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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be sacked due to sick children?

583 replies

Spamup · 28/01/2019 18:56

Regular user but have NC for this!

My children, DS and DD both under 3 have several bouts of sickness before christmas and today my DS is not well which has resulted in a hospital admission - my employet has casually mentioned before about how i would probably be better off not working but nothing has been written down regarding this - ff to this evening, it has been sent to the HR department for formal disciplinary process to start and i am in bits - i am a lone parent and no family or friends to support me with emergancy childcare as they all work full time - can i really lose my job over this? I have bills etc to pay and worked a long time in this field to get to where i am now :(

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 28/01/2019 20:07

i did forward it to my manager to apologise for the delay in not responding

And did you agree on that email? You can't just have said sorry for not responding, then not responded?

You can fix this op you need to think it through though, get your story straight, explain what steps you are taking to ensure you're available for work.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 28/01/2019 20:07

Your headline is too emotive - you aren't being sacked for having sick children, the disciplinary procedure is being invoked due to your absence record

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 28/01/2019 20:07

This is not great OP. However, I well remember how hard it was when my child was young and picking up every bug going. The good news is, it will get better soon. See if you can play the long game.

But do wise up, you need to prioritise this.

Juells · 28/01/2019 20:09

8 or 9 weeks over 5 months is basically half,that is a hell of alot of time off unfortunately
plus
had a year off with PND and domestic violence

😮

HazelBite · 28/01/2019 20:09

I used to "nanny-share" with another family, she was with them 3 days a week and with me for 2, would something like that be possible OP?

Believeitornot · 28/01/2019 20:09

Your childcare costs sounds insane. £1300 a month!

We paid about £1800 for a nanny who worked four days a week.

I would look for different childcare and work more days.

Drogosnextwife · 28/01/2019 20:10

Have you looked at a childminder? They would be cheaper and depending on illness may be more flexible to take the children when under the weather.

Please do not presume that a childminder can take your kids when they are ill. It puts childminders in a terrible position because they have other children to think about. If a nursery won't take them then you should not be sending them to a self employed childminder. If they catch whatever your child has they have to take time off unpaid, unlike nursery staff.

It's a shot situation OP, it is a lot of time off bit it's one disciplinary (I take it it's the first) they probably won't fire you. Hopefully things pick up soon.

C8H10N4O2 · 28/01/2019 20:10

If you are in a TUPE situation and they are looking to reduce headcount then I strongly recommend you get some advice tailored to your specific situation. This may be a union (if you have a good local organisation) but may also be worth contacting a mental health or women's support charity to see if they have advice available.

"Easing out" people with mental health problems or difficult family situations is a common scenario, as both types of charity know.

The key thing is to get personal advice - you obviously can't discuss personal details here but the individual circumstances are important.

Have you ever asked for parental responsibility support in terms of flexible working or is your job one which needs to be on premise and scheduled? It helps that you have taken the time unpaid as it makes it obvious you are not trying to rip them off but you are at risk and need support either to keep your job or to negotiate a decent exit with a reference and some pay off.

Gazelda · 28/01/2019 20:11

I can only imagine how hard this must be for you OP.
I hope your DC's hospital trip hasn't turned into an overnight stay and that he's on the mend.
You're in a bloody difficult situation, and your employer has, to be fair, been very tolerant.

I think you should go in tomorrow and acknowledge how tolerant they've been and that the situation can't continue. Tell them you're looking at Alternative childcare options and want to show them how dedicated you are to your work.
Look at getting a nanny, look again at local childminders.
Your nursery fees are bloody horrendous, so it's quite probable that you'll find a workable alternative without it costing you more.

Charlie97 · 28/01/2019 20:12

@Spamup what about the day nanny suggestions? It would be an answer?

Nicknacky · 28/01/2019 20:12

drogo I’ve been using childminders for 11 years. I’m well aware of how they work.

That’s why I said “depending on illness” because in my experience they SOMETIMES may take a child that nursery wouldn’t.

And the advantage would also be that it would be cheaper for her generally.

Monkeybusiness2 · 28/01/2019 20:15

Oh OP, I can totally sympathise. I am on my own with 3 under 9. Last year I was very worried as I was being called out several times by the school to collect. This year so far has been much better. It's an impossible situation sometimes I know. IMO I think if they are intending to sack you, let them, (make sure they state the reason though in writing) in case you need to claim some benefits for a while and it doesn't look like you just left your job.

Original poster

Spamup · 28/01/2019 20:16

Thankyou for your supportive comments i do appreciate it!

I will have a look at contacting a charity with regards to this to see what they suggest i am not in a union unfortunatley.

My manager has said he will speak with HR and let me know when its convenient for them to come down for a meeting (he doesnt know when this will be) and will ring me tommorow with an update - so i am presuming they arent expecting me in tommorow but i dont know what to do now :/ does this mean i am suspended? Do i not need to be notified if this is the case?

OP posts:

Monkeybusiness2 · 28/01/2019 20:17

I also have a childminder but I wouldn't think of sending my sick kids to her if they were off school.

Nicknacky · 28/01/2019 20:18

monkey Good for you. My child minder has taken my child when she was under the weather (can’t for the life of me remember what was wrong with her but it wasn’t anything infectious)

Merryoldgoat · 28/01/2019 20:19

@charlie97

The definitely exist - my friend is one! She charges a reduced rate as she takes her own child so that’s another possibility for OP to save a bit more. I’m London too so the rates do stack up.

Twickerhun · 28/01/2019 20:19

You aren’t suspended. If you can go in you absolutely must.

Believeitornot · 28/01/2019 20:19

A childminder wouldn’t take a sick child but a nanny would (for example my dcs got chickenpox during an incredibly busy time for me at work and she looked after them)

Nicknacky · 28/01/2019 20:19

Why would you think you are suspended? Just go to work as normal.

JustHereForThePooStories · 28/01/2019 20:20

If tomorrow is one of your normal working days, you should attend. Can you ring or text your manager to ask him to confirm?

Drogosnextwife · 28/01/2019 20:20

Oh beloe9ve me I know how cheeky people can be when bringing sick children to a childminder. I am one. I have people bring kids that have been up all night being sick and give them Calpol in the morning and don't mention it until I have to text them at work because the child has been sick all over my house, car or pram. If a child is ill enough to be admitted to hospital then they are not well enough to go to a childminder so it wasn't a good suggestion based on that. Childminders just find it harder to say no because they are colder to the family than a nursery and feel guilty turning them away. It would be cheaper though.

Drogosnextwife · 28/01/2019 20:20

Closer, not colder

Bluntness100 · 28/01/2019 20:20

She has already said she couldn't find a child minder and I think we all know that even if she managed to pull it out the hat it's another dodgy situation for her as depending on illness a child minder may not be able to take them,

So a day nanny is the perfect solution and less risky, and should not cost more than 150 a day,

Nicknacky · 28/01/2019 20:21

drogos Did I suggest any of those things? No, I don’t. And I wouldn’t send my kids anywhere if they had been vomiting.

Bluntness100 · 28/01/2019 20:22

Op, if you are due in tomorrow you must go in, you are not suspended and you can't just not front up again.

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