AIBU to discourage “girly” behaviour in 3 year old?

[Readysetcake]

DD is starting to want to wear skirts and dresses, asking to have her nails painted, wanting to be a princess all the time and asking me to marry her etc etc. I’m not “girly” don’t wear make up day to day just nights out not really into clothes and she doesn’t watch Disney yet (scares easily) so not sure where it’s coming from.

It’s not that I have anything again make up and fashion really, I just don’t want her to grow up and thinking that the way she looks is the most important thing and that to be happy she needs a boy friend like I did. I was so miserable as a teenager as I thought I was ugly and because I didn’t have a boyfriend I was worthless. I still struggle with low self esteem and I don’t want that for my girl. I want to give her confidence and her to know that she can do and be anything. If it turns out she wants to be a princess that’s fine but I just don’t want society to dictate that to her. I do t want her to think her value is based on the way she looks which is how the world wants women’s to be it seems. What can I do to raise my girl to be confident and resilient with out enforcing any particular thing?

When I was a child I loved my dolls and dresses. I used to love to play ' house ' As I grew older I became strong minded and independent, that was down to my parents influence. I was taught that I could be feminine and strong with a career at the same time.
I taught my daughter the same, she loved her dolls, dresses and all things sparkly girly. She is now a strong but feminine adult and has a career in the Air Force.
So please, allow your daughter to be the little girl that she wants to be.

That's what you couldn't wouldn't do.

Many children manage just fine. My dd was always an excellent climber and apart from jeans no apparel has affected her climbing anywhere. Short dresses around the knees are fine.

Infact if I had a pound evertime a dad had said... Look Tim.. Even that girl can climb higher than you I'd be a rich woman.

Also to add, my dd did ballet and gave up which actually I wish she hadn't because its amazing for deportment and control.
She did lots of rugby and was amazing at tackling with no fear, I brought her a doll but she was always more into animals and never played mums and babies and adored her train sets.
But she also loves pretty clothes and dresses and can climb really well.
It's ashame if someone like cold hard brexit comes along and pigeon holes her.

Because we like nice clothes as a family

what is wrong with girls wanting to look feminine these days? some are, some aren't, but for some reason girls that like sparkles, make up etc are seen as lesser, you can like all that,while liking other non 'girly' things (jumping in puddles/mud/dinosaurs etc etc)
and also have an amazing career, it's not one or the other.
I also hate when kids aren't allowed to play with any kind of toy they want, a parent not allowing their dd to play with 'girly' things is as bad as a parent not letting their d's play with 'girly things, but for lots of people it's cool for boys to play princesses but not girls!!

Maybe if that posters mum had just let her have one she wouldn't have been so focused on it. This is the problem with any extreme behaviour isn't it and not letting children just explore and go with the flow

One of my friends at Uni doing medicine - encouraged in all things worthy by her dad - very intellectual, very funny and great company but I have never met anyone so utterly lost when it came to her sense of femininity - and it made her really miserable, she wanted to wear nice things and a bit of make up, get her hair done - but somehow she didn't feel she deserved it.

So if she wants to try something YOU don't like it's wrong? As others have said, stop labelling it and let her try what she wants.

Being "girly" or "princessy" doesn't suddenly turn you into some 1950's stereotype female who has to get married and stay at home and make martini's for her husband whilst laughing at what he says.

What is it with this "princess" crap anyway? Do we have to stick a fucking label on everything now?!! Sorry but ffs... believe it or not you can grow up liking shiny pretty sparkling things, wear make up and dresses but still rage against the machine and still want to try and put the world to right and treat everyone as equals.

It's not like she wants to try and juggle geese (very heavy and a bit bitey) or try sword swallowing!

Its not what she wears or how she looks, its how you bring them up and what you teach them.

I'm in my late 40's and my mum always told her 7 kids that we didn't have to follow the herd, we didn't have to get married or have kids or even have a partner if we didn't want to, she told us we could do what we wanted and to treat people how we wanted to be treated and we were just as good as the next person.

