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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Comments that stay with us

385 replies

whatacrapusername2306 · 25/01/2019 13:37

DD came home one day last week and said someone at school had called her ‘greasy hair’ She hasn’t btw, I am a hairdresser and wouldn’t allow her hair look a mess. She is still talking about this comment a week later. This has really flagged up some emotion in me from my school years. I remember every single nasty comment that was made to me. It can still bring me to tears when I think about it. Mostly comments on my appearance, size (I was small and thin) trampy clothes, squinty eye, nobody fancys you etc etc. It’s stupid I know, but has anyone else had a comment stay with them into adulthood?

OP posts:
Racheyg · 25/01/2019 22:23

This thread has made me feel very sad.

Rubber lips
Piggy

I'm sure there was a lot more. I wasn't really bullied but I remember a few names being called. Strangely it was all by boys. I haven't really seen many people since I left school as I never was Facebook friends with people from school (I deleted it over 10 years ago) and I moved out of home at 18.

Bluelonerose · 25/01/2019 22:31

Pancake chest
Bo girl
Greasy
Ugly
Fat.

I think the worst has got to be when I lost my job. I was repeatedly told by the boss "It's nothing to do with your work" oh great that means it me as a person Sad

The worst of is that is I thought these people were my friends but they would all humiliate me.

Itstimeslikethese · 25/01/2019 23:01

I remember being called
' Metal mouth ' had to wear braces for a couple years from age 10

Another was 'Pizza face'

A boy once said to me 'hey spotty where's Super Ted' so I quickly replied with 'hey shortie where's the biscuit tin, & everyone laughed I'm so glad I got that one back haha

Sowing747 · 25/01/2019 23:32

Not me but my sister. When we were in our early 20s two people, on separate occasions in one summer, said she was the most beautiful woman they had ever seen in real life (she was stunning).

But that same summer her best friend told her she was the sort of girl who will turn male heads when she walks past, but women don't understand why.

That was the tipping point that led to two decades of bulimia and cocaine addiction that she only came out of recently.

She's a high flyer now but still very fragile about the way she looks. All the compliments she's received over the years went over her head and she only focused on the bitchy and untrue comments.

Scifi101 · 25/01/2019 23:34

@MacavityTheDentistsCat

Have you seen that person now you are an adult? I would want to wipe the floor with them!

I'm so sorry that someone would be so vile to you.

tympanic · 25/01/2019 23:34

Very sad to read so many posts from women with harsh mothers. I had always hoped mine was the exception to the rule, but threads like this make me wonder, especially when you know it’s not just a case of foot in mouth but rather a pointed aim to maim.

I’ve had decades of vicious comments but the ones that stay with me are also those from my mother. I won’t list any here but there are countless and they haven’t slowed, even as I head into my 40s. If anything she’s ramped them up with time.

Doesn’t matter that I know, as we all do, that these comments are nothing to do with us and everything to do with them. Still hurts like a bitch when you think of the fact it’s the woman who created you who said them.

Gives me the collywobbles when I think of ever saying or doing anything that could damage my child as much as she has damaged me.

Much love to all the ladies out there who are dealing with this particular unforgivable nastiness. Flowers

Openup41 · 25/01/2019 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

Boobahs · 26/01/2019 00:00

I remember the boy I had a crush on in senior school shouting "You're so fat, even WeightWatchers wouldn't take you!" in front of loads of others whilst walking home.

Fast forward 25 years and he's the size of a house Smile

(I'm still fat Cake)

TheDarkPassenger · 26/01/2019 00:08

I wasn’t really bullied at school ‘goth’ I suppose but it didn’t really offend me as I wasn’t a goth Confused

However about 4 years ago a customer said ‘oh you’ve put weight on, good. You were too gaunt before’ I’ve got an eating disorder so it kinda messes with my head a little bit. Am I gaunt? I like the look of ‘gaunt’ that’s bad isn’t it? purge eating dont eat for a week to make up for eating too much
He didn’t mean to be horrible (I know him well) and I don’t hate him but fuck me, I remember it!

NewMinouMinou · 26/01/2019 00:09

Some boys used to call me Spikeyface because when I was 11-12 or so I grew big cheekbones and a very sharp jawline.
I used to be a bit self-conscious about it until someone said to me that I’d be “bloody grateful for those amazing bones when you’re 50!”

Late 40s now and he was right!

recklessruby · 26/01/2019 00:14

So called friend told me I looked fat and pregnant in my swimming costume age 16.I was 9 stone 10.
2 years later I was 6 stone 10 and have had disordered eating for most of my life.

snowball28 · 26/01/2019 00:17

Someone at school once told me I looked like I lived on a farm or in an old dusty cottage somewhere - he couldn’t understand why I was devastated.

For the record I was always clean and tidy, polite and quite but we were very poor so I always had second hand everything and sometimes it could be shabby.

It’s randomly stuck with me to this day and as hard as I try it shaped me, I know have nice nails, high end make up and highlighted hair and whilst my clothes aren’t designer they are very nice minimalist style and well put together and I have what can be described as a show home. This takes a lot of effort and isn’t naturally me, I’m actually naturally messy and the nails are a faff but still I can’t stop for fear people may think I’m trampy or shabby again . .

