Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being so angry with drunk DP

178 replies

raymama · 28/01/2019 23:57

....not that he knows I'm angry, the state of him!! This will probably be long but I need to vent.

DP and I have a 4 month old DC. He quit his job before xmas, starts a new one next week (this is relevant later). He went to the funeral of an old friends parent. He was "just showing his face".

2pm he texts me saying he's at the wake. Will stay for an hour. Fine, no problem.

Come 6pm, I try to call him to see if he wants dinner. No answer. He calls me at half 7 and says he's coming home soon. 8.30pm he texts saying he's on his way. a bit annoying but im still fine with this.

11 o fucking clock I hear "no you go first its your house" from my hallway. Im in the kitchen washing bottles for our DC, fresh out the shower, in my shittiest (but comfiest) pjs, very obviously braless when in walks DPs friend supporting DP. I am not dressed for visitors!!

DP staggers around the kitchen asking what he can do to help, I told him to go to (spare) bed, he's then passed out on the sofa trying to take his shoes off.

I tried to wake him to take him to spare room and he fell off the fucking sofa, mumbled something incoherent, half got back on the sofa and passed out again.

I've got work tomorrow as I've been doing one KIT day a week since DC was 3m to bring in more money whilst he was jobless, but he obviously wasn't thinking about childcare when he was out.

I've tried moving him and I can't so had to leave him down there with a sick bowl.

I'm so angry I can't sleep. Mainly because of the blatant disregard of the fact he has responsibilities. He clearly won't be looking after DC tomorrow. AIBU being so angry or should I give him a break as he was at a funeral?

OP posts:
diddl · 29/01/2019 08:32

What a pathetic, selfish twat.

As much as I don't think that he should get out of his responsibilities, if the poor baby won't be looked after properly then why should they be left with such an arsehole?

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 29/01/2019 08:34

'He's your husband not your employee'

True. But op is someone's employee and had agreed with her husband hed do childcare so she could work. He let her down at the last minute and didn't arrange an alternative. That means she is going to be stressed and tired at work. So his actions cause her to be a poorer performing employee on the only day she is in for a while

All these people who think it's an inconvenience, I'm not sure their partners would think it so funny if the mother went on a massive bender all night and the father had to get up in the night with the baby and sort emergency child care before going to work.

Whenever there's a thread about should my husband help with the baby in the night, there are loads of people saying 'of course not, he's got to go to work!'. It seems that doesn't apply equally to women who are fine to do all child related stuff and work as well

Hwory · 29/01/2019 08:34

What a fucking idiot

DavetheCat2001 · 29/01/2019 08:34

He sounds like a Prince amongst men, OP 😳

RayRayBidet · 29/01/2019 08:35

Has it maybe occurred to you that the op might still not have been able to swan off during that time because she has a baby to care for and her husband does jack shit with it?
@lovespaniels
Then her problems are deeper than him getting pissed at a funeral. In a relationship where neither partner is a massive knob and it's a one off then I think she is being unreasonable.

If there's other problems this really isn't the issue is it.

StealthPolarBear · 29/01/2019 08:42

He has no regard for his friend or his wife

QueenieInFrance · 29/01/2019 08:42

Then her problems are deeper than him getting pissed at a funeral. In a relationship where neither partner is a massive knob and it's a one off then I think she is being unreasonable.

Nope. He wouod still be a knob for not have called her at all and to have assume she would be ok with him
1- passing out when he was coming back and therefore been unable to help during the night eve;though she had to go to work the day after (unlike him)
2- with him being in no state to look after a baby, therefore forcing her tomeither not go to work or to find an alternative at the last minute.
3- moaning that he had to clear up his own vomit.

At no point has he behaved like an adult with responsibilities, responsibility as a parent of a 4 months old and responsibility as an adult.

MeredithGrey1 · 29/01/2019 08:45

He's your husband not your employee

Equally OP is not his employee, and yet he seems to expect her to clean his vomit and rearrange childcare plans without even discussing this with her.

RayRayBidet · 29/01/2019 08:49

This thread is bonkers

whiteworld · 29/01/2019 08:54

I couldn't just leave dc with him as I know he'll just dump her in a bouncy chair and continually shove a dummy in her mouth, like he does if he's tired.

