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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New friend is setting off alarm bells!

191 replies

HappyI · 24/01/2019 18:47

Hi, ive know my new friend for sbout 6 months through our children and we've grown quite close. She is a Christian and I'm.not, but we both respect each other's views. Last week, she and her daughter came over for lunch and my girl was watching my little pony. Her daughter wanted to sit and watch it to however, she said she doesn't allow MLP because it has magic in it which is against her Christian views (mermaids too seemingly). I switched it to something she was comfortable with despite her saying because it's my house its ok to watch.
I've continued to think about this and believe its a very extreme view and I just dont get it as she allows her girl to watch frozen. My own daughter asked me why magic and MLP is bad and I'm.not happy that this friends, in my opinion, crazy views are seeping into my daughter's conscience.

Other stuff is coming to light too such as having ridiculously unrealistic goals and I'm wondering if she's a fantasist and if I should step back from our friendship. TIA x

OP posts:
Bernadetteloves · 25/01/2019 21:52

I wouldn't respect her views either. They are indicative of stupidity which sometimes can't be helped but does not need to be revered.

Parthenope · 25/01/2019 21:52

Xing, apparently it matters if you’re the kind of fruit loop who thinks My Little Pony and a kids’ book series about a magic boarding school are dangerous because you think you’ve encountered demons.

XingMing · 25/01/2019 21:55

Clearly landed here by accident, because I lean to the view that if you live a moral life, do as little harm as is possible among the people you meet, live generously and kindly, then it doesn't matter a bit what label you attach to your faith. It's what pleases you. But yes, there's a correct way to live your life.

XingMing · 25/01/2019 21:56

The grown ups have arrrived!

WhatisFreddoingnow · 25/01/2019 21:56

Catholicism is most certainly not the ‘original’ church, the original church was a movement called the way. It’s referenced in the New Testament a few times

Respectfully, I think our early church fathers and apostolic succession from St Peter would disagree with you. Wink

Villanellenovella · 25/01/2019 22:00

Are we seriously saying rainbow dash is a corrupting influence? Not rainbow dash!

WhatisFreddoingnow · 25/01/2019 22:00

@XingMing

Well, it's complex. Basically we believe that Catholicism has the 'full truth' but that doesn't mean that other denominations/religions/non-religious don't have partial truth e.g desire to help other, loving, being kind and charitable etc.

We don't believe that you have to be Catholic to get into heaven (it's down to God to judge).

Rapidjohnson · 25/01/2019 22:02

Run

SugarinaPlum · 25/01/2019 22:04

I think the Coptic church started before Catholic. And then there was the “great schism” with the Orthodox Church.

XingMing · 25/01/2019 22:14

I get the do right, as you would be done to, treat strangers kindly, look after the less able, meet the world with a friendly face, don't compromise your own commitments or those of others. The belief that there is a single 'correct' version sits uncomfortably with me.

WhatisFreddoingnow · 25/01/2019 22:16

@SugarinaPlum

Yes, sorry, you are right. By Catholic, I'm talking of the universal church (ime those in communion with Rome) not just Latin rite. This covers Coptic Catholic Church and Eastern Catholic Churches. The first church was The Church of Jerusalem.

mytieisascarf · 25/01/2019 22:18

I would back off from the friendship. Yes I have friends of many faiths but in my experience this level of batshitness "faith" also comes with a side order of misogyny and homophobia and I could not be friends with someone who I fundamentally disagree on about fire and brimstone.

mytieisascarf · 25/01/2019 22:21

Also @3WildOnes - smacking (afaik) is illegal in Scotland, so depending on where OP lives she would be perfectly reasonable to contact the police if she has evidence of a child being smacked.

PeppyPiggy · 25/01/2019 22:24

oliversmumsarmy

“No different than being told that a guy called Jesus was the son of God or Adam and Eve were the first humans. Or if you have a blood transfusion you will go to Hell.”