Dieu · 26/01/2019 00:27

So many weight and appearance based insults for the girls/women. Surprise, surfuckingprise.
Even more beastly and unforgivable when it comes from 'loved' ones Thanks

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 26/01/2019 00:53

Not me but my dad was asked to leave the school choir age 10 as he wasn't very good and he's not sung a note since. Not even by himself (he says)

flyingspaghettimonster · 26/01/2019 01:55

At uni a girl in my friendship group told me that when she told her flatmates I was coming out that night too one of the guys said "not that fat ugly munter"... it still hurts. At the time it was a shock... I had never thouggt of myself as unattractive, average maybe, but I had never had trouble with people makong rude comments about me before. Fat was ok, I was a size 18 so I felt fat... munter. I had no idea what it meant. I had to look it up. What bothered me most was that the guy who supposedly said this I had thought was fairly nice.

Looking back, whether he did say it or not doesn't matter. She was meant to be a friend and she deliberately told me something designed to really hurt me. It told me a lot more about her really.

I still loathe the word munter, 20 years on.

Bluelonerose · 26/01/2019 10:02

I remember from primary school I was 5/6 a girl was giving out party invites.
She told me I couldn't come because her mom didn't like me. Ide never met her my and my dm said it was because her dm was jealous of me.

Even now I still don't understand how someone ide never met didn't like me and what had I done that was so bad I wasn't invited.

My dm constantly telling me I was fat. Getting her sister (my aunt but I don't like calling her thar) to join in. Ok I was a bit chubby but still no need to point it out the way I did.
When telling my dm my gcse results (I struggled in school but wasn't believed by anyone and was told I was lazy and not trying hard enough) she said "what am I supposed to tell people?"

When i told I was expecting ds2 she told me I was a "stupid girl"

When i went to visit her once she told me I was far to old to be dressing in short skirts and she wasn't being seen with me dressed loke that.

When putting me down she'd say "I'm only telling you so your friends don't laugh at you" too late they were already laughing at other things. She'd also tell me I never tried to fit in with the family. I never understood what she meant like that and when i asked I was told that I didn't do as I was told like my db.

Dm is genuinely shocked I don't come visit more often HmmConfused

CantRainAllTheTime · 26/01/2019 10:11

My nickname was Skeletor in school, because obviously I was so skinny I apparently looked like a skeleton. I also got called Paki a lot because I have olive skin. I also got called shit in the neck or Paki dot because I have a birthmark on my neck.

None of this bothered me in the slightest however, I grew up with three brothers and was generally very thick skinned.

The one comment I remember that did upset me was actually when I was in my twenties and my then husband commented that I had a very funny shaped body. That upset me for a while.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 26/01/2019 10:39

Once aged about 13/14 I spoke to my mum about period problems I'd been having. She replied 'well I don't think you and I are shaped like other women'. I've been slightly paranoid about my vagina ever since

cheeseislife8 · 26/01/2019 10:45

People can be so cruel! I was a bit of a target at school for no particular reason other than being quiet and having the wrong shoes/haircut/face. I wish I could go back with my adult-acquired attitude and tell them all to piss off

WhiteOrange · 26/01/2019 10:49

When I was in primary school a 'friend' asked if I was pregnant. I look back now and think I was a lovely looking child, but I still continue with my appearance, specifically my weight, as an adult.

Primary school - hairy nostrils. Still paranoid about this.

Mum - I love you, but I don't like you. Christ that has stuck with me. I find it very difficult to comprehend how anyone can like me now.

WhiteOrange · 26/01/2019 10:50

Another belter from my mum - when I told her I was pregnant she said, well remember not to blame yourself if your child doesn't meet your expectations.

mrsmaggiemistletoe · 26/01/2019 11:00

I was with my Dad and brother once at the park as a teen. We were about to go into the outdoor workout equipment bit and my Dad pointed to the sign that said “no dogs allowed” and said “you can’t come in then, Maggie.”

My Dad was a lovely man who adored me and I have no idea where that comment came from. I had zero self esteem about my looks as a teen largely due to my bro, who of course thought this whole situation was the height of hilarity. I feel completely confident with my looks now but that has stuck with me all the same.

I once said something really awful to DD. I was so tired and so frustrated and she did something to her brother that was the last straw and I called her a horrible child. She was/is 4. I apologised to her immediately and have apologised many times since because she does bring it up a lot. God I feel horrible about it and I really really hope she forgets it, or at least realises that my apology is genuine.

Zebedee88 · 26/01/2019 11:08

Being called a 'cold hearted bitch' by my mum when I was growing up. I'll never forget those words.

fancynancyclancy · 26/01/2019 11:13

Wow, it’s really sad that some people hold on to negative comments all their life.

Like CantRainAllTheTime I’m obviously very thick skinned! No particular nick name but was called lamppost, chicken breast etc as I was tall & skinny, I also had a brace & dodgy fringe at one point. Did a bit of modelling & then told to lose weight. Didnt really bother me in the slightest, their opinions had no weight with me & I was quite happy to call out their “flaws” back.

My mum is very critical, told me I’d let myself go after dc2 etc often trotting out the I love you but don’t always like you line, still tells me how to wear my hair but my sisters & I just roll our eyes & laugh at her. As a teen I would often stuff a cushion down my trousers as she has a Kardashian bum & im pretty straight & do a great imitation of her, even my dad would piss himself laughing.

Drogosnextwife · 26/01/2019 11:25

Yes, I was pretty badly bullied and can remember loads of comments and snide remarks made by the people doing the bullying over the years. I can also remember some nasty things said to other people because I remember thinking how upset I was when people were nasty and felt so sorry for others being picked on bit was too shy to ever stick up for them, the guilt about that still kills me.