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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Comments that stay with us

385 replies

whatacrapusername2306 · 25/01/2019 13:37

DD came home one day last week and said someone at school had called her ‘greasy hair’ She hasn’t btw, I am a hairdresser and wouldn’t allow her hair look a mess. She is still talking about this comment a week later. This has really flagged up some emotion in me from my school years. I remember every single nasty comment that was made to me. It can still bring me to tears when I think about it. Mostly comments on my appearance, size (I was small and thin) trampy clothes, squinty eye, nobody fancys you etc etc. It’s stupid I know, but has anyone else had a comment stay with them into adulthood?

OP posts:
LimaHotel4 · 25/01/2019 18:38

When I was 21 and had just gone through a chemotherapy, a stem cell transplant and lost my hair in the process, after a few months I finally gained the strength to walk to the corner shop. Only to be met by a group of teenagers shouting “egghead” at me as I walked in and out of the shop. I walked home with tears streaming down my face. Bastards.

macmacaroon · 25/01/2019 18:41

@MacavityTheDentistsCat I literally cannot believe that. What a c*nt.

werideatdawn · 25/01/2019 18:42

A boy in the school bus once called me a "fat black bitch". Even he knew he'd gone to far and the bus just fell into silence. It has stayed with me and I regularly think about it over 15 years later despite having had other nasty things said to me since. It really jars with me. It was the first time I remember feeling ashamed to be mixed race.

Whatififall · 25/01/2019 18:43

I had an eating disorder as a teen. It was pretty much under control by 18. I went away to university, really enjoyed my first term and did put on weight (the freshman ten we called it as all freshers put on ten pounds!). I went home for Christmas and my lovely Grandad’s first words to me were “wow! You’ve really piled the weight on! You look great!” He genuinely meant it as a compliment but I heard it as an insult and relapsed. I was ill for years and always thought of that comment.
When I was late 20’s and recovered I had a long chat with my Grandad about it and how he had made me feel. He cried. He couldn’t remember the words but said he remembered clearly the day as he thought I looked so healthy and happy and that he’d been so proud of me that day I’d come home.
He was devastated that his awkward turn of phrase had damaged me.

BillyAndTheSillies · 25/01/2019 18:46

We were arranging our Friday night in maybe year 10 or 11 and my friends had heard about a party that some boys she knew were hosting. She text him to find out the address and he text back with the address but also added "but don't bring your fat mate Billy".
She went to the party and I went home. We weren't friends for much longer.

Entschuldigung · 25/01/2019 18:48

Some of the things said to people on this thread are really shocking, makes mine look very tame.

When I was in 6th form and about to fail Chemistry A' Level, my Mum paid for me to go to Oxford in the Easter holidays on a crash revision course. It was really nice of her but turned into a bit of a disaster because everyone else on the course was there to make sure they would get the A they needed to get into Oxford and I couldn't follow anything that was going on.

We stayed in halls which everyone else was very excited about and they all started calling me 'Twiggy' and laughing. I had no idea why and still don't understand it. I was short, skinny and pretty flat chested (which I was paranoid about) but I definitely didn't look like Twiggy and I knew they didn't mean it in a flattering way. It was the first time I'd experienced being totally alone in a new group and not fitting in at all.

This was almost 30 years ago now. I often think about it and cringe. It's weird how much it's affected me and I haven't felt like I've fitted in ever since.

RosemarysBush · 25/01/2019 18:49

Walking home from school, aged 14. Two young men walked past me sneering. One said sarcastically “Mmm, you’re horney”. I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant but I felt I was inferior in some way and unattractive for years afterwards.

Lilyhatesjaz · 25/01/2019 18:51

My mum was always reminding me of my big bum far too big for wearing trousers.
I used to be bullied in school I told mum and from then on if I did something she didn't like she would say no wonder no one likes you.
She also used to tell me I'm hard. I'm not but I am tough and I kind of separated from her a bit emotionally. I remember her telling me some alfull story of what had happened to a woman with a new born in Bosnia when my DS was a week old then saying of course your hard when I didn't react, Dad told her off for that.
Mostly though she was a good person and we loved each other, just a different generation It has made me more careful what I say to my own children though.

formerbabe · 25/01/2019 18:52

An absolute bitch of a youth worker on a camping trip....I didn't eat any dinner and when someone else expressed concern...she scoffed "well, she doesn't look like she's starving". Yes, I was overweight...perhaps because the trauma of my mother dying whilst I was a child had caused me to overeat.

m0therofdragons · 25/01/2019 18:57

When I was 20 I saw someone who was in the year above me who I always thought was beautiful. We'd all been drinking so I told her and think I said something like I'd love to be naturally pretty like she was, to which she replied well you may not be pretty but you have an elegance about you. She wasn't trying to be nasty but it's stuck with me and I will never believe I'm pretty. I'm 36 now and it still affects my confidence! (She'd probably be mortified if she knew).

alwaysthinkingofsleep · 25/01/2019 19:00

When at school a friend commented, whilst in a large group, that I was the only person she knew who looked better with my hair tied up than down. I subconsciously believed this until I was in my mid 20s! I did have pretty low confidence.

However I can also remember overhearing a friend on the bus saying they thought I was really pretty...her comment was met with silence but I remember it as such a surprising thing to overhear!

