Comments that stay with us

[whatacrapusername2306]

DD came home one day last week and said someone at school had called her ‘greasy hair’ She hasn’t btw, I am a hairdresser and wouldn’t allow her hair look a mess. She is still talking about this comment a week later. This has really flagged up some emotion in me from my school years. I remember every single nasty comment that was made to me. It can still bring me to tears when I think about it. Mostly comments on my appearance, size (I was small and thin) trampy clothes, squinty eye, nobody fancys you etc etc. It’s stupid I know, but has anyone else had a comment stay with them into adulthood?

Breaks my heart thinking of all these little girls being called fat. For no fucking reason. That was always people’s go-to insult to me...I can forgive children at school now as an adult (they were kids, unkind but kids nonetheless) but I always remember sitting in my school dress aged about 9, with my legs crossed...completely unaware of my body. And my grandmother said “pull your dress down a bit - look at those big fat ham thighs!” I love her to bits, she’s a wonderful grandmother but I often wonder why she said that to me. I haven’t worn anything without tights or leggings since.

Mine is my Mum, I’m not sure she even realizes she does it?

I grew up in the Steps and Sclub era and desperately wanted strappy tops and belly tops. She used to say you can’t wear those. ‘Anne and Emma’(not real names) can wear those because they’re lovely and slim, those clothes aren’t for you.

Oh you can’t wear that, you’ve got big arms, you need nice slim arms for that kind of outfit.

I literally grew up thinking I was a fat loser. When I was a teenager and started shopping for my own clothes overnight people started complimenting me saying what a nice figure I had etc. I went to an all girls school and I remember the first non uniform day when I went in in clothes I’d bought myself, I was probably 14 or so and was so nervous expecting to be laughed at and the whole day all 29 girls in my class bigger me up saying how great I looked, how my clothes were cool.

Mum still gets at me now if we go out to eat she orders the same as me always then goes on about how she wouldn’t normally eat this much/that kind of food but nevermind eh back on it tomorrow. It’s only a once in a blue moon treat and I always want to childishly say oh I’m planning on eating this most days.

One more, this was as an adult, on my hen night when I was 24, in a bar and a lad knocked in to my friend and he asked who was getting married as we all had the hen do sash stuff on and she pointed to me and he said with a horrid look on his face straight in to my face “ugh who’s want to marry you you’re ugly” I was crushed. Went home and cried all night and wondered the whole wedding day if everyone was thinking it.

“Nice body, shame about the face” from two random guys passing me on the street when I was about 14. I’ve never forgotten it and it came after years of bullying at school which have meant I’ve always been insecure in my appearance and friendship groups.

I had a really awful abusive dad when I was a teenager who made our home life chaos with his alcoholism and domestic abuse, police were often called to our house etc. My mum is the 'loving' parent, but when my dad finally left and it was just my mum and I at home she seemed to delight in telling me that I was just like my dad. I was an ingrained good girl and compliant people pleaser by this point but if I dared to 'look moody' or 'speak in a narky tone' I would repeatedly be told I was just like my dad. And she hated my dad.

She also said many times that I have short stumpy legs (followed by pointing out she had long legs) and hair like rats tails. I can't really see anything wrong with my legs or hair. I have often been pulled up by her for not being 'elegant' enough (I'm a bit of a tomboy/rock chick). When I was about 30 we met up with relatives from abroad who were visiting London - after the initial smiles and hugs hello the first thing my mum did was to apologise to them for what I was wearing (jumper and jeans). Relatives looked mortified for me!

As I say, she's the normal, non-abusive parent in my life.

So sad x

Many years ago I was in a nightclub with my then boyfriend and his friends. One of them leant over and said "You're really fucking ugly" I didn't react at all but went to find my bf, told him what his mate had said and started crying. He said NOTHING which to me meant it was true, I was fucking ugly.

Such horrible comments and sad that so many are from family. Bibyjayne please start singing again. I have always loved to sing and think I am not too bad though DP does make negative comments. I have found a choir where it does not matter how good you are and its great fun to sing with enthusiasm!

Ive only got to page 5 and i have to say i admire all the women who have had this shite life thrown in their faces. Be it from family or friends or school mates. This world sucks. And we will never be perceived as beautiful, witty, intelligent, normal as long as their are wankers in this world. A womam with progressive MS said to me just yesterday that women are strong. No matter what they look like. what job they do. We will Always win. Fuck the haters the bastards who pick on us. Fuck the media who portray us as an unrealistic sex,mum,femme fetal symbols. We are women. Noone can drag us down. We run this world. Weather men think they do or not. Be proud of yourself. You give a lot more to this world than others. We. Are. Amazing.

When I was 18 I got a job in a bar. One day the boss was complaining about one of my coworkers who didn’t show up for half her shifts. “I know she’s useless but we have to have someone attractive working here”. I’ll be 56 next birthday and that line has stayed with me.

Apparently my dad told my husband not to marry me. He said I was lazy and useless and my husband would be stuck doing everything while I sat on my arse. I don’t know what hurt more, my father for saying it or my husband for sharing it with me.

I’m a long term lurker but this thread has really hit a nerve with me, its so sad. So I’ve signed up just to add mine.

