Tell me - is this rascist?

[PooleySpooley]

Son is mixed race. I am white as are his siblings. He has rarely experienced any racism. He has a really good relationship with his father and his family who I am not with.

He has a PT job.

He told me today that while he is working the checkout he often gets asked “where he is from” and when he says “here” the questioner will probe “originally”.

This shocked me and pissed me off because in my head the questioner is probing more because his answer is unacceptable to them because DS doesn’t look like what the questioners idea of what a British person looks like.

A very good friend says he should be encouraged to be proud of his heritage (which he is but there are many strands to that as it’s a grandparent who is Asian and he has three other grandparents) and is it ok for him to be asked this continually?

Yes of course it’s racist

It's nosey. I dont see how he is being discriminated against.

racism
Dictionary result for racism
/ˈreɪsɪz(ə)m/
noun
noun: racism

prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior.

Agree with fluffybear. Everyone at my work is British, but many have another heritage within their family (hope I am wording that correctly)and it is aknowledged and celebrated. They bring in food, we celebrate/respect holidays from said cultures etc. Now if anyone said "oh no you can't do that because you are British" imagine the outcry.

Today, as a Scot, I am celebrating Burns day. I have a friend at work who was also born here in Scotland, his family background is from another culture and he is a practising Sikh. We both talk openly about our historical cultures and it really isn't a big deal. It's getting to the point people will be scared to ask anything about anyone in case they word it wrong or cause unwitting offence, but also might avoid that type of basic conversation for fear of the above, and then unwittingly cause offence for being "ignorant" towards other people. There is a big difference between misguided chat and curiosity and down right malicious intent

Plainspeaking a dictionary definition doesn't help your argument. It's the interpretation. It is racist to say 'yes, but where are you originally from'. It means: "yes, I know you say you're from London but you're the wrong colour so you must be lying."

On a slightly lighthearted note, my Dad has very limited vision and we often go somewhere for coffee where it's very usual to share a table and make small talk with the people you are sharing a table with.

We happened to share with a brown woman once and Dad said - where have you come from? He meant, have you driven far? It's a normal topic as it's a tourist place although we go several times a week.

The woman said - Wraysbury, although my parents are from the Punjab. Dad, who genuinely can't see colour was a bit nonplussed.

Not racist. People are naturally curious about people who look different from themselves.

People talking about discussing heretige with workmates are missing the point completely.

These are people you have built a relationship with.

My son is being asked by total strangers in a high street clothes shop who have never met him before and are unlikely to meet him again.

*Heritage

What's always interesting about these threads is the want of one person trumping another's discomfort.

If someone is happy to talk about where their parents are from then great, crack on. If they have answered and you're labouring the point then surely you must see it's time to stop?

I'm currently teaching my young ds that if someone says no then that means no. Just stop. Don't badger; ask in a different way or put pressure on them to change their mind.

So if someone answers your nosy where are you from question - accept their answer.

Btw one of the reasons I hate that question is because I'm adopted. I have no idea who my bio father is, let alone where he's from. So you can ask me until you're blue in the face. But you'll be wasting your time.

I think it's ignorant.

My DDad has an unusual accent that's hard to place and people often ask him where he's from. That's different - he's obviously not from 'here'.

I remember asking a relative’s girlfriend where her family originally came from (Jamaica). She was very nice about it. I was about 13 and genuinely interested. We then had a lovely chat about Jamaica etc as I was desperate to go. She was so sweet. I cringe now reading threads like this. She must have been asked this by strangers and it is so bloody rude isn’t it. What an idiot I was.

A few —decades— years ago I met someone new (partner of acquaintance) and was told they met at uni. I asked him where he was from, meaning the home town they grew up in, not anything else. Didn’t think about the wording - and felt such a prat when he looked at me like . I quickly explained what I meant. But it was a general conversation I would have had with anyone. I’m still not sure how I should have worded it.

I get asked this about my husband regularly which is ironic because I am the foreign one. It comes from non ethnic British as much as, if not more, than ethnically British people. It’s not really racism but is a bit weird.