...Perhaps there is no difference in being told like you say.. and being on the receiving end of different alternative teachings, as you say, yes. But, there is definitly a difference in actually actively teaching these different things you mentioned. People who believe in religions are teaching their children something they actually believe to be true... Where as people teaching their children about Santa is different, they are actively lying to their kids, unless they themselves believe Santa is real. I was merely finding amusment solely at the thought of mothers being outraged by their children hearing a truth about the world from their peer after years of lies from their mums. It’s kinda silly...

3WildOnes · 25/01/2019 22:25

mytieisascarf I forgot that about Scotland. Has Wales changed the law too? Hopefully we won’t be too far behind.

Ellyess · 25/01/2019 22:45

AhhhHereItGoes
You said, about what adults believe or talk about concerning religion, that you don't mind what they say:
but fear mongering a child would make me uneasy.
Well said

I have a strong faith. I don't force it on anyone. If someone asks about it I'll discuss it. I read the Bible. It's a hell of a difficult book to understand at times. I look up talks on the internet etc. to try and understand it and I enjoy learning about it very much. I try not to talk about it because people are all at a different place in their thinking, I find. But we have to be honest, be we Catholic, Evangelical, Baptist, or other religions which are not Christian or Atheist, we do not actually know! We can only have our own ideas and believe and hold what we believe by Faith. That is why, for me, we must respect each other and not be rude to each other however nutty the other person seems to us! I do think people who are offensive should be curtailed though. For example saying a baby will go to hell. I believe that is completely untrue. If I believed it were true though, I think I should not say it because it is offensive.

There was a Teacher in one school I taught in who refused to have any witches so banned Meg Mog and Owl and when we "did" Australia she would not sing the bit in Waltzing Mathilda where "his ghost may be heard"
As I said, I was asked to research Harry Potter, I was told at first "to look for Satan!" I tried not to laugh, then realised they were teasing me, but that it was a serious piece of research in view of the distress some young people were experiencing. These were enough in number to make us feel we needed to look specifically at this issue and they were from all across the British Isles, did not know each other, had very different backgrounds, both male and female and an age range of 8 - 17. I will say no more as I can't. But the results of my research showed what I said before.
My conclusion? Let children read Harry Potter! They are brilliant stories! They are also wonderful in helping children develop the kind of reading skills that are valuable: reading quickly, reading ahead, thinking ahead and wanting to find out what will happen. I wouldn't be surprised if the Harry Potter Books didn't raise the nations average reading ages when they were hot off the press! It is true that some children had a very strange depression and fascination for certain aspects of the books around the spells and people's names. These, compared with the massive number of readers seem most insignificant in number. Why it happened to those children one can only surmise. I said earlier, there may have been a few children in the 1950s with symptoms of similar mental problems after gorging on one Famous Five Book after another or one Enid Blyton Adventure book after another, all of which were scary but not about witches, however, the people interviewed about these books said things like they used to "read in terror under the covers with a torch". So any very well written fiction book that is frightening and has cliff-hangers might make a small proportion of children become a bit over-anxious to the level of benefitting from some therapeutic intervention. But only a very very few. Hardly any really! So enjoy the books!!!

It is true that different Christian Churches teach very different things. The Roman Catholic Church for several hundred years has steered away from the Bible and created its own rules. That was the crux of the Protestant Reformation. Yet the Protestants don't follow what the Bible says either, not concerning which day is the Sabbath. They stuck with Sunday, the day the Roman Church had changed the day of worship to, altering it from the Seventh Day which God asks us to share with him as the day of rest, in the Bible. The Roman Catholics made the day of rest the first day which is Sun - day. The influence of Mithraism on the early Christian Church is very strong in Christianity today. Mithras was the god of the sun.

