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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being so angry with drunk DP

178 replies

raymama · 28/01/2019 23:57

....not that he knows I'm angry, the state of him!! This will probably be long but I need to vent.

DP and I have a 4 month old DC. He quit his job before xmas, starts a new one next week (this is relevant later). He went to the funeral of an old friends parent. He was "just showing his face".

2pm he texts me saying he's at the wake. Will stay for an hour. Fine, no problem.

Come 6pm, I try to call him to see if he wants dinner. No answer. He calls me at half 7 and says he's coming home soon. 8.30pm he texts saying he's on his way. a bit annoying but im still fine with this.

11 o fucking clock I hear "no you go first its your house" from my hallway. Im in the kitchen washing bottles for our DC, fresh out the shower, in my shittiest (but comfiest) pjs, very obviously braless when in walks DPs friend supporting DP. I am not dressed for visitors!!

DP staggers around the kitchen asking what he can do to help, I told him to go to (spare) bed, he's then passed out on the sofa trying to take his shoes off.

I tried to wake him to take him to spare room and he fell off the fucking sofa, mumbled something incoherent, half got back on the sofa and passed out again.

I've got work tomorrow as I've been doing one KIT day a week since DC was 3m to bring in more money whilst he was jobless, but he obviously wasn't thinking about childcare when he was out.

I've tried moving him and I can't so had to leave him down there with a sick bowl.

I'm so angry I can't sleep. Mainly because of the blatant disregard of the fact he has responsibilities. He clearly won't be looking after DC tomorrow. AIBU being so angry or should I give him a break as he was at a funeral?

OP posts:
Patroclus · 29/01/2019 06:28

Definitely dont go around throwing water on people. If they've taken something else it can kill them.

ResistanceIsNecessary · 29/01/2019 06:51

It was hugely selfish and irresponsible.

He was supposed to be doing night duty and the childcare today - but got wasted instead. The childcare is necessary for you to bring extra money in because he's unemployed.

And as for people grieve in different ways - yes they do, but he got so wasted that his mate had to bring him home. That would be the mate whose parent had just died. How inappropriate and selfish do you need to be that you rely on the person you are supposed to be supporting?!

He sounds immature and self centred. I'd be having a come to Jesus chat with him today about his behaviour and general attitude. Otherwise, what exactly does he do? Unemployed, unreliable and lazy.

WitsEnding · 29/01/2019 06:52

You can't kill people by throwing a cup of water on them. There'd be more deaths of people trying to get home in the rain if that were the case.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/01/2019 06:56

That would really piss me off. He was hardly consoling his friend blind drunk. And even so there really is no excuse. My dh used to not be able to stop. After I became disabled he finally FINALLY started to create boundaries for himself. Many years ago he once got dropped at the police station by a taxi driver unable to wake him. Guess who picked him up. Hmm We paid the driver btw - he left a card. This was abroad, idk what would happen in the U.K. as they’re almost all shut now overnight.

Believeitornot · 29/01/2019 06:57

I doubt he was grieving in the same way as his friend who was the one who’s parents had died!

I bet he knew he had to be on duty today but a part of him didn’t give a shit.

Wanker.

Patroclus · 29/01/2019 06:58

If somebody is in overdose and you throw water over them they can go into shock.

Skittlesandbeer · 29/01/2019 06:58

Supporting his mate? Making his mate’s day worse actually.

I’d concentrate on that when you make the Hellfire speech later tomorrow. They have a way of tuning out ‘what about me and the baby’.

Make sure someone checks on him, if you leave your child home. And bring all chargers plus the modem with you to work.

The man needs some time to reflect, interspersed with pureeing veggies and changing nappies. Revolting behaviour in my book.

NameChangeNugget · 29/01/2019 07:00

I don’t think there’s any need to be uptight. It was a one off

Sexnotgender · 29/01/2019 07:01

People can die from water thrown on themConfused

He’s behaved terribly to both you and his friend who lost a parent and ended up looking after your crappy husband.

