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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being so angry with drunk DP

178 replies

raymama · 28/01/2019 23:57

....not that he knows I'm angry, the state of him!! This will probably be long but I need to vent.

DP and I have a 4 month old DC. He quit his job before xmas, starts a new one next week (this is relevant later). He went to the funeral of an old friends parent. He was "just showing his face".

2pm he texts me saying he's at the wake. Will stay for an hour. Fine, no problem.

Come 6pm, I try to call him to see if he wants dinner. No answer. He calls me at half 7 and says he's coming home soon. 8.30pm he texts saying he's on his way. a bit annoying but im still fine with this.

11 o fucking clock I hear "no you go first its your house" from my hallway. Im in the kitchen washing bottles for our DC, fresh out the shower, in my shittiest (but comfiest) pjs, very obviously braless when in walks DPs friend supporting DP. I am not dressed for visitors!!

DP staggers around the kitchen asking what he can do to help, I told him to go to (spare) bed, he's then passed out on the sofa trying to take his shoes off.

I tried to wake him to take him to spare room and he fell off the fucking sofa, mumbled something incoherent, half got back on the sofa and passed out again.

I've got work tomorrow as I've been doing one KIT day a week since DC was 3m to bring in more money whilst he was jobless, but he obviously wasn't thinking about childcare when he was out.

I've tried moving him and I can't so had to leave him down there with a sick bowl.

I'm so angry I can't sleep. Mainly because of the blatant disregard of the fact he has responsibilities. He clearly won't be looking after DC tomorrow. AIBU being so angry or should I give him a break as he was at a funeral?

OP posts:
GoGoGadgetGin · 29/01/2019 07:35

I did look it up and I see that in the US there is a nasal spray- but the training card for that doesn't say anything about water either. Anyway huge apologies for derail OP- hope you are up and being noisy for work!

Patroclus · 29/01/2019 07:44

Yeah we get given it in a syringe ever since this fentanyl madness hit Hull, much better than the nasal stuff althouh I really dont know if id be able to use it properly.

Found a bit more abut it online 'By far, the number one "don't" would be what I call the inception technique and that is splashing cold water on someone's face'

Anyway i'll shutup now.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 29/01/2019 07:47

He was definitely out of order but it was clear he got v carried away at a funeral.Like pp said if it's a one off id milk it for all its worth

EvaHarknessRose · 29/01/2019 07:52

He owes his friend an apology as he should have been there for him not needing looking after and that will have affected his friends ability to grieve that day (having to think about someone else).

And he owes you an apology.

If this is what he’s like (and notable that you don’t think he is capable fo putting the baby before himself) then you need to consider what he does bring to the table.

Calzone · 29/01/2019 07:56

Hope he’s suffering today OP......

Hopefully he’s full of remorse..

lovespaniels · 29/01/2019 07:58

@Sexnotgender I said a cup not freaking water boarding the bloody man!

Really doubt he'd die from a quick cold cup of water on his head to wake up.

lovespaniels · 29/01/2019 08:01

@RayRayBidet he seemed to treat the funeral as a fucking all day bender it sounds like!

Has it maybe occurred to you that the op might still not have been able to swan off during that time because she has a baby to care for and her husband does jack shit with it?

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 29/01/2019 08:02

There’s a few things here. Firstly a 4 mo old is hard work so you and DP need to support each other and acknowledge these weeks won’t last for ever. How long were you and DP together before you had DD ? were you a settled couple?

It’s a tangent, but DD doesn’t have “sleep regression” she is a perfectly normal 4 month old child and most normal 4mos don’t sleep through the night despite what people post on social media!

I’m another who is concerned That you think he will put her in front of the TV and mostly ignore her. Your phrasing is telling. You don’t think he will put her first and this could be a warning sign. I’d pay attention to it. Why do you believe this? Has he given you cause or are you being an over protective Mum perhaps?

The drinking I would be furious about. I’d get over it if it was a genuine one off, but be more concerned if it was part of a binge drinking pattern. On the face of it his friend having to support him isn’t great but there could be more to it.

Sexnotgender · 29/01/2019 08:02

Erm... I was in agreement with you @lovespaniels hence the confused face that people die from water being thrown on them but carry on.

Original poster
raymama · 29/01/2019 08:03

He stumbled up to bed at half 3, fortunately he went to the spare room.