You have bigger problems than a night out. He sounds a bit shit, op. Abd selfish (his poor bereaved friend, having to take your h hone when your h should have been supporting him!) and poor you.

pictish · 29/01/2019 09:05

Man gets drunk at a funeral once. Pukes at home.
Mumsnet freaks the fuck out...why??

RangeRider · 29/01/2019 09:05

he seems to expect her to clean his vomit
Does he though? Or is he just complaining about having to do a revolting task, particularly given that he'll be feeling like crap? If I'd thrown up on the floor I'd be whinging when cleaning it up - but as I live alone it's not like there's anyone else that I could palm the job off on (though the dog might volunteer!).

Everanewbie · 29/01/2019 09:06

Some very pious high and mighty statements on here. Have none of you every gone too far with a night out?

Unless he really is a colossal idiot the regret will shortly set in and he'll realise he was stupid. Especially given that it was a funeral and that he left you in the lurch. But it's hardly the crime of the century. Unless it is a regular occurrence and forming part of a pattern. (Weekly, not yearly.)

Personally, i feel that heavy drinking beyond 1 or 2 to toast the deceased at a funeral is very distasteful and hugely undignified. But a day in the dog house followed by you explaining the difficulty he caused you would be how i'd handle it.

pictish · 29/01/2019 09:09

So pious. All these perfect angels make me want to puke too!

StealthPolarBear · 29/01/2019 09:10

I'm not pious but I'd be angry about the way he treated his friend, very shit

Bluntness100 · 29/01/2019 09:12

Huge lol, I love these drunk threads, the faux outrage and hurling of abuse 🤣🤣🤣

Op, clearly not his finest hour, and clearly from his texts he didn't intend to get wankered, he fell over the cliff. Of course it's annoying, but if it's not his normal behaviour or a common occurance, I'd probably explain what a twat he was, that he owed his friend an apology, and you and leave it there.

Original poster
raymama · 29/01/2019 09:17

rayray Baby was ebf until I started going back to work. I still bf once in morning and once before bed. I don't express because I get hardly any. Is that a massive dripfeed? I didnt really see how its relevant. Even if I wasn't bfing, I wouldn't want to go out and get that drunk anyway because I wouldn't be able to ignore my baby the next day and I don't want to deal with DC on a hangover.

To the person who told me to unclench. I have already said this morning that I'm not angry any more. Unless you mean because I said I was disgusted. Surely anyone would be disgusted if they went downstairs to find a nearly 40 yr old had vomited all over the floor and then left it? Hmm

Someone asked how established the relationship was. We've been together 9 years, lived together for 8.

I am going to work. Hes back in bed after vomiting twice more, luckily this time in the toilet so no is not watching the baby. Considering he's made no effort to come see DC this morning I assume hes forgotten that im going to work. Perhaps im being all pfb but I really don't think he's fit to look after a baby right now.

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 29/01/2019 09:17

Man gets drunk at a funeral once. Pukes at home.
Mumsnet freaks the fuck out...why??

Or...
Man goes to mates parents funeral, knowing he has to look after 4 month old baby next day.
Man gets blind drunk and has to be helped home by bereaved friend.
Man vomits on living room floor.
Man in no fit state to properly care for aforementioned 4 month old baby.
Man whines about having to clean OWN VOMIT off living room floor.

pictish · 29/01/2019 09:19

Yeah...it’ll all blow over.

doubledrop · 29/01/2019 09:22

Omg you're acting like he didn't come home for days!
Rolling in drunk at 11pm... I think you're being completely ott. I'm sure dealing with a baby whilst hungover will be enough punishment.
I think you're just jealous tbh

RandomWok · 29/01/2019 09:22

Crack out the hoover.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 29/01/2019 09:25

My husband has never got so drunk that he throws up on the floor.
Neither have I (I always manage to get to the bathroom in time.....)

StealthPolarBear · 29/01/2019 09:26

Jealous?!

peachgreen · 29/01/2019 09:27

I'd love to see the reactions if a woman got so drunk she couldn't look after her baby the next day when her partner was at work. I can't imagine having so low standards and expectations of the father of my child.

doubledrop · 29/01/2019 09:31

Yes, jealous
Op clearly needs a good night out!