Comments that stay with us

[whatacrapusername2306]

DD came home one day last week and said someone at school had called her ‘greasy hair’ She hasn’t btw, I am a hairdresser and wouldn’t allow her hair look a mess. She is still talking about this comment a week later. This has really flagged up some emotion in me from my school years. I remember every single nasty comment that was made to me. It can still bring me to tears when I think about it. Mostly comments on my appearance, size (I was small and thin) trampy clothes, squinty eye, nobody fancys you etc etc. It’s stupid I know, but has anyone else had a comment stay with them into adulthood?

Yeah. I got called ugly all the time. And also racially abused. Always called ‘that mixed up kid’ ‘alien’ etc. I had to bribe a boy to be my boyfriend because they had a bet going no one would ever like me - he did it for the money, and a laugh. Stayed with me till this day. I don’t like myself most days and someone’s wonder why people would like me - I distrust new people and it’s not fair. I’m getting help for it now though. I’m 32.

I had a lot at school about being a badly dressed nerd but I can laugh at it now.

The most hurtful one that can still upset me now was from my mother.

She used to introduce my sister and I to people like this "this is passthegins sister, isn't she pretty and she's clever too! Oh, and this is passthegin"

It was so hurtful and made it very clear that I was an inconvenience.

I never knew the cause until years later. I'm the eldest, she had me with my dad, who we always assumed was my sister's dad. They weren't happily married. Turns out she met someone and was full on in love with him, my sister was the result but they split up as my dad found out and she stayed with my dad. I guess she took that out on me as my sister reminded her of the boyfriend she loved.

Some really sad stories here.

I've always been a bit different to my friends and the people around me. Not deliberately - it's just who I am. I also had a very offbeat dress sense and frequently got snide comments and sniggers from strangers in the street. I also regularly got put-downs from my mum who was very into fashion and was slightly mortified that her daughter had such a kooky style.

But for some reason the worst was when a close friend from a larger group of friends (all of them very conventional dressers) said, "Ooooh, PLEASE, Marbles, some night can we dress you?!" I know it was well-intentioned but, coming from a good friend, it hurt so much. Ironically a girl at school I didn't know very well (and who wasn't known for holding back in her opinions) affirmed my style very sincerely and publicly on a non-uniform day. Gave me a much-needed boost!

Kind of proud of myself for wearing what I wanted despite the more negative opinions of others.

"You've got nothing to be depressed about, you lead a charmed life."
from my 'best friend' to me when i had crippling post natal anxiety and was hanging on to my sanity by a very dodgy thread.

i cannot forget it.

I was on a school trip in my teens, it was a dreadful weekend anyway because I knew when I got home that my mum would have moved out so I was a bit of a wreck anyway. Anyway someone got on the coach last and I heard someone say 'oh no you've got the MyGast seat' meaning they had to sit next to me.

When I got my O level results in 1981 I got 8 x A and 1 x B (German). My Dad never ever congratulated me for my results which I had worked hard and was happy with. He just said: "What happened to German?" I still remember that and have always made a conscious effort never to say similar to my DC.

Yep, totally. I was always an outsider. Have a German mum and Irish dad and growing up in 70s England was ...interesting. I was also very skinny and had an eye patch for a lazy eye and NHS specs when they weren't stylish. I was fair game for everyone for all the above reasons, plus I was bad at sport and wore really thick glasses. A lot of that has stayed with me well into adulthood.

One summer evening when I was about 13, I was playing with some friends on the local field.

I was wearing a yellow halter neck top (and no bra - I didn't own any!) that I can remember clearly. We were kicking a ball around and playing tig. One boy said to me

'Big tits hairy arm pits'

I was an early developer and my mum hadn't had the 'shaving' chat with me yet - but I figured it out for myself pretty quickly after that. I will never forget that comment, and I remember that day as being the last day I was had that child like innocence about my appearance.

Pp just mentioned her mother shaved her hair off, it has just reminded me that for most of my childhood I had a very short boys haircut. I have asked my mum about this and she says I wanted it like that. I don't remember this at all. I do remember being mistaken for a boy all the time though!

I was a very shy child with not many friends. At age 11/12 was spending much of my school summer hold with my parents until one day mother said "I'm sick of turning round (n the car) and seeing u sitting there. Probably understandable on her part but I was so embarrassed to feel that I had been butting in where I wasn't wanted.

On a family holiday when I was about 12/13, my aunt said that I had ugly feet. I wore sandals for the first time since that comment last summer, over 15 years later.

I was always bullied because of my weight, hearing loss and speech impediment. I hated it so much. If I accidentally pushed past somebody at school as the corridors was quite narrow full of kids, they'd jeer "move out my way you fat fucking bitch"

Or

"Why can't you speak properly?"
"Can you hear me? (They'd whisper)"
"Do I really need to sit next to fatty"

Just horrible... I used to wish I could go back to school ONLY because I wanted to be younger but now I come to think of it, I had the most shittiest time.

I have two beautiful boys, my brother has one. On trying to hug my DS one day who was reluctant DM sighed "Oh for a little girl". She's dead now but I never forgave her for that.

My DM: "You'll never be sexy, so you might as well work on your personality"

She is a brilliant mum in so many ways, and we get on brilliantly (always have done) - but that comment has stuck with me. Unfortunately. I was about 17 at the time, small and skinny with no tits (still am, but DP seems to overlook my shortcomings).

