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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being so angry with drunk DP

178 replies

raymama · 28/01/2019 23:57

....not that he knows I'm angry, the state of him!! This will probably be long but I need to vent.

DP and I have a 4 month old DC. He quit his job before xmas, starts a new one next week (this is relevant later). He went to the funeral of an old friends parent. He was "just showing his face".

2pm he texts me saying he's at the wake. Will stay for an hour. Fine, no problem.

Come 6pm, I try to call him to see if he wants dinner. No answer. He calls me at half 7 and says he's coming home soon. 8.30pm he texts saying he's on his way. a bit annoying but im still fine with this.

11 o fucking clock I hear "no you go first its your house" from my hallway. Im in the kitchen washing bottles for our DC, fresh out the shower, in my shittiest (but comfiest) pjs, very obviously braless when in walks DPs friend supporting DP. I am not dressed for visitors!!

DP staggers around the kitchen asking what he can do to help, I told him to go to (spare) bed, he's then passed out on the sofa trying to take his shoes off.

I tried to wake him to take him to spare room and he fell off the fucking sofa, mumbled something incoherent, half got back on the sofa and passed out again.

I've got work tomorrow as I've been doing one KIT day a week since DC was 3m to bring in more money whilst he was jobless, but he obviously wasn't thinking about childcare when he was out.

I've tried moving him and I can't so had to leave him down there with a sick bowl.

I'm so angry I can't sleep. Mainly because of the blatant disregard of the fact he has responsibilities. He clearly won't be looking after DC tomorrow. AIBU being so angry or should I give him a break as he was at a funeral?

OP posts:
marshmy · 29/01/2019 00:03

meh, if it's a one off i wouldn't be too angry, i'm sure he'll be regretting it in the morning when you leave him with 2 paracetamol and a very lively babyGrin

Hope you thanked the friend that saw him home safely

Original poster
raymama · 29/01/2019 00:11

Ah thank you marshmy, this is what I need, some perspective.

I did. And I made polite small talk about the funeral and shared my condolences as it was his parents funeral (whilst braless in my shit pjs Blush)

I think I'm most annoyed because I don't get the chance to swan off all day and come home shit faced because I have a baby to look after.

OP posts:
lovespaniels · 29/01/2019 00:11

What a nightmare, I'm sorry OPSad that's the last thing you need with a new baby AND working the next day!

He better hope he's awake and alert tomorrow morning to take over otherwise he'd have hell to pay if it was me.

Please throw a cup of cold water on him in the morning to wake him? For mumsnet?Wink

PregnantSea · 29/01/2019 00:16

I wouldn't worry too much, he was at a funeral. It's how some people grieve.

Anyway, he'll have a horrible day tomorrow looking after the baby whilst hungover lol. Not your problem OP! You just get yourself to work and wish him a lovely day changing shitty nappies :)

Original poster
raymama · 29/01/2019 00:17

Grin spaniels If he wakes up and tries getting in to bed with me there's a good chance he will get something thrown at him.

If he's not up to watching DC I'll have to take her to work with me and get my mum to collect from there. I couldn't just leave dc with him as I know he'll just dump her in a bouncy chair and continually shove a dummy in her mouth, like he does if he's tired.

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 29/01/2019 00:19

Why won’t he be looking after the DC tomorrow?... he’ll feel a bit shit, but he’ll be capable...

CrispbuttyNo1 · 29/01/2019 00:19

“Please throw a cup of cold water on him in the morning to wake him?”

Nice Hmm

He was at a funeral, it isn’t a regular occurrence. I’m sure he will be capable of dealing with a baby in the morning.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 29/01/2019 00:23

Agree with marshmy. Only I don't think he'll be fit to look after a 4 month old baby. Can you be off work, or can someone reliable look after the wee one?
Husband is going to suffer badly tomorrow Grin If you were a good and decent wife - you'll be making him a special breakfast - at least 2 "runny"eggs Wink
Hope you get some sleep.
Oh - and lots of noise in the morning!

Original poster
raymama · 29/01/2019 00:34

Knowing what he's like, he won't be fit to look after the baby. Or actually, he'd manage and suffer through doing the bare minimum but she'd spend her day with minimal attention just plonked in front of the tv, which I don't think is fair.