We could all discuss issues and nit pick but I think arguing is a waste of time. We need to work together to fight against real sin. Real sin is cruelty to children. It may be that we have found a real example of a child undergoing cruelty, in this very thread. It is this which we should all come together about, no matter what our beliefs and religious feelings. If the practice of child cruelty is happening because of the teachings of a particular group of churches, intentionally or not, now that this has been raised it must be looked into. There may be no problem. Or there may be some members of the congregation who are believing they need to discipline their child severely and are doing this too harshly so the child is mentally scarred and his behaviour, even at a young age is now aggressive and violent to other children.

I would appeal to all of you as Mums and people who care about children and know that it is love that makes them grow, please do not let this happen and walk by and do nothing.

browneyes77 · 25/01/2019 23:05

I’m Christian. And I've never heard of such ridiculousness. Won’t let her child watch MLP because it has magic in it? What??

I think in any religion you have people who take things to extremes.

For me being brought up as Christian was simply all about loving and respecting one another, have compassion and treating people how you’d wish to be treated. There were no strict rules and regulations. You just lived your life being the best person you could. If you make mistakes, acknowledge them and look to do things better next time. There was never any pressure to be anything other than a decent person. For me I learnt that Jesus died so we could all learn a lesson on how to treat others and be better people ourselves.

At no point in my 41 years of being a Christian have I been told “magic is bad” or anything of the like. I mean let’s face it, Jesus turned water into wine, fed the 5000 and came back from the dead - the dude performed miracles - which back then (and now) could be perceived as ‘magic’ and yet it was viewed positively.

And if she lets her DD watch Frozen, then she’s a walking contradiction! Personallly I’d be wary for that reason alone.

AnoukSpirit · 25/01/2019 23:12

"smacking" is just the word people use to lie to themselves about the acceptability of beating children.

It doesn't hold a different meaning.

Pashal2 · 25/01/2019 23:14

LoL! You're really "uncomfortable" because she likes one cartoon and doesn't accept another!?!? Seriously, raising a child in this world with everything going on in the world and Elsa the ice princess versus the magical equines has rattled your core values? Step back, take a deep breath, think and then laugh your are off and get on with life and treasure those that want to be friends and have done you no physical, emotional or financial harm.

Pashal2 · 25/01/2019 23:23

Xingming you are absolutely correct. Catholics ARE Christian. I don't know why some people redundantly list Christians and Catholics. There is no good explanation for ignorance.

Pernickity1 · 25/01/2019 23:26

Remind your (bonkers) friend that by being a Christian she automatically believes in magic Grin

junebirthdaygirl · 26/01/2019 00:06

Anyone who is a believer in Jesus is a Christian. Nothing to do with what church you go to, or none. Some people are Catholic/ Protestant etc through birth..born into that family but have no belief in Jesus. Its just a cultural thing. So they're not Chriatians. Obviously l have no idea who they are as its totally up to themselves but l don't agree with a previous statement that all Catholics are Christians.
Its strange to hear people say they never knew as Christians that witchcraft etc was frowned upon since its very clear in the bible.
I'm not familiar with MLP as never watched it so can't comment on that.
But surely most parents have programmes they don't allow their dc to watch for whatever reason. I find it more worrying the type of stuff some dc are allowed to watch with no discrimination.

3WildOnes · 26/01/2019 07:21

AnoukSpirit do you really see know difference in the words beating and smacking? Beating implies hitting someone severely and repeatedly and is not confined to one area. Smacking implies slapping a child on the bottom. If I knew someone was beating their child I would report them. I wouldn’t necessarily for smacking.

echt · 26/01/2019 07:25

Smacking implies slapping a child on the bottom

So that's OK.

Do that to an adult and it's assault, but do it to someone because they're smaller, younger than you, and in your charge, then that's fine. Totally fucked reasoning, but par for the course for apologists for hitting children.

almostfamousme · 26/01/2019 07:29

Gone4Good vaccines do have something in them from aborted foetuses, in a way. Some of them are cultured on fibroblast cell lines grown from two foetuses that were aborted in the early 60s.