And guess what, my mum wore make up and dressed up to go to the shops but maybe that was her pride showing through as we were poor and her bit of lippy and mascara made her feel better about herself.

Yes I liked "girlie" things like dolls and LOVED my Sindy toys but I also helped my dad build a treehouse, was the official "DIY helper" to my 2 older brothers, went fishing (only female on the bank most times) and would actually wrestle my brother (overseen by my mum acting as referee) over who would play with the Action man tank or motorbike and sidecar. And as I got older I liked playing with make up and clothes to find my own "style" and never thought about "I need to get a boyfriend" because I had a ton of friends who were boys and I just wasn't interested for a LONG time all because of what my mum said to me.

It's not about you, it's about life experiences for your little one. Don't be so narrow minded and judgemental over things otherwise its going to come back and bite you on the bum.

DD went through a princess phase at 3, which lasted about a year.

She wouldn't wear a skirt or dress now, at 13, if you paid her to. She doesn't own one. I let her wear a lovely trouser outfit to a wedding despite my mother buying her a skirt she didn't want, which we gave away. She's on the girls football team, her friends are boys and girls and a lot like her. She's into languages and art not stem though - it isn't traditional male stuff = good, traditional female stuff = bad.

Ds2 worse fairy wings every day for a year as a toddler. Again he would do that now, it's all ninja-go and StarWars.

Would you stop a boy being girly? I'm guessing not. At 3 they're just toddlers, it's barely relevant whether they're boys or girls and everything is a phase.

My dd is 3. She currently loves unicorns, pink, nella the princess knight etc. She also likes superheroes, cars and building things with Lego. She loves dresses, her favourite is a dress with superheroes on it.
I loved pink as a child and was obsessed with Barbie, now I don't like pink and never wear makeup or 'dress up'.
She is playing pretend. Surely that is normal for a child her age. Last week she had batman saving a princess from a tower. It's all a game.

If it was me then I would allow her to be herself. I wouldn't allow her to have her nails painted though- I would say she is too young for make up- but thats just my view.

Oh i have an adult dd who loves Disney and Batman Dresses and Dr Martins, honestly it is fine let her go through her sparkly glittery thing it really isn't about you she obviously enjoys it.

@ColdBrexitWithMilkForBreakfast * Do you honestly think having a doll that was designed to look like an anorexic with breast implants would have improved your feelings about your body?

I've seen a lot of studies that show that girls are more body conscious the more they are exposed to these sort of toys, certainly nothing saying the other way around!*

No, I think we both agree but I explained poorly. My mum didn't get me one. I was not allowed.
So I became obsessed with them. I would go to friends houses just to play with them, get the stickers, etc...
Other toys I got I played and left on the side after a while.
But with Barbies I knew I would never get one.

I was just thinking outloud, I obviously have no evidence to this, but I wonder...

"Teach her she can be a princess if she wants,"

Eh? You can't just 'be a princess' or even work hard to become one.

Don’t take your baggage out on your child. Let them be who they are.

They will also tell ou that they raised their children the same way, the girls just "naturally" were drawn to pink glittery tat

My cousin was determined to raise her DD without any stereotypically girl’s toys. It backfired. She only provided the toys and experiences she thought her DD ought to be interested in, only bought unisex or ‘boys’ toys.

Her DD wanted a play kitchen, cousin refused. Her DD wanted dolls and dressing up clothes, cousin refused. I don’t think it was helpful or kind to deny her child the opportunity to play with a wide variety of things. I felt sorry for the child, being forced to conform to her mother’s strident views and feeling that her personality and individuality was a disappointment. She was even more drawn to them because they were forbidden to her.

At 3yo both my girls loved pink, dolls, only wore dresses (and long party ones as much as possible), watched Disney princess films, loved having their hair done in various different ways, loved playing putting on make up, dancing and read princess books and all the girly things.
That was their choice, so I let them.