One of my 'friends' at school, when I was about 16, told me I can't dance. I now only dance if I'm very drunk. I've been with my partner for 12 years and he's only seen me dance a handful of times.

I went to a talk the other day by a child psychiatrist the brain is predisposed towards the negative hence one bad comment remembered the good ones forgotten. This thread proves how true that is.

What a sad thread, school can be so cruel.

I do remember some cruel comments. The usual stuff. Not rich/posh/pretty enough. Definetly not thin enough. And I frequently smelt of horse due to riding before/after school (Not mine tho, riding school ponies).

But I do remember the nice things as well. Being told I was strong in an arm wrestling competition, being told I was cleverer than all the 'boffs' in maths for coming top in an assessment, being told my monologue in drama was amazing, being complimented on my hair, and then told I was actually quite funky by the year bitch, compliments on my perfume from a Very Trendy Girl (it was from bodyshop and was actually an aftershave) and being told our house was 'massive and amazing'. It wasn't. It was a shithole but from the outside looked impressive.

So it wasn't all bad .

" you've let yourself go " a few months after having my dd said by fil xx

As a teenager, I came home one day plastered in make-up which my friend had put on me. I probably looked ridiculous, and my mother laughed when she saw me. I have never worn makeup since, even though I would love to be able to. I am too afraid of being laughed at.

I have had lots of things said to me over the years. Lots by family, some from school friends and I remember all of them.
My dad always called me fat and ugly, a tramp (slut), stupid, a lesbian (meant as an insult), I was fucked. There was constant mental and physical abuse Living with him was torture and in my teens I wished him dead (he’s still alive NC)
My dm always just took the piss out of me, if I was in a play she would laugh at me. My legs looked like a Male ballet dancer. She encouraged my younger siblings to call me “Spot the dog” (because of my spots) or Bella Emberg - which she renamed Bella Bounce.
I wasn’t bullied at school but I still had comments made that stuck.
I mentioned once liking a boy and one girl just turned round and said “why would he fancy you!? You dog”
Or another girl going on about me having short legs, or that I wasn’t that ugly.

There isn’t many pics of me even now, I hate looking at pics as I just see imperfection. If you met me you would never know it you would think I’m confident and have my shit together. The reality is I’m never far away from that little girl taking abuse from all sides. Logic tells me and looking at the few photos there was nothing wrong with me.

However what really upsets me now is when people say “ooh you’re quite sensitive” and I find that very dismissive and turns a hurtful comment around so that it becomes my fault. I call it out now and if someone says “oh it’s just a joke” then I say “and what was the punchline?” I also have an in-built defence strategy which means I will joke about myself and be quite self depricating before anyone gets a chance to do it to me.

I’m interested if any of you who carry these things with you are now called “sensitive”. Or perhaps dismissed because “that happened years ago”

God I remember another one which really fucking stung at the time.

I used to be part of a youth group, and I had a major crush on one of the lads there. I did him some sort of a favour and he said to me 'if you were someone else, I'd kiss you now'

What a fucking piece of work he showed himself to be. Dumb as a brick too.

I had mean girl aunties who laughed at my weight and made constant nasty little comments within my hearing.

I still remember one aunt telling everyone how much I ate when I stayed at her house, and laughing that I didn’t want to get in the bath in front of everyone.

I see them regularly and am fake nice. But I fucking hate them all.

Primary school aged 8 - I drew a picture of a foal knelt down. It was really good. Took me hours. I'd planned it, shaded it correctly, checked out the breed markings in a book from the library etc. Teacher said in front of the class it wasn't my own work and I must have traced it so I was a cheat. She tore the picture up and moved me away from sitting next to my best and only friend in the class for the rest of the term. I have never seriously drawn since. As John Lennon said 'every child is an artist until someone tells them they are not an artist'. My internal creativity is still there but I never put pencil to paper.

Secondary school age 16 - told I would never make anything of myself if I left before 6th form. Told I wouldn't pass my gcse English (I got an A). I suffered sexual harassment from a teacher for years that wasn't addressed despite me speaking out. This was the 80's. Speaking out was generally societal suicide. I was never going to voluntarily stay in that environment. I definitely made something of myself in many different ways. But I am bitter at the treatment I received. Bitter that for reasons I don't know I was pigeon holed and dismissed when the art teacher was a predatory paedophile and they all knew but still gaslighted me into silence.

MIL's disappointment when child 3 was confirmed a boy at scan. Ohh a girl would have been nice. FFS who says that shit? Luckily child 3 is an amazing vibrant sociable boy who would never pick up on nonsense like that but it really upset me that someone could be do fucking stupid and insensitive

I have a weak chin. As a child I wasn't self-conscious about it at all - until my mother told me that I should say it was making me very anxious and depressed so that I could get NHS-funded cosmetic surgery.

There are so many things wrong with that suggestion. But I've never forgotten how hideous it made me feel, coming from my own mother.

Another one - whenever I did anything unusual I'd be told 'people don't do that,' which as a literal-minded child made me feel like I was an alien or robot being told that I was failing at imitating a person. Things that 'people' don't do include staying by themselves at school playtime, repeating lines from TV shows, reading for pleasure, experimenting with hairstyles, and going to the opera. There were many more.