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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sacked due to sick children?

583 replies

Spamup · 28/01/2019 18:56

Regular user but have NC for this!

My children, DS and DD both under 3 have several bouts of sickness before christmas and today my DS is not well which has resulted in a hospital admission - my employet has casually mentioned before about how i would probably be better off not working but nothing has been written down regarding this - ff to this evening, it has been sent to the HR department for formal disciplinary process to start and i am in bits - i am a lone parent and no family or friends to support me with emergancy childcare as they all work full time - can i really lose my job over this? I have bills etc to pay and worked a long time in this field to get to where i am now :(

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 28/01/2019 19:49

incapacity dismissal is normally due to your sickness though

Yes it is, that's exactly what it is.

And incapacity dismissals don't technically need to follow the ACAS disciplinary code as that is for conduct, though it is recommended that employers do follow it and case law suggesting it should be followed. The dismissal needs to be fair so they will probably go for a warning this time, though it sounds as if the OP has already had a warning as she says she has an email from HR asking her to confirm their previous meeting.

www.personneltoday.com/hr/quick-guide-to-incapacity-dismissals/

TheSheepofWallSt · 28/01/2019 19:49

It’s so hard isn’t it OP. I’m a lone parent with a 2 yo who has rotten luck health wise, including hospital admittance. It causes me endless anxiety and I came close to losing my job soon after getting it.

Things I’ve done to mitigate the damage:

If DS is sick I make sure I’m available on email or phone for questions as much as possible

I never ever slip a deadline. If I’m looking after DS all day and there’s a deadline- I work all night to meet it. Caffeine is a lifesaver.

I show that I’m trying to cover with childminders etc- even if they can’t do it last minute, I keep a paper trail.

I work fucking hard, all the time. I make myself indispensable to my boss.

I apologise- even when I think “I can’t help this”- profusely.

This is all shit; I hate that I live in constant fear of coughs and colds- DS is asthmatic so these can mean a week of work at times. But my boss now knows that I am 100% dedicated to my job, and if they bear with me - let me work flexibly when need be - they’ll be paid back 100fold in my loyalty and dedication.

They also know they’re paying me significantly less than someone with comparable experience would get in a corporate organisation (I’m third sector)- and they’re unlikely to find anyone with my skill set and experience within the sector, however much money they paid.

I can only suggest that you go to HR not defensively, but ready with a plan of how you will put measures in place to support you when your kids are sick.

Good luck.

blue25 · 28/01/2019 19:50

Who has to cover your work when you're off?

That's a huge amount of time off. It's not fair on other employees or your employer.

CluedoAddict · 28/01/2019 19:50

That's a massive amount of time off. I am not surprised they aren't happy.

Teaandtoastie · 28/01/2019 19:51

Are you in a union?

All those saying can’t she get a childminder- it won’t help! I am also a LP with 2 children and no local family support. If they are I’ll the CM won’t take them- she has other children to think about.

I had a similar issue about 2 years ago where over the course of a year I had 10 data of leave to look after my DC. They just went through a period of catching vomiting bugs, chicken pox etc. I was told by HR it was not sustainable, and I replied by saying there was nothing I could do. Luckily since then their immune systems have toughened up- neither have had a sick day at all since going back in Sept.

I would speak to your union and find out what your rights are. Is it the kind of job you could do from home if they’re ill? Could you make up different days?

Please don’t give up work, it is worth battling on as once they get older (mine are 10 and 8 now) it gets so much easier. I am still terrified to ever take a sick day myself though, I feel like I need to save all my goodwill for in case they are ill so I always drag myself in regardless!

Original poster
Spamup · 28/01/2019 19:51

Last time i tried to get him involved it ended up with SS being involved (thats a whole other thread) and they told him to seek legal advice - to date this has not yet happened - i have been to two solicitors myself and they have said not to do anything and wait for him to start proceedings.

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 28/01/2019 19:52

If he has made himself unemployed I would be suspicious of that and start trying to find out if he is actually working. What kind of life style is he living, that will answer that question.

dorisdog · 28/01/2019 19:53

It's the beginning of the disciplinary process, so you may well be able to work something out. If you offer to help find a solution, you may be fine, OP. Are you in a union? if not, do you have someone who can come to meetings with you to take notes, etc?