Now they are teens they wear trousers almost all the time, never wear make up except on stage, don't like pink and their chosen extra curriculum activities involve robotics, motorcar racing, advanced maths and things like that.

Let them at 3yo. If you make it forbidden fruit/or you being disapproving they're so much more likely to take it up themselves when they can choose for themselves.

I think it's a phase they all go through. I would just let it run its course tbh, while gently encouraging her to take an interest in other things too. If you actively try to discourage it, she may just find it all the more appealing.

My dd went through a very pink, sparkly phase. We just let her enjoy it. She then went through a phase of hating everything pink and never wearing anything girly etc.

Now she is a teenager, and she likes to look nice but she doesn't obsess about it. She mostly lives in leggings but will put on a dress and some jewellery from time to time when she is going out. She doesn't like make up but will make an effort with her hair. She loves ballet but wants to be a civil engineer. I think she has the balance just right tbh.

You don't need to worry about her likes and dislikes imo. Much better to focus on building her self esteem by respecting her choices and preferences and letting her know that her opinion matters.

As a 4 yo my DD loved princesses and glitter. She also loved space (solar system etc) and doing crafts, and ballet, and karate. She’s now 13, a high flying sportswoman (at national level), and keen scientist who wants to be an engineer when she grows up, and probably will be. Let your kids be what they want to be. The more variety and learning you expose them to, the more opportunity they have to find something they love.

I “allowed” my eldest 2 to paint nails, dress as princesses if they wanted to, play with dolls etc. Both enjoyed it age 3.
Ds is now 13, and has no interest in dresses or painting nails now! Lego overtook baby dolls by age 4. He now likes PS4, coding and sport.
Dd is now 11 and describes herself as a tomboy. She likes climbing trees, playing football and basketball, reading, walking the dog, riding and art. She paints her nails occasionally and likes clothes (mostly jackets, jeans and boots or sportswear, the occasional dress)
How they were at 3 is no reflection of how they are now at secondary age. Ds is interested in girls, dd tends to turn boys down so having a boyfriend is definitely not the be all and end all despite preschool years packed with glitter and Disney!

I would try to lead it down the route of princesses, magic, enchanted forests and adventure!

As.opppsed to princess waiting to be rescued by a prince etc.

I was really not that in to dolls, princesses etc as a child and wanted to be out climbing trees etc
Which I was not stoped from doing, however I wasn't allowed trousers or jeans in till I was 11 (I remember wearing ski pants) and skirts and dresses were a pita!

Because it was sooo enforced I really struggled (and still do a bit) and had a perception that to be female or feminine was weak.
It made me try to rebel quite a bit.
I consciously role modelled after my dad, and would tell everyone I wanted to be a motor mechanic/fireman or other traditionally male roles.
It's made me very independant but I really struggle to ask for help as I still don't want to be perceived as that weak, soft female.

My daughter was incredibly girly as a 3 year old, wore princess dresses every day, fast forward 10 years and she is now into rock music, wears mostly black and is heavily into the sciences. Kids change so much as they grow, don’t suppress her, encourage and empower her to be anything she wants to be

Absolutely support her choices, just make sure she is exposed to a wide range of ideas

Why are “feminine” things so disparaged? I wasn’t a tomboy in any sense of the word. I loved dolls, barbies, dresses, playing mums and dads. My mother absolutely despaired, kept trying to get me to play with Lego but I had no interest. It hasn’t affected my world view as an adult at all. I’m a die hard feminist! I just liked dolls as a kid.

One of my favourite videos is of my son and daughter (aged maybe 2 and 5) both dancing madly round the house in tutus and hairclips while grumbling loudly that the other one is 'spoiling my dance show'.

Little children like tacky fancy outfits, is my conclusion.

Yabu

And quite ridiculousl

I don't think little girls are dressing princessy because they associate with princes will save them they just like the swishyness of the dresses it all just play really it is the adults who overthink things.