Just shoving a dummy in the baby’s mouth when he’s tired is unbelievably shit parenting.

mrbob · 29/01/2019 07:01

Patroclus that is not true

MsTSwift · 29/01/2019 07:03

Embarrassing and pathetic on so many levels. A parent with a babyof that age getting out of control paralytic not even on a proper night out. The poor friend having to deal with this prat after his parents funeral. I fear any sexual desire I might ever have had would drain away for someone like that

MoreCheeseDear · 29/01/2019 07:04

Your DP is an inconsiderate prick. His poor friend.

Patroclus · 29/01/2019 07:06

When I as using heroin I was told over and over again never to do it, true or not.

Oblomov19 · 29/01/2019 07:08

FGS it's not that bad. It was a one off.
He'll have to look after DD tomorrow and then he'll wished he hadn't!!
If he is a bare minimum person and you are concerned that all he ever does is plonk her down in front of the tv, or stuff a dummy in her mouth, then those are more serious issues - so why haven't you previously talked to him about those?

ApolloandDaphne · 29/01/2019 07:11

Well I guess you will know soon if he is going to be capable of looking after his child.

On a side note there is nothing to stop you arranging an evening out with your friends and having a few drinks.

zippey · 29/01/2019 07:12

Throwing water at someone is tantamount to assault. Just saying it’s not a nice thing to do, and could be abusive.

The friend probably wanted to to help him get home. Maybe they were drunk together. I wouldn’t read too much into it.

RayRayBidet · 29/01/2019 07:13

I think I'm most annoyed because I don't get the chance to swan off all day and come home shit faced because I have a baby to look after.

Jeez it was a funeral not a night out. It's a one off and you will be able to milk it till the end of time. And if he's been off work for a month then you should have swanned off in that time. Nothing stopping you.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 29/01/2019 07:13

I'd be mad. It's not 'supporting his friend' if the friend had to look after him and bring him home drunk! I think if it was a close friend who'd died it would be more understandable but it sounds like he just went for his friend - he wasn't drinking out of grief. The texting to say back in an hour is annoying
Being so hungover while he is supposed to be looking after his child is shit. He hasn't given you any warning and hasn't made alternative arrangements when he realised he wanted to get off his face which makes it your responsibility. It's shit to skip hire night shift with no notice when you're in work the next day.

I don't see any part of this that's funny or one of those things.

peachgreen · 29/01/2019 07:18

These replies are something else! Totally inappropriate to need to be looked after by his bereaved friend. Totally selfish to get so drunk he can't do his night shift. And totally irresponsible to be unable to take the baby while you're at work. Honestly, women will put up with anything on here. He is the baby's primary carer today, he should have taken that into consideration just as you would have.

Jaxtellerswife · 29/01/2019 07:19

People can die fro water thrown on them?Hmm
Crikey 😏

Patroclus · 29/01/2019 07:22

Well i regret fucking mentioning it now. From my naloxone thingy-'can cause hyperventilation, muscle spasm and choking on fluid.'

But crack on throwing things at uncnscious people.

Singlebutmarried · 29/01/2019 07:22

@jaxtellerswife

Totally.

Do you not remember the scene in Lost boys where the long haired blond one gets doused with holy water and then shoved in the bath?

That was a documentary right?

silkpyjamasallday · 29/01/2019 07:24

It sounds like you have bigger problems than him going out and getting shitfaced, he sounds utterly selfish in having to get his bereaved friend to carry him home. And he just ignores the baby once he's sorted her with bouncer and dummy? That's just quite sad Sad You will need to have a big talk with him about how selfish he has been and he needs to apologise profusely to both you and his friend.

GoGoGadgetGin · 29/01/2019 07:29

Pat where does it say that? Looked it up on NICE and couldn't see that. Do you not think OP would notice if her husband was on an IV for opiate withdrawal? Or am l missing something?

Patroclus · 29/01/2019 07:33

When we get given Naloxone (hich is used to reverse overdose, not just IV for opiate withdrawal which sounds savage) we get given this printout with this stuff on. Thats what it says about throwing water. Maybe its one of the endless myths that attach themselves to drug use, but since cold water shock is a thing it seems as if its based in truth.

This generally applies to people unconscious from substances.