't want one either, but my sister arranged a family dinner, made a cake and got balloons and I really enjoyed it. No games, no centre of attention thing, just a
Lovely time.