When I was very young (probably about 12) my mum and dad had a huge argument (not uncommon in our household) and she told me that she’d had an affair a couple of years earlier. She also told me a lot of stuff that is too horrible to repeat, and I still don’t know how much of it is true. I’m scared to ask now because I don’t really want to know. I have always resented the fact that she piled all this information on me at such a young age, like I was supposed to know how to process it. I’ve never told anyone anything because she told me not to. Not even my brothers who I’m very close to, or my husband.

There are other incidences throughout my life, things she’s told me, said to me, blamed me for. But that’s what stuck with me and I really resent that.

This is why - don’t keep it to yourself, it eats away at you if you let it.
They were her issues not yours, she shouldn’t of put them on your young shoulders.
Is she still alive?
Maybe test the waters with your brothers, she could of done the same.
Do not feel the weight of a burden she had no reason to share with you 💐

I remember doing a play at primary school. Everyone was being told where to sit
Now remember all sing up except you Lily you can sit here and hold up this donkey picture and your not to sing at all.
This makes me laugh now but I was upset at the time aged about 9.
It's not stopped me singing though although I do tend to do it when I'm in the house alone.

These are all so sad.

I remember going for a walk with my new ‘cool’ aunt once and telling her excitedly about the dog we’d been looking after. Later I overheard my mum mention the dog to her and she said ‘oh yes I’ve heard all about Jess’ in a way that implied I’d gone on and on about her. To be fair I probably had but I’ll never forget hearing that tone and realising what I thought was a nice conversation was actually her humouring a child. It’s affected the way to speak to and about children now, I always try to take them seriously and appreciate their enthusiasm if I can

Only the good stuff stays with me
Eg “I love you”
“You are the best mum ever”
“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else with anyone else”
“You rock”
The shite isn’t worth the brain space

My sister told me I was gay and would never have children. Both meant as insults - it was a long time ago!

Returning to school after summer hols told a friend my dad had died at the start of summer. Her response? 'Despite that, did you have a good summer?'

‘You really don’t tend your garden,’ said not about what you think! Said to me by a pensioner about my skin when I was working in a shop.

‘WTF is that?’ Asked by a bloke about a tiny varicose vein on my knee when I was 26. Got LOADS now, 20 years later.

‘Two’s enough to deal with anyway,’ said by a friend after I delivered stillborn daughter, who was our third. And ‘You’ve got others.’ I know but it’s not quite the point.

Despite that, did you have a good summer? Wow!

God I can empathise with just about everyone of these posts. I've had boys woof at me in the street. Called a boy in school because I had a bowl haircut (thanks mum). I used to have a little soft top car and went out with the roof down one summers evening and some boys shouted 'put the hood up you ugly bastard.'

Thankfully my mum despite her problems never let on she thought I was anything but beautiful and wonderful and I think that helped a lot to counteract the shitty horrible comments. My children will grow up thinking the sun shines out of their arse if it kills me.

TheVanguardSix, I know, and I was crying when I told her. I can only assume she felt awkward and didn't know how to respond.

My entire family/ family friends, essentially every adult I grew up with are very very critical, particularly about looks. I can’t remember a time when someone didn’t either allude to the fact I was chubby or outright call me fat.

I remember my godmother telling me when I was about 10, it was such a shame because I had such a pretty face but I was far too fat.

My own mother referred to me being fat/ needing to lose weight several times (and still does it now). Looking back, like many others there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. As well as the negative comments, the positive comments whenever I did lose weight stay with me too and I feel worthless if I’m not slim. I’ve been a yo-yo dieter for years, have a terrible relationship with food and definitely have disordered eating. My self esteem is rock bottom and I find it very difficult to accept compliments. My mum once said my thunder thighs were even more obvious when I wore jeans. I haven’t worn jeans or trousers (except for gym leggings) for 12 years. I probably never will.

My mum has big boobs, hates them and hates the fact that mine are even bigger. Whenever we would go shopping she would look for tops/ dresses that would minimise my boobs, I would frequently get told that certain outfits weren’t for my body type. I did ballet for years and she expressed her amazement that I would want to continue when it was “clear my body type meant I would never go anywhere in the ballet world.”

If kills her that even when I’m at my thinnest, my boobs are still massive. Ever since I was 18 she has annually offered to pay for a breast reduction.

I can remember when I was 11 years old at primary school all the children were sat on the carpet and the head teacher was trying to sort out children to run in particular races at local sports festival. When one of the children suggested me, the headteacher said "oh we can't ask she is like a ten tonne sack of spuds" 😮 How awful for the headteacher to say that. I told my mum and she went berserk and wrote a letter of complaint. I can remember it so clearly, even him taking me to one side and apologising!

"Men don't make passes at girls who wear glasses": quoted at me by DM. I wear glasses.

"She's got really fat knees": grandmother to my mum, in front of me.

"At least you make the best of yourself": DM to me.

My biological fathers mother told me I was too ugly to be his daughter.

I was bullied for all but 2 years of school for having naturally wavy/curly hair (no products in those days except gel, my hair was pretty wild). Shaved all my hair off as soon as I was able and had a pixie cut for years. Was also bullied due to being a 'pussy' (they meant small, weak and quiet).

Now I'm 35, I've grown my hair out and loving my mad (but product controlled) mane. I've been a successful martial artist for 16 years so no longer weak but the too ugly comment still affects me

"Witch". I saw the chap who said this to me, more than 35 years later. He is still with the woman he hooked up with aged 16. She is ugly as f@ck and was a truly horrible girl.I guess they are a good match.