He's obviously also not in a fit state to do the baby night wake ups. I do every other night and did when he had work the enxt day too so we agreed he would do it for my work days whilst he's not working. We're in the middle of the sleep regression so nights aren't great, she's awake atm Sad

OP posts:
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 29/01/2019 00:38

Your mum sounds like a good alternative for tomorrow OP. Then you "swan off" for your own day off on Saturday (or whenever) and leave him with the baby.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 29/01/2019 00:39

Just read your update - he owes you big time for missing his night shift!

Pillowaddict · 29/01/2019 00:43

Actually, I would be really angry his grieving friend whp has just buried his parent had to bring him home/look after him on a day where others like your dp should have been supporting him. Selfish behaviour, particularly when combined with the need to watch a tiny baby the next day. Sorry you're now awake and cross and having to rethink your arrangements because he couldn't control himself. We all get carried away, but by several hours? Not on. I'd leave him to sleep tomorrow, take dd to your mum, let him wake up and hopefully apologise shame facedly when he realises he behaved badly.

Hauskat · 29/01/2019 00:45

I would be furious too. You don’t stop being responsible for a small baby when you are grieving and it sounds like the friend whose parents actually died had to spend his evening looking after your dp when it should have been the other way around. If I was so drunk I was passing out the night before there is no way I would feel safe looking after a baby the next day.

Justaboy · 29/01/2019 00:45

Bin there and dun that well sort of it does happen, get talking one more yeah sure;) and then another and rinse and repeat.

Time takes on a differnt meaning and scale and well you see the results of ye demon drink;!.

MissLanesAmericanCousin · 29/01/2019 00:46

I find these replies to be very bizarre to me. I would not put up with this, funeral or not.

However, this is your life story-not mine. You choose how you want to write it.

missperegrinespeculiar · 29/01/2019 00:50

doesn't anybody else think that his behaviour is shit towards his friend, too? the friend is at his parent's funeral, obviously grieving, and has to deal with OP's drunk husband and see him home safely? surely it should ahem bene the other way round?! I would be mortified my grieving friend had to look after my drunken self instead of concentrating on getting through the day themselves as best as they could

missperegrinespeculiar · 29/01/2019 00:51

crosspost! Pillowaddict

LadyandGent · 29/01/2019 00:53

I'm sorry, but that sounds like a scene from a comedy sketch. While I'd be peeved, I'd have to forgive him.

Pillowaddict · 29/01/2019 00:53

Exactly miss peregrine! I'd be making him apologise big style tomorrow, hopefully he would think to himself, but I would make ot clear how disappointed with him I was. This also means any poor excuse for staying so late "I was supporting my friend" is not able to be used, as he likely added to the stress of the day for him Sad

BanditoShipman · 29/01/2019 01:01

I think this behaviour is rubbish too. It wasn’t a funeral of someone he was close to from what the op says. He sounds a bit shit anyway, shoving a dummy in the baby when he’s ‘tired’ Hmm

You might want more from life op.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 29/01/2019 01:05

I missed that it was the bereaved friend! That makes it sooooo much worse. Your DP better apologise profusely to the friend too.

Bandito makes a good point....

marymarkle · 29/01/2019 01:19

I think your DP treated his bereaved friend very badly. The last thing you need after attending the funeral of a parent, is to have to look after a friend who has got too drunk.

BoomBoomsCousin · 29/01/2019 01:23

as I know he'll just dump her in a bouncy chair and continually shove a dummy in her mouth, like he does if he's tired.

This is probably a bigger issue than a one-off drinking spree, though I suspect if someone will do one of them then they're more likely to do the other as well.

Also, if he's been off work since before Christmas, why haven't you been able to leave him with the baby and swan off for the day coming home shit faced (or whatever equivalent you actually want to do)?

cordeliavorkosigan · 29/01/2019 01:23

i'd be furious too. he should be an adult - that means being clear when he is planning to come home, not continually lying to you so you don't have a chance to coordinate the childcare and sleep plan before your work day. how dare he just sabotage that without coordinating, what does he think he is, a teenager still with mummy to pick up for him? he's a parent.
that's just completely taking the piss, telling you he'd be home in an hour so many times but getting shitfaced instead.
i'd be very, very tempted to remove the tv and leave him with the baby to suffer (unless it would put the baby at risk). what a dick move. agree with pp about his friend, too - the friend is the one who'd have been grieving. sounds like your dp was just using the death as an excuse for a massive piss-up.

tallwivglasses · 29/01/2019 02:17

Yeah, he owes you big time. Milk it.

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