You've had a load of bad luck with illness and I'm sure single parenting is hard. I sympathise! I had time off with PND and was a single parent for while trying to juggle work and childcare. It's all fine until someone's ill and then all the best laid plans unravel. I hope it gets better.

Bluntness100 · 28/01/2019 19:53

The thing is op, it does look like unless you can find a solution you simply are not available to work as per your contract.

So you have two options, find a solution, I would look for a nanny, or you will have to be dismissed, but at this stage, even you admit they have a point.

It's a sad situation, but they can't keep you employed because it's good for your mentiak health, they need to keep you employed because they are comfortable you are available to do the job and will do so.

You shoild have responded to hr. not doing so is against you, as it reads you had no intention of complying with their requirements, and then proceeded to take enough time off to prove that to be true.

Original poster
Spamup · 28/01/2019 19:55

Thankyou- sorry not looking for sympathy or playing the woe is me card i am genuinley in a state of panic at the moment i am sure i will look at this more logically tommorow and come up with some sort of action plan.

Since i have returned to work i havent actually been doing my role - i have been dealing with all the admin/pa stuff for my manager as he doesnt have capacity for this at the moment.

OP posts:
Charlie97 · 28/01/2019 19:56

I'm out of touch with childcare arrangements but OP says she's not got room for a nanny, is there such a thing as a day nanny. One that comes to the house but doesn't live there? Would that work?

Original poster
Spamup · 28/01/2019 19:57

I didnt not respond to their email on purpose i am usually quite anal about replies it was an oversight- the person who sent was no longer an employee shortly after which is the only reason i can comprehend as to why i had not responded

OP posts:
BritInUS1 · 28/01/2019 19:58

8 or 9 weeks since September ! Wow, I'm afraid if you were my employee then we would also be taking this further. That is basically 2/5 months off

Merryoldgoat · 28/01/2019 19:58

I would get a day nanny for that price - they don’t live in and if you’re paying £150 a day it’s absolutely doable.

If she’s ofsted registered then get tax free childcare too.

Yabbers · 28/01/2019 19:58

Yes, you can lose your job over this. It’s unfortunate that your children have been ill, but it isn’t up to your employer to be so much out of pocket because you have no local support. It’s a shitty situation for you but it is for them too. I’m all for employers being flexible but this one has been asked to go above and beyond what’s reasonable.

Nicknacky · 28/01/2019 19:59

How quickly after sending the email did they stop working there that meant you didn’t respond?

Did you know they were leaving imminently?

Bluntness100 · 28/01/2019 19:59

It would seem rhey have effectively filled your role op, and found a permanent solution for your work to be done, and now use you as and when you are available for work to support the manager. This is not a good sign,

Why did you not agree to the email from hr? This looks like a deliberate act, like you knew you coildnt be available for the job so thought you'd be clever and not respond. That really is a huge negative. I can't understand why you didn't respond and at least pretend to show willing?

Charlie97 · 28/01/2019 20:00

@Merryoldgoat great minds think alike Smile

VanGoghsDog · 28/01/2019 20:01

I didnt not respond to their email on purpose i am usually quite anal about replies it was an oversight

Well, pretty hard to reply since you rarely seem to be there.

Alicejacks · 28/01/2019 20:02

Spam,
I know you say you aren't looking for sympathy but I think you deserve some. Life sounds really tough at the moment and you have a lot on your plate.Flowers I hope you can find a solution that works.

Foodylicious · 28/01/2019 20:02

Any chance you can find a live out nanny?

Bluntness100 · 28/01/2019 20:02

I would get a day nanny for that price - they don’t live in and if you’re paying £150 a day it’s absolutely doable

This, it's a great solution, and you can't tell them it was an oversight and you forgot to respond to such an important email from hr. that's even worse.

Original poster
Spamup · 28/01/2019 20:02

The email was sent to my personal email - i did forward it to my manager to apologise for the delay in not responding and that was when i learned they were no longer an employee (it went to my junk folder and i wasnt aware until about 2 weeks after i had recieved it!)

OP posts:
crazycatlady5 · 28/01/2019 20:04

I don’t have advice or knowledge on the subject but wanted to say I’m sorry for the tough time you are having Flowers

Nicknacky · 28/01/2019 20:06

So when you forwarded it to you manager, did you agree with the comments about the last meeting?

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