Bumbledop · 25/01/2019 19:01

I’ve never forgotten being called goofy all through school. I was so conscious of my teeth.

Met my husband at 18, he says he was attracted to me by my beautiful smile! He’s the best Grin

MyGastIsFlabbered · 25/01/2019 19:08

My dad called me a slut when I was 15...never forgotten it.

Claudia1980 · 25/01/2019 19:15

It is really breaking my heart as well reading all the comments we have endured from family members who were supposed to love and care for us. It’s awful.

EZA15 · 25/01/2019 19:16

There were lots when I was younger mostly by my mother who I am nc with now. When I told her that my brother had been abusing me she whispered “you? But you’re not even pretty”. I wasn’t and within my 30’s have come round to the way I look.

This week, however, I was told in jest that if I was prettier I would have more people coming to see me at work and it’s just brought all the old feelings of inadequacy back

Thesmallthings · 25/01/2019 19:17

I was billed from 6 up to 17 in school. If always been big, there's been a couple of comments that really stand out to me

One when I was 6-7 a friend said my parents must hate me to let me get so fat ( I imagine they over heard a parent say it)

9 my teacher said I was werid and my dad was a joke. ( my dad was a police offcier and had offered to set up a class trip to the police station and see the police horses in the stable)

13 a boy brought a knife to school handed it to me and said id be better of dead

Yesterday my parents neighbour as in said hello to her, before she could even say hi back " god youv got fatter"

People are cunt badgers

Beachtimeyay · 25/01/2019 19:19

Something may stick for a few days, and I really can't tell you anything that anyone has said to me that has stuck to this day.

veggiepigsinpastryblankets · 25/01/2019 19:26

Fuck me. I was bullied at school so the stuff from other kids doesn't surprise me, but I'm really shocked by the things on this thread that posters have heard from their own families. The absolute rock bottom of human behaviour.

Oratorio · 25/01/2019 19:31

EZA Flowers

Papergirl1968 · 25/01/2019 19:31

Corned beef was one of my nicknames at secondary school, due to my acne.
The Beast was another, which cut very deep because it made me feel not even human.
I think I did a pretty good job of pretending indifference but years and years of merciless abuse takes its toll.
I'm 50 now and very overweight and occasionally get called fat cunt or similar by blokes I've had the most minor of altercations with when driving. And by the mum of one of DD's friends when she thought that I and another mum had been talking about her child. I shrug it off.
People can be very cruel, and unfortunately it's not just kids.
I always tell my kids off if they say anything unkind, even if it's just a passing comment. Eg while in the car the other day we passed a woman and my dd commented her hair was greasier than a McDonald's chip. I was on her like a ton of bricks, saying it's not funny or clever to make nasty comments like that, even if you don't say it directly to the person.

Papergirl1968 · 25/01/2019 19:35

Oh yeah, and even at work in my 20s, there was a silly little office competition, can't even remember what now, and one of my colleagues joked that the winner would get to sleep with the prettiest girl in the office (which is an appalling thing to say in itself but it was a very sexist environment). And that the loser would get to sleep with me...
And then repeated it because he thought he was so funny.
Tosser.

MacavityTheDentistsCat · 25/01/2019 19:41

Funnily enough, it had a positive outcome macmacaroon as a boy standing next to her pretty much punched her and what she had said came out. Her parents were then called (v. strict church school) and she was removed from the class and then the school. I never saw her again until years later. It also finally made me realise that the bullying had always been about her and never about me.

I've always considered the outcome my dad's parting gift to me. Wink

halfwitpicker · 25/01/2019 19:48

Oh god loads.

Lots of fat comments when I was a kid. Really took them to heart. To the extent that I think it stopped me showing an interest in dietetics, I would have been a fab dietician, I love cooking, nutrition, sports, but because I still thought I was fat I didn't want to be seen as showing an interest in food! Even when I was 17, doing loads of sport and mega athletic. Six pack and everything. Still had the fat kid complex. Thanks, peers.

Was told several times I'd be good-looking if I lost weight. You know what, you were right. You were fucking right.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 25/01/2019 19:49

@TchoupiEtDoudou I'm so sorry Flowers And my seven year old daughter is weight obsessed. I know she has seen me struggling (I'm obese but exercise is hard because I'm disabled) but she's not only naturally slim built, but is very slender on her frame too. Yet she talks about other people being fat all the time. She has learning difficulties but she uses fat as an insult, uses it factually but without tact, and I've had her in tears in a tantrum saying she's ugly and she will never be pretty etc. I don't understand at all. My eldest is pretty nerdy looking, but cool nevertheless but my seven year old really did luck out and probably won't have half the issues I grew up with, and that her sister (who takes after me) has done. It breaks my heart if either of them feel anything less than good about themselves though.

I have too many comments etc made through my entire life which have stuck with me. I have a lot of neuroses, a few I was born with and it's unfortunately shaped how I am which others often haven't liked and have treated me accordingly, which has caused further neuroses.

Lost5stone · 25/01/2019 19:49

It sounds so pathetic compared to what so many of you have been told by your own families Sad but I was very plain looking until I was around 14. I still remember clearly when I was 11 and a really popular boy at school knocked into me then said move out the way ugly. I think it was more the way he really looked into my eyes and meant it.

He came onto me in a night club when I was 20 and I probably sounded a bit unhinged telling him he had no chance because he called me ugly 9 years ago