I didnt wake him up with water but I did wake him up to tell him to go and clean the vomit up he'd left on the living room floor. No remorse so far, just moaning that he's having to clean the floor Hmm

I even left the idiot a sick bowl.

I'm less angry this morning and more disgusted.

OP posts:
lovespaniels · 29/01/2019 08:04

@Patroclus luckily in this case the only thing the husband has 'taken' is an exceedingly large amount of alcohol in his system. Doubt there's ecstasy at a bloody funeral.

Crack on with the water I say OP, just a nice small mug on his head, might shock him back into the real world and make him think about his behaviour.🤷🏻‍♀️

lovespaniels · 29/01/2019 08:05

@Sexnotgender ah, sorry, it was hard to tell! Since all the other comments were against it I took yours as being the same! Sorry!

lovespaniels · 29/01/2019 08:06

@raymama That's so grossShock does he often drink so much he's ill?

Sexnotgender · 29/01/2019 08:07

No worries Smile

What a child. Moaning about being asked to clean up mess that he has made.

punishmepunisher · 29/01/2019 08:08

What a donkey.

lovespaniels · 29/01/2019 08:09

@Sexnotgender I know right! I really feel for OP though :( that's the last thing you need worrying about in the morning (when she's probably been caring for baby during the night).

I think you should show him this thread OP and let him see not many other women would put up with this behaviour!

ResistanceIsNecessary · 29/01/2019 08:10

Moaning about having to clean the floor - what did he think the alternative should be? That you clean up his vomit for him?

One can only hope that he's an amazing and caring partner for the rest of the time, because as it stands he sounds like a selfish and immature twat, who is a lazy parent to boot. What exactly does he bring to the table in this relationship?

pictish · 29/01/2019 08:13

Ach if this is a rare occurrence/one-off/not typical of him you need to unclench. Yes it’s annoying, yes it’s inconvenient, yes he hasn’t behaved as well as he should have and was inconsiderate...but it doesn’t sound as though it’s a pattern or was pre-planned. It was one of those events that just unfold on the night.
He’s your husband not your employee. So what if baby has a boring day with knackered daddy? I know all three of my kids have had to endure the odd hangover day with me - and what of it?
Perspective OP. We don’t stop being individuals because we become a parent. He dropped the ball on this one...but one so might you and you would hope he’d be understanding eh?

pictish · 29/01/2019 08:13

one day*

RangeRider · 29/01/2019 08:14

You can't kill people by throwing a cup of water on them. There'd be more deaths of people trying to get home in the rain if that were the case.
and
I said a cup not freaking water boarding the bloody man!
Classics!
In some ways it might have actually helped his friend - impossible to focus on your own grief when you're trying to manoeuvre a drunk person. Funerals are hideous if it's your 'person' that's died - it's painful without being cathartic grieving (in my experience) so he may have actually appreciated the distraction. Not that this excuses DP in the slightest so don't tell him.

Drogosnextwife · 29/01/2019 08:20

I would be absolutely raging OP, I wouldn't leave dc with him either. That's an embarrassing state to get into at a funeral.

Kittykat93 · 29/01/2019 08:20

What an idiot. I would be furious, especially that he had to be escorted home by his bereaved friend. My husband has done this a few times and it's really inconsiderate, I know how you feel.

SaturdayNext · 29/01/2019 08:25

moaning that he's having to clean the floor

Poor little flower. Who does he think should clean the floor, then? And why?

QueenieInFrance · 29/01/2019 08:25

meh, if it's a one off i wouldn't be too angry, i'm sure he'll be regretting it in the morning when you leave him with 2 paracetamol and a very lively baby
Except that I very much doubt he is a state of looking after a 4 months old baby at 7.00am.
He will still be totally drunk.

Being a drunk as one one off is one thing.
Being drunk when you have responsibilities is another.
I wouod be fuming!

OP how is he doing this am and have you find a way to go to work today?

QueenieInFrance · 29/01/2019 08:27

Sorry missed your update.
He is disgusted to have to clean HIS IWN vomit?
Who does he think would do it otherwise? Little fairy or his wife maybe?

What have you done with the baby OP and have you been able to go to work?
Is he in a good enough state to actually be left with a baby in his own?