I don’t think it’s offensive to take an interest in someone’s heritage and where their family is from. As an obviously white lady with an obviously non-British surname I often get asked how I acquired it and what country it’s from.

I've been asked this before. Couple of times a year maybe.
More when I was young and there wasn't so much racial diversity in the places I've lived. Things have changed a lot since then! There were certainly no other mixed race folk of my particular variety where I lived as a child. (disclaimer: I obviously don't know that for sure, because I was a kid, so I'm talking about what I saw at school/in town/out and about but I never noticed anyone who looked anything like me)
I don't really see the point of the question, especially from a stranger, because its irrelevant. But some folk are just nosy. So

I don't take offence, unless they are blatantly rude, because a) I think that people aren't necessarily using the correct terminology for what they really mean - they ask "where are you from?" Its clear I'm British from my accent so that's not what they are really asking. My answer to this question would be - They clearly mean something more along the lines of "what is your ethnic origin?"

I think it is fine to ask once, but the "no, I meant originally" is rude and racist.

DH is white british and his dad as an armchair genealogist has traced all the branches of DH's family back to about 1600. One rogue member came from Switzerland in 1635 but other than that - all english throughout. DH has olive skin and brown eyes, a british name and RP accent. It still surprises me how often people will ask where he's from originally and if he doesn't answer that right, ask where his parents are from.

Even the most insensitive person starts to realise that they probably need to drop it when the answer to "where did your grandparents come from" is "Stevenage on my dad's side, Newcastle on mum's" but they're clearly trying to find his foreignness because he just doesn't look like he should belong.

I used to get this when younger, and it definitely felt like othering. It is d racist, or at least has underpinnings.

The white people that most commonly ask my partner this are normally trying to chat her up, in a social situation like a bar or whatever

An interesting (to us) part of other people's perception of us is we're rarely perceived to be a couple. We run a shop together and alot of our customers know I work with my partner (who they assumed to be the other white woman) and they know my partner worked with her oh (who they assumed to be one of the other Asian men) but they rarely put 2 and 2 together

People ask this about my son, to me, as he is mixed and I am white. But in a slightly different wording and I don't mind if people show an interest because I'm not usually with his father so understandably people are curious. However if someone pushed on him not being British that would piss me off because he has two British parents and is very much British. Asking what his family origins are doesn't bother me though and he has quite an interesting diverse heritage.

I live in “a nation of immigrants” (US) and Asian Americans get this type of question a lot, judging from the large number of articles that I’ve read that mention this exact situation. And yes, the response is that it is racist and “othering”.

I asked if someone was from Trinidad as they had the exact same accent as someone i know from Trinidad. They were very offended and let me know they were. They were from Trinidad.

It’s usually othering. I’ve had this question then ‘oh so you are not really British then’ when I’ve been stupid enough to divulge my ancestry.

He needs some responses such as ‘why do you ask?’ ‘Oh, I’m from (somewhere up the road), where are you originally from?’

In the right context some people are genuinely interested or have reason for asking. In some contexts it’s a reminder that you must be from somewhere else as your skin isn’t white.

I think if a white person went to a predominantly black country it's a question they'd probably be asked.

I think it is racist (( on both sides )) but probably unintentional racism 🤔

I once witnessed a lovely example of the opposite of this. We were out celebrating the birthday of one of my staff. One of the people with us was a lovely temporary employee whose parents were Chinese. The husband of the woman whose birthday it was approached her and asked "Where are you from?". The temp started to politely and patiently explain that her parents were from Hong Kong when he interrupted and said "No - I mean which part of the UK are you from?". I could have hugged him!

I suppose the thing is that White people can very easily learn not to say intrusive or racist things. The thoughts are there though - why exactly do you look different? I'm not sure the thoughts will ever go away. But i think we must walk around noting difference all the time, fat, ginger, disabled, very ugly, very beautiful, very sexy. But we have trained ourselves, largely, not to be rude.

I’ve had this happen in the Caribbean, fellow traveller (black) being asked by a beach vendor (also black) where she was originally from, after we had both answered ‘UK’ to his first enquiry. He said he was asking because she was obviously Caribbean. (Which was true, she was born in Tobago). Was that racist?